The joke thread

[Alf Bentley]

2 minutes ago, kingcarr21 said:

It can be quite intimidating. The people who go are well hard

 

I wouldn't worry about it. Just wear your boots and kick against the pricks.

[Beliall]

Dont forget to bring a raincoat

[Tielemans63]

I got a new bike for my wife yesterday.

 

Pretty happy with that trade.

Edited 7 April 2017 by Paddy.

[Renart]

Anyone putting a bet on the Grand National? I am wondering who to back. V Neck looks like a very food jumper, and Creosote is good over fences, but I am putting a tenner on Dusty Carpet as he'll take one hell of a beating!

[TiffToff88]

25 minutes ago, Renart said:

Anyone putting a bet on the Grand National? I am wondering who to back. V Neck looks like a very food jumper, and Creosote is good over fences, but I am putting a tenner on Dusty Carpet as he'll take one hell of a beating!

Does look quite tasty to be fair

[Beliall]

9 minutes ago, TiffToff88 said:

Does look quite tasty to be fair

Make a lovely superstore buurger

[Trav Le Bleu]

Narcissists really annoy me, they need to take a good, long, look at themselves in the mirror!

[Alf Bentley]

10 hours ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

Narcissists really annoy me, they need to take a good, long, look at themselves in the mirror!

 

I had a girlfriend who was claustrophobic but we split up because she wanted to go out all the time.

Then a kleptomaniac stole my heart.

I'm now with an agoraphobic but I have a suspicion that she's in the closet.

[Wolfox]

And the Lord said unto John: "Come forth, and you will receive eternal life."




But John came fifth and won a toaster.

[Trav Le Bleu]

14 minutes ago, Wolfox said:

And the Lord said unto John: "Come forth, and you will receive eternal life."




But John came fifth and won a toaster.

Well it's appropriate for a holy weekend, if nothing else.

[separator]

What have a priest and a pint of Guinness got in common?

 

A black coat, white collar, and you have to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one!

[Aus Fox]

19 hours ago, separator said:

What have a priest and a pint of Guinness got in common?

 

A black coat, white collar, and you have to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one!

It's recommended you're over 18 to be alone with one?

[Alf Bentley]

On 4/14/2017 at 07:40, separator said:

What have a priest and a pint of Guinness got in common?

 

 

One may be a little stout and the other definitely is.

 

Get one down your neck and get it in the neck from the other.

[the fox]

3 stoned guys sitting together, they needed a lighter so one of them volunteered.

He went around the next building and returned to the other 2. Not knowing that they were his mates He asked them " does anyone of you fellas have a lighter" and as soon as he finished his sentence he tripped and fell to the ground, one of those 2 responded

 

"hey! Get up, stupid and come take a seat, our friend went to get one"

Edited 16 April 2017 by the fox

[Jimothy]

.

Edited 16 April 2017 by Facecloth

[Jimothy]

11 minutes ago, the fox said:

3 stoned guys sitting together, they needed a lighter so one of them volunteered.

He went around the next building and returned to the other 2. Not knowing that they were his mates He asked them " does anyone of you fellas have a lighter" and as soon as he finished his sentence he tripped and fell to the ground, one of those 2 responded

 

"hey! Get up, stupid and come take a seat, our friend went to get one"

[the fox]

1 minute ago, Facecloth said:

3 stoned guys sitting together, they needed a lighter so one of them volunteered.

He went around the next building and returned to the other 2. Not knowing that they were his mates He asked them " does anyone of you fellas have a lighter" and as soon as he finished his sentence he tripped and fell to the ground, one of those 2 responded

 

"hey! Get up, stupid and come take a seat, our friend went to get one"

[Jimothy]

7 minutes ago, the fox said:

3 stoned guys sitting together, they needed a lighter so one of them volunteered.

He went around the next building and returned to the other 2. Not knowing that they were his mates He asked them " does anyone of you fellas have a lighter" and as soon as he finished his sentence he tripped and fell to the ground, one of those 2 responded

 

"hey! Get up, stupid and come take a seat, our friend went to get one"

I read it. It's just not funny. Whether that's because it's badly written or it's just a shit joke I'm not sure, but it's not funny.

[the fox]

2 minutes ago, Facecloth said:

I read it. It's just not funny. .

I got that, maybe the writing is bad, who knows? Comedy is subjective and some people have a different sense of humor, different strokes for different folks I guess.

[Jimothy]

2 minutes ago, the fox said:

I got that, maybe the writing is bad, who knows? Comedy is subjective and some people have a different sense of humor, different strokes for different folks I guess.

Yeah humour is subjective, but I think you'll struggle to find anyone laughing their head off at that. If anything it just seems like a story that was funny if you were there but is shit to anyone it's told to there after.

[Beliall]

40 minutes ago, the fox said:

3 stoned guys sitting together, they needed a lighter so one of them volunteered.

He went around the next building and returned to the other 2. Not knowing that they were his mates He asked them " does anyone of you fellas have a lighter" and as soon as he finished his sentence he tripped and fell to the ground, one of those 2 responded

 

"hey! Get up, stupid and come take a seat, our friend went to get one"

[the fox]

1 minute ago, Beliall said:

"Live, from beliall's social life" 

 

Jk BTW

[the fox]

8 minutes ago, Facecloth said:

Yeah humour is subjective, but I think you'll struggle to find anyone laughing their head off at that. 

 

I get it, the joke was bad

[Beliall]

3 minutes ago, the fox said:

"Live, from beliall's social life" 

 

Jk BTW

pretty accurate though  

[Jimothy]

6 minutes ago, the fox said:

 

I get it, the joke was bad

Good. I expect to see improvements in your jokes from now on