Hard shoulder wee stops / away day toilet stories

[TonyT]

On the way to Manchester on Sunday we passed a minibus on the hard shoulder having the standard hard shoulder p**s stop. 
 

After beeping our horn and having a laugh at it we then started discussing our best toilet stories. 

So what’s your best story? 

[FoxInTheBirstallBox]

Sheff weds away and Bernie was having a waz in the sink then proceeded to rinse his hands in it after.... 

[urban.spaceman]

Me, 2022:

 

Rest In Peace Bernie, such a shame we'll hear no new stories of your legendary LCFC support.

 

Meanwhile, 2023:

 

3 minutes ago, FoxInTheBirstallBox said:

Sheff weds away and Bernie was having a waz in the sink then proceeded to rinse his hands in it after.... 

 

[TonyT]

Good old Bernie, god bless his soul 

[SemperEadem]

Not my story but remember being told one where we had an away in the North East. Pulling into the the station and one of the group is bursting, others saying no don’t go now too close etc. He goes for it and can’t quite finish in time and the train rolls out. The others watch as the train departs with the pisser still on board, next stop it turns out is Scotland!

All fun and games until they realise the chap on the train has all the tickets on him.

Edited 21 February 2023 by SemperEadem

[Ric Flair]

The bogs at Readings old ground were beyond words, hat to have a stand up Barry there once.

[FoxesDeb]

1998 Atletico Madrid away, desperate for a wee when we got to the stadium but we were all being escorted by the armed police. A policeman took me to the loos but wouldn't let me shut the cubicle door while I went, and just stood there watching me with one hand on his gun. Very disconcerting!

 

Second time, more recently, we made the trip up to Old Trafford in our title winning season in case we clinched it up there. Driving home across the Pennines with my son in the car, absolutely desperate but nowhere private to stop. Had to go in a bottle in the back of the car, there were too many people about for me to get out and it's not as easy for a woman! My lad is probably traumatised for life 

[Voll Blau]

23 minutes ago, SemperEadem said:

Not my story but remember being told one where we had an away in the North East. Pulling into the the station and one of the group is bursting, others saying no don’t go now too close etc. He goes for it and can’t quite finish in time and the train rolls out. The others watch as the train departs with the pisser still on board, next stop it turns out is Scotland!

All fun and games until they realise the chap on the train has all the tickets on him.

Oh yeah, I remember that. Sunderland away survival game at Newcastle Central/Edinburgh. 

 

Luckily I recall most of the lads left behind managed to explain the situation to the Sunderland ticket office.

[Itsthejoeker]

I was listening to the Grade Cricketer podcast the other day and someone wrote in about how one of their teammates could piss over a minibus. 

[TonyT]

17 minutes ago, FoxesDeb said:

1998 Atletico Madrid away, desperate for a wee when we got to the stadium but we were all being escorted by the armed police. A policeman took me to the loos but wouldn't let me shut the cubicle door while I went, and just stood there watching me with one hand on his gun. Very disconcerting!

 

Second time, more recently, we made the trip up to Old Trafford in our title winning season in case we clinched it up there. Driving home across the Pennines with my son in the car, absolutely desperate but nowhere private to stop. Had to go in a bottle in the back of the car, there were too many people about for me to get out and it's not as easy for a woman! My lad is probably traumatised for life 

Typical spanish police that - did you go? I would have just left! 
 

Now that is skills for a woman 👏👏 

[Foxes1]

24 minutes ago, FoxesDeb said:

1998 Atletico Madrid away, desperate for a wee when we got to the stadium but we were all being escorted by the armed police. A policeman took me to the loos but wouldn't let me shut the cubicle door while I went, and just stood there watching me with one hand on his gun. Very disconcerting!

 

Second time, more recently, we made the trip up to Old Trafford in our title winning season in case we clinched it up there. Driving home across the Pennines with my son in the car, absolutely desperate but nowhere private to stop. Had to go in a bottle in the back of the car, there were too many people about for me to get out and it's not as easy for a woman! My lad is probably traumatised for life 

At least the Spanish cop had his hand on the gun and not his truncheon have you seen the size of the truncheons over there.

[SemperEadem]

Also from the Old Trafford title winning season.

Two of us roll up at Sheffield station only to find its a rail replacement bus, so we mooch over to Pond Street and get on the coach.

Its rammed so end up on the back row with a Chinese female tourist stick between us. Cans are opened, she didn't fancy one. We get about 5 minutes into our journey and are still on the Sheffield Parkway and look at each other realising we need a piss and there is no toilet on the coach! 

Really starting to sweat by the point we are crossing the peaks, talk of just committing to the piss and buying new jeans in Manchester. One of us barrels down to the driver to ask him if you would pull over, not a chance. Pain really kicking in now so have to just have to demand he lets us out despite knowing he aint hanging about.

Boom off and the best piss you could ever imagine. Now realising the bladders are in better shape our plans for getting into Manchester are not. Ended up having to walk a good ten minutes to the nearest village. Luckily found a postoffice there and with persuasion they called us a taxi. Bloke came and it was like Jensen Button he absolutely tonked it down Oxford Road. Turns out we reckon we beat the coach there.

[TonyT]

2 minutes ago, SemperEadem said:

Also from the Old Trafford title winning season.

Two of us roll up at Sheffield station only to find its a rail replacement bus, so we mooch over to Pond Street and get on the coach.

Its rammed so end up on the back row with a Chinese female tourist stick between us. Cans are opened, she didn't fancy one. We get about 5 minutes into our journey and are still on the Sheffield Parkway and look at each other realising we need a piss and there is no toilet on the coach! 

Really starting to sweat by the point we are crossing the peaks, talk of just committing to the piss and buying new jeans in Manchester. One of us barrels down to the driver to ask him if you would pull over, not a chance. Pain really kicking in now so have to just have to demand he lets us out despite knowing he aint hanging about.

Boom off and the best piss you could ever imagine. Now realising the bladders are in better shape our plans for getting into Manchester are not. Ended up having to walk a good ten minutes to the nearest village. Luckily found a postoffice there and with persuasion they called us a taxi. Bloke came and it was like Jensen Button he absolutely tonked it down Oxford Road. Turns out we reckon we beat the coach there.

BEST. FEELING. EVER 😅 

[CosbehFox]

54 minutes ago, SemperEadem said:

Not my story but remember being told one where we had an away in the North East. Pulling into the the station and one of the group is bursting, others saying no don’t go now too close etc. He goes for it and can’t quite finish in time and the train rolls out. The others watch as the train departs with the pisser still on board, next stop it turns out is Scotland!

All fun and games until they realise the chap on the train has all the tickets on him.

He pops up on here from time to time. 
 

Missed a train back from Millwall with him once cos he ordered ****ing Mozzarella Sticks from Maccies. 

[CosbehFox]

52 minutes ago, Ric Flair said:

The bogs at Readings old ground were beyond words, hat to have a stand up Barry there once.

Chesterfield’s Saltergate was special too 

[TonyT]

5 minutes ago, CosbehFox said:

Chesterfield’s Saltergate was special too 

Bring them back, that would reduce the queues! 

[Costock_Fox]

26 minutes ago, CosbehFox said:

Chesterfield’s Saltergate was special too 

I can smell that from here.

[Rain King]

38 minutes ago, CosbehFox said:

Chesterfield’s Saltergate was special too 

Similar to Bristol Rovers when we went. 14 years ago today incidentally.

[CosbehFox]

19 minutes ago, Costock_Fox said:

I can smell that from here.

As a kid, you'd just end up at the bottom and your shoes in a pool of p**s. It's the worst ground I ever visited in my life. The pitch was above the first six or seven rows of terracing. 

We went to see Chesterfield v Brighton; Third Division 1st v 2nd. Brighton had one of the biggest prospects in the Football League in Bobby Zamora while Chesterfield were skipped by Sean Dyche. We had to plead for a ticket as it was deemed 'all-ticket', the game was delayed by 45 minutes. My and my brother spent the game watching players boots - we left after 60 minutes as it was dull. Chesterfield got a last minute winner. It was used as Elland Road for the Damned United. 

 

 

7 minutes ago, Rain King said:

Similar to Bristol Rovers when we went. 14 years ago today incidentally.

I remember that as being like a communal portakabin type thing but people just started to pee anywhere. 

[oakman]

Not an away day but a mate and I were getting a mini cab from central London to Gatwick and the driver pulled on to the hard shoulder of the M23 and promptly took a shit on the side of the road.

[Voll Blau]

Had to go - and I mean properly go - in the concourse after Cardiff away (the post-Vichai's death game) before getting back on the minibus as I knew we'd fvck all chance of stopping until we were out of Cardiff.

 

It was like the scene from Trainspotting. Always try and remember to carry an immodium in my wallet now.

[Stadt]

After the community shield somebody on here moaned about our fans acting like animals (pissing everywhere etc) - I'm 99% sure the post was referring to me  

[MalletFox]

20 minutes ago, Stadt said:

After the community shield somebody on here moaned about our fans acting like animals (pissing everywhere etc) - I'm 99% sure the post was referring to me  

I went for a sh!t after Youri’s thunderbolt and full on blocked a Wembley toilet. Felt sick with nerves and the turd didn’t help either!

[Costock_Fox]

Not football related but it’s too funny not to tell.

 

Went out for a curry with a couple of mates on that eat out to help out thing during Covid. I’m driving down the A46 I think it was and my mate is getting a bit fidgety before asking me to pull over in a lay by. He’s had to take a shit behind a small bin and waddles back in the car with no socks on. Absolutely does me when I think about the poor person that found that scene.

[grobyfox1990]

After coming back from two days in Belfast and a full Guinness diet, i took two dumps within a few hours, and driving down the M2 needed another one. Had to pull over to take a dump in the tree growth on the side, wiped my ar5e with lots of nearby leaves and my hands my loads of disinfectant wipes I always carry as a habit since living in London. Told my wife it was only a pi5s and she did not question it.

 

As an aside, I thought the toilets at Randers were excellent. A urinal at the end but the floor had gaps in it leading into a soakaway underneath, so all the excess pi5s dripped away and you could basically pis5s where you want.