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Pinkman

Depression

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1 hour ago, Shane said:

A letter from student finance outlining I have £41,000 in student loan debt still to be paid. This has tipped me over the edge.

I don't think there's anyone that would not understand that being the source of some anxiety. Make no bones, for most of us that's one f* of a lot of dosh. I can't even begin to comprehend how I'd feel about that... outside of the mortgage I had, I don't think I've ever owed more than a few hundred quid on my credit card. 

 

But, as pointed out above, bailiffs are not going to be banging your door in the foreseeable. And you wont have to start to repay until you're earning above a certain amount. So whilst it's worrying on the face of it, you can find a perspective for it... like those with mortgages do. - it's simply a number to make smaller, little by little.  There's no immediate concern and you don't have to plot any course of action different to that you might have done anyway.

 

The issues of parents and teachers, well that's all in the past now. Thinking in terms of 'blame' gets you nowhere, you are were you are. What matters is what you do from here. You'll have taken something from the experience (of parents, teachers and university) so reflect on that and keep in mind that they were doing what they thought was best, so don't be too harsh on them. Now you plan your way forward. There's no urgency, only little steps needed to begin with. Forget - as best you can - about the loan and let things evolve as they will. The debt isn't stopping you from doing everything, it'll look after itself as you move on to whatever it is you want to do. You're not alone and there is support if you need. :)    

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23 minutes ago, Buce said:

You have 10 grand, no job, and you'd like to go travelling.

Which, to be clear, is an option open to Shane. Whether it'd be my choice or your choice is neither here nor there.

 

Recognising you have choices is an important part of taking the stress out of situations. Shane can opt to spend all, or some, of the savings on travel if so desired. With decisions come consequences (good and bad), so long as one is aware of those, and how to respond to them where necessary, then it's a decision taken in good conscience.

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40 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

Love you, bro.

Right back at ya bro :)

 

It's almost a year since I was in hospital having my latest operation and I was so poorly I couldn't eat and hadn't even got the energy or will to post on here. But you messaged me every day for weeks and during my recovery to check in and make sure I was alright. I'll never forget that mate, you were an absolute rock when I was really struggling and I'll always be grateful.

 

32 minutes ago, FoxesDeb said:

This is absolutely no consolation for what you're going through, but I honestly mean it when I say that you are an inspiration, and an important person in my life. 

I know that sounds completely ridiculous, and trite, but it's true. 

I spend far too much time here, and I feel like some of us are friends, even when we haven't met. I look forward to your posts, and I even laugh at your jokes! 

I realise that I can't possibly ever compare to the legend that is @lifted*fox, but if you ever need to chat offline I'm here. As are many of us I guess.

What I'm trying to say is that lots of us love you and we're here to help if we can xx

Bless ya Deb, I feel exactly the same :)

 

This forum has been a godsend over the last four or five years for me. I struggle to tell my family and friends how I'm really feeling yet I find it easy to hind behind my keyboard and talk to my virtual friends - it is ridiculous.

 

This place is the only place I feel I can truly be myself - how stupid. I was lucky enough to meet the legend that is @lifted*fox a few weeks ago IRL and it was lovely. I only wish I had his dashing, youthful good looks and fit physique, rather than being stuck inside this fvcking mess of a body :(

 

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14 hours ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

My health (or lack of) is really getting me down, and there's nothing I can do about it.

 

The frustration of not being 'normal' is constantly gnawing away at me and it's wearing me down.

 

Most night's I'm up needing the loo and I never get a proper nights kip. I had a crazy early start and important meeting in London this morning on the back of next to no sleep, and I could hardly function. If I'm ever out of the house for long periods of time, I practically have to starve myself to avoid constant toilet trips. This in turn gives me no energy and then I nearly fall asleep driving because I'm so tired.

 

I try to do the right things. Joining the gym has helped and so has cutting out the drink, but I'll never be normal. The injections I give myself for my Crohn's disease leave me lethargic and I'm constantly dosed up full of codeine to slow my system down. The pisser is that I'm been on anti-depressants in the past and had tons of therapy and I understand myself and my thoughts very well. It's not really a mental illness but my physical restrictions make it mentally draining (if that makes sense?)

 

I constantly tell myself I'm lucky to be alive and to be grateful for what I've got. My original surgery in '04 was an emergency procedure to remove my large intestine as it was so ulcerated it would have perforated and killed me. Since then I've had to make many adjustments but I just wish I could turn the clock back and be normal like everyone else.

 

I don't need advice or sympathy and I don't even know why I'm posting this. I'm just so fvcking angry and frustrated that I can't live a normal life. I can't explain how depressing it is that my life revolves around where the nearest WC is and it's constantly on my mind every minute of the day. The only thing that keeps me going is my kids and my constant admiration for those who are severely disabled and still find the courage to lead a happy life. There's always someone worse off than us I guess...

 

I really envy those of you who have your full health and can live a normal life. Never ever take it for granted..

Izzy there's nothing wrong with a cry of pain.  Sometimes you just have to let it out.

 

I can't imagine what you're going through but I'm with you on wishing that my body functioned the way it was supposed to and to go back to the better period in my younger days when I took good health for granted.

 

Most of my generation have some medical condition or other that affects their lives.  I take three different drugs a day which help me keep going, and that started when I was 40.  I could probably play Top Trumps with you as to how many times we have to get up in the night but I won't, suffice it to say I've got so used to it that it's become almost routine and I can get back to sleep pretty quickly most of the time, it's less disruptive if you can achieve that.

 

You may never be what you consider to be 'normal' again but you're not alone.  If you're ever going to be down this way PM me and I'll take you down to my Bowls Club, we can sit and watch a game or two and I'll tell you what each member is coping with (so far as illness and disability is concerned) and then I'll ask you if you'd switch your condition with theirs.  

 

You should be proud of yourself for your self discipline and what you've done for others.  The frustration can be eased if you accept yourself and your condition, you have it through no fault of your own.  This includes accepting that it's going to get you down from time to time, and that's a healthy reaction, if we didn't feel down when things are bad then we probably would be mentally unbalanced.  You have the fortitude to get through these periods, I've read it in so many of your posts.  Please hang on in there.

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3 hours ago, Crinklyfox said:

Izzy there's nothing wrong with a cry of pain.  Sometimes you just have to let it out.

 

I can't imagine what you're going through but I'm with you on wishing that my body functioned the way it was supposed to and to go back to the better period in my younger days when I took good health for granted.

 

Most of my generation have some medical condition or other that affects their lives.  I take three different drugs a day which help me keep going, and that started when I was 40.  I could probably play Top Trumps with you as to how many times we have to get up in the night but I won't, suffice it to say I've got so used to it that it's become almost routine and I can get back to sleep pretty quickly most of the time, it's less disruptive if you can achieve that.

 

You may never be what you consider to be 'normal' again but you're not alone.  If you're ever going to be down this way PM me and I'll take you down to my Bowls Club, we can sit and watch a game or two and I'll tell you what each member is coping with (so far as illness and disability is concerned) and then I'll ask you if you'd switch your condition with theirs.  

 

You should be proud of yourself for your self discipline and what you've done for others.  The frustration can be eased if you accept yourself and your condition, you have it through no fault of your own.  This includes accepting that it's going to get you down from time to time, and that's a healthy reaction, if we didn't feel down when things are bad then we probably would be mentally unbalanced.  You have the fortitude to get through these periods, I've read it in so many of your posts.  Please hang on in there.

What a lovely post mate, you’re an absolute legend of this thread. 

I’ve spent the last 15 years trying to accept my condition and it’s tough. Good days and bad days and yesterday was definitely a bad day. 

Really appreciate your response mate, you’re a diamond Crinkly. 

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19 hours ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

I was lucky enough to meet the legend that is @lifted*fox a few weeks ago IRL and it was lovely. I only wish I had his dashing, youthful good looks and fit physique

 

did you meet someone else after me Izzy? lol

 

:wub:

 

I know you struggle with your health but you're a lovely bloke and you'll always have that mate, so don't get too down on yourself.

 

looking forward to chilling at the united game in feb mate, will be good to see you again! 

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22 hours ago, Shane said:

Firstly, a quick thank you to Leicester City for the 15/16 season and CL run which gave me the happiest memories of my life.

 

Anyway reality struck me recently, a reality I’ve been hiding from. A letter from student finance outlining I have £41,000 in student loan debt still to be paid. This has tipped me over the edge.

 

I never wanted to go to University, I didn’t know what I wanted to do at aged 18, I still felt like a kid. I was young, foolish and was talked into it by teachers and my parents. I just wanted to make them happy, so I went.

 

Now I feel more depressed then ever, lost, hopeless, wondering where does it all end. A 41,00 pound bill before even saving for things like a car, a house, or living the life I want like going travelling or starting my own business. 

 

I saved £10,000 this year but it feels like nothing in comparison to the above and the end goal feels like a distant dream. I’ve been unemployed since September, with no willpower and struggling to sleep. 

 

Been lurking this thread for a while and felt this was the best place to let it all out because I’m not in a good place right now. 

 

hi mate, hope you're doing ok today

 

lemme tell you something, from my experience - the car, the mortgage - don't put all your happiness eggs in those baskets

 

i'm 33 - I've got those things now, I worked hard from leaving school at 18. saved, saved, worked, worked, etc. having those things is nice, absolutely - BUT I regret not taking more time to travel.

 

15 years of hard work, promotions, saving, etc. yes - it's put me in a nice position but it's also broken me a little bit as well. I got all that stuff and realised I missed out on some other things that would have made me happy too.

 

I'm still supremely jealous my best mate chose to take a year to travel - he saw the world, got inspired, came back and started a company and he's now got all the material stuff I've got anyway. it's just stuff.

 

the world is small dude and it's getting smaller and it's going to get harder to travel.

 

eventually you'll get married and your wife (or husband) will want kids to go with the house and the car. don't get to that stage wishing you'd seen more of the world before settling down. it's scary.

 

your student loan repayments will wait. there's no time limit on that and they will only take it when you start earning enough regularly. my wife has student loan debt and they take it as a small amount from her pay each month - she barely notices. 

 

I'm not saying be irresponsible - but you can find a way to do the things you DREAM about doing first. the rest can always fall into place later.

 

one of my best friends died at 29 and he squeezed so much into that time - I'm now trying to catch up in his honour - I've just quit my job and I'm taking 6 months to travel and sort my life out before starting a business.

 

I hope the above makes some sense and helps you find some positivity - you're here once dude - don't waste that time wishing you were doing things differently. just go for it. get on it. you can do anything you want. 

 

 

 

 

Edited by lifted*fox
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22 hours ago, Shane said:

Firstly, a quick thank you to Leicester City for the 15/16 season and CL run which gave me the happiest memories of my life.

 

Anyway reality struck me recently, a reality I’ve been hiding from. A letter from student finance outlining I have £41,000 in student loan debt still to be paid. This has tipped me over the edge.

 

I never wanted to go to University, I didn’t know what I wanted to do at aged 18, I still felt like a kid. I was young, foolish and was talked into it by teachers and my parents. I just wanted to make them happy, so I went.

 

Now I feel more depressed then ever, lost, hopeless, wondering where does it all end. A 41,00 pound bill before even saving for things like a car, a house, or living the life I want like going travelling or starting my own business. 

 

I saved £10,000 this year but it feels like nothing in comparison to the above and the end goal feels like a distant dream. I’ve been unemployed since September, with no willpower and struggling to sleep. 

 

Been lurking this thread for a while and felt this was the best place to let it all out because I’m not in a good place right now. 

Repeat after me (I am serious)  THIS IS NOT A DEBT.  THIS IS NOT A DEBT.  THIS IS NOT A DEBT.

Then file the bit of paper in the bin.

 

Seriously, the last thing you need worry about is this crap.  This is like adding up all your future income tax bills and worrying about i!  It only happens if you are doing well.  Forget about it, and live on your net earnings.  The rest is just noise.

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3 minutes ago, lifted*fox said:

 

hi mate, hope you're doing ok today

 

lemme tell you something, from my experience - the car, the mortgage - don't put all your happiness eggs in those baskets - 

 

i'm 33 - I've got those things now, I worked hard from leaving school at 18. saved, saved, worked, worked, etc. having those things is nice, absolutely - BUT I regret not taking more time to travel.

 

15 years of hard work, promotions, saving, etc. yes - it's put me in a nice position but it's also broken me a little bit as well. I got all that stuff and realised I missed out on some other things that would have made me happy too.

 

I'm still supremely jealous my best mate chose to take a year to travel - he saw the world, got inspired, came back and started a company and he's now got all the material stuff I've got anyway. it's just stuff.

 

the world is small dude and it's getting smaller and it's going to get harder to travel.

 

eventually you'll get married and your wife (or husband) will want kids to go with the house and the car. don't get to that stage wishing you'd seen more of the world before settling down. it's scary.

 

your student loan repayments will wait. there's no time limit on that and they will only take it when you start earning enough regularly. my wife has student loan debt and they take it as a small amount from her pay each month - she barely notices. 

 

I'm not saying be irresponsible - but you can find a way to do the things you DREAM about doing first. the rest can always fall into place later.

 

one of my best friends died at 29 and he squeezed so much into that time - I'm now trying to catch up in his honour - I've just quit my job and I'm taking 6 months to travel and sort my life out before starting a business.

 

I hope the above makes some sense and helps you find some positivity - you're here once dude - don't waste that time wishing you were doing things differently. just go for it. get on it. you can do anything you want. 

 

 

Good advice - I was literally about to reply rent out the house and see the world!  And you are, good decision!

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20 hours ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

My health (or lack of) is really getting me down, and there's nothing I can do about it.

 

The frustration of not being 'normal' is constantly gnawing away at me and it's wearing me down.

 

Most night's I'm up needing the loo and I never get a proper nights kip. I had a crazy early start and important meeting in London this morning on the back of next to no sleep, and I could hardly function. If I'm ever out of the house for long periods of time, I practically have to starve myself to avoid constant toilet trips. This in turn gives me no energy and then I nearly fall asleep driving because I'm so tired.

 

I try to do the right things. Joining the gym has helped and so has cutting out the drink, but I'll never be normal. The injections I give myself for my Crohn's disease leave me lethargic and I'm constantly dosed up full of codeine to slow my system down. The pisser is that I'm been on anti-depressants in the past and had tons of therapy and I understand myself and my thoughts very well. It's not really a mental illness but my physical restrictions make it mentally draining (if that makes sense?)

 

I constantly tell myself I'm lucky to be alive and to be grateful for what I've got. My original surgery in '04 was an emergency procedure to remove my large intestine as it was so ulcerated it would have perforated and killed me. Since then I've had to make many adjustments but I just wish I could turn the clock back and be normal like everyone else.

 

I don't need advice or sympathy and I don't even know why I'm posting this. I'm just so fvcking angry and frustrated that I can't live a normal life. I can't explain how depressing it is that my life revolves around where the nearest WC is and it's constantly on my mind every minute of the day. The only thing that keeps me going is my kids and my constant admiration for those who are severely disabled and still find the courage to lead a happy life. There's always someone worse off than us I guess...

 

I really envy those of you who have your full health and can live a normal life. Never ever take it for granted..

Reading this Izzy I almost sense because you see people who've got more obvious illnesses or disabilities you feel frustrated that you think you're letting yours get to you so much, and affecting your mood. Don't be so hard on yourself. Having a condition that can just spring itself on you at any given moment is extremely frustrating. I suffered from migraines for years, until I finally found medication a couple of years ago. In the same way as you, I'd lose confidence just to go about my normal day. I never knew when an attack would come on.

 

Don't beat yourself up that it's getting to you, it'd get to anyone, be proud of yourself that you are where you are, with your own business, a family, and that you seem like a top bloke who has time for anyone and despite your troubles always help others with theirs.

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2 hours ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

What a lovely post mate, you’re an absolute legend of this thread. 

I’ve spent the last 15 years trying to accept my condition and it’s tough. Good days and bad days and yesterday was definitely a bad day. 

Really appreciate your response mate, you’re a diamond Crinkly. 

Bloody love this thread sometimes.  

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39 minutes ago, Jon the Hat said:

Repeat after me (I am serious)  THIS IS NOT A DEBT.  THIS IS NOT A DEBT.  THIS IS NOT A DEBT.

Then file the bit of paper in the bin.

 

Seriously, the last thing you need worry about is this crap.  This is like adding up all your future income tax bills and worrying about i!  It only happens if you are doing well.  Forget about it, and live on your net earnings.  The rest is just noise.

@Shane I wish I could have said this. I used to worry about my student loan too, but after I realised it means nothing I now find their little letters adorable before I shred them while laughing. Seriously. You don’t have to pay it back right away and they won’t chase you around for it. (I once got a letter sent to me when I was living in New Zealand asking very feebly if I’d left the country; though it was forwarded to me by my mum. Pissed myself laughing). 

 

Martin Lewis is a crusader on this so he’s probably the best place to look. https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/students/student-loans-tuition-fees-changes/

 

Hope this helps. 

 

If I were you I’d split some of what you’ve saved and go travelling. Travel enriches the soul after all. 

Edited by urban.spaceman
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Re Student loans, like others have said it isn’t actually an enforceable debt in the way of you owed £40k on a personal loan would be and therefore I honestly wouldn’t worry about that in the slightest mate. It’s literally a figure written on a piece of paper that you probably will never pay back.

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16 hours ago, HighPeakFox said:

Nothing like tiredness, ennui and the match thread in combination to get me down. The short-termism, unpleasantness and anger on show make me despair at times.

 

 

Didn't really used to look at it often but it's appalling at times. Real 'laugh a month' stuff from some posters.

Edited by Max Wall
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9 hours ago, lifted*fox said:

 

hi mate, hope you're doing ok today

 

lemme tell you something, from my experience - the car, the mortgage - don't put all your happiness eggs in those baskets

 

i'm 33 - I've got those things now, I worked hard from leaving school at 18. saved, saved, worked, worked, etc. having those things is nice, absolutely - BUT I regret not taking more time to travel.

 

15 years of hard work, promotions, saving, etc. yes - it's put me in a nice position but it's also broken me a little bit as well. I got all that stuff and realised I missed out on some other things that would have made me happy too.

 

I'm still supremely jealous my best mate chose to take a year to travel - he saw the world, got inspired, came back and started a company and he's now got all the material stuff I've got anyway. it's just stuff.

 

the world is small dude and it's getting smaller and it's going to get harder to travel.

 

eventually you'll get married and your wife (or husband) will want kids to go with the house and the car. don't get to that stage wishing you'd seen more of the world before settling down. it's scary.

 

your student loan repayments will wait. there's no time limit on that and they will only take it when you start earning enough regularly. my wife has student loan debt and they take it as a small amount from her pay each month - she barely notices. 

 

I'm not saying be irresponsible - but you can find a way to do the things you DREAM about doing first. the rest can always fall into place later.

 

one of my best friends died at 29 and he squeezed so much into that time - I'm now trying to catch up in his honour - I've just quit my job and I'm taking 6 months to travel and sort my life out before starting a business.

 

I hope the above makes some sense and helps you find some positivity - you're here once dude - don't waste that time wishing you were doing things differently. just go for it. get on it. you can do anything you want. 

 

 

 

 

Where you going Lifted?

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9 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you each of you once again. Your replies had me in tears on what turned out to be a really trying day. But because of you lot I feel like I have the strength tomorrow (when I meet the family) to politely turn it down. And as soon as I get up tomorrow I’ll be booking a week in Dublin. For which I can’t ****ing wait. Thanks guys. 

 

Man i ****ing love this forum. 

No worries, sounds like a plan :thumbup: stay strong if they try and talk you round!

 

And not to put you off Dublin as it's a lovely place, have you thought about heading somewhere that's a little less wet and grey at this time of year!? lol

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11 hours ago, HighPeakFox said:

Nothing like tiredness, ennui and the match thread in combination to get me down. The short-termism, unpleasantness and anger on show make me despair at times.

Only when I'm not getting enough of it am I reminded of the importance of a good night's sleep. Lavender oil in a diffuser and a little body scan meditation before bed helps me out a bit when I'm struggling.

 

Re the match thread, it's pathetic isn't it? I'm not going to poison this part of the forum by turning it into another Puel in/out debate - those who want him gone are entitled to their opinion of course and not without reason - but it's the nastiness and unbalanced nature of it that grates. I try not to bite, there's no point trying to argue.

 

Don't let the bastards grind you down!

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1 hour ago, egg_fried_rice said:

 

 

And not to put you off Dublin as it's a lovely place, have you thought about heading somewhere that's a little less wet and grey at this time of year!? lol

 

He’ll be fine as long as there’s a roof on the pub...

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5 hours ago, egg_fried_rice said:

Only when I'm not getting enough of it am I reminded of the importance of a good night's sleep. Lavender oil in a diffuser and a little body scan meditation before bed helps me out a bit when I'm struggling.

 

Re the match thread, it's pathetic isn't it? I'm not going to poison this part of the forum by turning it into another Puel in/out debate - those who want him gone are entitled to their opinion of course and not without reason - but it's the nastiness and unbalanced nature of it that grates. I try not to bite, there's no point trying to argue.

 

Don't let the bastards grind you down!

Thank you - today has been a good day for an O2 outage. It's the lack of any sense of proportion that does for me....a few of them need to come in here and be a bit more honest with themselves, I think.

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Had a bit of a rough weekend, not gonna lie.

 

Running is normally my outlet to help keep things in check, but for the last few weeks I've been injured (again) so the miles have been few and far between, which is starting to wear a bit thin now. Combined with SAD, arriving at/leaving work when its still dark, and realising that aside from running I don't really enjoy any of my 'hobbies', and the apathy is really kicking in. Even walking to the match on Saturday I couldnt be arsed and was so close to turning around and getting back on the train home. And of course it all has a knock-on effect on my anxiety, too.

 

There's a lot of little things (and some bigger things) which I feel I need to either address head on or cut out of my life right now, but it seems any time I try there's at least two more obstacles that spring up, preventing that.

 

I'll get there, eventually, I know. But I'll be damned if it ain't bloody hard work. :/

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