Hard shoulder wee stops / away day toilet stories

[tom27111]

Surprisingly, as I seem to have the smallest bladder in the world, I don't really have any great stories.

 

Bernie once pissed all over me whilst I was having a wee next to him in the Kop, sometime in the late 90's.

 

And everyone has heard about me shitting in an Amazon van during lockdown 

Edited 21 February 2023 by tom27111

[MalletFox]

2 hours ago, TonyT said:

I was one of them 🤣

Nice to meet ya Tone!

[Tuna]

!

Edited 21 February 2023 by Tuna

[Tuna]

46 minutes ago, tom27111 said:

Surprisingly, as I seem to have the smallest bladder in the world, I don't really have any great stories.

 

Bernie once pissed all over me whilst I was having a wee next to him in the Kop, sometime in the late 90's.

 

And everyone has heard about me shitting in an Amazon van during lockdown 

[Spudulike]

Not an away day but as the thread has expanded... 

 

My mate () was out fishing in his all-in-1 suit when he got the urge. It was a remote place so no problem to go into the undergrowth and do the deed. Down came the suit but it was getting dark and difficult to see what was going on. Anyway, re-dressed and back to the lakeside. Standing on the waters edge looking out at the tranquillity. As there was a bit of a chill in the air he decided to flip up his hood. That's when it hit him on the back of the head. 

 

[adam]

1 hour ago, Spudulike said:

Not an away day but as the thread has expanded... 

 

My mate () was out fishing in his all-in-1 suit when he got the urge. It was a remote place so no problem to go into the undergrowth and do the deed. Down came the suit but it was getting dark and difficult to see what was going on. Anyway, re-dressed and back to the lakeside. Standing on the waters edge looking out at the tranquillity. As there was a bit of a chill in the air he decided to flip up his hood. That's when it hit him on the back of the head. 

 

Bloke I work with did similar. Went for a shit wearing his overalls but when he pulled them down he managed to shite Into them and not on the floor.

He pulled them back up and had shit all over his neck and the back of his head. Beautiful

 

[Guest Mee-9]

5 hours ago, MalletFox said:

One of our Peterborough away games, there were loads of blokes just pissing up the back wall, not even in the bogs!! Brilliant away venue London Rd! 😍🤣

An amazing away day.

[justfoxes]

22 hours ago, FoxesDeb said:

1998 Atletico Madrid away, desperate for a wee when we got to the stadium but we were all being escorted by the armed police. A policeman took me to the loos but wouldn't let me shut the cubicle door while I went, and just stood there watching me with one hand on his gun. Very disconcerting!

 

Second time, more recently, we made the trip up to Old Trafford in our title winning season in case we clinched it up there. Driving home across the Pennines with my son in the car, absolutely desperate but nowhere private to stop. Had to go in a bottle in the back of the car, there were too many people about for me to get out and it's not as easy for a woman! My lad is probably traumatised for life 

Maybe the Officer thought you had a concealed weapon in your hands or just likes watching blokes take a piss whilst holding something that’s probably much bigger than his concealed item??

[Basildon Fox]

3 minutes ago, justfoxes said:

Maybe the Officer thought you had a concealed weapon in your hands or just likes watching blokes take a piss whilst holding something that’s probably much bigger than his concealed item??

Erm FoxesDEB!!  Think you might find she is a female 

[justfoxes]

22 hours ago, Zaphod Beeblebrox said:

Erm FoxesDEB!!  Think you might find she is a female 

Whoops after looking back  !☺️

Edited 23 February 2023 by justfoxes

[MrSpaM]

Peterborough away about 10 years ago, they had 1 maybe 2 toilets for the entire away end, most people ended up just pissing up the back of the stand

 

I can't imagine it's still like that

[09bballer]

Hereford away in the cup. Tiny toilets at back of stand. All corrugated iron with holes everywhere. Clearly remember pissing whilst watching the sheep in the fields.

[Reg Vardy]

14 hours ago, MrSpaM said:

Peterborough away about 10 years ago, they had 1 maybe 2 toilets for the entire away end, most people ended up just pissing up the back of the stand

 

I can't imagine it's still like that

No new stand now, shame, it was old school football

[body102]

not a layby stop but Napoli away on that bloody bus for 2.5hrs , everyone was pi55ing in the stairwell by the bus door . If only they had took us straight to the ground instead of a full tour of Naples in the dark 

[Out Foxed]

On 23/02/2023 at 08:22, MrSpaM said:

Peterborough away about 10 years ago, they had 1 maybe 2 toilets for the entire away end, most people ended up just pissing up the back of the stand

 

I can't imagine it's still like that

. those bogs were ****ing horrendous. proper old school

[HighPeakFox]

This thread is crap. 

[justfoxes]

On 23/02/2023 at 08:16, justfoxes said:

Whoops after looking back  !☺️

Apologies after looking back @FoxesDebthat will teach me to look at posters name before posting !☺️

[Kopic]

Not lcfc related. I went on holiday with the missus to Cyprus a few years ago. Whilst wondering around we found the Pafos FC stadium. Me, being a bit drunk, floated the idea of going to a game if there was one on. There was, and we ended up going. She has absolutely no interest in football so spent the whole time moaning. Half way through the first half she needed the toilet. I went down with her, after a few minutes she starts calling me. She says the toilet roll has been replaced with various knives and shanks. I thought she was taking the piss so she sent a photo. Sure enough the toilet roll holder had been pulled up and about 5 knives taped to the inside. She's had a shit (who the **** shits at a football match ffs) and I'm trying to ask security for toilet roll and they're just laughing at me. Eventually get some and the missus reports the knives when she comes out. Security basically tell her to shut up, the other team are bastards and they are there for defence. Got out of there as soon as the final whistle went.

[VLC86]

On 23/02/2023 at 08:22, MrSpaM said:

Peterborough away about 10 years ago, they had 1 maybe 2 toilets for the entire away end, most people ended up just pissing up the back of the stand

 

I can't imagine it's still like that

Was Peterborough not the same as the Chesterfield picture above? Recon I probably followed suit and pissed up the stand thinking it was the actual toilet.

[Chiltern Fox]

Not football related, but I've had 3 memorable outdoor dumps. In no particular order..

 

Manchester Airport long stay

Bush in Birstall

Underneath flyover near Banbury on m40.

 

When you need to go, you need to go.

[Vazman]

On 21/02/2023 at 18:53, Vlad the Fox said:

Not football related, but London marathon, though if it’s good enough for Paula Ratcliffe it’s good enough for me. However I doubt Paula had been over loading herself with carbs and lucozade to the extent my nervous self was.
 

Anyway after about 5 miles in I start to get the tell tale signs, the aches and cramps in my stomach, hoping I can hold it in for another 21 miles I trudge on for another few more miles. However somewhere around 8 miles I start to feel serious movement,  so had to take decisive action and ran the fastest I did all day pushing past the crowds of runners and spectators, down a side street and into an estate where I spotted an old pink abandoned settee, realising it was my only cover I sprinted over to it dropped my shorts and squatted behind it and did something resembling a cowpak. Jumped up and had a quick look around in case anyone was looking then dragged my arse along the arm of the settee to wipe it before rejoining the race feeling a lot fresher and lighter. 

That made me chuckle, my Wife keeps asking what's funny, haven't got the balls to tell her I'm reading toilet stories 😂

[hackneyfox]

Remember Party Sevens?

Leicester fans from Rugby always travellled by coach to away games.

People would turn up with Party Sevens, someone would bring a tin opener, someone else would bring a roll of cling film. The look on plods face when we got off the coach with cling filmed containers of piss. 

[hackneyfox]

Used to do an annual coach trip to the coast from the local pub, well before there were toilets in coaches. We’d meet early in the pub for a few illegal pints the get on the coach on which the back two rows were loaded with booze. 
There was a bucket in the door well at the front, first person up would get howls of derision then there would be a queue shortly after. When it got near enough to the top that the driver started moaning the next poor soul would have to open the door and empty it on to the motorway at 50mph.

[The Year Of The Fox]

Arsenal away in the season we won the league- We’re trundling down the motorway in a supporters coach (not the club coaches ffs 🤣). One of our lads goes to the loo. We’re not much past J19 on the M1 where there’s a bit of a bang and a lot of juddering. Blowout. Our mate got hit on the head with the toilet seat such was the force of the blowout lower down the bus 

[Bunchy the cat]

Travelling in the car with my old man and a couple of his mates, I could have only been around 18, recently started pre match drinking with them. Stopped on thehard shoulder for a piss, we all ran up the steepish bank that was also pretty overgrown.
 

Obviously time was pressing and the other lads that had jumped out with me had finished and jumped back in the car. Due to my shy bladder I hadn’t even started yet. I could feel the eyes of my dad and his mates burning a hole in the back of my head adding more pressure.

Sounds mental to anyone who has never suffered with a shy bladder but was actually dying for a piss but it would just not come out. Remember the sun being out and being pretty warm. Pushing so hard to get this piss out I must have sort of fainted, fell back down the hill, squirting piss as I rolled backwards through long grass and brambles.

 

Settled at the bottom of the verge in a heap, got up, sorted myself out, got back in the car. The old boys couldn’t look me in the eye and were desperately stifling laughter. I stared out of the window, my face burning red. Don’t remember what game we were on our way too