Depression

[broughtonblue]

On 29/09/2018 at 23:43, broughtonblue said:

From the heart, here goes..

Just over 3 years ago my grandad passed, we were so close he was like a brother, i lost my dog (my best friend, any dog owners will know what i mean) aged 15, i lost my job, and my wife left me after a 30 year relationship, leaving me with 2 lads and a mortgage all wthin 4 months.

To say i hit rock bottom is an understatement,  i drove along motorways looking for a bridge to crash into (until this point i never realised every bridge has an anti crash barrier in front of it) i spent hours driving round stoney cove looking for a way to drive into it. Then decided the best place to end it all was on some cliffs that hold some very emotional memories for me. My plan was to drink a bottle of whisky, take all my tablets i was on for anxiety and depression, then slit my wrists ( never knew the best way to do it is down the wrist and not across, as its far more difficult to stem the flow of blood that way) and drive off. Surely one of my actions would result in my death.

I drove up the cliffs to find the best place to do it, i never realised that before the barbed wire fence near the edge, the council had dug trenches to stop cars going over the edge. 

I parked my car and walked around to find the best place, in doing so climbing over the barbed wire. There were lots of little home made wooden crosses dedicated to previous suicide people from relatives. I sat there for a couple of hours contemplating, but one of the crosses had the message ... ' dad, why.? Just why?'

This struck a cord in my heavy heart that i had 2 lads that i couldnt leave. So i climbed back over the fence, got in my car and drove down to a viewing point half way down. I cried like a baby and was a total mess.

What i didnt know was that a member of the public had seen me sitting at the edge, and alerted the authorities. As i sat in my car i saw 4 police cars and 2 coastguard vans drive up the cliff road in my mirror.

I gave it half hour then drove back up to the top, parked and went over to a copper. I just said, 'are you looking for me?' He looked at me and said, given the description he had, he was. There were 5 coppers, 4 coastguard people at the top and 4 at the bottom all lookìng for me. 

I was told to sit in the back of the police car where i was interviewed,  questioned and to be fair to them, sympathetically listened to my story. I was eventually allowed to drive to a station, followed by the officers where again i was interviewed by social workers. 

After convincing them that the reason i hadnt done what i wanted to was because i couldnt make my own lads go to my funeral i was allowed to leave. I drove to my friends house, followed by police to make sure i got there. I was then sat down with the police and friends and told the social services would ring me every 2 hours to check i was ok. 

Lowest time of my life. 

3 years on im sort of ok, still have bad days where the thought of getting up out of bed is daunting, but these says are monthly rather than daily. 

What got me to where i am now is counselling,  spilling your story to a trained professional who doesnt judge was fabulous, they seem to lead you on a path that you are not aware off. 

I dont think the tablets were helping so took myself off them,  although im not advocating this for anyone else. I also tried CBT therapy but didnt get on with it. 

Just relaying this so others know there is a way back, although painful and slow. I still get to hug and kiss my kids, and i also saw us win the premier league 

..

 

Edited 6 February 2019 by broughtonblue

[HighPeakFox]

Wondering if everything is ok with you @broughtonblue 

[DANGEROUS TIGER]

19 hours ago, broughtonblue said:

..

 

I can truly understand your feelings. A living nightmare, and a lost soul. In 2005 I had a similar experience, plenty of drink and tablets, but I passed out before I could take enough. Police and ambulance, hospital, questioning etc.

 

These days I  have good and bad days, but not quite as bad as they once were, although I sometimes get bad thoughts.

 

I wish you well, and hope that things get better for you. Kids are there to be loved, and I'm sure they love and need you.

 

 

 

[urban.spaceman]

On 06/02/2019 at 00:25, broughtonblue said:

..

 

Hope you’re feeling better mate. We’re all here for you if you need a chat. 

[urban.spaceman]

On a bit of a downward depressive cycle at the minute. Even worse I’ve got a couple of job application deadlines this week and it’s not so easy to talk positively about yourself for 500 words when you can’t even think positively. Trying to break the vicious circle!

[HighPeakFox]

10 minutes ago, urban.spaceman said:

On a bit of a downward depressive cycle at the minute. Even worse I’ve got a couple of job application deadlines this week and it’s not so easy to talk positively about yourself for 500 words when you can’t even think positively. Trying to break the vicious circle!

Avoid all Puel-related topics. Get some fresh air. Find one positive thing to write about yourself and start there.

[Lionator]

2 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

On a bit of a downward depressive cycle at the minute. Even worse I’ve got a couple of job application deadlines this week and it’s not so easy to talk positively about yourself for 500 words when you can’t even think positively. Trying to break the vicious circle!

Remember it's a 'cycle', so you already know that you'll come out the other side of it! Your job applications are probably adding to the stress which is making it worse. Make sure you do what works for you and you'll be back before you know it! 

[urban.spaceman]

On 24/02/2019 at 14:53, HighPeakFox said:

Avoid all Puel-related topics. Get some fresh air. Find one positive thing to write about yourself and start there.

 

On 24/02/2019 at 17:40, Lionator said:

Remember it's a 'cycle', so you already know that you'll come out the other side of it! Your job applications are probably adding to the stress which is making it worse. Make sure you do what works for you and you'll be back before you know it! 

Cheers guys, I finally managed to do the thing. I would never have managed it if it was Saturday / Sunday deadline. Feeling much more positive now especially thanks to developments at the KP. You could say I’ve been bhoyed. 

[Lionator]

2 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

 

Cheers guys, I finally managed to do the thing. I would never have managed it if it was Saturday / Sunday deadline. Feeling much more positive now especially thanks to developments at the KP. You could say I’ve been bhoyed. 

Nice one! I'm happy to oblige. You have the tools to manage this beast and it'll come and go, especially when you go through a stressful patch (which everybody has). But you've done good, you should be proud. 

[egg_fried_rice]

15 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

 

Cheers guys, I finally managed to do the thing. I would never have managed it if it was Saturday / Sunday deadline. Feeling much more positive now especially thanks to developments at the KP. You could say I’ve been bhoyed. 

Glad to hear it mate.

 

I thought I'd share an image of the poster which is now hanging in my lounge. It was originally made in reference to turbulent political times, but it really helps as a reminder on my lower days that I won't continue feeling like that forever. A nice little mantra, so to speak.

 

[HybridFox]

bit of a relapse this weekend. so much so that I gave up my ticket for today's game. feel like s*** right now, regretting it. but I don't know just didn't have the energy

[spacemunky]

2 hours ago, TK95 said:

bit of a relapse this weekend. so much so that I gave up my ticket for today's game. feel like s*** right now, regretting it. but I don't know just didn't have the energy

That's the trap. I've missed a lot of weekends by hiding away because that was the easiest thing for me to do. 

 

This morning I was going to go out and grab a coffee and a doughnut at the half, but got in that state where I make excuses to myself why I don't have to.

 

So, end of the match I went out. Not really a big trip or anything, but it gets me out in the fresh(aka cold) air and I feel better for the day. 

 

Didn't really need the doughnut, but it was f'n good!

[Jattdogg]

23 minutes ago, spacemunky said:

That's the trap. I've missed a lot of weekends by hiding away because that was the easiest thing for me to do. 

 

This morning I was going to go out and grab a coffee and a doughnut at the half, but got in that state where I make excuses to myself why I don't have to.

 

So, end of the match I went out. Not really a big trip or anything, but it gets me out in the fresh(aka cold) air and I feel better for the day. 

 

Didn't really need the doughnut, but it was f'n good!

Timmies coffee and a boston cream?

[spacemunky]

18 minutes ago, Jattdogg said:

Timmies coffee and a boston cream?

You flying your drone down here again Jatt?

 

Nailed it!

[Jattdogg]

2 hours ago, spacemunky said:

You flying your drone down here again Jatt?

 

Nailed it!

Lol its a Boston cream kind of doughnut day

[Wymsey]

An insight from Oldham Athletic striker Jose Baxter, regarding his battles with depression and drugs. Fair play to him for being so open about it.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/47394200

[ozleicester]

Not sure this will help all, many or any, but a very very interesting book with some (i thought) useful info at the end.

 

The first three chapters are particularly dry...but was well worth it.

 

[urban.spaceman]

Tomorrow will be better. 

[PloTok]

I've been reading a ctb forum of late (if you don't know, don't ask, search it) It's been very sobering and diminished my interest. Almost recommended. Life might be hard at times but I'm not packing it in just yet.

[Costock_Fox]

On 06/03/2019 at 03:22, urban.spaceman said:

Tomorrow will be better. 

Hope it has been mate.

[Leicesterpool]

Difficult period for me at the moment health wise, for the last three weeks or more I have been suffering dizziness weakness and feeling that I'm going to go down all the time along with a lot of panic attacks. Also I'm epileptic which is another thing I have to be wary of. A bit concerned at the moment been reading up of symptoms which I've been getting which turn out to be very serious, seen two doctors first doctor kind of just said it was my age and height, due to fact I'm 6ft and just said drink plenty of water... I mean sorry I know other people who are taller than me and my sort of age who don't get this. So about week later I've seen another Doctor who is really took seriously. She reckons it's likely vertigo and suffering from anxiety aswell, however she recommend me to go for a blood test which I did today. But as I say been researching a lot lately, just really concerned at the moment. Of course this all turn my life upside down, struggling to go out and enjoy stuff which I enjoy including of course going to footy, went York a couple weeks back that was a struggle coming back, never felt so weak and ill in ages, how managed to get home from that. I actually thought I was going to end in a hospital in York. Of course been trying to carry on but it's difficult been going to work which is hard and there's a lot of pressure at the moment, so not getting a proper rest. 

 

Going back to Leicester saturday, this is first time I'm going to King Power while I've going through this dodgy patch. At the moment I just want things to get back to normal.

Edited 7 March 2019 by Leicesterpool

[Costock_Fox]

21 minutes ago, Leicesterpool said:

Difficult period for me at the moment health wise, for the last three weeks or more I have been suffering dizziness weakness and feeling that I'm going to go down all the time along with a lot of panic attacks. Also I'm epileptic which is another thing I have to be wary of. A bit concerned at the moment been reading up of symptoms which I've been getting which turn out to be very serious, seen two doctors first doctor kind of just said it was my age and height, due to fact I'm 6ft and just said drink plenty of water... I mean sorry I know other people who are taller than me and my sort of age who don't get this. So about week later I've seen another Doctor who is really took seriously. She reckons it's likely vertigo and suffering from anxiety aswell, however she recommend me to go for a blood test which I did today. But as I say been researching a lot lately, just really concerned at the moment. Of course this all turn my life upside down, struggling to go out and enjoy stuff which I enjoy including of course going to footy, went York a couple weeks back that was a struggle coming back, never felt so weak and ill in ages, how managed to get home from that. I actually thought I was going to end in a hospital in York. Of course been trying to carry on but it's difficult been going to work which is hard and there's a lot of pressure at the moment, so not getting a proper rest. 

 

Going back to Leicester saturday, this is first time I'm going to King Power while I've going through this dodgy patch. At the moment I just want things to get back to normal.

Sorry to hear that and hopefully the blood tests come back all clear. 

[Pinkman]

Never really come on here anymore, but have been trawling through this thread that I started over three years ago now.

 

Had my own difficulties mentally over the last couple of years, but I'm still alive and kicking! Think generally I'm very hard on myself but I can honestly say I feel v proud that I started this thread up in the first place. I think it's amazing how a football forum like this has allowed so many people to share their stories involving mental health, and in the process allowed others to provide advice and support.

 

I'll leave you all with this... 

 

"I have endured pain and loss, I have felt broken, I have known hardship, and I have felt lost and alone. But here I stand, trying to move forward, one day at a time. I will remember the lessons in my life because they are making me who I am. Stronger. A warrior.”

 

 

[Crinklyfox]

11 hours ago, Pinkman said:

Never really come on here anymore, but have been trawling through this thread that I started over three years ago now.

 

Had my own difficulties mentally over the last couple of years, but I'm still alive and kicking! Think generally I'm very hard on myself but I can honestly say I feel v proud that I started this thread up in the first place. I think it's amazing how a football forum like this has allowed so many people to share their stories involving mental health, and in the process allowed others to provide advice and support.

 

I'll leave you all with this... 

 

"I have endured pain and loss, I have felt broken, I have known hardship, and I have felt lost and alone. But here I stand, trying to move forward, one day at a time. I will remember the lessons in my life because they are making me who I am. Stronger. A warrior.”

 

 

Your courage started the best thread on FT.  Who knows how many have been helped by this thread - if it was only one then it was worthwhile but I think its a lot.  I read it even when I don't feel the need for personal support to contribute and get inspiration from the many great people who post here.  Consider yourself a star.

[Buce]

Ketamine-related drug could be ‘watershed’ in treating depression

 

Experts are cautiously optimistic a drug related to ketamine, recently approved by the US Food and Drug Administration, could be a “watershed” moment in the treatment of depression, and one of the first drugs to be a “rapid-acting” medicine to treat the chronic disease.

The drug, called esketamine, will be sold under the brand name Spravato, and was approved to treat people with depression who don’t respond to traditional psychiatric drugs.

“For a long time, all our standard antidepressants have been ‘me too’ drugs,” said Dr Walter S Dunn, a professor of psychiatry at the University of California Los Angeles, and a member of the FDA advisory committee which recommended the drug be approved.

 

“As much as the companies like to say our drug is better than the next, they were pretty much all the same,” said Dunn, referring to brand name drugs which work on similar pathways in the brain, such as selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors like Prozac.

The newly approved drug builds on years of research into ketamine as a treatment for major depression. Ketamine has long been seen as a safe drug for anesthesia, and has recently developed as a treatment for depression.

“All the medicines have been operating under the same mechanisms so it was time to explore some of these other compounds that, yes, have been associated with recreation and abuse as potential pathways or compounds to treat depression,” said Dunn.

The drug’s approval, while greeted favorably within the psychiatry community, has raised a host of new questions about accessibility for US patients.

How would the new treatment work?

Psychiatrists such as Dunn believe the drug could be the first in a class of so-called rapid acting depression treatments, because their effects would be felt within hours or days, not weeks like traditional depression treatments.

Although the mechanism at work in the brain is not clearly understood, ketamine, which is typically used as an anesthetic, has been used in clinics intravenously to treat depression since the early 2000s. However, it still has the potential for abuse, once known as a party drug nicknamed Special K, since it can cause what psychiatrists call a “dissociative” or out-of-body experience.

For that reason, patients will not be able to take the drug home. Esketamine will have to be administered in an approved clinic, and patients will be required to stay there for at least two hours, and not allowed to drive until after a night of rest. The FDA advisory committee hopes this will also prevent the drug from entering the black market.

Will it be widely available?

There are a number of possible barriers to widespread use of the drug, including the need for it to be administered in a clinical setting. Patients will need to stay at a clinic for two hours, twice a week, with possible boosters of the drug.

The time commitment could be a logistical challenge for doctors and patients alike, who would need to set aside a significant amount of time to be treated. As well, it’s unclear how widely insurance companies will cover the drug, which is expensive at between $4,720 and $6,785 in the first month.

While studies for esketamine included patients who did not respond to two traditional antidepressant treatments, it’s possible insurance companies could further restrict the group of people who have payment approved for the drug. For example, they could require patients fail to respond to four traditional antidepressants.

If ketamine is generic, why not use that?

Economics thwarted ketamine’s widespread use. Without an FDA-approved use for ketamine as a depression treatment, insurance companies did not cover the drug. And because it had long been generic, drug companies did not see it as a way to make money, and did not fund the clinical trials necessary to have it approved specifically to treat depression.

Therefore, without any drug companies applying to sell the drug, it was relegated to a relatively small number of clinics running cash operations, and delivering ketamine intravenously.

However, Dunn said it is possible ketamine could become a more broadly accepted treatment for depression because of the approval of esketamine. Doctors may see data about esketamine, and work with compounding pharmacies to make a ketamine nasal spray much like the delivery system for esketamine developed by Janssen Pharmaceuticals, an arm of Johnson & Johnson, Dunn said.

What does this mean for the treatment of depression?

With other new rapid-acting drugs to treat depression in development, Dunn believes esketamine could be seen as paving the way for a new class of drugs for depression treatment.

“This is really the first, and there are several in various phases of development, and over the next couple years you will see more coming out on the market,” said Dunn.

The biggest challenge psychiatrists will face, Dunn said, is much the same as the one they face now: keeping patients in treatment.

“The challenge we’ve all faced in psychiatry is keeping people on their medications,” he said. “Patients have gotten better, they don’t have symptoms anymore, so why take the medication?”

“The more barriers, or difficult it is to take a medication in the maintenance period, the less likely they’re going to take it,” he said. “The barrier is going to be coming in, taking two hours out of your day. That we might see as more of a problem.”