Scanchez

Heard from a very reliable source at the club that we're winning this 2-1. Can't tell you who. A gentleman never kisses and tells. Let's just put it this way, his name rhymes with 'Fanny Lord'. That's all I can say. And he's a goalkeeper. But that's all I can say. Whack a fiver on it.

It's awful. Does anybody actually like it?

I was married to Gary Coatsworth for several years. He was a very considerate lover but never once put the bins out. My house is now tidy but sexually, I feel unfulfilled. It is what it is.

Can't imagine Tete scoring any less than 7 this game. Any less than that and we need to start asking questions about his commitment and Rodgers' ability to get the best out of players.

Because it's not really moan-worthy.

Don't like this one bit. Stops me from moaning about him. He's done this on purpose.

Might as well give the trophy to Bristol now.

About 70% of the teams left are non-premier league. Although I may have got that completely wrong as I'm useless at maths.

Crikey. You guys love a bit of Nige, don't you?

Goes to show, Sex Sells.

He's alright.

One thing's for sure, though, is it'd be a good game, good game.

No probs. Just keep that info to yourself, yeah?

No, he's a player that plays for a different team. If we're going down that route I'd quite like to have Mbappe up top and possibly the late, great Sir Bruce Forsyth on the left wing.

This is never going to happen. Unless it does. In which case, I told you it would. (ITK)

Welcome, Victor. Please, sit down. You must have had a long journey. Is there anything I can get you? Tea? Coffee? Lemonade? You should stay for dinner. In fact, you must. I insist.

Yeah, it was just a joke.

Bristol City? We'd sell the ground out twice over for the return of King Nige.

I got to the ground at 4am this morning. No bugger there! Shouted Brendan Out a bit but don't think anyone heard me. Waited until 4:30am and then headed home. Apathetic fan base.

For every goal we concede, I will remove one of my fingers. I think it's the only way Brendan will get the message.

We're not very good

Ooh where did you get those odds?

3-0 to the Toon. Whack a monkey on it.

Yeah, it was just a joke.