Anxiety

[Russell sprout]

Evening/morning folks,

my wife suffered with acid reflux around 6 months ago,this has led to severe anxiety issues,she goes doctors everyday with something wrong wiv her,even hospital 2-3 times a month,it can be 3am and she'll wake me up wanting to go hospital,I'm phissically and emotionionaly exhausted,we have 2 children and my 9 year old knows what's going on,

im doing my best in trying to keep things together but it's really hard,I feel it's mostly in her head caused by the anxiety?

but she's adamant she's in pain,yet she's blows hot and cold,she can say she's in pain then be laughing in hospital,

any advise would be much appreciated,

and please no piss taking comments,mental illness is a serious issue and I want constructive help/advise in this difficult time,

thankyou

[Tuna]

Its a difficult subject to approach, but if you genuinely feel its all in her mind, the only way to get over this is to have a frank discussion about it and get an appointment with the GP to discuss some medication for the anxiety.

 

Constant worrying about every ache and pain will cause the symptoms to worsen, and she needs reassurance from the doctors/hospital which would explain why she feels better when there and why she wants to go to the hospital or surgery every time she feels ill.

 

Once a professional diagnoses an anxiety disorder or depression and prescribes some medication, she should get over it.

 

 

[Wymsey]

You've done the right thing about a sensitive issue that appears to be at some tipping point so +1 for speaking out.

 

Like above, seeing the GP is highly certainly the best way to go around the problem - as some prefer medication to better survive through these problems mentally, CBT could possibly be best option (based on how your partner feels); but there's plenty of other related support, though your partner may have to wait months to get the best suitable treatment via NHS.

[Russell sprout]

I didn't mention but she came out of hospital on Wednesday and they found nothing,then are gp rang and said it was internal thrush,

so she's in the mindset that that is was this that caused all the aches and pains,and is angry that we doubted her,although I think a lot of it was in her head I find it easier to agree that the 'thrush' was the problem and apologise for doubting her,

i always knew the recovery part was going to be the hardest now that she's affectively diognosed herself was going to be the hardest part,and it's proving so,she resents me and is angry inside,I don't know how we can recover 

[Lionator]

Anxiety can literally cause any physical symptom which you can think of, it's a nightmare, acid reflux is one of them for sure. Like others have said, it seems that the best way forward would be to see the GP, get your wife to have a full physical examination and when it (almost inevitably) comes back that there's nothing wrong, you need to have a conversation. It's then all about acceptance that it is anxiety and getting the help that she needs. 

 

You can recover and if you both accept the situation, you will recover but you need to talk about it or else it's only going to get worse. Anxiety is a shitter and you're not the first to go through this and you certainly won't be the last. Keep strong!

[Russell sprout]

17 minutes ago, Lionator said:

Anxiety can literally cause any physical symptom which you can think of, it's a nightmare, acid reflux is one of them for sure. Like others have said, it seems that the best way forward would be to see the GP, get your wife to have a full physical examination and when it (almost inevitably) comes back that there's nothing wrong, you need to have a conversation. It's then all about acceptance that it is anxiety and getting the help that she needs. 

 

You can recover and if you both accept the situation, you will recover but you need to talk about it or else it's only going to get worse. Anxiety is a shitter and you're not the first to go through this and you certainly won't be the last. Keep strong!

Thanks for your post,

The problem she has is let's say her hearts pounding,she goes doctors,they give her medication and tell her to stop worrying,then she takes the tablets,sez she feels Ill,then has back ache,so goes doctors again and so on,

so she doesn't give the medication a chance and is full of all different drugs,so gets put on anti depressants,which she sez she Carnt sleep on,I tell her she needs to get it out her head and give it 2 weeks but she doesn't,

So rings 111 and they say get hospital,

and the cycle keeps repeating,

shes been better the last 2 days but I struggle to sleep thinking she'll wake me up,

so now it's affecting both of us for different reasons 

 

 

[deep blue]

Did your wife get the original problem (acid reflux) properly sorted?  I just wondered if she had any symptoms left over from that that were still giving her pain which wasn't easily explained/diagnosed.

 

It's a long shot, but i had acid reflux, out of nowhere. I have got it sorted with regular Omeprazole tablets.

 

I found out later that the most likely explanation for the sudden appearance of the condition was when i started drinking cow's milk again, having given it up 10 years previously. A friend who is very much into dietary things reckons that it is possible to have an aversion to a particular food, but you aren't aware of it if you've consumed it from birth. It only kicks in if you stop having it for a lengthy period and then start taking it again. Could your wife be suffering from something similar, or have had an allergic reaction to something?

 

If her acid reflux is still causing her to suffer, get the Doc to prescribe Omeprazole tablets, or some equivalent, if you haven't already done so.

[deep blue]

Similarly, has the internal thrush been sorted? I know a woman who suffered this regularly, until it was finally sorted, and it is a debilitating condition because it can suddenly strike for no apparent reason, is quite painful, and has a depressing effect. And it recurs, sometimes frequently, all of which is likely to leave the sufferer anxious and depressed.

[ozleicester]

Feel for you and your wife. Hidden and undiagnosable health issues in your partner are a real bastard (i know from experience). I can only suggest you find a good doctor of your own that you can talk to about your feelings and needs.

 

Its entirely possible that for the next little while, your life and routines will be completely fvcked. Your health is also important and so while it will take an enormous amount of giving on your part i believe that when things settle down, you will receive that support and benefit back 10 fold from her.

 

Good Luck, find a pro to talk with.

[Russell sprout]

Thanks for the replies,there really constructive and this is the first time I've spoke out about which hasn't helped,

my wife would stop drinking,she won't have ketchup anymore cuz she thinks that triggered the acid reflux,she's not smoked for a year and used an e cigarette,she stopped using it then blamed it on that when she started it again,she also will only have decaf tea bags now,

the hardest thing for me is staying strong,

I've not got a dad  to talk to not anyone else,and it's been great being able to talk to you all on here as I've held it all in and the stress has built up,I'm not an emotional person but behind closed doors I've not stopped crying and it's been the hardest week of my life,made worse that I'm on anti depressants meself(40mg)

 

Edit-our doctor has been brilliant,ringing her,assuring her,but like I've said to her she needs to help herself,

there no magic wand or pill,am always there for her but she needs to meet me half way

[Russell sprout]

11 minutes ago, Russell sprout said:

Thanks for the replies,there really constructive and this is the first time I've spoke out about which hasn't helped,

my wife would stop drinking,she won't have ketchup anymore cuz she thinks that triggered the acid reflux,she's not smoked for a year and used an e cigarette,she stopped using it then blamed it on that when she started it again,she also will only have decaf tea bags now,

the hardest thing for me is staying strong,

I've not got a dad  to talk to not anyone else,and it's been great being able to talk to you all on here as I've held it all in and the stress has built up,I'm not an emotional person but behind closed doors I've not stopped crying and it's been the hardest week of my life,made worse that I'm on anti depressants meself(40mg)

Cheers mate,this support and advise means a lot and it helps to know that it's a common illness and not something my wife's just picked up

[Izzy]

10 minutes ago, Russell sprout said:

Thanks for the replies,there really constructive and this is the first time I've spoke out about which hasn't helped,

my wife would stop drinking,she won't have ketchup anymore cuz she thinks that triggered the acid reflux,she's not smoked for a year and used an e cigarette,she stopped using it then blamed it on that when she started it again,she also will only have decaf tea bags now,

the hardest thing for me is staying strong,

I've not got a dad  to talk to not anyone else,and it's been great being able to talk to you all on here as I've held it all in and the stress has built up,I'm not an emotional person but behind closed doors I've not stopped crying and it's been the hardest week of my life,made worse that I'm on anti depressants meself(40mg)

You've done the right thing coming on here mate - good on ya. Having read your posts and the replies, it sounds to me like your wife's mental state is possibly contributing to her physical ailments. As others have said, professional help could be the best solution. Having previously suffered from anxiety and depression myself following a serious illness, I eventually saw a counsellor for 12 months and it changed my life for the better. I broke down in the first session but things improved over time. What I realised was it was all my thinking. I was 'catastrophising' and believing my negative thoughts to be true. But they weren't true, they were just thoughts. I got into a spiral of "what if?" thinking which made me feel physically ill, and I learnt over time that we are "living in the feeling of our thinking - 100% of the time". You can't tell someone to "stop worrying" but you can help them realise that those worrying thoughts are not always to be trusted. We can get into a habit of "making it up bad" and it makes us feel shit. If your wife can understand her thinking better and "let go" of her negative thoughts and focus on the positives instead, I'm sure she'll feel better in herself. The biggest lesson I learnt was to get grateful. If we can think about what's good in our lives and what we're grateful for, there's no room for the negative shit to get in. And most importantly, look after yourself. Your wife and kids need you more than ever right now so stay strong and make sure you've got the right support yourself. Hang in there buddy. Everything happens for a reason I believe.

[Russell sprout]

29 minutes ago, Russell sprout said:

Thanks for the replies,there really constructive and this is the first time I've spoke out about which hasn't helped,

my wife would stop drinking,she won't have ketchup anymore cuz she thinks that triggered the acid reflux,she's not smoked for a year and used an e cigarette,she stopped using it then blamed it on that when she started it again,she also will only have decaf tea bags now,

the hardest thing for me is staying strong,

I've not got a dad  to talk to not anyone else,and it's been great being able to talk to you all on here as I've held it all in and the stress has built up,I'm not an emotional person but behind closed doors I've not stopped crying and it's been the hardest week of my life,made worse that I'm on anti depressants meself(40m

Many thanks folks,

fortunetly my brother in law in gonna finance private 1-1 care for my wife,he apparently deals with footballers so it can only help,

again thankyou for your replies

[Izzy]

1 minute ago, Russell sprout said:

Many thanks folks,

fortunetly my brother in law in gonna finance private 1-1 care for my wife,he apparently deals with footballers so it can only help,

again thankyou for your replies

Great news mate. My private 1-1 sessions were about £35 per hour and it was the best money I ever spent. Good luck to you and your wife.

[Russell sprout]

Just now, Izzy Muzzett said:

Great news mate. My private 1-1 sessions were about £35 per hour and it was the best money I ever spent. Good luck to you and your wife.

Cheers pal really appreciate yours and every others advise

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

You've done the right thing coming on here mate - good on ya. Having read your posts and the replies, it sounds to me like your wife's mental state is possibly contributing to her physical ailments....

I was about to post much the same thing. Personally i spent years endlessly tackling symptoms, everything from skin conditions, to digestion, to painful joints. Realising how much mental and emotional illness contributed to physical ailments helped a lot - not entirely, but a significant amount. At any rate, a strained mindset will only make it more difficult to feel better physically.

 

There's another thread or two on here regarding depression that has some worthwhile advice (naturally, your GP trumps anything any of us say). Granted depression and anxiety are exactly the same thing, but fundamentally they both take your attention off the good things in life and have a habit of getting people stuck in a rut. It can take a long time to get out of it, and there will be slip ups along the way, but if you keep focused on the positives and commend her when you can then things will get better.

[Ross-Kemp]

Fair play for speaking out mate, it's certainly a difficult situation.

 

I think she might get more from the 121 sessions, as they will probably be a little bit more direct and she'll be more likely to take his advice / opinion a little more strongly.

 

Your health and wellbeing is just as important as your wife's and the fact you're reaching out tells me that you're clearly struggling with the situation.

 

I know it's difficult but trying to rest as much as you can and try to take it easy, especially short term (whilst she has the 121 sessions), as you need to make sure that you're there for her and the kids, but equally she needs to understand that dragging you & the kids about a silly o clock for aches and pains is probably not the best thing.

 

I would suggest sitting her down and talking to her about how you feel (tired / exhausted etc) because the likelihood is the kids probably feel the same.

 

If you need anything pal, you know where I am.

[Benguin]

Best way to deal with hypochondria is cognitive behavioural therapy however clearly she needs to accept

that it is hyperchondria and

not a genuine chronic pain etc.

[Len Finsbury]

Can't help with the anxiety but I used to suffer from acid reflux all the time until I started following the paleo diet. Cleared up almost instantly. 

[DANGEROUS TIGER]

The problem with anxiety, is that if not dealt with in the early stages, it can lead to depression, which can become even more problematical, as I have the latter. There is no easy answer to either illness, but you should perhaps see your GP without your wife, so you can fully explain her problems. You MUST also explain how it is affecting YOU, as your mental health needs to be A1. It is one of those things that can drag you down as well. I'm sorry if I sound gloomy, but I feel sure your GP can help you both, and get you both through it.

 

Good luck to you both. 

 

 

[Chester Dontlie]

My gf had similar issues your missus have few years ago and they passed after couple/few months.

 

There was a strong case of reflux first, then started having mild-to-medium intesity anxiety/panic attacks at night (although she didn't feel/look as severe to make me put her in the hospital). Additionally she felt the pain in her hands and joints, so being a born worrier and more on hypochondriac side, she started talking about having bone cancer etc and consulted various doctors. 

I thought in my gf's case it was all in the head, a neurological thing. I think it was related to a very stressful working environment she was in at the time as well as some relationship issues we had, which probably added to her stress (I was working night hours at the time so we didn't speak that much as we used to during the day). Whenever she went back home every day she just went on and on about the work and her boss, so instead of unwinding she ended winding herself up and being in tension even after the work and overthinking lots and lots of stuff (as women often do).

 

She was prescribed some anti-anxiety meds but she wasn't keen to take them in the first place (being an over-cautious, anti-drugs person). She also didn't want them to affect her job because she was a teacher. She changed her job for the one less paid but with much healthier work environment, which proved some much needed change (change is good when feeling stuck or down, people should remember that more often!) and it significantly decreased the stress. Finally the "ilness" or whatever it was, passed (and these strange pains stopped, so they were probably a neurological thing as well), just like that, after couple of moths, and her reflux became really light and easy to bear.

 

I remember the strain and feeling pretty miserable myself because of the state she was in at the time and my inability to help (and the doctors' inability as well).

IMO, very important thing is to find a person other than yourself, I mean a doctor(s) that she would trust and who would talk it over with her, just without giving her too much different drugs. I don't want to sound anti-medicine or something, just speaking from my experience, I found out that more often than not doctors tend to go a bit overboad with prescribing medicine. So it would be nice to find some doctor who isn't drug-happy and has more rational approach and can listen to the patient. 

 

As it was it was already said, behavioural therapy or perhaps even having simple psychiatrist sessions could make her more calm and controlled. She just needs to learn to control over anxieties/fears more; I know it's so easy to say, but having her talk to doctors and them working it over, should work. Fear is a bit like a big wave that comes and goes, so one just has to try and learn to withstand it and let it pass (I know easier said than done, it's so difficult to make someone you care about understand it). 

 

As others have mentioned, don't forget about yourself. Yes we men are rocks that women are supposed to lean on etc etc, but even the mightiest rock can break when the earth quakes. So when you're really down, first and foremost don't forget about friends and family and people you can talk to. Sometimes just a simple meaningless small talk can help to take your mind off things. If things get desperate, don't hesitate to consult a specialist. Just talking it over with the doctor may help you realise some things and make you feel better.

 

I honestly think you're very brave to come out with it and did the right thing posting on the forum. I think you and your family is already on the road to recovery. Stay strong mate.

 

PS: I just remembered the stress relief tool my gf had used. The doctor told her to buy one of these rubber balls that you can squeeze in your fist whenever you feel stressed. I know it sounds very silly but it actually helped her on a daily basis, she carried it close to her. Everyone needs a stress relief and it seems that in case of your wife it used to be drinking/smoking/vaping. Hopefully both of you can find some more healthy ways to relieve stress. Watching games may be pretty stressful so not exactly recommended but in case of my gf and me watching (often very silly) comedies together did help a lot. Take care!

 

(PS2 Sorry for my broken English)

[Vardinhio]

Very brave of you to speak out, it is healthy to discuss these matters and I have read some great advice in this thread.

 

I can't give you any direct advice but stay strong buddy and I'm sure you and your wife will overcome your problems

[Russell sprout]

16 minutes ago, archerm said:

Very brave of you to speak out, it is healthy to discuss these matters and I have read some great advice in this thread.

 

I can't give you any direct advice but stay strong buddy and I'm sure you and your wife will overcome your problems

Many thanks,the past few days have been a lot better,but I know not to get complacent cuz it comes and goes,but the advise on here has been helpful so thanks all.

[Russell sprout]

3 hours ago, Chester Dontlie said:

My gf had similar issues your missus have few years ago and they passed after couple/few months.

 

There was a strong case of reflux first, then started having mild-to-medium intesity anxiety/panic attacks at night (although she didn't feel/look as severe to make me put her in the hospital). Additionally she felt the pain in her hands and joints, so being a born worrier and more on hypochondriac side, she started talking about having bone cancer etc and consulted various doctors. 

I thought in my gf's case it was all in the head, a neurological thing. I think it was related to a very stressful working environment she was in at the time as well as some relationship issues we had, which probably added to her stress (I was working night hours at the time so we didn't speak that much as we used to during the day). Whenever she went back home every day she just went on and on about the work and her boss, so instead of unwinding she ended winding herself up and being in tension even after the work and overthinking lots and lots of stuff (as women often do).

 

She was prescribed some anti-anxiety meds but she wasn't keen to take them in the first place (being an over-cautious, anti-drugs person). She also didn't want them to affect her job because she was a teacher. She changed her job for the one less paid but with much healthier work environment, which proved some much needed change (change is good when feeling stuck or down, people should remember that more often!) and it significantly decreased the stress. Finally the "ilness" or whatever it was, passed (and these strange pains stopped, so they were probably a neurological thing as well), just like that, after couple of moths, and her reflux became really light and easy to bear.

 

I remember the strain and feeling pretty miserable myself because of the state she was in at the time and my inability to help (and the doctors' inability as well).

IMO, very important thing is to find a person other than yourself, I mean a doctor(s) that she would trust and who would talk it over with her, just without giving her too much different drugs. I don't want to sound anti-medicine or something, just speaking from my experience, I found out that more often than not doctors tend to go a bit overboad with prescribing medicine. So it would be nice to find some doctor who isn't drug-happy and has more rational approach and can listen to the patient. 

 

As it was it was already said, behavioural therapy or perhaps even having simple psychiatrist sessions could make her more calm and controlled. She just needs to learn to control over anxieties/fears more; I know it's so easy to say, but having her talk to doctors and them working it over, should work. Fear is a bit like a big wave that comes and goes, so one just has to try and learn to withstand it and let it pass (I know easier said than done, it's so difficult to make someone you care about understand it). 

 

As others have mentioned, don't forget about yourself. Yes we men are rocks that women are supposed to lean on etc etc, but even the mightiest rock can break when the earth quakes. So when you're really down, first and foremost don't forget about friends and family and people you can talk to. Sometimes just a simple meaningless small talk can help to take your mind off things. If things get desperate, don't hesitate to consult a specialist. Just talking it over with the doctor may help you realise some things and make you feel better.

 

I honestly think you're very brave to come out with it and did the right thing posting on the forum. I think you and your family is already on the road to recovery. Stay strong mate.

 

PS: I just remembered the stress relief tool my gf had used. The doctor told her to buy one of these rubber balls that you can squeeze in your fist whenever you feel stressed. I know it sounds very silly but it actually helped her on a daily basis, she carried it close to her. Everyone needs a stress relief and it seems that in case of your wife it used to be drinking/smoking/vaping. Hopefully both of you can find some more healthy ways to relieve stress. Watching games may be pretty stressful so not exactly recommended but in case of my gf and me watching (often very silly) comedies together did help a lot. Take care!

 

(PS2 Sorry for my broken English)

Excellent post mate thankyou 

[Christoph]

Certainly take her to a GP. I'm pretty sure they might be able to refer her to a therapist or something along the lines. Might want to look at anti-anxiety pills like vallium etc which I know can work quite well with a lot of people who suffer from severe anxiety. They can make you really sleepy though.