Depression

[stripeyfox]

8 hours ago, lifted*fox said:

Travelled, saw amazing things, met an amazing person. ****ed up. Got insane amounts of valium and xanax in Cambodia, using them to numb everything. Literally couldn't give a **** if I wake up tomorrow. What a mess.

oh man. Not nice to read. Really feel for you buddy. I don't have any wise words to add, only to underline what the others say. You are valued and please come back this morning and tell us. No one will judge and everyone will try to help.

 

 

[Izzy]

8 hours ago, lifted*fox said:

Travelled, saw amazing things, met an amazing person. ****ed up. Got insane amounts of valium and xanax in Cambodia, using them to numb everything. Literally couldn't give a **** if I wake up tomorrow. What a mess.

Don’t you fvckin dare give up Daz.

 

Remember, I know where you live so if we don’t hear from you by midday I’m coming round your house to smash your front door down 

 

You’ve got through bad shit before and you’ll get through it again. I know that deep down you love life and all it’s beauty and your journey has only just begun.

 

We’re meeting up again soon whether you like it or not mate 

 

[Buce]

9 hours ago, lifted*fox said:

Travelled, saw amazing things, met an amazing person. ****ed up. Got insane amounts of valium and xanax in Cambodia, using them to numb everything. Literally couldn't give a **** if I wake up tomorrow. What a mess.

 

Hang in there, mate.

[lifted*fox]

Hi guys, thanks for the kind words. 

 

I keep waking up, it's OK. I can't really elaborate on my story but might PM one or two at some point. 

 

I'm going running today to pull myself out of the shit. I've picked up somewhat of a prescription drug problem and its not helping.

 

Need a clear head, got some tough times and rough decisions to make. 

 

****ing life isn't easy eh. 

[HighPeakFox]

13 minutes ago, lifted*fox said:

Hi guys, thanks for the kind words. 

 

I keep waking up, it's OK. I can't really elaborate on my story but might PM one or two at some point. 

 

I'm going running today to pull myself out of the shit. I've picked up somewhat of a prescription drug problem and its not helping.

 

Need a clear head, got some tough times and rough decisions to make. 

 

****ing life isn't easy eh. 

Keep on keeping on. 

[stripeyfox]

3 minutes ago, lifted*fox said:

Hi guys, thanks for the kind words. 

 

I keep waking up, it's OK. I can't really elaborate on my story but might PM one or two at some point. 

 

I'm going running today to pull myself out of the shit. I've picked up somewhat of a prescription drug problem and its not helping.

 

Need a clear head, got some tough times and rough decisions to make. 

 

****ing life isn't easy eh. 

no it's not mate. And now you've got Izzy coming round to kick your door down as well...

[Crinklyfox]

18 hours ago, egg_fried_rice said:

I wonder if anyone has any insight on this.

 

I know intellectually/conceptually that I cannot control how other people feel. But to me it seems unarguable that your words and actions have an effect on other people. Now normally this is fine when it comes to strangers, colleagues, even friends. I know my boundaries and can uphold them pretty well without much fear of upsetting others. I don't go about trying to be an arsehole so if I say something that upsets - well, that's regrettable, but there isn't much I can do about it.

 

But when it comes to prospective partners, I find it much more difficult. The fact that I can influence things for the worse, and even for the better feels like a great deal of responsibility - especially if that person also experiences many of the issues mentioned in this thread. This,combined with an occasionally overwhelming feeling of compassion and empathy for the traumatic experiences of that person, and the other strong emotions you feel when exploring romantic interests (fnarr fnarr), makes my mind feel like a confusing, mushy mess. How much of my interest relates to making the other person feel good? How much of my interest relates to their character () and personality? What am I getting out of this relationship? I can't seem to separate these, and many other, questions.

 

At times, I get lost in all that worry and concern. More so than from any other sort of trigger. I might meditate for a bit and settle my mind, but it soon pops back in with a vengeance. It feels inescapable. Typing this out, it appears like I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself but quite honestly I don't know how to alleviate myself of that. You might ask why I feel such responsibility for others - truthfully I'm not really sure, but I think if we can make the lives of those we hold dearest a little more pleasant and easeful, then shouldn't we at least try?

We all have the potential to influence by our words and our actions; similarly, the words and actions of others can influence us.  

 

When it comes to our nearest and dearest (including those whom we may want to become our nearest and dearest) the stakes are raised.  What we say and do and what they say and do has more effect on our lives, hence we can feel a heightened sense of anxiety when broaching 'difficult' matters with those people.  This is a natural reaction and not one that is associated with any mental condition in my view.  For example, if a total stranger calls me an idiot I can laugh it off - I have built up no respect for them and they mean nothing to me.  However if this comes from one of my children it's like a stake to the heart - I love them and would do anything to preserve their well being.  And the reverse applies, it's easier for me to give insult to a stranger than those I love.

 

I'm sure that the worry you feel is concerning you but so far as I can tell it's a natural reaction to caring for someone.  And your desire to support those whom you care for does you credit.

 

 

[Buce]

1 hour ago, stripeyfox said:

no it's not mate. And now you've got Izzy coming round to kick your door down as well...

 

It could have been worse - at least he only threatened to smash his front door in...

[Strokes]

1 hour ago, lifted*fox said:

 

****ing life isn't easy eh. 

It ain’t easy daz.

Just remember you are not alone pal, anytime you want to chat, we are all here, hit me anytime with a pm. Stay safe.

[BenTheFox]

I've contacted them myself recently. They helped me a lot.

https://www.samaritans.org/

[gw_leics772]

4 hours ago, Crinklyfox said:

We all have the potential to influence by our words and our actions; similarly, the words and actions of others can influence us.  

 

When it comes to our nearest and dearest (including those whom we may want to become our nearest and dearest) the stakes are raised.  What we say and do and what they say and do has more effect on our lives, hence we can feel a heightened sense of anxiety when broaching 'difficult' matters with those people.  This is a natural reaction and not one that is associated with any mental condition in my view.  For example, if a total stranger calls me an idiot I can laugh it off - I have built up no respect for them and they mean nothing to me.  However if this comes from one of my children it's like a stake to the heart - I love them and would do anything to preserve their well being.  And the reverse applies, it's easier for me to give insult to a stranger than those I love.

 

I'm sure that the worry you feel is concerning you but so far as I can tell it's a natural reaction to caring for someone.  And your desire to support those whom you care for does you credit.

 

 

@egg_fried_rice, the big man here speaks sense. He is a wise old owl in this place.

 

From my own experience i think yours sounds like a mesh of your own issues and hers.

 

From personal experience, when i am at my lowest i have to look after myself and put me first. The golden rule in mental health imo.

 

However, when we are in a good place, helping others come naturally, because we know the worst and dont want anyome else to ever go through it. It is also very cathartic for ones own wellbeing.

 

This is a great trait and is a large part imo, why people in  here, fellow sufferers, are undoubtedly some of the best people on this message board, and similarly in life in general.

 

@Crinklyfox has nailed it i  terms of the "in general". My concern/angle is to look after yourself. As i say, at your worst, this will make you worse. Steer clear. But at your best - keep up the good work. It will be making a big difference just listening and trying to help. Just try not to overthink it and give another thing for you to worry about. You're doing s good thing. You're not stupid so wont be amoing amything worse.

 

And finally, @lifted*fox good work offloading on here. Its what its here for and no doubt the supportive messages will have lifted you anyway.

 

You already know it anyway, but sometimes we just need someone else to say it once in a while to puck us back up. Keep on going you winner. Shit happens. We just feel it more than others.

[lifted*fox]

I literally realised I can't live the normal 9-5 any more. I can't have kids, I'm terrified of every day being the same here for another 35 years. 

 

I'm literally about to give everything up, everything I worked for, a wife who I love to bits but wants a different life to me and we've grown apart. 

 

I'm so confused and it's ****ed up because she understands me and how lost I am and isn't angry at me. I don't get any of it. 

 

All I know is I lost close friends, realised life is short and I was meant to be somewhere else in the world and at 34 I'm literally about to throw everything up in the air to try and get there. 

 

I'm absolutely ****ing terrified. 

 

What the **** am I doing? 

[lifted*fox]

Also, thanks to whichever mod (probs @Mark) who unbanned me from General Chat just when I needed it. Thank you. 

[Strokes]

3 minutes ago, lifted*fox said:

I literally realised I can't live the normal 9-5 any more. I can't have kids, I'm terrified of every day being the same here for another 35 years. 

 

I'm literally about to give everything up, everything I worked for, a wife who I love to bits but wants a different life to me and we've grown apart. 

 

I'm so confused and it's ****ed up because she understands me and how lost I am and isn't angry at me. I don't get any of it. 

 

All I know is I lost close friends, realised life is short and I was meant to be somewhere else in the world and at 34 I'm literally about to throw everything up in the air to try and get there. 

 

I'm absolutely ****ing terrified. 

 

What the **** am I doing? 

There is nothing you can destroy that can’t be rebuilt, go for it, most of it will still be here if you ever want to return. 

Ive said it on here before but it’s the things you don’t do that you end up regretting the most.

[Buce]

26 minutes ago, lifted*fox said:

I literally realised I can't live the normal 9-5 any more. I can't have kids, I'm terrified of every day being the same here for another 35 years. 

 

I'm literally about to give everything up, everything I worked for, a wife who I love to bits but wants a different life to me and we've grown apart. 

 

I'm so confused and it's ****ed up because she understands me and how lost I am and isn't angry at me. I don't get any of it. 

 

All I know is I lost close friends, realised life is short and I was meant to be somewhere else in the world and at 34 I'm literally about to throw everything up in the air to try and get there. 

 

I'm absolutely ****ing terrified. 

 

What the **** am I doing? 

 

Hey, Daz.

 

Obviously, I don't know what you're going through, mate, but if I've learned one thing about living with depression, it's never quit on a bad day; decisions taken while in mental crisis - especially if you're also fvcked up with drugs - are often not reliable ones. My advice, for what it's worth, is to take a step back, get yourself straight and revisit your thoughts in a calmer manner.

 

Message me if you want to chat, bro.

[stripeyfox]

48 minutes ago, lifted*fox said:

I literally realised I can't live the normal 9-5 any more. I can't have kids, I'm terrified of every day being the same here for another 35 years. 

 

I'm literally about to give everything up, everything I worked for, a wife who I love to bits but wants a different life to me and we've grown apart. 

 

I'm so confused and it's ****ed up because she understands me and how lost I am and isn't angry at me. I don't get any of it. 

 

All I know is I lost close friends, realised life is short and I was meant to be somewhere else in the world and at 34 I'm literally about to throw everything up in the air to try and get there. 

 

I'm absolutely ****ing terrified. 

 

What the **** am I doing? 

I feel for you mate. I don't know you and it's hard to form an opinion on the "right" thing to do based on a few lines describing the situation. Buce and Strokes have already given good advice. I wish I had some pearls of wisdom for you like them!

 

What I do know is this is the right place. If I needed help (and I have done in the past), it is here that I would (and have) reached out for help.

 

We're all here for you mate.

 

 

[ajthefox]

You're stronger than you think, @lifted*fox. Take a few deep breaths and keep going pal.

[Suzie the Fox]

3 hours ago, lifted*fox said:

I literally realised I can't live the normal 9-5 any more. I can't have kids, I'm terrified of every day being the same here for another 35 years. 

 

I'm literally about to give everything up, everything I worked for, a wife who I love to bits but wants a different life to me and we've grown apart. 

 

I'm so confused and it's ****ed up because she understands me and how lost I am and isn't angry at me. I don't get any of it. 

 

All I know is I lost close friends, realised life is short and I was meant to be somewhere else in the world and at 34 I'm literally about to throw everything up in the air to try and get there. 

 

I'm absolutely ****ing terrified. 

 

What the **** am I doing? 

You have youth on your side hunny, at 34 you are young and can get a new life underway, albeit thats not what you want or think you want atm. The point is never give up, there are people out there that love you (your parents @Izzy) maybe me a little bit since you are a super funny guy. 

 

As bad as it is right now, tomorrow is another day and as shit as that may seem it will get better. I cannot really speak from experience like many have on this thread but i am a super good listener and if you ever want to chat, feel free to drop me a PM or send me a skype/discord. 

 

You are one of the good ones... always remember that.

[ozleicester]

5 hours ago, lifted*fox said:

I literally realised I can't live the normal 9-5 any more. I can't have kids, I'm terrified of every day being the same here for another 35 years. 

 

I'm literally about to give everything up, everything I worked for, a wife who I love to bits but wants a different life to me and we've grown apart. 

 

I'm so confused and it's ****ed up because she understands me and how lost I am and isn't angry at me. I don't get any of it. 

 

All I know is I lost close friends, realised life is short and I was meant to be somewhere else in the world and at 34 I'm literally about to throw everything up in the air to try and get there. 

 

I'm absolutely ****ing terrified. 

 

What the **** am I doing? 

Call a GP/Doc mate, do it ASAP and have a chat.

 

FT cannot afford to lose good posters!

[Manini]

Really feel like drink is getting the better of me at the moment. A reliance of having it there, and then hating every second of how it makes me and my mind feel. Wake up, and it’s the same cycle over again, telling myself not to but not having the mental substance to say no or stop myself. 

[Izzy]

11 hours ago, Manini said:

Really feel like drink is getting the better of me at the moment. A reliance of having it there, and then hating every second of how it makes me and my mind feel. Wake up, and it’s the same cycle over again, telling myself not to but not having the mental substance to say no or stop myself. 

Spent many years in this place mate, but now sober for the last 18 months.

 

Whatever I say it will sound like I'm preaching but all I know now is that I'm free and can see clearly again. Drink is getting the better of you because it's controlling you - not the other way around. 

 

If you really want to stop, there's no end of support out there - but you've got to want to. The feeling of being in control and not reliant anymore was one of the most liberating feelings ever. Alcohol is no longer part of my life and rarely crosses my mind. It's been a journey to get here but I can't ever see myself going back to it.

 

If you like reading, I've had this best seller recommended to me many times:

 

 

 

Good luck chap 

Edited 12 April 2019 by Izzy

[HybridFox]

Anyone else feel really suffocated at home sometimes because your whole family seems to be on your case 24/7 for something or the other?

 

It's not recent, it's been happening for years. But with the pressures at work and my general health being really poor lately, I honestly just want some time to myself to rest my conscience and be at peace.

 

It's a shame that I feel like I have to actually go out to get it, or hope on the rare occasion that I'm home alone. But no way near is this regular enough.

 

I am a family man but I'm worried one day I am going to literally snap because I'm on edge all the time.

 

I appreciate the support of people around me but there has to be an element of independence to allow yourself to make your own decisions. At the moment, I don't feel I have that 

[ozleicester]

40 minutes ago, TK95 said:

Anyone else feel really suffocated at home sometimes because your whole family seems to be on your case 24/7 for something or the other?

 

It's not recent, it's been happening for years. But with the pressures at work and my general health being really poor lately, I honestly just want some time to myself to rest my conscience and be at peace.

 

It's a shame that I feel like I have to actually go out to get it, or hope on the rare occasion that I'm home alone. But no way near is this regular enough.

 

I am a family man but I'm worried one day I am going to literally snap because I'm on edge all the time.

 

I appreciate the support of people around me but there has to be an element of independence to allow yourself to make your own decisions. At the moment, I don't feel I have that 

Hey mate, the pressure of being everything can really get too much. 

I can only suggest that you speak to a GP, they can help you put together a plan to manage it, help you find ways to get some "me time" without destroying things, talking is a great first step

[urban.spaceman]

21 hours ago, Manini said:

Really feel like drink is getting the better of me at the moment. A reliance of having it there, and then hating every second of how it makes me and my mind feel. Wake up, and it’s the same cycle over again, telling myself not to but not having the mental substance to say no or stop myself. 

I’ve been there. After I moved back to my parents and was jobless, my dad (meaning well) took up home brewing (but shit home brewing, from Wilkos) so that we could share a beer or two together, have it always available and not have to buy any in. Stupidest thing ever. It’s utterly vile stuff. But it was there. And in very large quantities. So when I was down (this coincided with two bereavements both of which were long terminal illnesses) I would have some alcohol freely available to numb the pain.

 

So I’d drink practically most nights. 4 or 5 nights a week. And then have the worst hangovers the next day that only a Burger King would solve. This went on for more than a year. And I gained 7 stone. I knew what I was doing. I knew it was stupid. I knew I was making my life worse. But the alcohol numbed the pain of losing two family members. My dad is a well meaning idiot so never noticed what I was doing to myself, and kept supply up with the demand. 

 

Eventually I came to a point where I had to make a decision regarding my relationship with alcohol. Either carry on and soon be forced by family to declare myself an addict and never be allowed near alcohol, or take control of it. I don’t consider myself an addict but I do tend to go through addictive periods - I’ve had a bit of a gambling problem before but am still able to have a bet or two (I won £100 with the sacking of Puel and hiring of Rodgers!!)

 

So I decided to take control - I want to be able to have a quiet pint with friends, or go clubbing occasionally, or sample whiskeys. The trick is finding that strength to say no to yourself and knowing when to stop. The garage is still stocked full of my dads disgusting home brew, which I haven’t touched for over a year. There’s a bottle of Balvenie behind me but I know I’m not going to open it for a while. 

 

Take control. 

Edited 12 April 2019 by urban.spaceman

[lifted*fox]

Urm, I got people on here PMing me all sorts of love and I can only thank you for it. It means a lot. I'm ok and when I get time to reply back properly to you all I will. 

 

Thank you x