The joke thread

[Parafox]

1 minute ago, Parafox said:

Right. I'm going to Google Christmas jokes.

 

I'll be right back.

 

I'm back. They're all shite.

[Steve_Guppy_Left_Foot]

My favourite joke might have said it in here before can’t remember.

 

how do you stop a dog from humping your leg? 
 

pick it up and suck its dick.

[Izzy]

39 minutes ago, Parafox said:

 

I'm back. They're all shite.

Lob-sided Christmas trees.

 

I can't stand them.

[Trav Le Bleu]

2 hours ago, Izzy said:

Lob-sided Christmas trees.

 

I can't stand them.

Classic Izzy!

[tom27111]

On 21/12/2023 at 22:27, Trav Le Bleu said:

A group of us have got to together to go carol singing, but anyone is welcome to join.

 

So far it's just Dean, Don, Mary, Lee and I.

 

This reminds me of...

 

I'm birdwatching with Sinead O'connor.

 

So far it's been 7 Owls and 15 Jays 

[spacemunky]

1 hour ago, tom27111 said:

 

This reminds me of...

 

I'm birdwatching with Sinead O'connor.

 

So far it's been 7 Owls and 15 Jays 

Terrible 

[Trav Le Bleu]

11 hours ago, tom27111 said:

 

This reminds me of...

 

I'm birdwatching with Sinead O'connor.

 

So far it's been 7 Owls and 15 Jays 

Since she went away

 

[Parafox]

8 hours ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

Since she went away

 

Are you trying to tell us something?

[Thequickbrownfox]

Yesterday I ordered Oasis soup. You got a roll with it.

[Parafox]

23 hours ago, Thequickbrownfox said:

Yesterday I ordered Oasis soup. You got a roll with it.

 

I shouldn't but...

 

 

[Aus Fox]

23 hours ago, Thequickbrownfox said:

Yesterday I ordered Oasis soup. You got a roll with it.

It was all a bit much for me to take…

[Wolfox]

Beginning to regret asking Lionel Richie for dinner today.

He asked once, twice, three times for gravy.

[Wolfox]

I remember once watching Countdown with Carol Vorderman and I got aroused.

Not bad for me that, seven letters.

[Parafox]

On 26/12/2023 at 11:44, Wolfox said:

Beginning to regret asking Lionel Richie for dinner today.

He asked once, twice, three times for gravy.

Looking at the date of the post, that joke definitely came out of a Christmas cracker. 

[Parafox]

I'm addicted to meths which means I'm either an alcoholic or a South African with serious love of numbers.

[Parafox]

I used to work in Normandy as an English teacher. On gthe first day I taught them everything beginning with A.

The second day, everything beginning with B.

 

 

 

 

D day was a bit tricky.

[davieG]

[Tinman]

A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood.
The nurse asked the rabbit: "What's your blood type?"
"I'm probably a Type O", said the rabbit.

[MPH]

On 20/01/2024 at 14:59, Parafox said:

I'm addicted to meths which means I'm either an alcoholic or a South African with serious love of numbers.

 

 

Everyone knows you shouldn’t drink and derive!

[Parafox]

1 hour ago, MPH said:

 

 

Everyone knows you shouldn’t drink and derive!

Top response.  

[FoxesDeb]

3 strips of motorway are sitting in a cafe having breakfast, another walks in and one of them says 'alright mate', the others say shhh don't speak to him he's a cyclepath

Edited 7 February by FoxesDeb

[MPH]

My son is taking part in a social experiment . He has to wear a Nottingham Forest shirt for 2 weeks. So far he’s made made fun of, been called names, been spat at and had his lunch money stolen.I dread to think what will happen when he leaves the house…

[Parafox]

On 07/02/2024 at 23:36, FoxesDeb said:

3 strips of motorway are sitting in a cafe having breakfast, another walks in and one of them says 'alright mate', the others say shhh don't speak to him he's a cyclepath

Sorry to be a pedant, but the joke goes that the 4th one is dressed entirely in green.

[Izzy]

This Gen Z lot are really pissing me off.

 

Walking around as if they rent the place.

[Parafox]

21 hours ago, Izzy said:

This Gen Z lot are really pissing me off.

 

Walking around as if they rent the place.