Drunk Stories....

[koop.]

I couldn't (surprisingly) find a thread on this, but the 'Worst Dates' thread got me thinking, there have to be some jems on here?!

 

Merge if i've missed a similar thread 

 

I'll get things going... 

 

I used to work in Nottingham and the place I worked had a big drinking culture. We finished work at 17:00 and went into town, i still lived in Loughborough at the time (i used to live in Notts, this is important info) and so I got the last train home (maybe around 23:00). My mrs was on the phone asking where I was, and I told her i'd be back in the next 30mins. I got to Loughborough station and was met by a row of taxi's (i lived a 5mins walk from the station). Apparently i gave the taxi driver my old Nottingham address and it wasn't until he drove me all the way back to my old house that I realised what i'd done. He then drove me all the way back to where i'd started, thanks to my mrs on the other end of the phone 

 

Expensive end to the night

[z-layrex]

A few months ago I was so drunk I got on the wrong tube and ended up in middle of nowhere in London. Called my Mrs for help and she worked out a route for me to get home, with the plan being she picks me up at Gatwick. There she is waiting in her pyjamas in the car in McDonald's carpark and I don't appear, not answering my phone. She heads home not knowing what else to do, she finds me asleep in bed. I have no idea how I got there as trains weren't running to our town at 3am...

 

Literally the next weekend on a stag I fall, hit my head and massively shit myself. I'm taken to a&e where again my Mrs is in her pyjamas driving to a hospital over an hour away. She walks in and is told where to find me, not that she needed to ask as a blood and poo ridden me was being tended to by a very nice nurse nearby whilst I (loudly) expertly predicted my blood pressure without looking.

 

On my own stag last weekend I was so drunk that after leaving a bar in Brighton for a fag I walked back into the wrong club. It was a gay club and I was dressed as a 17th century duke, wig and all. My only memory is half naked men dancing all around me and realising I was somehow holding a girly cocktail. When I found my way back to the original place my mates said I'd been gone for over an hour.

[koop.]

1 minute ago, z-layrex said:

A few months ago I was so drunk I got on the wrong tube and ended up in middle of nowhere in London. Called my Mrs for help and she worked out a route for me to get home, with the plan being she picks me up at Gatwick. There she is waiting in her pyjamas in the car in McDonald's carpark and I don't appear z not answering my phone. She heads home not knowing what else to do, she finds me asleep in bed. I have no idea how I got there as trains weren't running to our town at 3am...

 

Literally the next weekend on a stag I fall, hit my head and massively shit myself. I'm taken to a&e where again my Mrs is in her pyjamas driving to a hospital over an hour away. She walks in and is told where to find me, not that she needed to ask as a blood and poo ridden me was being tended to by a very nice nurse nearby whilst I (loudly) expertly predict my blood pressure without looking.

 

On my own stag last weekend I was so drunk that after leaving a bar in Brighton for a fag I walked back into the wrong club. It was a gay club and I was dressed as a 17th century duke, wig and all. My only memory is half naked men dancing all around me and realising I was somehow holding a girly cocktail. When I found my way back to the original place my mates said I'd been gone for over an hour.

The last one is hilarious but you might want to think about having a few weekends in mate 

[Wolfox]

Had a very boozy night away with some relatively new colleagues

 

We started talking about great comedies and I was so hammered that  decided to do the, ever so slightly camp, French Mistake routine from blazing saddles to a rapturous applause…

 

Some bugger had recorded it all (I really didn’t hold back!!)

 

Certainly broke the ice!!!  I woke up with that fist in mouth moment - what was I thinking?

[VLC86]

Not too proud of this but pretty sure I have vomited in most cities I’ve been to.

 

The worst being a stag do in Athens where I slept in my own shit and sick on the bathroom floor. I’ve made a conscious effort to cut down now  

[SystonFox]

Just now, Costock_Fox said:

Not too proud of this but pretty sure I have vomited in most cities I’ve been to.

 

The worst being a stag do in Athens where I slept in my own shit and sick on the bathroom floor. I’ve made a conscious effort to cut down now  

My mate spewed up the presidents house wall in Bratislava and we also wind him up that he pissed up against a war memorial in Ayia Napa. Don’t think he did but he does! 

 

LADSLADSLADS

[z-layrex]

In Berlin I got head butted in the face by this huge German. When the police arrived I bought him a beer to prove to the police it wasn't him. I don't know why my nose was scarred for life.

[Wrighty22]

@MattP should we share our Christmas party story? 

[koop.]

6 minutes ago, z-layrex said:

In Berlin I got head butted in the face by this huge German. When the police arrived I bought him a beer to prove to the police it wasn't him. I don't know why my nose was scarred for life.

I decided to pull moonies at every car that went past on my 19th birthday in Sydney, the 3rd car was police and i didn't get out until the next day 

Shambles of a birthday night 

[urban.spaceman]

I spent 4 hours of my 26th birthday in a gay bar in Vegas singing Karaoke. I’m not gay and I can’t sing. I’d been dragged there by a couple of friends who had given me a lift from Flagstaff Arizona. At about 2am, after trying to chat up a big fat lesbian before realising I wasn’t also a lesbian, I decided to leave and walk back to the main strip. Next thing I remember is waking up 3 minutes before checkout in my room at the MGM. 

 

I genuinely had to do a “Hangover” and retrace my steps from the night before. I had one text message from a number I didn’t know, saying “I don’t think that’s your hat” (I still have it); there was half a bottle of JD in my room (there’s not many liquor stores in the immediate area that would have been open, and I don’t like JD); the only other thing I had in my pockets was a receipt for a slot machine in the Bellagio at 3.01am. For $1. And knowing me I probably screamed that at the top of my lungs in celebration. 

 

The only thing I DO remember is being told a barman that I was too drunk to serve and that maybe I should go to bed, after asking for a treble vodka and coke, to which I replied “you’re spot on mate I’ll do that”. 

[Stadt]

If my dad didn't go on FoxesTalk I'd post a few  

[z-layrex]

3 minutes ago, urban.spaceman said:

I spent 4 hours of my 26th birthday in a gay bar in Vegas singing Karaoke. I’m not gay and I can’t sing. I’d been dragged there by a couple of friends who had given me a lift from Flagstaff Arizona. At about 2am, after trying to chat up a big fat lesbian before realising I wasn’t also a lesbian, I decided to leave and walk back to the main strip. Next thing I remember is waking up 3 minutes before checkout in my room at the MGM. 

 

I genuinely had to do a “Hangover” and retrace my steps from the night before. I had one text message from a number I didn’t know, saying “I don’t think that’s your hat” (I still have it); there was half a bottle of JD in my room (there’s not many liquor stores in the immediate area that would have been open, and I don’t like JD); the only other thing I had in my pockets was a receipt for a slot machine in the Bellagio at 3.01am. For $1. And knowing me I probably screamed that at the top of my lungs in celebration. 

 

The only thing I DO remember is being told a barman that I was too drunk to serve and that maybe I should go to bed, after asking for a treble vodka and coke, to which I replied “you’re spot on mate I’ll do that”. 

This really made me laugh. Brilliant.

[koop.]

We used to run a Drum & Bass night in Leicester and we did a Christmas Eve special. My mate was notorious for drink driving (twat) and so when we arranged the mini bus to take us to Leicester we took his car keys from him. We got the return taxi around 3am and dropped him at his house (his car was parked in another village) and so we thought he was safe. Another of the lads got out with him to continue the festivities and when they realised that Christmas morning was about an hour away our mate needed to get home. So, baring in mind his car was parked elsewhere, they took his Dads Subaru.

 

He wrapped it round a tree and had to walk home, thankfully neither of them majorly hurt but Christmas morning was one to forget when he had to tell his parents he'd written offr their car pissed and drugged up to the eye balls. 

 

Shambles  

[z-layrex]

Many years ago when I was 17 I downed an entire bottle of rose, chucked it up all over this girl's house and was taken home by my mates in a wheelbarrow. Dad was not pleased.

[Paninistickers]

I was banned from all Premier Inns for a while after taking a much needed slash in reception, despite the protestations of the poor person on night duty

[BeardyFox]

Bar crawl in Buenos Aires about 7 years ago. Loads from the hostel me and my mate were staying at went along. Loads of drinks and merriment later we end up in a club in a dodgy looking area. I got separated from my mate but found two birds from the hostel. In my state I tried it on with one of them only to be unsurprisingly told to p*ss off. One more drink to ease my sorrows and from then on I only remember snippets;

Getting off with an Argentinian bird, walking outside to see my mate get out the back of a blacked out car looking like he'd seen a ghost (he never told me what happened in there).

Somehow walking half of BA to get back to the hostel, I then remember waking up and throwing up something similar to a scene from the exorcist. 

Next morning I'm woken slightly by a knock on the door, my mate who is somehow fresh as a daisy opens it to find the hostel handyman who wants to fix the door handle. My mate shouts across to me to see if it's ok

 I turned around to see the handyman peer in and glimps me in my pants and a huge pile of sick on the floor. I'd lost the ability to talk I was still so drunk, but I let out the longest loudest fart I've ever done, snorted and fell back asleep. Apparently the handyman was undeterred by this and went about his business. 

 

 

 

[Fox1970]

I had two consecutive (small) sherries last week within just 45 minutes , and felt well, really rather jolly. 

For a time.

[fuchsntf]

What is Drunk...!!!???

If seems to be an important achievement.

The most silly,disgusting Memory wins the trophy,und everybody can Wear a Medal with a plomb...!! Puking is Proof of idiotic  failure..

I'd rather Pull a bird,and remember every minute. Kiss all Night long ,Lips and all,Not stinking of Ashtray or puke,and waffling on about the

Last girls Night out..!!!

What a shit life,needing to get paraletic to enjoy a Night out....

 

I am One of those miserable twats,who can Drink all night,Maybe get a bit merry,but I pss,what I drink,its no Honour/pride being able to hold my drink,just

an act of tortured sacrifice.....but waste money,to get wasted..

Then do it,every weekend,or as some own  pride to prove to oneself, thats what proves One had a goodtime....but how would One know & Remember if one is 

Obliviousy drunk.....

Boring aint I..!!! I am lost and will be Sent to a tea-totallers hell,gasping vor Eternity for a "goldwatch-shot" and haunting through backStreets and pubs for that One last pint.....

 

[koop.]

16 minutes ago, fuchsntf said:

What is Drunk...!!!???

If seems to be an important achievement.

The most silly,disgusting Memory wins the trophy,und everybody can Wear a Medal with a plomb...!! Puking is Proof of idiotic  failure..

I'd rather Pull a bird,and remember every minute. Kiss all Night long ,Lips and all,Not stinking of Ashtray or puke,and waffling on about the

Last girls Night out..!!!

What a shit life,needing to get paraletic to enjoy a Night out....

 

I am One of those miserable twats,who can Drink all night,Maybe get a bit merry,but I pss,what I drink,its no Honour/pride being able to hold my drink,just

an act of tortured sacrifice.....but waste money,to get wasted..

Then do it,every weekend,or as some own  pride to prove to oneself, thats what proves One had a goodtime....but how would One know & Remember if one is 

Obliviousy drunk.....

Boring aint I..!!! I am lost and will be Sent to a tea-totallers hell,gasping vor Eternity for a "goldwatch-shot" and haunting through backStreets and pubs for that One last pint.....

 

Always one!

 

Nobody has suggested getting drunk is an important achievement and you've also massively jumped the gun to suggest that every story you've read is a reflection of every weekend. It was a fun thread about particular times. 

 

I don't feel the need to tell you about my day to day work, achievements or private life but if you want to presume i'm a skint student, throwing up against walls every Saturday night because i dare tell a drunken story then so be it 

 

I'll raise a pint to you mate

[z-layrex]

27 minutes ago, fuchsntf said:

What is Drunk...!!!???

If seems to be an important achievement.

The most silly,disgusting Memory wins the trophy,und everybody can Wear a Medal with a plomb...!! Puking is Proof of idiotic  failure..

I'd rather Pull a bird,and remember every minute. Kiss all Night long ,Lips and all,Not stinking of Ashtray or puke,and waffling on about the

Last girls Night out..!!!

What a shit life,needing to get paraletic to enjoy a Night out....

 

I am One of those miserable twats,who can Drink all night,Maybe get a bit merry,but I pss,what I drink,its no Honour/pride being able to hold my drink,just

an act of tortured sacrifice.....but waste money,to get wasted..

Then do it,every weekend,or as some own  pride to prove to oneself, thats what proves One had a goodtime....but how would One know & Remember if one is 

Obliviousy drunk.....

Boring aint I..!!! I am lost and will be Sent to a tea-totallers hell,gasping vor Eternity for a "goldwatch-shot" and haunting through backStreets and pubs for that One last pint.....

 

It's just some funny stories, cheer up.

[fuchsntf]

8 minutes ago, koop. said:

Always one!

 

Nobody has suggested getting drunk is an important achievement and you've also massively jumped the gun to suggest that every story you've read is a reflection of every weekend. It was a fun thread about particular times. 

 

I don't feel the need to tell you about my day to day work, achievements or private life but if you want to presume i'm a skint student, throwing up against walls every Saturday night because i dare tell a drunken story then so be it 

 

I'll raise a pint to you mate

Gott yaaaa.

[fuchsntf]

1 minute ago, z-layrex said:

It's just some funny stories, cheer up.

I Dont find Drunk Stories funny...but I just Wanted throw an Empty Barrel into the works....

and it bounced...

[z-layrex]

2 minutes ago, fuchsntf said:

I Dont find Drunk Stories funny...but I just Wanted throw an Empty Barrel into the works....

and it bounced...

So don't post? Plenty topics that don't interest me, so I don't read them.

[Izzy]

I've got a feeling I might have posted this before in a similar thread, but I'm bored so here it is again 

 

I was 16 and the youngest in my school year. My best mate Rob had turned 17 and was the proud owner of his first car - a mint green Vauxhall Chevette (low mileage, one old lady owner, perfect nick). Rob used to drive me and my other mate Alex down the A5 in it with Bryan Adams' Summer of 69 blaring away on the tape - happy days.

 

I was jealous and frustrated and desperately wanted my own car too, but still had months to wait. One Friday night, Rob's parents were away and he asked me and Alex if we wanted to get pissed and stay over at his and we duly obliged. Rob was a big lad and got served at the pub easy, while me and Alex sat in the beer garden and waited for our ale to be regularly delivered throughout the evening. We duly got pissed and walked back home to Rob's around midnight.

 

Rob decides to stagger upstairs to bed and Alex crashes out on the sofa. I'm wide awake and feel myself staring at Rob's car keys as they glisten invitingly on the living room table. I figure if I sneak out and just take the car for a quick spin around a new housing estate then bring it back, no-one will be any the wiser.

 

So I get in his car on the drive, start it up, and off I go. Here's what I didn't realise until afterwards.

 

1. I forgot to put the car headlights on

2. The choke (remember them?) was full out so it was revving like a bastard

3. There were no street lights on the new housing development yet as it was only half built

4. There actually weren't that many houses or roads either - just big piles on breeze blocks and stuff

 

Suddenly I find myself driving in the pitch black and BANG! - I've driven straight into a pile of said breeze blocks. In a mad panic I reverse and BANG! - I reverse into another pile of breeze blocks. 

 

I obviously panic, but in my wisdom decide to drive the car back to Rob's (I can still smell the smoke and hear the grinding sound of the wheel arch against the tyre), park the crumpled heap on his drive, let myself back in the house, and go to bed 

 

I seem to recall waking up in the middle of the night (probably now sober and shitting myself) and ringing my Dad (from Rob's home line - no mobiles then) to tell him what had happened. I think after he stopped swearing and shouting at me, he told me to 'man up' and face the consequences when Rob woke up. Thanks Dad.

 

When I heard Rob upstairs rising around 8am, I decided my best course of action was to stand outside on the drive in case he wanted to smash my face in. I figured I'd have a 10 meter head start if I had to leg it once he opened the front door and saw his pride and joy now a write off.

 

To my amazement, he didn't smash my face in (I wouldn't have blamed him if he had) but he rang his own Mum and Dad and told them to come back from wherever they'd been staying. We had to sit there for hours in the most awkward hungover silence waiting for them to return, whilst my own Mum and Dad were also invited to attend the aftermath.

 

Luckily Rob's parents didn't tell the old bill and the car was repaired costing more than it's value. My parents had to pay and then I spent the next three years paying them back in installments.

 

I didn't see much of Rob after that...

 

 

 

 

[Kinowe Soorie]

2 hours ago, Stadt said:

If my dad didn't go on FoxesTalk I'd post a few  

Don’t mind me!