Depression

[filthyfox]

1 hour ago, John rayner said:

I was oon sertralin for about 5 years I found that it helped a lot ,it takes at least a couple of weeks to get into your system. Trust me it will not turn you into a zombie ,good luck mate keep strong buddy you will get through this 

Sertraline didn't work for me...   and I had to spend a year longer on it than I needed to...   elaboration to follow

[The Year Of The Fox]

13 hours ago, Noahfence said:

I can’t even explain how much better I feel when I barely pay attention to the news. I know you should keep up with what’s going on but I just don’t see any benefit to it. 
 

If I ever catch the news coming on the TV I turn over. 
 

I’m well aware it’s just a little thing but I’d definitely recommend cutting it out 

I did that during Covid. Was really getting me down. 
 

As for my personal circumstances this year, I took myself off Sertaline about 3 weeks ago, with my doctors say so. 
 

Been having online therapy with someone local. That’s helped a lot.

 

I’m pleased to say I’m coming out the other side of it all and much closer to being back to my old self. 
 

Bloody relationships eh.

[filthyfox]

So... I had cause to send this email to my HR department.

 

Good afternoon,

 

I should like to explore the possibility of a reasonable adjustment that I believe would protect me from discrimination by Dorset Council and its Managers on the basis of disability.

 

In October last year I returned from a period of absence caused by disability; namely anxiety/ depression which was exacerbated by sleep apnoea.  This was confirmed as a disability by Dorset Council’s Occupational Health practitioner, both in the past and immediately prior to my return to work in this instance.

 

Although I am satisfied the sickness absence policy was procedurally correctly followed; I do not believe sufficient credence was given to the fact that I was absent owing to a required adjustment in the medication needed to treat my disability.  I believe, therefore, that I was unreasonably and unfairly subjected to Dorset Council’s sickness absence review policy.   I would hope that the introduction of the proposed reasonable adjustment would be critical in removing the fear of an implied threat to my continued employment should I need to change medication again; and would safeguard my ongoing wellbeing.

 

The reasonable adjustment I ask for is wording to the effect of  “should the need arise to change medication for the treatment of depression/anxiety; and that this be documented by the Doctor treating me, that the period of time required for adjustment to this new medication not be considered in any sickness absence review.”

 

I would also be grateful that any previous absence in those circumstances be considered as if the reasonable adjustment was already in place.  Ie all threats to my continued employment removed.

 

I include relevant history below to aid the appropriate officer in making this decision.  You will note that I have not included my line managers in this email.  I would ask that this decision be made by Dorset Council HR; if possible in isolation from the management structure.

 

 

Relevant history:-

 

I had been self managing anxiety for some time prior to any sickness absence.  Receiving medicinal  treatment via GP at a low dose.

 

Absence 1/2/21-6/4/21  diagnosis of anxiety/ depression.  The first such period I had had in my life.  I only recognised that I had been suffering from anxiety/depression for years during this period owing to CBT therapy.  Increase in dosage of drug 1.

 

Absence 22/6/22-8/8/22  Diagnosed with sleep apnoea.  I had to self-fund my treatment between June 2022 and June 2024 as NHS would not provide me any support.  I am now being treated by the NHS.  I had no professional supervision at all between June 2022 and June 2024 for this condition.  Sleep apnoea exacerbates the symptoms of anxiety/depression (tiredness, irritability, lack of concentration etc).  Dosage increased to maximum of drug 1.

 

Absence 24/11/22-26/2/23    Drug 1 was no longer effective for treating the symptoms of anxiety/depression.  I needed to start a new drug (drug 2).  In order to do this, I had to reduce the dose of drug 1 until I was not taking any of this drug, and then, following a period of no medication; I started drug 2 at a low dose.  Following Stage 1 sickness absence review, I received a letter stating    “   Whilst we all want your phased return to work to be successful later in February, should this not come to fruition and further long term absence occurs or if you did return to work and then further long term occurred thereafter, then consideration would need to be given to the sustainability of your absence and progression to formal stage 2 of the Long Term Sickness Absence Management procedure a potential outcome of which would be consideration of a recommendation to dismiss on grounds of medical incapability. “    

 

Naturally, the statement above caused me to fear the outcome should I ever need further time off relating to my disability.

 

June 2023- Drug 2 was at full dosage, and was no longer effective.  GP advice was to either work through it, or change medication; again reducing the drug to 0 and starting a new drug.   Having received the letter following the absence 24/11/22-26/2/23 which held a clear threat to my employment; this was not an option.  I shared my concerns with my Line manager; the options were to go sick in order to change the medication, or carry on.  Owing to the letter previously received going sick I did not consider going sick was an option.

 

Absence 13/6/24-27/9/24  I could no longer function with drug 2 being ineffective.  I changed medication to drug 3 in this period following medical advice.  I felt unsafe working, and indeed, my mental health was severely suffering.  I was engaging in extremely destructive behaviour, and reflecting on this; the majority of this could have been avoided if I changed medication in June 2023 and was not made to be in fear for my employment. 

 

I returned to work, and was immediately invited to a Formal Stage 1 sickness absence review with A and B, it was made abundantly clear that my continued employment was at risk.  Both prior to the Stage 1 meeting, and within the meeting itself, I was reminded that my situation may lead to Stage 2.  I asked numerous times if that threat could be removed; but this was declined by A.  I was made to feel threatened and vulnerable throughout that meeting owing to this threat remaining, and was also made to wait 40 minutes while the situation was discussed and a decision made.    Both A and B were fully aware that this absence was caused by disability.  I was then advised, after the 40 minutes anxious wait that Stage 2 would not be appropriate; however I received a letter from A stating      “If there are any further long term absence periods or significant impact on the service from short term absences, I will consider progression to a formal stage two hearing under the long-term absence management procedure. A potential outcome of which would be a recommendation to dismiss on the grounds of medical incapability from your current role. “ 

 

I should add that I have no qualms should B be consulted or involved in making the decision relating to the reasonable adjustment proposed.

 

I have received therapy through Steps to Wellbeing; and have been clear of destructive tendencies since returning to work; this being, I believe the benefit of appropriate medication.   The Employment Advice Service from Steps to Wellbeing suggested that the proposed reasonable adjustment is sound.

 

[filthyfox]

The destructive behaviour...

 

Visiting sex workers for massages in areas that a legitimate masseur wouldn't touch (not a filthy place; just close to it).

 

Sneaking out late at night 2/3 times a week drinking 2/3 pints and then driving home via McDonald's where i stuffed my face til i felt fit to burst, but not be sick

 

Racked up a debt of £56k.

 

 

I got out of this by being COMPLETELY honest with wife.

 

Stopping ALL strands of this behaviour (6 months clean now)- maybe I'm stronger than I think?

 

Engaging wholeheartedly in therapy

 

Engaging with a debt management charity (stepchange)

 

Being creative in beaded jewellery making and macrame decorations

 

My world is SO much better

[jgtuk]

1 hour ago, filthyfox said:

The destructive behaviour...

 

Visiting sex workers for massages in areas that a legitimate masseur wouldn't touch (not a filthy place; just close to it).

 

Sneaking out late at night 2/3 times a week drinking 2/3 pints and then driving home via McDonald's where i stuffed my face til i felt fit to burst, but not be sick

 

Racked up a debt of £56k.

 

 

I got out of this by being COMPLETELY honest with wife.

 

Stopping ALL strands of this behaviour (6 months clean now)- maybe I'm stronger than I think?

 

Engaging wholeheartedly in therapy

 

Engaging with a debt management charity (stepchange)

 

Being creative in beaded jewellery making and macrame decorations

 

My world is SO much better

First of all, congratulations on finding a way through all of this. 
You are incredibly strong and a credit to yourself. 
I sincerely hope that you can go from strength to strength going forward and be successful in whatever endeavour you choose to pursue. 
Also, thanks for sharing such a personal story, very courageous of you. 

[DennisNedry]

On 14/02/2025 at 12:56, Samilktray said:

I’ve been prescribed Sertraline today. Anyone got any experience of it? Hoping it doesn’t turn me into a zombie if I’m totally honest 

I've been on it for about 10 weeks now. 

 

It has helped me tremendously with my anxiety. 

 

In terms of my mood, I'd say the improvements are much more modest. It's leveled me out, I wouldn't say I feel much happier, but I no longer get the crushing lows I used to.

[Trav Le Bleu]

3 hours ago, DennisNedry said:

I've been on it for about 10 weeks now. 

 

It has helped me tremendously with my anxiety. 

 

In terms of my mood, I'd say the improvements are much more modest. It's leveled me out, I wouldn't say I feel much happier, but I no longer get the crushing lows I used to.

It was the same for me. I would spiral into ridiculous pits of worrying about ridiculous things and self-pity that I actually knew were ridiculous and Sertraline essentially stopped all that nonsense so I could function normally.

[filthyfox]

On 07/03/2025 at 09:10, filthyfox said:

The destructive behaviour...

 

Visiting sex workers for massages in areas that a legitimate masseur wouldn't touch (not a filthy place; just close to it).

 

Sneaking out late at night 2/3 times a week drinking 2/3 pints and then driving home via McDonald's where i stuffed my face til i felt fit to burst, but not be sick

 

Racked up a debt of £56k...

So...  why am I awake at 0345?

Well...  the answer could be that I decided to go to the karaoke nightclub after the wife went to bed; had a few drinks; drove home via McDonald's and got nicked on the way home for drink driving.  Got home, woke the wife up with my stumbling around, and had to explain everything. (I did seriously consider sneaking out at the very least).

 

NOPE-  we are in separate beds at the moment owing to her having a colonoscopy  and the associated disbalance of digestive flora, coupled with a respiratory virus.

SHE WOKE ME UP BECAUSE SHE NEEDED ME...   more importantly...  I was there.

[grth2004]

Cat was run over this weekend which has taken me to a dark place , he was only 2 and we’ve hand reared him from an abandoned kitten. Such a shock and I know some people may say it’s only a pet but I suffer with anxiety and depression at times although I’ve been doing well recently this has knocked me down. 
guess I just need time. 

[Unabomber]

2 minutes ago, grth2004 said:

Cat was run over this weekend which has taken me to a dark place , he was only 2 and we’ve hand reared him from an abandoned kitten. Such a shock and I know some people may say it’s only a pet but I suffer with anxiety and depression at times although I’ve been doing well recently this has knocked me down. 
guess I just need time. 

Mate it’s not just a pet. It’s completely natural to be devastated by something like that. Sorry for your loss. 

[FoxesDeb]

17 minutes ago, grth2004 said:

Cat was run over this weekend which has taken me to a dark place , he was only 2 and we’ve hand reared him from an abandoned kitten. Such a shock and I know some people may say it’s only a pet but I suffer with anxiety and depression at times although I’ve been doing well recently this has knocked me down. 
guess I just need time. 

I'm so sorry, I'd feel the same way, our cats are part of our family too. Like you said give it time and try to focus on the amazing life you gave him while he was with you 

[Parafox]

1 hour ago, grth2004 said:

Cat was run over this weekend which has taken me to a dark place , he was only 2 and we’ve hand reared him from an abandoned kitten. Such a shock and I know some people may say it’s only a pet but I suffer with anxiety and depression at times although I’ve been doing well recently this has knocked me down. 
guess I just need time. 

 

My daughter with the MH issues has a companion cat which she absolutely is devoted to. No pet is "just a pet" particularly those that you actually interact with.

 

Sorry you've lost him in such tragic circumstances . 

[grth2004]

57 minutes ago, FoxesDeb said:

I'm so sorry, I'd feel the same way, our cats are part of our family too. Like you said give it time and try to focus on the amazing life you gave him while he was with you 

3 minutes ago, Parafox said:

 

My daughter with the MH issues has a companion cat which she absolutely is devoted to. No pet is "just a pet" particularly those that you actually interact with.

 

Sorry you've lost him in such tragic circumstances . 

 

[grth2004]

Just now, grth2004 said:

 

I think it’s the horrible way it happened, he was a gentle little thing who never went out and never went on the road , we also live on a very quite road so all very unfortunate. 
memories in the house are everywhere. Depression and grief actually feel painful at times. 
 

Thanks for nice messages though it helps get me from a dark place 

[Trav Le Bleu]

On 09/03/2025 at 19:37, grth2004 said:

I think it’s the horrible way it happened, he was a gentle little thing who never went out and never went on the road , we also live on a very quite road so all very unfortunate. 
memories in the house are everywhere. Depression and grief actually feel painful at times. 
 

Thanks for nice messages though it helps get me from a dark place 

I guess you're feeling a sense of injustice, given the unlikelihood of it happening that way and so horrifically. If it had been a disease associated with young cats or something else more everyday danger for a cat, you'd probably cope better, but never nice to lose a pet, especially a young one. My condolences.

[grth2004]

9 minutes ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

I guess you're feeling a sense of injustice, given the unlikelihood of it happening that way and so horrifically. If it had been a disease associated with young cats or something else more everyday danger for a cat, you'd probably cope better, but never nice to lose a pet, especially a young one. My condolences.

Yeah thanks that’s pretty much it. Why was the Cat there and who hit it and took it to the Vets as I know they live on my street and those thoughts keep going round and round in my head. 
I have the anger stage then the sad depression stage. 
Wife left for work this morning crying, his brother cat has been looking for him for two days which is heartbreaking. 
sleeping has gone down to 2 - 3 hours a night. 
The world is cruel and no need for such things to happen by accident. 
If I could wipe my memory right now I would or travel forward in time when all is ok then I would. 

[foxfanazer]

I don't feel like I'll ever be able to deal with the monotony of everyday life. Genuinely jealous of people who are excited to get up in the morning .And it makes me feel guilty as I have a wonderful partner and two beautiful kids who I love tremendously. We're not particularly well off but we get by and have the occasional holidays. Works stressful and boring at the same time 

 

I even feel guilty for posting this as I read some of the things you lot are going through and in reality nothings wrong with my life. I'm not manically depressed or even particularly sad, just feel a bit numb and exhausted by life

 

 

Edited 10 March by foxfanazer

[SeCrEt FoX]

6 hours ago, foxfanazer said:

I don't feel like I'll ever be able to deal with the monotony of everyday life. Genuinely jealous of people who are excited to get up in the morning .And it makes me feel guilty as I have a wonderful partner and two beautiful kids who I love tremendously. We're not particularly well off but we get by and have the occasional holidays. Works stressful and boring at the same time 

 

I even feel guilty for posting this as I read some of the things you lot are going through and in reality nothings wrong with my life. I'm not manically depressed or even particularly sad, just feel a bit numb and exhausted by life

 

 

There has been a lot of death, trauma and very bad news over the last 10/12 years of my life, it has been so hard, but like you said you read what other people are going through and your life don't seem as bad. Everyone goes through something but people deal with it in different ways, show no signs etc but I tell you now deep down they are suffering. We all do. I said in another post about lacking certain vitamins and especially this time of year where we hardly get any sun (the weekend just gone an exception) speak to your GP for blood tests to see what you are lacking and go from there. I just did it off my own back and I feel much better. I'm actually leaving the house a lot more now. 

[foxfanazer]

21 minutes ago, SeCrEt FoX said:

There has been a lot of death, trauma and very bad news over the last 10/12 years of my life, it has been so hard, but like you said you read what other people are going through and your life don't seem as bad. Everyone goes through something but people deal with it in different ways, show no signs etc but I tell you now deep down they are suffering. We all do. I said in another post about lacking certain vitamins and especially this time of year where we hardly get any sun (the weekend just gone an exception) speak to your GP for blood tests to see what you are lacking and go from there. I just did it off my own back and I feel much better. I'm actually leaving the house a lot more now. 

Thanks for that, I'll look into it. I've sorted of assigned myself to the role of the family where I'm everyone's go to if they have any problems or need something doing. Think I'm maybe just burned out. You're right though this time of year saps the life out of me

[SeCrEt FoX]

34 minutes ago, foxfanazer said:

Thanks for that, I'll look into it. I've sorted of assigned myself to the role of the family where I'm everyone's go to if they have any problems or need something doing. Think I'm maybe just burned out. You're right though this time of year saps the life out of me

No worries mate. Same as me at the minute with everyone coming to me with problems expecting me to know the answers. I've had a right shite weekend. I've just sort of done what I can and the things I can't help with just tell them I can't do anything to help. 

[Sampson]

12 hours ago, foxfanazer said:

I don't feel like I'll ever be able to deal with the monotony of everyday life. Genuinely jealous of people who are excited to get up in the morning .And it makes me feel guilty as I have a wonderful partner and two beautiful kids who I love tremendously. We're not particularly well off but we get by and have the occasional holidays. Works stressful and boring at the same time 

 

I even feel guilty for posting this as I read some of the things you lot are going through and in reality nothings wrong with my life. I'm not manically depressed or even particularly sad, just feel a bit numb and exhausted by life

 

 

Firstly, absolutely nothing to feel guilty about and you should absolutely post about it in this thread, don't think your feelings have less worth because they're not about grief or dealing with horrible situations that happen to you. I, and many others, often feel the same way about the monotomy of life too.

 

I've often wondered whether humans are addicted to the chemicals released when you're in the "flight or fight" anxiety mode. Which is what makes boredom and the monotony of day to day life often such a struggle.

 

Humans evolved not to feel happy but to survive after all. And the truth is, the happy and docile used to get eaten by tigers. Whilst those who were hype-anxious, replayed everything over and over in their heads, constantly on edge, more likely to be in "fight or flight" mode are much more likely to survive.

 

Unfortunately, we're not in that world anymore, we've made a world of comfort where being eaten by tigers or knowing where the next meal is coming from (which is what human brains were filtered out to do over hundreds of millions of years), but overwhelming information does. I often wonder whether we're addicted to being in that "fight or flight" response, as it was much more useful for us in nature to be addicted to that than to be addicted to happiness. And boredom is sort of an emotional response to not being in that state enough.

 

The human brain is a weird computer, and it wasn't filtered by evolution to be happy, nor to deal with our modern world, it was filtered by those humans and ancestors to humans surviving by being better built to survive by hunting and avoiding wild predators. I often wonder if that's why in the modern world, we get addicted to searching outrageous things in the news or online, because it gives us energy and puts us into that emotional state.

 

I don't know, just pop psychology and speculation really. But more just a thought that you shouldn't blame yourself if you feel this way, and neither should you think that there aren't hundreds of millions of people out there who also struggle with the monotony of daily life. 

Edited 11 March by Sampson
Have changes a bad double negative, I didn’t mean “don’t think your feeling are less worthless”

[foxfanazer]

4 minutes ago, Sampson said:

Firstly, absolutely nothing to feel guilty about and you should absolutely post about it in this thread, don't think your feelings are less worthless because they're not about grief or dealing with horrible situations that happen to you. I, and many others, often feel the same way about the monotomy of life too.

 

I've often wondered whether humans are addicted to the chemicals released when you're in the "flight or fight" anxiety mode. Which is what makes boredom and the monotony of day to day life often such a struggle.

 

Humans evolved not to feel happy but to survive after all. And the truth is, the happy and docile used to get eaten by tigers. Whilst those who were hype-anxious, replayed everything over and over in their heads, constantly on edge, more likely to be in "fight or flight" mode are much more likely to survive.

 

Unfortunately, we're not in that world anymore, we've made a world of comfort where being eaten by tigers or knowing where the next meal is coming from (which is what human brains were filtered out to do over hundreds of millions of years), but overwhelming information does. I often wonder whether we're addicted to being in that "fight or flight" response, as it was much more useful for us in nature to be addicted to that than to be addicted to happiness. And boredom is sort of an emotional response to not being in that state enough.

 

The human brain is a weird computer, and it wasn't filtered by evolution to be happy, nor to deal with our modern world, it was filtered to help us survive by hunting and avoiding wild predators. I often wonder if that's why in the modern world, we get addicted to searching outrageous things in the news or online, because it gives us energy and puts us into that emotional state.

 

I don't know, just pop psychology and speculation really. But more just a thought that you shouldn't blame yourself if you feel this way, and neither should you think that there aren't hundreds of millions of people out there who also struggle with the monotony of daily life. 

Thank you for taking the time to post that. I really appreciate it. I've never been good with boredom and routine. I think I need to get back into the gym

[Trav Le Bleu]

2 hours ago, foxfanazer said:

Thank you for taking the time to post that. I really appreciate it. I've never been good with boredom and routine. I think I need to get back into the gym

Gym would probably help tons!

 

Give yourself a little something every week to look forward too, even if it's just a little thing.

[HighPeakFox]

6 hours ago, Sampson said:

Firstly, absolutely nothing to feel guilty about and you should absolutely post about it in this thread, don't think your feelings have less worth because they're not about grief or dealing with horrible situations that happen to you. I, and many others, often feel the same way about the monotomy of life too.

 

I've often wondered whether humans are addicted to the chemicals released when you're in the "flight or fight" anxiety mode. Which is what makes boredom and the monotony of day to day life often such a struggle.

 

Humans evolved not to feel happy but to survive after all. And the truth is, the happy and docile used to get eaten by tigers. Whilst those who were hype-anxious, replayed everything over and over in their heads, constantly on edge, more likely to be in "fight or flight" mode are much more likely to survive.

 

Unfortunately, we're not in that world anymore, we've made a world of comfort where being eaten by tigers or knowing where the next meal is coming from (which is what human brains were filtered out to do over hundreds of millions of years), but overwhelming information does. I often wonder whether we're addicted to being in that "fight or flight" response, as it was much more useful for us in nature to be addicted to that than to be addicted to happiness. And boredom is sort of an emotional response to not being in that state enough.

 

The human brain is a weird computer, and it wasn't filtered by evolution to be happy, nor to deal with our modern world, it was filtered by those humans and ancestors to humans surviving by being better built to survive by hunting and avoiding wild predators. I often wonder if that's why in the modern world, we get addicted to searching outrageous things in the news or online, because it gives us energy and puts us into that emotional state.

 

I don't know, just pop psychology and speculation really. But more just a thought that you shouldn't blame yourself if you feel this way, and neither should you think that there aren't hundreds of millions of people out there who also struggle with the monotony of daily life. 

Posts like this improve my day. Thank you. 

[urban.spaceman]

Last couple of hours of my 30s. Thought I'd feel much worse than I do now, as it's been mostly a disaster of a decade. Have had HUGE anxieties about my continued troubles and lack of progress over the last 10+ years. Excaserbated by being the last of the 'grandchildren' to get a "proper job", or move out from home, have a partner, or (as of an announcement last week) have children. I am literally the runt of the litter. 

 

Had a good session with my therapist earlier though, who's been helping me reframe things to look forward and concentrate on my future. Also had some good news; a script I'd submitted to a prestigious TV festival in the UK was rejected, but they told me I'd reached the top 30%, which is a massive (MASSIVE) step forward and a huge boost. Gonna concentrate on that. For the first time in over a decade I finally feel like I have a positive future. Life begins at 40 etc.