Depression

[Parafox]

1 hour ago, Tielemans63 said:

Hi all,

 

Long time lurker in this thread but haven't posted in it for ages. Just wanted to recommend this. Has helped me a lot more than I ever thought it would. Thought it might help a few others:

 

 

That seems like a book for me and Mrs Para.

 

Thanks.

[Sampson]

On 22/04/2025 at 23:23, Tielemans63 said:

Hi all,

 

Long time lurker in this thread but haven't posted in it for ages. Just wanted to recommend this. Has helped me a lot more than I ever thought it would. Thought it might help a few others:

 

Thanks I might give it a try 

[Tielemans63]

5 minutes ago, Sampson said:

Thanks I might give it a try 

I'd really recommend it, mate. It helped me to understand why I spiral sometimes and gave me some useful strategies when I get a bit overwhelmed. The strategies have actually proven effective for me.

[Parafox]

My daughter who I have spoken about often on here has now been further diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia.

 

There's now way back from this and her life will likely be a roller coaster of sectioning, release into the community, sectioned again and so on.

 

It's heart-breaking to look at the photos we have of her as a child, generally happy yet somehow sad behind the eyes, who we knew had difficulties but never thought she'd be destined to have these MH struggles which we know now will never end for her.

 

For several years she lived pretty independently, had a flat she was proud of, had a companion cat she still loves dearly and was outwardly, doing well.

 

We used to go on weekly shopping trips me and her, dad and daughter together, a coffee and cake or maybe a cooked breakfast. A chat about stuff. She always said she was proud of me being a paramedic and she wanted to do good as well. She worked as a volunteer in a nearby charity shop and a wellbeing cafe for a while.

 

Then over the last few years everything started to go wrong for her, threats to the neighbours, thinking they were breaking into her flat when she was asleep and damaging or stealing her belongings, serious self harm, serious threats to others, outbursts of anger, paranoid thinking and so on. And now were where we're at.

 

We can't have direct contact because of the threat she poses because she hates us and wants us dead and has said she'll stab us if we ever go near her again and in a paranoid schizophrenic phase that's not impossible albeit unlikely.

 

So for now, she is still in a secure MH unit. We don't really know what comes next but to watch someone you have loved from a child to become this kind of "demon", is emotionally indescribable.

 

It's a struggle and more so as I (we) get older and less able to step in. 

 

I guess we just have to hand the majority of her life over to the professionals. Not that I have much faith in that prospect.

Edited 29 April 2025 by Parafox

[chrishlcfc]

1 hour ago, Parafox said:

My daughter who I have spoken about often on here has now been further diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia.

 

There's now way back from this and her life will likely be a roller coaster of sectioning, release into the community, sectioned again and so on.

 

It's heart-breaking to look at the photos we have of her as a child, generally happy yet somehow sad behind the eyes, who we knew had difficulties but never thought she'd be destined to have these MH struggles which we know now will never end for her.

 

For several years she lived pretty independently, had a flat she was proud of, had a companion cat she still loves dearly and was outwardly, doing well.

 

We used to go on weekly shopping trips me and her, dad and daughter together, a coffee and cake or maybe a cooked breakfast. A chat about stuff. She always said she was proud of me being a paramedic and she wanted to do good as well. She worked as a volunteer in a nearby charity shop and a wellbeing cafe for a while.

 

Then over the last few years everything started to go wrong for her, threats to the neighbours, thinking they were breaking into her flat when she was asleep and damaging or stealing her belongings, serious self harm, serious threats to others, outbursts of anger, paranoid thinking and so on. And now were where we're at.

 

We can't have direct contact because of the threat she poses because she hates us and wants us dead and has said she'll stab us if we ever go near her again and in a paranoid schizophrenic phase that's not impossible albeit unlikely.

 

So for now, she is still in a secure MH unit. We don't really know what comes next but to watch someone you have loved from a child to become this kind of "demon", is emotionally indescribable.

 

It's a struggle and more so as I (we) get older and less able to step in. 

 

I guess we just have to hand the majority of her life over to the professionals. Not that I have much faith in that prospect.

So sorry to hear that and I can’t imagine what that’s like to be going through. Think everyone myself included are going through struggles. But just wanted to say I’m around if you needed to chat anytime

[spacemunky]

5 hours ago, Parafox said:

My daughter who I have spoken about often on here has now been further diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia.

 

There's now way back from this and her life will likely be a roller coaster of sectioning, release into the community, sectioned again and so on.

 

It's heart-breaking to look at the photos we have of her as a child, generally happy yet somehow sad behind the eyes, who we knew had difficulties but never thought she'd be destined to have these MH struggles which we know now will never end for her.

 

For several years she lived pretty independently, had a flat she was proud of, had a companion cat she still loves dearly and was outwardly, doing well.

 

We used to go on weekly shopping trips me and her, dad and daughter together, a coffee and cake or maybe a cooked breakfast. A chat about stuff. She always said she was proud of me being a paramedic and she wanted to do good as well. She worked as a volunteer in a nearby charity shop and a wellbeing cafe for a while.

 

Then over the last few years everything started to go wrong for her, threats to the neighbours, thinking they were breaking into her flat when she was asleep and damaging or stealing her belongings, serious self harm, serious threats to others, outbursts of anger, paranoid thinking and so on. And now were where we're at.

 

We can't have direct contact because of the threat she poses because she hates us and wants us dead and has said she'll stab us if we ever go near her again and in a paranoid schizophrenic phase that's not impossible albeit unlikely.

 

So for now, she is still in a secure MH unit. We don't really know what comes next but to watch someone you have loved from a child to become this kind of "demon", is emotionally indescribable.

 

It's a struggle and more so as I (we) get older and less able to step in. 

 

I guess we just have to hand the majority of her life over to the professionals. Not that I have much faith in that prospect.

I can't imagine what's that like for you as a parent.

 

Thoughts with you and your family.

 

 

[ajthefox]

https://www.theguardian.com/wellness/2025/may/01/why-dont-people-ask-questions-in-conversation

 

I read this half expecting to read a lot about dates. Some of it was about dating, which was comforting and mildly amusing. But more importantly, there were a couple of paragraphs in there that without hitting the nail on the head, raised some points that resonated with me. That, coupled with a lovely evening with friends last night sparked something.

 

I've been in good spirits, but I've been questioning my platonic relationships recently, a few in particular, primarily in the context of conversation. I think I've always found communication to be difficult and have never been the most talkative, but my experience seems to fluctuate a lot depending on how I'm feeling, who I'm with and the situation. At times I will be very quiet, but amongst close friends, in a good mood/completely at ease I am happy to be the centre of attention. I've given several talks at length about my struggles with my mental health in front of colleagues and people I don't know and the feedback has been really positive. And yet, I was at a very close friend's not so long ago and we were sat in the garden and one of their neighbours commented several times about how quiet I was. Point being, it all feels very changeable.

I feel like I have broadly been missing connection on any deep level and although I wouldn't say I have felt alone, I've certainly felt lonely. It's not for lack of friends or family to talk to, but more so it is probably a function of how I and those around me communicate. Each one of those relationships and every group dynamic is unique and it all plays a part. It's personalities, it's ingrained societal and personal behaviours, it's situations and it's moods.  

 

I'm not sure I have any particular point, but I suppose it has reminded me that I have generally found that the more I am able to put in, the better. With that said though, relationships are difficult and ever changing and it can be really difficult to find ones where there is that highest level of connection and where you can be truly comfortable. For me, letting go and being really open can be quite the challenge unless the situation is right. Reading articles like this has reminded me that this is probably pretty normal and that isn't a me problem as much as it feels like it is.

 

 

Quote

Some non-askers light up and become more collaborative conversationalists when there is less pressure to talk. YES! One friend’s husband has never asked me a single goddamn question. But we went to the store to find an obscure ingredient, and ended up discussing what we ate growing up. Because we were busy doing something else, our observations and comments were able to bounce off and build upon themselves: a shared experience without a more formal back and forth. YES! I also think of the way that during a game night or craft night, participants can talk without necessarily following a thread; they also have physical objects to focus on, or goals to achieve together. Questions can equate to pressure, and we all have quite enough of that at the moment.

 

Katy Cotterell, an art psychotherapist in south London, said that while there was a good deal of talk about children facing delays or difficulties with social skills since the pandemic, adults were also struggling with human connection.YES! The pandemic has left people with lingering feelings of isolation. And with rising prices, less healthcare and many people working long hours or multiple jobs, more time is devoted to meeting basic needs and less to creating or maintaining social bonds. “When people are under too much pressure or stress, their defenses go up, and this makes curiosity a challenge,” she said. “Anxiety can easily look like egocentrism.”

 

[Steve_Guppy_Left_Foot]

Update from me sure a lot of you will be glad to hear.

 

just moved in to a house with my fiancée and started seeing my daughter again. Nicest woman. Brink of suicide in Jan and now in may I have done a total 180. I know there is a long way to go, and chances of relapses are obviously high. My partner understands this, knows where I’ve been and where I’m at. It does get better, I’ve gone from the nuthouse to looking forward to the future with my new found sense of worth.

[ajthefox]

49 minutes ago, Steve_Guppy_Left_Foot said:

Update from me sure a lot of you will be glad to hear.

 

just moved in to a house with my fiancée and started seeing my daughter again. Nicest woman. Brink of suicide in Jan and now in may I have done a total 180. I know there is a long way to go, and chances of relapses are obviously high. My partner understands this, knows where I’ve been and where I’m at. It does get better, I’ve gone from the nuthouse to looking forward to the future with my new found sense of worth.

Fantastic bud, what a pleasure to hear. Keep up the good work.

[Sampson]

54 minutes ago, Steve_Guppy_Left_Foot said:

Update from me sure a lot of you will be glad to hear.

 

just moved in to a house with my fiancée and started seeing my daughter again. Nicest woman. Brink of suicide in Jan and now in may I have done a total 180. I know there is a long way to go, and chances of relapses are obviously high. My partner understands this, knows where I’ve been and where I’m at. It does get better, I’ve gone from the nuthouse to looking forward to the future with my new found sense of worth.

Great for the update! Just hope you can keep up small steps to keep going in the better place

[Trav Le Bleu]

2 hours ago, Steve_Guppy_Left_Foot said:

Update from me sure a lot of you will be glad to hear.

 

just moved in to a house with my fiancée and started seeing my daughter again. Nicest woman. Brink of suicide in Jan and now in may I have done a total 180. I know there is a long way to go, and chances of relapses are obviously high. My partner understands this, knows where I’ve been and where I’m at. It does get better, I’ve gone from the nuthouse to looking forward to the future with my new found sense of worth.

That's fantastic. Onwards and upwards!

[urban.spaceman]

Update from me

 

Had a couple of glorious weeks in April  - went on holiday with my family and felt properly rejuvenated and more like myself than I had in years. Was going to post in here that I was finally doing OK and feeling really, really well, but decided to go to the cinema and have a whale of a time there instead. Should have known that would be the end of it.

 

Treated myself to a new tablet for my birthday in March. Major upgrade to my old one that had been dead and unusable for a couple of years. Couldn’t afford it directly so had to split the payments. Bought it to reduce my use of the laptop, which had 2 emergency repairs during my course, to reduce my day-to-day use on it and use it more for productivity as I try and break into this completely dysfunctional industry. Was brilliant for the first few weeks - they work together so effortlessly that I was seriously productive and making good progress on projects. Then it started crashing. Repeatedly. Pasted the crash report into TwatGPT and it came back saying it was a “catastrophic hardware failure” caused by switching between the two devices. Took it in for a repair, they said it was a software issue so completely cleaned the device and reinstalled the operating system for free, but losing a shitload of my data in the process. Got it home later that day and it crashed immediately. Took it back in for a repair and they quoted my £450. With the two emergency repairs it during my course that would send the cost of the repairs way over what I actually paid for it, and cos it’s an “old” device now it would just make other problems more likely and repairs absurdly expensive. So really I have to replace it which will cost £1000.

 

Then I got another financial shock in the post - I’ve got a FPN for apparently not paying for a prescription. I was put back on sertraline in January/February and when I went to pick it up from the pharmacy, along with my parent’s prescriptions who don’t pay for them, the guy just gave me my prescription and didn’t ask for payment, and because I was so unwell at the time I just walked out in a daze before realising later on that he hadn’t asked me to pay. I just assumed that I’d been assigned free prescription for some reason and completely forgot about it until the letter arrived in the post. Feels like I’m being criminalised and having my character questioned for a complete fluke accident when I was unwell. 

 

Then the psychopath in the White House announced his insane tariffs on the industry I’ve wanted to work in my whole life. It’s already in a shocking state - the Guardian keeps coming out with articles about how it’s harder than ever for working class people to get into the industry and now it’s being actively destroyed by that ****ing lunatic. 

 

I am absolutely the KING of bad timing. I just want to work on something that I’m seriously passionate about and be able to live a decent, simple life. But it’s like I’m being punished just for trying. I feel utterly cursed and it’s just relentless with barely any respite. I’m back where I was between October-February when I was experiencing serious financial abuse by my employer’s incompetence, but far, far worse off. Any progress I make just blows up in my face. I just cannot escape this, no matter what I do. I cannot move forward. 

 

And it’s physically exhausting. My whole body tenses up at times like this and I end up with excruciating back pain that lasts for weeks. I struggle to go to the gym, to go for a walk, to be active in any way. “Resting” because of my back then makes me feel worse because it feels like I’m not doing anything at all. 

 

My life is in complete and total paralysis and I have less agency than most of my characters. 

[urban.spaceman]

That was far, far longer than I expected it to be. Apologies.

[urban.spaceman]

PS - thought I’d share some good news to counter all the misery above. Told my doctor a few weeks ago that I wanted to pursue an ADHD diagnosis. He gave me a form to fill in to bring for the next appointment. I went to the website it came from when I got home and filled in the questionnaire online. The first segment was a handful of questions about how often you struggle with this or that etc. It said if you got over 4 you do have symptoms consistent with ADHD. The doctor took one look at it and just went “yep“. I’ve told a few people in my life so far and the interesting thing is they’ve all asked me really different questions about my motivation for finding out. I don’t know what the next step of the actual process is, but I’ve found it to be quite comforting and reassuring about certain things and explain a lot of other things and I’m actually kind of enjoying just learning more and more about myself. 

 

Does anyone else have any experience with finding out they have ADHD later in life?

Edited 8 May 2025 by urban.spaceman

[Crinklyfox]

12 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

Update from me

 

Had a couple of glorious weeks in April  - went on holiday with my family and felt properly rejuvenated and more like myself than I had in years. Was going to post in here that I was finally doing OK and feeling really, really well, but decided to go to the cinema and have a whale of a time there instead. Should have known that would be the end of it.

 

Treated myself to a new tablet for my birthday in March. Major upgrade to my old one that had been dead and unusable for a couple of years. Couldn’t afford it directly so had to split the payments. Bought it to reduce my use of the laptop, which had 2 emergency repairs during my course, to reduce my day-to-day use on it and use it more for productivity as I try and break into this completely dysfunctional industry. Was brilliant for the first few weeks - they work together so effortlessly that I was seriously productive and making good progress on projects. Then it started crashing. Repeatedly. Pasted the crash report into TwatGPT and it came back saying it was a “catastrophic hardware failure” caused by switching between the two devices. Took it in for a repair, they said it was a software issue so completely cleaned the device and reinstalled the operating system for free, but losing a shitload of my data in the process. Got it home later that day and it crashed immediately. Took it back in for a repair and they quoted my £450. With the two emergency repairs it during my course that would send the cost of the repairs way over what I actually paid for it, and cos it’s an “old” device now it would just make other problems more likely and repairs absurdly expensive. So really I have to replace it which will cost £1000.

 

Then I got another financial shock in the post - I’ve got a FPN for apparently not paying for a prescription. I was put back on sertraline in January/February and when I went to pick it up from the pharmacy, along with my parent’s prescriptions who don’t pay for them, the guy just gave me my prescription and didn’t ask for payment, and because I was so unwell at the time I just walked out in a daze before realising later on that he hadn’t asked me to pay. I just assumed that I’d been assigned free prescription for some reason and completely forgot about it until the letter arrived in the post. Feels like I’m being criminalised and having my character questioned for a complete fluke accident when I was unwell. 

 

Then the psychopath in the White House announced his insane tariffs on the industry I’ve wanted to work in my whole life. It’s already in a shocking state - the Guardian keeps coming out with articles about how it’s harder than ever for working class people to get into the industry and now it’s being actively destroyed by that ****ing lunatic. 

 

I am absolutely the KING of bad timing. I just want to work on something that I’m seriously passionate about and be able to live a decent, simple life. But it’s like I’m being punished just for trying. I feel utterly cursed and it’s just relentless with barely any respite. I’m back where I was between October-February when I was experiencing serious financial abuse by my employer’s incompetence, but far, far worse off. Any progress I make just blows up in my face. I just cannot escape this, no matter what I do. I cannot move forward. 

 

And it’s physically exhausting. My whole body tenses up at times like this and I end up with excruciating back pain that lasts for weeks. I struggle to go to the gym, to go for a walk, to be active in any way. “Resting” because of my back then makes me feel worse because it feels like I’m not doing anything at all. 

 

My life is in complete and total paralysis and I have less agency than most of my characters. 

Unfortunately sometimes a series of bad events happen and if you're already a bit low from previous problems they can seem worse to you personally than an observer.

 

The FPN seems a bit add - if you're not asked for payment for an item how can it be right that you're fined for not paying - this looks like a simple mix-up which could simply be resolved by you paying the prescription charge.  I think that it's possible to appeal an FPN, if it is it might be worth doing.  

[foxfanazer]

On 29/04/2025 at 23:57, Parafox said:

My daughter who I have spoken about often on here has now been further diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia.

 

There's now way back from this and her life will likely be a roller coaster of sectioning, release into the community, sectioned again and so on.

 

It's heart-breaking to look at the photos we have of her as a child, generally happy yet somehow sad behind the eyes, who we knew had difficulties but never thought she'd be destined to have these MH struggles which we know now will never end for her.

 

For several years she lived pretty independently, had a flat she was proud of, had a companion cat she still loves dearly and was outwardly, doing well.

 

We used to go on weekly shopping trips me and her, dad and daughter together, a coffee and cake or maybe a cooked breakfast. A chat about stuff. She always said she was proud of me being a paramedic and she wanted to do good as well. She worked as a volunteer in a nearby charity shop and a wellbeing cafe for a while.

 

Then over the last few years everything started to go wrong for her, threats to the neighbours, thinking they were breaking into her flat when she was asleep and damaging or stealing her belongings, serious self harm, serious threats to others, outbursts of anger, paranoid thinking and so on. And now were where we're at.

 

We can't have direct contact because of the threat she poses because she hates us and wants us dead and has said she'll stab us if we ever go near her again and in a paranoid schizophrenic phase that's not impossible albeit unlikely.

 

So for now, she is still in a secure MH unit. We don't really know what comes next but to watch someone you have loved from a child to become this kind of "demon", is emotionally indescribable.

 

It's a struggle and more so as I (we) get older and less able to step in. 

 

I guess we just have to hand the majority of her life over to the professionals. Not that I have much faith in that prospect.

I'm really sorry to hear that. The power of the mind is an unbelievable thing and sometimes incredibly cruel. Hope she has the best possible life she can

[urban.spaceman]

13 hours ago, Crinklyfox said:

Unfortunately sometimes a series of bad events happen and if you're already a bit low from previous problems they can seem worse to you personally than an observer.

Honestly, the cascade of misfortune is what hurt the most. Just felt like I’m constantly thrown into chaos through no fault of my own. Losing that laptop, my main outlet for productivity, was devastating enough; the cost is currently insurmountable so I’ve lost my focus, my ability to move forward and financially unable to attend career related events in London. Realised today I *may* be able to get funding from a couple of places that help writers though, so all isn’t necessarily as awful as it’s felt the last few days. 

 

13 hours ago, Crinklyfox said:

 

The FPN seems a bit add - if you're not asked for payment for an item how can it be right that you're fined for not paying - this looks like a simple mix-up which could simply be resolved by you paying the prescription charge.  I think that it's possible to appeal an FPN, if it is it might be worth doing.  

I’ve already composed an email to send to the NHS people but went down to my pharmacy today and asked for a private consultation with a senior member of staff. It was very, very awkward and embarrassing but they seemed confused about the whole thing (they asked me who served me but I just said I can’t remember as I don’t want to get anyone in trouble). They said they’ll try and get me out of it so there may be some hope there.

[foxfanazer]

On 04/05/2025 at 20:13, Steve_Guppy_Left_Foot said:

Update from me sure a lot of you will be glad to hear.

 

just moved in to a house with my fiancée and started seeing my daughter again. Nicest woman. Brink of suicide in Jan and now in may I have done a total 180. I know there is a long way to go, and chances of relapses are obviously high. My partner understands this, knows where I’ve been and where I’m at. It does get better, I’ve gone from the nuthouse to looking forward to the future with my new found sense of worth.

Made up for you mate. Take it as it comes but just try to enjoy this new chapter of your life 

[spacemunky]

Been really struggling with my sleep lately. Waking up in the way too early hours and I'll just start thinking of random things from my past. Once I start doing it I can't stop and eventually I'll just get out of bed.

 

It'll be that I'm thinking of a job I had and the people from it and then on to a TV show from that time or forums that I used to frequent and the people from it.

 

It probably isn't helpful that I have my phone on the dresser next to me and I start googling random things as they pop into my head.

 

Anyway, it's exhausting.

[urban.spaceman]

4 hours ago, spacemunky said:

Been really struggling with my sleep lately. Waking up in the way too early hours and I'll just start thinking of random things from my past. Once I start doing it I can't stop and eventually I'll just get out of bed.

 

It'll be that I'm thinking of a job I had and the people from it and then on to a TV show from that time or forums that I used to frequent and the people from it.

 

It probably isn't helpful that I have my phone on the dresser next to me and I start googling random things as they pop into my head.

 

Anyway, it's exhausting.

When I’m struggling with my sleep I try and change my behaviour throughout the day to disrupt the cycle. Like avoiding triggers like social media or doom scrolling. Or drinking fewer liquids. Watching movies helps. It can help change a mood or feeling or just bore the shit out of me. I’m absolutely terrible at scrolling, doom or otherwise before bed - when that gets bad I either remove all devices from the room or at least the chargers to make the battery drain and force me to put it down. I wish I had the attention span to read books again. 

 

Hope it gets better mate. 

[ajthefox]

On 25/12/2024 at 17:42, HighPeakFox said:

This thread is fantastic. It repeatedly reminds me not to believe the version people present of themselves in the main forum. 

 

I don't wish depression or unhappiness on anybody - however this thread, in giving a chance to be more vulnerable and then humane in response, is the best of us. 

Feeling odd, and I've just been scrolling back trying to find a poem I shared in here a little while ago.

 

Reading through and I saw this, and I think it says everything I was thinking very eloquently. I don't post loads but always come back here.

 

Keep going all of you. x

 

 

 

 

[filthyfox]

On 07/03/2025 at 10:28, jgtuk said:

First of all, congratulations on finding a way through all of this. 
You are incredibly strong and a credit to yourself. 
I sincerely hope that you can go from strength to strength going forward and be successful in whatever endeavour you choose to pursue. 
Also, thanks for sharing such a personal story, very courageous of you. 

Still clean...   looking damn gorgeous, even if I say so myself!

[urban.spaceman]

On 12/05/2025 at 20:42, urban.spaceman said:

When I’m struggling with my sleep I try and change my behaviour throughout the day to disrupt the cycle. Like avoiding triggers like social media or doom scrolling. Or drinking fewer liquids. Watching movies helps. It can help change a mood or feeling or just bore the shit out of me. I’m absolutely terrible at scrolling, doom or otherwise before bed - when that gets bad I either remove all devices from the room or at least the chargers to make the battery drain and force me to put it down. I wish I had the attention span to read books again. 

 

Hope it gets better mate. 

Really should have taken my own advice!! 

[Trav Le Bleu]

3 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

Really should have taken my own advice!! 

Turn the internet off mate. It's nice outside, get out if you can. We'll catch up with you in a while after a much needed break.

Edited 17 May 2025 by Trav Le Bleu

[filthyfox]

4 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

Really should have taken my own advice!! 

Just don't make a habit of it...   and if you do SMASH the habit