Northants Fox 3 Posted 12 October 2012 Posted 12 October 2012 [to two members of the KKK, while pretending to capture Bart] Jim: Oh, boys! Lookee what I got heyuh. Bart: Hey, where the white women at? Hedley Lamarr: Qualifications? Applicant: Rape, murder, arson, and rape. Hedley Lamarr: You said rape twice. Applicant: I like rape. Bart: I better go check out this Mongo character. [Bart reaches for his gun] Jim: Oh no, don't do that, don't do that. If you shoot him, you'll just make him mad. Lyle: [after the farting] How 'bout some more beans, Mr. Taggart? Taggart: [fans his hat in the air] I'd say you've had enough! Jim: Look at my hand. [raises hand and holds it level] Bart: Steady as a rock. Jim: [raises his other hand, which is violently trembling] Yeah, but I shoot with this one. Charlie: [as their handcart begins to sink] Bart? Bart: Yeah? Charlie: Am I wrong? Or is the world... rising? Bart: I don't know. But whatever it is, I hate it. [men slowly sink down offscreen] Bart: Hey, Charlie? Let me ask you something: what is it that's not exactly water and it ain't exactly earth? Charlie, Bart: Quicksand ​One of my all time favorite films Love Blazing Saddles
NewburyFox Posted 12 October 2012 Posted 12 October 2012 Carolyn: Uh, who's car is that out front? Lester: Mine. 1970 Pontiac Firebird. The car I've always wanted and now I have it. I rule! Love American Beauty, absolutely fantastic film.
MC Prussian Posted 27 December 2012 Author Posted 27 December 2012 From The Odd Couple TV series (1970-1975): Felix: "I understand your wife is pregnant." Guest (spurts coffee): "Yeah, I understand you've been fooling around with her." Felix (spurts coffee): "No, I heard it was Oscar." Guest (spurts coffee): "I thought Oscar was a fag." Felix (spurts coffee): "No, I heard you were." Guest (spurts coffee): "I thought you'd never ask." Skit starts at 6:54.
rico Posted 27 December 2012 Posted 27 December 2012 From Peep Show Mark:" I'm reeling her in,like a 70's paedophile in a classic Granada"
FoxesAreBlue Posted 28 December 2012 Posted 28 December 2012 Uni Student: "We want a refund" Brian Potter: "I wanna moonwalk son but life's a shithouse"
rico Posted 29 December 2012 Posted 29 December 2012 Uni Student: "We want a refund" Brian Potter: "I wanna moonwalk son but life's a shithouse" So many brilliant ones in Phoenix Nights
Rincewind Posted 29 December 2012 Posted 29 December 2012 It seems Stephen King got his title for Bag of Bones from a quote from Thomas Hardy in rep[ly to being asked why he gave up writing novels. Compared to the dullest human being actually walking about on the face of the earth and casting his shadow there, the most brilliantly drawn character in a novel is but a bag of bones.
Raw Dykes Posted 30 December 2012 Posted 30 December 2012 "In this country, do they make peanuts for homosexuals?" "First I would punch the little one, wait, no punch the big one. Actually, don't punch anyone, I'm the pool manager." Brilliant! I love 15 Storeys High! "Can you pass the remote? I chucked it at Les Dennis." "I was watching that!" "I don't want to watch doggy innards flapping about while I'm eating my dinner." "It's got a golf ball stuck in its colon." "I'm more than happy to see how it got in there - I just don't want to see it coming out." Brass Eye "Quadrospazzed on a life-glug." "UK used to mean United Kingdom, but ask anyone today and they'll tell you it stands for Unbelievable Krimewave." "They remained in chokey, even though the offenses were small and twatty: "When I was ten, I dressed up as a little city gent, and walked into the Bank of England shoutin' **** the Pound!"" Chris Morris is a comedy genius, and I don't use that term lightly.
Kitchandro Posted 30 December 2012 Posted 30 December 2012 Mona Lisa Vito: You're goin hunting? Vinny Gambini: That's right. Mona Lisa Vito: Why are you going hunting? Shouldn't you be out preparing for court? Vinny Gambini: I was thinking last night. If only I knew what he knows, you know? If he'd let me look at his files; oh boy. Mona Lisa Vito: I don't get it. What does getting to Trotter's files have anything to do with hunting? Vinny Gambini: Well, you know, two guys, out in the woods, guns, on the hunt. It's a bonding thing, you know; show him I'm one of the boys. he's not gonna let me look at his files, but maybe he'll relax enough to drop his guard so I can finesse a little infomation out of him. [searches through his clothes] Vinny Gambini: What am I gonna wear? Mona Lisa Vito: What are ya gonna hunt? Vinny Gambini: I don't know, he's got a lot of stuffed heads in his office. Mona Lisa Vito: Heads? [Vinny looks up at Lisa] Mona Lisa Vito: What kinda heads? Vinny Gambini: I don't know, he's got a boar, a bear, a couple of deer. Mona Lisa Vito: Whoa. You're gonna shoot a deer? Vinny Gambini: I don't know. I suppose. I mean, I'm a man's man, I could go deer hunting. Mona Lisa Vito: A sweet, innocent, harmless, leaf-eating, doe-eyed little deer. Vinny Gambini: Hey Lisa, I'm not gonna go out there just to wimp out, you know. I mean, the guy will lose respect for me, would you rather have that? [Lisa gets up, walks over to the bathroom and shuts the door] Vinny Gambini: What about these pants I got on, you think they're O.K.? [Looks down] Vinny Gambini: Oh! Mona Lisa Vito: [comes out of the bathroom] Imagine you're a deer. You're prancing along, you get thirsty, you spot a little brook, you put your little deer lips down to the cool clear water... BAM! A ****in bullet rips off part of your head! Your brains are laying on the ground in little bloody pieces! Now I ask ya. Would you give a **** what kind of pants the son of a bitch who shot you was wearing?
Kitchandro Posted 30 December 2012 Posted 30 December 2012 Sonny: [laughing] What are you gonna do? Nice college boy, didn't want to get mixed up in the family business. Now you want to gun down a police captain. Why? Because he slapped you in the face a little? What do you think this like the Army where you can shoot 'em from a mile away? No you gotta get up like this and, badda-bing, you blow their brains all over your nice Ivy League suit.
rico Posted 30 December 2012 Posted 30 December 2012 Mona Lisa Vito: You're goin hunting? Vinny Gambini: That's right. Mona Lisa Vito: Why are you going hunting? Shouldn't you be out preparing for court? Vinny Gambini: I was thinking last night. If only I knew what he knows, you know? If he'd let me look at his files; oh boy. Mona Lisa Vito: I don't get it. What does getting to Trotter's files have anything to do with hunting? Vinny Gambini: Well, you know, two guys, out in the woods, guns, on the hunt. It's a bonding thing, you know; show him I'm one of the boys. he's not gonna let me look at his files, but maybe he'll relax enough to drop his guard so I can finesse a little infomation out of him. [searches through his clothes] Vinny Gambini: What am I gonna wear? Mona Lisa Vito: What are ya gonna hunt? Vinny Gambini: I don't know, he's got a lot of stuffed heads in his office. Mona Lisa Vito: Heads? [Vinny looks up at Lisa] Mona Lisa Vito: What kinda heads? Vinny Gambini: I don't know, he's got a boar, a bear, a couple of deer. Mona Lisa Vito: Whoa. You're gonna shoot a deer? Vinny Gambini: I don't know. I suppose. I mean, I'm a man's man, I could go deer hunting. Mona Lisa Vito: A sweet, innocent, harmless, leaf-eating, doe-eyed little deer. Vinny Gambini: Hey Lisa, I'm not gonna go out there just to wimp out, you know. I mean, the guy will lose respect for me, would you rather have that? [Lisa gets up, walks over to the bathroom and shuts the door] Vinny Gambini: What about these pants I got on, you think they're O.K.? [Looks down] Vinny Gambini: Oh! Mona Lisa Vito: [comes out of the bathroom] Imagine you're a deer. You're prancing along, you get thirsty, you spot a little brook, you put your little deer lips down to the cool clear water... BAM! A ****in bullet rips off part of your head! Your brains are laying on the ground in little bloody pieces! Now I ask ya. Would you give a **** what kind of pants the son of a bitch who shot you was wearing? Great film - "i'm finished with this guy!"
Parafox Posted 31 December 2012 Posted 31 December 2012 The brilliant Prridge with Ronnie Barker MO: Suffer from any illness? Fletch: Bad feet. MO: Suffer from any illness? Fletch: Bad feet! MO: Paid a recent visit to a doctor or hospital? Fletch: Only with my bad feet! ... MO: Are you now or have you at any time been a practicing homosexual. Fletch: What, with these feet? Who'd have me?
The Doctor Posted 21 January 2013 Posted 21 January 2013 Paedofinder General: You are gay, and all gays are paedophiles. Gay person: That's nonsense. Paedofinder General: So, you freely admit you are the possessor of nonce sense? Your gayness condemns you, it is written in stone. Gay person: Where? Paedofinder General: On the wall behind a bus station, I carved it there myself. I have seen it with my own eyes. Gay person 2: This is disgraceful, I demand a solicitor. Paedofinder General: You blatantly admit that you want some one to solicit for you? Fresh young meat when you have already taken this child's innocence. Gay person 1: I'm 47. Gay person 2: Are you? Paedofinder General: By the powers invested in me by a bloke I met in the pub who knew for definite, I find your sort guilty of paedophilia.
Guest MattP Posted 21 January 2013 Posted 21 January 2013 Sonny: [laughing] What are you gonna do? Nice college boy, didn't want to get mixed up in the family business. Now you want to gun down a police captain. Why? Because he slapped you in the face a little? What do you think this like the Army where you can shoot 'em from a mile away? No you gotta get up like this and, badda-bing, you blow their brains all over your nice Ivy League suit. Brilliant, Sonny was a fantastic character. Same theme. From the greatest Don to grace the screen. You talk about vengance. Is vengance going to bring your son back to you or my boy to me? I forgo the vengance of my son. But my youngest son had to leave this country because of this Sollozzo business. So now I have to make arraingments to bring him back safely cleared of all these false charges. But I'm a supersticious man. And if some unluck accident should befall him, if he should be shot in the head by a police officer, or if should hang himself in his jail cell, or if he's struck by a bolt of lightning... *then I'm going to blame some of the people in this room*... and that, I do not forgive. But, that aside, let say that I swear, on the souls of my grandchildren, that I will not be the one to break the peace we have made here today.
Kitchandro Posted 22 January 2013 Posted 22 January 2013 Brilliant, Sonny was a fantastic character. Same theme. From the greatest Don to grace the screen. Could do pages and pages from that film, and the second one, too.
ozleicester Posted 22 January 2013 Posted 22 January 2013 Watched it again the other night.... pure quality... This has been my message tone for at least 5 years now... you should see people jump when the bullet is fired .. then just the line, "Oh im sorry, did i break your concentration?" Nothing like it for sparking up a lunch or meeting
foxfanazer Posted 22 January 2013 Posted 22 January 2013 (Turkish in Snatch) F**kface, that's a good one Erol. I'll have to remember that next time I'm climbing off your mum Max and paddys road to nowhere (max talking about his ex) Max: well she was a kind of midget Paddy: ain't that a Queen song
BoneDog Posted 10 April 2013 Posted 10 April 2013 Phoenix Nights Potter : Is er Hos about? Receptionist : Who? Potter : Hos Hos walks in. Hos : Ehhhh Brian Potter! What happened to your legs? Potter : What happened to your head? You were bald last time I saw yer!
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