Guest Posted 30 July 2008 Posted 30 July 2008 Pissing standing up, the the toilet seat fell down and yeah..you know the rest Are you 3 foot 6? 5'5 My initial question was "are you smaller than Wee Dave"? I am 5'5". If I was a bloke, I am sure I would not be anywhere the toilet seat, and that's with short legs, and an even shorter willy. However, I am not a bloke, and I know nothing about willies, so will bow to your better judgment. Please, menfolk of this forum, do not offer to prove me wrong. I am still recovering from Saturday's shennanigans.
Bellend Sebastian Posted 30 July 2008 Posted 30 July 2008 *Warning: Graphic Post*My parents made me have a circumcision when I was fourteen. Why the blinking flip did they do that? Were you a particularly stroppy adolescent and this was their only way of getting their own back? I'd have let you paint your room black and be done with it. I had a wisdom tooth out once under local anaesthetic. They must have got the mixture wrong, or accidentally used Um Bongo instead of lignocaine, but they kept injecting me then prodding me and asking me if it was numb, which it wasn't. Eventually they got fed up of this and took it out anyway. For those not familiar with wisdom tooth extraction, it usually involves drilling numerous holes in it and then breaking it with a big pair of pliers and pulling out the broken shards of tooth, none of which involve pleasant sensations if you can feel it. It was so blooming painful that it all took on a strange dream like quality and you began to question if it was really happening, which I imagine is how you might feel when getting mauled by a tiger or having your leg bitten off by a shark. Thank fook I only had to have the one taken out. In more recent times, the 'treatment' performed by my physiotherapist on my toes was excitingly ceiling-hittingly painful, particularly when he demonstrated the lack of flexibility in my big toe by grabbing it and bending it much further than it seems it's supposed to go
skinnydipper Posted 30 July 2008 Posted 30 July 2008 *Warning: Graphic Post*Fourteen is the age when the gentle throb of engines or the merest of passing thoughts creates a state of priapic tension in your trousers of immensely painful proportions. Fourteen is an age when frequent night's sleep culminates in an involuntary emission. It is an age where the penis truly develops a life of its own. Remember that now. My parents made me have a circumcision when I was fourteen. The bloodied and violated penis had six big fat stitches in it and was wound with gauze until it was the size of a small fist. The blood soaked into it and then clotted. The bandages had to be changed every other day - pulling at the scabs and the stitches. And then there were the erections - hard-ons of searing pain that drew blood each time. Do not give your children circumcisions. I almost had an impromptu circumcision aged approximately 14 when I got my foreskin jammed in my trouser zip. The pain was enhanced by the attitude of my mum and sister who seemed to think it was the funniest thing since Laurel and Hardy. The mental scars have outlived the physical ones.
Daggers Posted 30 July 2008 Posted 30 July 2008 I almost had an impromptu circumcision aged approximately 14 when I got my foreskin jammed in my trouser zip. The pain was enhanced by the attitude of my mum and sister who seemed to think it was the funniest thing since Laurel and Hardy. The mental scars have outlived the physical ones. I have done that three times - without a foreskin. All these people with bruised arses and and broken bones don't know what real pain is.
Guest Posted 30 July 2008 Posted 30 July 2008 I had a wisdom tooth out once under local anaesthetic....For those not familiar with wisdom tooth extraction, it usually involves drilling numerous holes in it and then breaking it with a big pair of pliers and pulling out the broken shards of tooth, none of which involve pleasant sensations if you can feel it. Both my top ones came out under local, and with just the aid of pliers. This may be because they were growing into my cheek. The bottom ones are jammed. I think their extraction will be more complicated and painful.
jonno24 Posted 30 July 2008 Posted 30 July 2008 I have done that three times - without a foreskin.All these people with bruised arses and and broken bones don't know what real pain is. a bruised arse is totally incapacitating tho you cant sit down it hurts to take a s**t and worst of all you have to make your girlfriend agree to doggystyle for 8 weeks sheer hell i tells the
Bellend Sebastian Posted 30 July 2008 Posted 30 July 2008 Both my top ones came out under local, and with just the aid of pliers. This may be because they were growing into my cheek. The bottom ones are jammed. I think their extraction will be more complicated and painful. Wisdom teeth are shit. We really should have evolved them away by now. I'd insist on general anaesthetic if I were you. Or a competent orthodontist, at least
Katy Posted 30 July 2008 Posted 30 July 2008 About time old Team wolf got himself sorted My worst pain was my c-section, they aren't supposed to hurt like that but it did from start to finish. Something went wrong somewhere I think
Master Fox Posted 30 July 2008 Posted 30 July 2008 I have done that three times - without a foreskin.All these people with bruised arses and and broken bones don't know what real pain is. I bruised my penis from wanking for two solid days once. That hurt
jonno24 Posted 30 July 2008 Posted 30 July 2008 I bruised my penis from wanking for two solid days once. That hurt my banjo string snapped whilst i was doing the business after a night out on the bevvies needless to say she was out the door about 5 seconds later
Lamby Posted 30 July 2008 Posted 30 July 2008 Getting tipsy and getting your balls stuck on a bed..had that experience yesterday
Master Fox Posted 30 July 2008 Posted 30 July 2008 my banjo string snapped whilst i was doing the business after a night out on the bevvies needless to say she was out the door about 5 seconds later My penis bled after getting a football punted into my groin. I was playing a proper match and then suddenly noticed to my horror my shorts were covered with blood. True Story
Houdini Logic Posted 30 July 2008 Posted 30 July 2008 During a PE lesson when i was younger one of my friends (clearly a genius) decided to pick up a 9V battery from the floor and use his tennis racket to volley it in my direction. Out of all the places it could have went it decided to go for the end of my manhood. The hairs on my neck go evertime i think about it.
lookwhaticando Posted 30 July 2008 Posted 30 July 2008 Oh and waking up with your calf cramping.... that hurts like a b*stard!! Being woken up in the dead of night by it is highly uncomfortable, indeed. Getting my cock caught in between the toilet and the toilet seat..f****g hurt like hell. :laugh: There's been precious few seriously painful incidents in my time... the obvious one being hit in the bollocks by a football kicked with considerable force from around 20 feet away. That hurt. It also amused me and the by-standers, and the perpetrator (my own dad)... laughing in the immediate aftermath of a ball-to-ball contact incident is ill advised, it only hinders the recovery process.
Foxhateram Posted 30 July 2008 Posted 30 July 2008 My penis bled after getting a football punted into my groin. I was playing a proper match and then suddenly noticed to my horror my shorts were covered with blood. True Story I played a short spell as a Right winger at one point. 4 matches infact. Every game i played i purposely aimed the ball at the opposition LB's Penis therefore getting him out of the way. Worked a charm in all threee games, until i got fouled by one of them later on in the 4th match, and he put me out of the game for weeks. The fact i was playing so well, and was on top form at the time, was a crushing experiance.
General Smuts Posted 30 July 2008 Posted 30 July 2008 Suffice to say one of them willy ones has happened to me. I shan't say which one.
Unabomber Posted 30 July 2008 Posted 30 July 2008 Worst pain for me was failling over and then looking at my knee and seeing that a rock had gone into my knee cap and was just stuck therem going to hospital and getting it removed was agony,
Tevez Posted 30 July 2008 Posted 30 July 2008 Being shot in the leg at paintballing from 30 centremetres.
Samilktray Posted 30 July 2008 Posted 30 July 2008 Coming off a skateboard at high speed hurts like fooking hell when you slam into a curb.
lildave3 Posted 30 July 2008 Posted 30 July 2008 Coming off a skateboard at high speed hurts like fooking hell when you slam into a curb. Well you deserve that for being on a skateboard.
Unit Posted 31 July 2008 Posted 31 July 2008 Being woken up in the dead of night by it is highly uncomfortable, indeed. :laugh: There's been precious few seriously painful incidents in my time... the obvious one being hit in the bollocks by a football kicked with considerable force from around 20 feet away. That hurt. It also amused me and the by-standers, and the perpetrator (my own dad)... laughing in the immediate aftermath of a ball-to-ball contact incident is ill advised, it only hinders the recovery process. Along them lines, I used to go out with this horrible bitch, we were together for fooking ages and she was a violent little shite. Anyway, I think i even made a thread about this one incident called "My girlfriend: the new dennis wise?" I was happily sleeping and she'd sat up thinking of an arguement from earlier that day, punched me three times in the nose, that's a scary way to wake up! Another time I got a big smack in the balls whilst asleep, I actually cried it hurt that much, bitch!
Miquel The Work Geordie Posted 31 July 2008 Posted 31 July 2008 Having a serious wedge of muscle be taken out of my left knee. Do not try and go up escalators the wrong way.
lookwhaticando Posted 31 July 2008 Posted 31 July 2008 Along them lines, I used to go out with this horrible bitch, we were together for fooking ages and she was a violent little shite. Anyway, I think i even made a thread about this one incident called "My girlfriend: the new dennis wise?" I was happily sleeping and she'd sat up thinking of an arguement from earlier that day, punched me three times in the nose, that's a scary way to wake up! Another time I got a big smack in the balls whilst asleep, I actually cried it hurt that much, bitch! I seem to recall you discussing your girl at various occasions. She sounds truly delightful. No really, she does.
dhermon Posted 31 July 2008 Posted 31 July 2008 Most painful thing i saw was during one of our matchs last season poor lad was put into silly mid off had no time to get his box young lad batting cracks a pearler right off middle of the bat into our lads nuts poor lad held onto the catch but ended the night in hospital getting ultra sounds on his nads after pissing blood :eek:
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