Having to revisit your mistakes

[Asha]

I make mistakes. That's part of life.

But I hate it when after a small mistake it has to be bought up again and again to be used as against you.

In any relationship, it's common sense that both people make mistakes, and the whole point is that you forgive and move on.

You could say it depends on how big the mistake is. For example, cheating - unforgiveable. But it's not on that scale.

Basically, my girlfriend (btw she got through her illness) is dumping me because after an argument i sent the chat log to a mate for advice. Apparently, this is 'a breach in trust' despite the fact that she lets her mates read her emails.

But anyway, in any argument...she gets her list out of all the things i've ever done wrong and uses them against me.

In the world of increased petrol prices and local terrorism threats, it surely ain't a big deal.

But it is, or rather it 'has to be'.

Am i completely blind here, or are small, minor mistakes supposed to be forgiveable...supposed to be part of relationship...forgive and forget. I'm a pretty shit boyfriend, i'll admit that. But it's not supposed to be used against me.

Everyone says that i'm 'better off without'. People who post asking relationship help will know what i mean. It's not simple when your totally in love.

After over a year of being treated like shit, which i was blind to because of love, it appears to be over.

Boll. ocks.

[Guest]

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and be safe in the knowledge that in 15 years time, when she is fat and ugly, you will be amazing and your partner is thinner, prettier and more intelligent.

Failing that, get drunk.

[Webbo]

BBC

Bottling it up 'can ease trauma'

The south tower of the World Trade Center

People's reactions to the 9/11 attacks were recorded

People who do not talk about traumatic experiences can fare better than those who "let it all out", say researchers.

The University at Buffalo study compared the progress of 3,000 people who took different approaches over two years following the 9/11 attacks.

It found people initially unwilling to talk were less likely to be adversely affected two years later.

But a UK psychologist said that other studies had suggested that for many people talking did help.

We should be telling people there is likely nothing wrong if they do not want to express their thoughts and feelings after experiencing a collective trauma

Dr Mark Seery

University at Buffalo

The popular advice that it is better to talk about your feelings after a trauma has been the subject of dozens of different research projects.

This latest one involved 3,000 people who completed online surveys in the days immediately following the 2001 attacks and over the course of the next two years.

Those taking part had not lost a loved one or friend.

People who took part were allocated to different groups depending on whether they said that they felt ready to express their feelings or not.

If the assumption that it is healthier to talk about feelings is correct, then the researchers, led by Dr Mark Seery, would expect to see those who were initially uncommunicative coping worse over time with their traumatic memories.

However, the reverse was true, and those who chose not to talk appeared to be in better psychological shape.

Coping well

Dr Seery, whose work was published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, said: "We should be telling people there is likely nothing wrong if they do not want to express their thoughts and feelings after experiencing a collective trauma.

"In fact, they can cope quite successfully and, according to our results, are likely to be better off than someone who does want to express his or her feelings."

Professor Stephen Joseph, who specialises in trauma following disasters, said that it was important not to generalise about the "right" approach for all patients.

He said that other studies had suggested that for many people, talking about their experiences with the support of proper counselling, was the correct road to recovery.

He said: "Those people who wanted to express their feelings immediately after 9/11 may have been those who were most deeply affected by it, so it is not entirely unsurprising that they may still have symptoms two years later."

[Simi]

You're quite a troubled kid aren't you.

[lildave3]

Is this about the 12 year old?

Yeah, i'm annoying.

[Head Honcho]

I make mistakes. That's part of life.

But I hate it when after a small mistake it has to be bought up again and again to be used as against you.

In any relationship, it's common sense that both people make mistakes, and the whole point is that you forgive and move on.

You could say it depends on how big the mistake is. For example, cheating - unforgiveable. But it's not on that scale.

Basically, my girlfriend (btw she got through her illness) is dumping me because after an argument i sent the chat log to a mate for advice. Apparently, this is 'a breach in trust' despite the fact that she lets her mates read her emails.

But anyway, in any argument...she gets her list out of all the things i've ever done wrong and uses them against me.

In the world of increased petrol prices and local terrorism threats, it surely ain't a big deal.

But it is, or rather it 'has to be'.

Am i completely blind here, or are small, minor mistakes supposed to be forgiveable...supposed to be part of relationship...forgive and forget. I'm a pretty shit boyfriend, i'll admit that. But it's not supposed to be used against me.

Everyone says that i'm 'better off without'. People who post asking relationship help will know what i mean. It's not simple when your totally in love.

After over a year of being treated like shit, which i was blind to because of love, it appears to be over.

Boll. ocks.

Hey! Shit happens.

Seriously though I doubt this is the real reason for her knocking you into touch but it's probably the easiest.

[Asha]

You're quite a troubled kid aren't you.

Is this about the 12 year old?

Yeah, i'm annoying.

It's alright mate. She's too young anyway for me at 14.

Plus, everyone says she's 12, even though she's not, just to make out i'm some kind of paedophile. It doesn't annoy me, i can take banter.

[Nationwider]

After over a year of being treated like shit, which i was blind to because of love, it appears to be over.

Boll. ocks.

Time to get the hell out, and get on with enjoying the summer.

[lildave3]

It's alright mate. She's too young anyway for me at 14.

Plus, everyone says she's 12, even though she's not, just to make out i'm some kind of paedophile. It doesn't annoy me, i can take banter.

Your name isn't Ramp is it?

[Samilktray]

Take revenge in harshest way possible.

Hows your relationship with her Mum...

[Simi]

Your name isn't Ramp is it?

Wouldn't it say "To old for me" if it was Ramp.

[Asha]

Your name isn't Ramp is it?

No, Ashley, and i don't get it.

[lildave3]

Wouldn't it say "To old for me" if it was Ramp.

Well spotted.

No, Ashley, and i don't get it.

You're not supposed to lad.

[Number 6]

why did you tell her you sent the convo to your mate?

[shen]

The fact she kept a list should give you a hint that she was always ready to get out of the relationship at short notice. If she didn't take these 'small' things up, it means she wasn't ready to commit anyway. So just get over it and enjoy a good hot summer and eventually you will find better

[Daggers]

If it wasn't for threads like this I'd forget entirely that being young really does suck arse. Young people don't even have credit cards - I mean, WTF, how do you exist without a credit card?! They should do young people credit cards to get them into debt earlier. Credit cards are great, not only do they pay for stuff like high class prostitutes but you can also use them to rack up lines of cocaine. I simply don't have a clue how young people pay for hookers or get stoned on coke without one.

[Number 6]

If it wasn't for threads like this I'd forget entirely that being young really does suck arse. Young people don't even have credit cards - I mean, WTF, how do you exist without a credit card?! They should do young people credit cards to get them into debt earlier. Credit cards are great, not only do they pay for stuff like high class prostitutes but you can also use them to rack up lines of cocaine. I simply don't have a clue how young people pay for hookers or get stoned on coke without one.

Student credit cards are about, a nice £500 more debt for students who want it

[Joe.]

Go out on a wild night out with potter3. He'll show you how to have a good time, he's an animal that boy. Hook up with some new females and you'll completely forget about this one.

Potter's the man.

Aside from this I genuinely am sorry to hear about what's happened but it is life, and sometimes it's best just to move on.

[Daggers]

Student credit cards are about, a nice £500 more debt for students who want it

That buys half a hooker for an hour and a heavily cut wrap that mostly consists of baking powder and glucose - that's no good to a teenage boy.

[Alexikokopops]

It's alright mate. She's too young anyway for me at 14.

Plus, everyone says she's 12, even though she's not, just to make out i'm some kind of paedophile. It doesn't annoy me, i can take banter.

I'm 21 and all one of my mates tells everyone I'm going out with an 8 year old because he's decided I'm a cradle snatcher for going out with an 18 year old (he's 24).

When we went to Spain he bought her a dummy.

It's all the fun of the fair.

[potter3]

Your name isn't Ramp is it?

That's immediately what i thought

Go out on a wild night out with potter3. He'll show you how to have a good time, he's an animal that boy. Hook up with some new females and you'll completely forget about this one.

Potter's the man.

Aside from this I genuinely am sorry to hear about what's happened but it is life, and sometimes it's best just to move on.

[The People's Hero]

Get out there and enjoy yourself.

You're too young to be bothering about what women say. Women like sending men on guilt trips, eventually you'll learn to ignore it.

For now, just tell her you're bigger and better than that and then try to pull her best mate, cousin, classmates etc etc..

[Manwell Pablo]

Women are annoying at the same time easily annoyed, control freaks how like to control what you do but at the same time go about swanning around as they please, and they expect your attention on demand but do you get the same back.......but people like you and me NSLL, we don't need that, do we? nah we don't need that??? DO WE???

The best thing you can do if your a bad boyfriend as you said, and take it from a black belt in bad boyfriendness Kung-fu (and for those of you who think im on about domestic abuse there, Kudos) is find a fairly decent looking girl hows dumb enough to run rings around and tolerant enough to put up with your shit, and your away. Sorted.

EDIT: I'd like to appolgise to all females on this forum if that offended them, although that would prove my point about you being easily annoyed

[The People's Hero]

Women are annoying at the same time easily annoyed, control freaks how like to control what you do but at the same time go about swanning around as they please, and the expect your attention on demand but do you get the same back.......but people like you and me NSLL, we don't need that, do we? nah we don't need that??? DO WE???

The best thing you can do if your a bad boyfriend as you said, take it from a black belt in bad boyfriendness Kung-fu (and for those of you who think im on about domestic abuse there, Kudos) is find a fairly decent looking girl whos dumb enough to run rings around and tolerant enough to put up with your shit, and your away. Sorted.

Manwell shoots from the hip.

Where were you when I was a youngster Manblo???? WHERE WERE YOU????

[Manwell Pablo]

Manwell shoots from the hip.

Where were you when I was a youngster Manblo???? WHERE WERE YOU????

Being younger than you. A pastime I still enjoy, and intend to carry on enjoying until cirrhosis sets in.