Our system detected that your browser is blocking advertisements on our site. Please help support FoxesTalk by disabling any kind of ad blocker while browsing this site. Thank you.
Jump to content
 Share
Pinkman

Depression

By Pinkman, in General Chat

Recommended Posts

Lionator

Lionator

Posted
Posted
On 11/01/2019 at 14:31, Buce said:

 

I couldn't sleep last night and found myself reading back through this thread. Interestingly, although everyone's problems are unique to them, there was an underlying theme - a perceived failure to live up to other people's expectations (whether they be specific individuals, like parents, or more abstract, like society): "I dropped out of uni"; "I hate uni but my parents will be disappointed if I quit"; "I hate my job"; "I hate my career"; "My relationships always fail and don't think I'll ever be married and have kids". And so on.

 

Now, as many of you know, I'm no stranger to the Black Dog, and for some years my mental health issues were coming from exactly the same place as I've just highlighted. But that's a demon I beat (I still have one demon that occasionally troubles me, but that's not relevant to what I want to speak about here), and maybe if I talk about how, it may just help some of you.

 

I left school at sixteen to become an apprentice in the engineering sector; it wasn't something I wanted to do, but I came from a traditional working-class family and had no aspirations beyond that. No one in my family had ever been to uni, and that wasn't even considered as an option (though, ironically, my elder brother did as a mature student, after leaving school to find fame in a band, and went on to be a professor of philosophy at a major university); so, with no life plan, I allowed myself to be pushed into an apprenticeship by my parents ("there'll always be work in the engineering, lad - work your way up the ladder and you could even be a foreman one day").

 

Well, I hated it. Every fvcking minute. I hated the endless monotony of physical labour. I hated taking orders from people who could barely read and write. But most of all, I hated what I discovered - that the life that society expects of us is so pointlessly futile. Consider: I had scrimped and saved for a car that took up a good portion of my wages to run. A car that sat all day on the work's car park, and all night on my parents' driveway. A car I only needed to get me to and from work. I became depressed very quickly (though at that time, I didn't realise that that's what was happening to me). I tried to articulate it to my parents but they just reassured me that it gets better when you have more money. But that was bollox - demonstrably so. Because when I looked at the time-served workers, the futility was even more apparent. What benefit did the extra money bring them? I'll tell you: on top of the car scenario, they now had the same thing with a house. They came to work every day (and weekends too, if they could get the much-needed overtime) to pay for a house that they were hardly ever in because they were out at work paying for it. What little money that was left went on three things: pointless crap that they didn't need, to fill the house that they were seldom in; a two-week holiday in Skeggy (this was the mid-seventies, foreign package travel was just beginning to take off); and alcohol, to dull the pain of their pointless, miserable fvcking lives. I was pretty much ready to kill myself.

 

Then, one night, about nine months into my apprenticeship, and stuck inside with no money, I picked up a book (As I Walked Out One Midsummer Morning). The author, Laurie Lee, had, at aged sixteen, left home to travel around Spain. The book detailed his adventures (he ended up caught up in the Spanish Civil War) and on a whim, I decided to do the same (travel around Spain, that is - the war was long since over, though General Franco still ruled with an iron fist). I quit my job the next day, bought some second-hand camping gear and an army surplus rucksack, sold my car and all my possessions and walked through France to Spain. I will save my stories for my autobiography, but I spent the next twenty-two years as a nomadic traveller. I still worked when necessary (I became very adept at living on very little but occasionally I would come back to England and either get a cheap bedsit or stay with my brother, work my butt off until I had enough money, then off I'd go again).

 

So this cured my depression, right? No, not at all. Because despite having the time of my life, despite visiting far-flung corners of the map (hell, some of the places weren't even on the fvcking map), despite doing stuff that most people will never even dream about, I was still weighed down with other peoples' expectations. I wanted my parents to see what I was doing in a positive light, to see me as a traveller, an explorer of my mind and my potential; but to them, I was a waster. A drifter. A deadbeat. Every time I came home, I felt their disapproval. Every time I quit my (what was always going to be, temporary) job to go off again, I sensed their disappointment. And I still felt the weight of the expectations that society had conditioned me with, fretted over my inability to 'settle down', fretted over not having a house, fretted over not having a long-term relationship.

 

No, it was a chance meeting with an old hippy in Nepal that finally allowed me to break free and like myself. Bombed out of my brains on the local hash one night, I opened up to him and told him what I'm telling you. And what he told me has stayed with me all my life: "We have a short life on this Earth, and none of us knows where we go after death, but the one thing we can be sure of is we won't be taking our money or possessions with us; we might, just might, get to keep our memories".

 

I guess what I'm telling you is, it's ok to be yourself. You have one short life, so live it for you, not somebody else; and don't carry the weight of other peoples' expectations.

 

 

A great post! It really is the fear of failure which holds a lot of us back which is kind of ironic when you think about it. I've failed many times, I failed two A Levels because of anxiety, I've had failed relationships, I've flown back from a holiday early due to anxiety, I've not turned up to job interviews etc, the moment it all changed was when I learnt to not fear failure. We ALL will fail at some point in our lives. What's important is not whether we fail or not, it's how we react to failure and adversity. Do we sit and feel sorry for ourselves and catastrophise over our internal views of what other people are thinking or do we stand up, dust ourselves down and go again at the next possible opportunity?  That's why stuff like cognitive behavioural therapy is good. It's not easy and life circumstances certainly interfere but it can be done! 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
gw_leics772

gw_leics772

Posted
Posted
28 minutes ago, sylofox said:

Think I'm going to hang out in here. Its less depressing reading about others depression than the Leicester City forum. Every topic should have a mental health warning not a title. 

Have you seen the state of that "keeping things interesting when we get 45 points" thread.

 

I feel like offering to kick their stool.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
sylofox

sylofox

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, gw_leics772 said:

Have you seen the state of that "keeping things interesting when we get 45 points" thread.

 

I feel like offering to kick their stool.

Yeah that's why I made my above post. 

 

It says so much about this site when the depressed ones are the most cheerful ones in the forum. 

 

I may even stop taking my meds as I'm feeling left out. 

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
sylofox

sylofox

Posted
Posted
13 minutes ago, gw_leics772 said:

Im in a good mood so ive taken to goading them.

 

Head back over there, makes me feel well happy.

 

Chances are, they're thr normal ones, therefore, i must be cured.

 

Cupboard full of anti depressants, free to a good home. No longer needed

Except in reality most of us sufferers hide behind humour. I've had people laughing at me when I tell them I suffer bad with depression. They don't realise you can laugh and feel depressed at the same time. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
gw_leics772

gw_leics772

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, sylofox said:

Except in reality most of us sufferers hide behind humour. I've had people laughing at me when I tell them I suffer bad with depression. They don't realise you can laugh and feel depressed at the same time. 

I hear you, and understand exactly where you're coming from.

 

I have just come through a long and bad time, and am genuinely in a really good place, so im enjoying it and im not going to let that miserable lot grind any of us down, so im going on the attack for my own fun

Edited by gw_leics772
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Popular Post
TMELcfc

TMELcfc

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted

I didn't even know this thread existed... This is a great thread and hope people find some sort of salvation from it.

 

I suffer from depression (although I am a lot better than 18 months ago), my uncle took his own life 16 years ago  after he found out his wife had Leukaemia, my mum attempted suicide a year before that (and is still on medication now unfortunately).

For what it's worth, only advise I could ever give anyone is to get to a councillor as soon as possible, and while you wait, talk to a close friend or family member. Talking it out may have taken me 2-3 years to get to where I am now, and to a lot of the issues I didn't even know were issues, but it was worth it :)

  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites
sylofox

sylofox

Posted
Posted
48 minutes ago, lcfceaves said:

I didn't even know this thread existed... This is a great thread and hope people find some sort of salvation from it.

 

I suffer from depression (although I am a lot better than 18 months ago), my uncle took his own life 16 years ago  after he found out his wife had Leukaemia, my mum attempted suicide a year before that (and is still on medication now unfortunately).

For what it's worth, only advise I could ever give anyone is to get to a councillor as soon as possible, and while you wait, talk to a close friend or family member. Talking it out may have taken me 2-3 years to get to where I am now, and to a lot of the issues I didn't even know were issues, but it was worth it :)

It's the only thread that don't get polluted with one sided shite opinions. It probably scares most people. They think we sit here in straight jackets rocking backwards and forwards all day. 

 

Which as we know is total bollox 12hrs we bang our heads against the wall. 

  • Like 2
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
TMELcfc

TMELcfc

Posted
Posted
4 minutes ago, gw_leics772 said:

@lcfceaves

Fancy seeing you here. Are you following me? 

 

And most of all, dont let those bastards out there in the other threads get you down.

 

Theres some right nasty bastards out there. ????

 

?

Yep as creepy as it sounds, I found this thanks to your lovely post earlier... 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
gw_leics772

gw_leics772

Posted
Posted (edited)
11 minutes ago, lcfceaves said:

Yep as creepy as it sounds, I found this thanks to your lovely post earlier... 

Im here for you buddy, if you ever need a chat.

 

Seriously read back a bit, better still, read this whole thread. You'll find the names are some of the better more reasonable posters.

 

Im just going back and re reading after stumbling across rumble apologising to you.

 

It is entirely possible you might not be as bad as i thought.

 

You happened to be the first to make the kind of comment that i was expecting (which definitely has some merit, but in the context of the miserable cesspit that is the lcfc section...)but your name doesnt ring a bell amongst the usual suspects who really lit my fuse after the last few weeks.

 

Apologies if you were serious, and i really did push you down to the point where you found this. But finding this was good, stay a while.

 

Dont let any keyboard warrior do that to you (especially some twat like me)

 

Seems like i did let the bastards grind me down after all, and got dragged down to their level. 

 

Sorry you got caught in the crossfire.

 

I will now make a conscious effort to thoroughly research my targets from here on in (if i cant manage to be a nice person, i will give that another go though)

 

May i recomment the "if managers were sweets" thread and a few years worth of funny/phunny pics/vids thread for whenever you might need a pick me up.

Edited by gw_leics772
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
ozleicester

ozleicester

Posted
Posted

Far be it for me to tell anyone what to do...but i know some people have benefited from dipping their toes into "Philosophy"

 

It sometimes helps to get a guideline on how and why we think, if you'd like a simple start i highly recommend the "Philosophy Bites"  podcast. Short 15 minute chats about a million different ideas/concepts. :)

 

As always...im often here when its the middle of the night over there...if you want a chat just tag me and im happy to chat about anything, anytime.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
gw_leics772

gw_leics772

Posted
Posted (edited)
3 minutes ago, ozleicester said:

Far be it for me to tell anyone what to do...but i know some people have benefited from dipping their toes into "Philosophy"

 

It sometimes helps to get a guideline on how and why we think, if you'd like a simple start i highly recommend the "Philosophy Bites"  podcast. Short 15 minute chats about a million different ideas/concepts. :)

 

As always...im often here when its the middle of the night over there...if you want a chat just tag me and im happy to chat about anything, anytime.

I love the idea of anything like that Nd i think any suggestions that have worked for anyone on here are great to read and could really help someone reading this.

 

Having said that, i still have an unused "headspace" app from months ago when meditation was recommended.?

 

Ps im normally just here in the middle of the night uk time, but in the uk, when i finally get a few minutes of peace and quiet, making sure i do all i can to start each day tired and irritable.

Edited by gw_leics772
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
ozleicester

ozleicester

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, gw_leics772 said:

I love the idea of anything like that Nd i think any suggestions that have worked for anyone on here are great to read and could really help someone reading this.

 

Having said that, i still havr an unused "headspace" app from months ago when meditation was recommended.?

 

lol you cant rush these things.

 

 

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Wymsey

Wymsey

Posted
Posted (edited)

Just like to mention that money doesn't always equal happiness in life.

Know some people that got higher-paid jobs than before, but admit that they aren't totally satisfied with the quality of the job/work environment.

 

Hence agree with the quote in that "the best things in life are free" (happiness, contentness, satisfaction).

Try and seek support from the ones that value you the most and know you better such as family/friends or do whatever makes you feel happy (including exercise etc), whenever you're feeling down in the dumps, as it can sure make you appreciate that life can be much more worse if you certainly didn't have these core aspects.

Edited by Wymeswold fox
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Jon the Hat

Jon the Hat

Posted
Posted
12 hours ago, ozleicester said:

Far be it for me to tell anyone what to do...but i know some people have benefited from dipping their toes into "Philosophy"

 

It sometimes helps to get a guideline on how and why we think, if you'd like a simple start i highly recommend the "Philosophy Bites"  podcast. Short 15 minute chats about a million different ideas/concepts. :)

 

As always...im often here when its the middle of the night over there...if you want a chat just tag me and im happy to chat about anything, anytime.

It's an interesting point!

 

How is life in Perth?  We are looking to move out there in September / October this year :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites
ozleicester

ozleicester

Posted
Posted (edited)

oops meant to quote @Jon the Hat

 

Hey mate.. lifes pretty damn good.. but FVCKING hot where i am (1 hour east) the next week looks a little like this ....

Thursday 35

Friday 37

Saturday 40

Sunday 43

Monday 42

Tuesday 38

 

havent seen rain since November...its currently 9pm and is still 31 degrees

 

If you are movinf near the ocast its not so bad, the Fremantle doctor comes in around 1pm and usually cools things, where are you planning to live?

Edited by ozleicester
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Jon the Hat

Jon the Hat

Posted
Posted
17 minutes ago, ozleicester said:

oops meant to quote @Jon the Hat

 

Hey mate.. lifes pretty damn good.. but FVCKING hot where i am (1 hour east) the next week looks a little like this ....

Thursday 35

Friday 37

Saturday 40

Sunday 43

Monday 42

Tuesday 38

 

havent seen rain since November...its currently 9pm and is still 31 degrees

 

If you are movinf near the ocast its not so bad, the Fremantle doctor comes in around 1pm and usually cools things, where are you planning to live?

We would like to go back to where my wife is from - Applecross / Ardross / Mount Pleasant.  This will though be reliant on me getting a job at the level I am now.  We can rent there while sorting that out though.  I lived in Applecross for 6 months when we were last there - easy Bus into the city and only about 16 mins!  It takes me that long now to get to the station for my 1 hour train into London.

Yes I saw it is a little warm!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
 Share
Go to topic listing

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...