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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted

My golf buddies got me a sweater for my birthday

 

I really wanted a screamer or a squirter.

  • Sad 1
  • Haha 1
The Quick Brown Fox

The Quick Brown Fox

Posted
Posted

Little Jonny walked into school with a black eye one day and his teacher asked what happened so Jonny told her 

 

"My dad came into my room last night and asked if I was sleeping, I said no and he hit me" 

 

The teacher said "next time he asks you if your sleeping stay quiet" 

 

The next day he turns up at school with 2 black eyes and his teacher asked what happened? 

 

That night I was in bed and dad came into my room and asked "you sleeping?" I didnt say anything as you told me and dad left. Then a while later i heard mum making some noise in her room and heard dad ask "are you coming?" She said she was and she said she wanted him to come too, I ran in because I didn't want them going anywhere without me, and dad hit me again.

Trav Le Bleu

Trav Le Bleu

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, The Quick Brown Fox said:

Little Jonny walked into school with a black eye one day and his teacher asked what happened so Jonny told her 

 

"My dad came into my room last night and asked if I was sleeping, I said no and he hit me" 

 

The teacher said "next time he asks you if your sleeping stay quiet" 

 

The next day he turns up at school with 2 black eyes and his teacher asked what happened? 

 

That night I was in bed and dad came into my room and asked "you sleeping?" I didnt say anything as you told me and dad left. Then a while later i heard mum making some noise in her room and heard dad ask "are you coming?" She said she was and she said she wanted him to come too, I ran in because I didn't want them going anywhere without me, and dad hit me again.

Sounds like a nice guy.

  • Haha 1
Parafox

Parafox

Posted
Posted (edited)
5 hours ago, The Quick Brown Fox said:

Little Jonny walked into school with a black eye one day and his teacher asked what happened so Jonny told her 

 

"My dad came into my room last night and asked if I was sleeping, I said no and he hit me" 

 

The teacher said "next time he asks you if your sleeping stay quiet" 

 

The next day he turns up at school with 2 black eyes and his teacher asked what happened? 

 

That night I was in bed and dad came into my room and asked "you sleeping?" I didnt say anything as you told me and dad left. Then a while later i heard mum making some noise in her room and heard dad ask "are you coming?" She said she was and she said she wanted him to come too, I ran in because I didn't want them going anywhere without me, and dad hit me again.

Is this a true story and "little Johnny" is actually you?

Edited by Parafox
Wolfox

Wolfox

Posted
Posted
Two windmills are standing on a wind farm.
One asks, “What’s your favorite type of music?


” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
 

 

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Wolfox

Wolfox

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted

Our man surveys the menu of the wildly popular local food truck...

Cheeseburgers: £5
Fries: £3
Handjobs: £10

Feeling the need rising, he asks the beautiful woman behind the counter "Are you the one that gives handjobs?"

"Yes, I am" she replies, seductively.

"Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger"

  • Haha 7
  • 2 weeks later...
  • Popular Post
Izzy

Izzy

Posted
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Posted

My psychiatrist says I have trouble verbalising my emotions.

 

I can't say I'm surprised.

  • Like 4
  • Haha 3
Parafox

Parafox

Posted
Posted
23 hours ago, Izzy said:

My psychiatrist says I have trouble verbalising my emotions.

 

I can't say I'm surprised.

I hate these kind of jokes.

Parafox

Parafox

Posted
Posted
10 hours ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

I think my wife might be racist, because when we were in the chemists I heard her asking for anti-Asian cream.

No No No No Baze10 Sticker - No no no no Baze10 Mark angel tv - Discover & Share GIFs

Parafox

Parafox

Posted
Posted (edited)

I’ve been feeling suicidal so my therapist suggested I do CBT. Now I can ride a motorbike, how’s that going to help?

 

 

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

Edited by Parafox
  • Haha 2
  • 2 weeks later...
Parafox

Parafox

Posted
Posted
10 minutes ago, Silebyfox_89 said:

What's Adolf Hitler's favourite PC game? 

 

Mein Kraft

 

This thread doesn't get any better, does it?

 

 

  • Haha 1
Parafox

Parafox

Posted
Posted
On 15/03/2024 at 16:38, Wolfox said:

I removed the shell from my racing snail, to try and make him faster. But it just made him more sluggish.

 

On 22/03/2024 at 17:52, Tinman said:

Have I told you about the time I tied my shoe laces, with just the power of my mind? Thought knot.

 

15 minutes ago, Silebyfox_89 said:

What's Adolf Hitler's favourite PC game? 

 

Mein Kraft

 

3 minutes ago, Parafox said:

 

This thread doesn't get any better, does it?

 

 

 

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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
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Posted

Yesterday I got my Electric bill and my Water bill.

 

I opened them together.

 

I was shocked.

  • Like 1
  • Haha 5
MPH

MPH

Posted
Posted

Can’t believe it! I just booked the last remaining seat online at the cinema  for the new Tetris movie  that’s coming out  and now the whole row has disappeared!!

  • Haha 3
Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted
On 13/02/2017 at 10:36, AKCJ said:

Will glass coffins ever catch on? Remains to be seen.

 

On 07/08/2018 at 12:32, Aus Fox said:

I’ve just started a new business making glass coffins, will it be a success?

remains to be seen

 

On 16/11/2018 at 22:53, notnow john said:

My brother in law has just started a business making glass coffins.

I'm not convinced but he's really confident it will be successful .

Remains to be seen.

 

On 10/05/2021 at 19:12, Buce said:

 

Will glass coffins be a success?

 

Remains to be seen.

 

10 minutes ago, CheeseHead said:

Glass coffins are becoming quite popular, but will the idea really take off? Remains to be seen..

Making only it's 5th appearance :D

  • Haha 1

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