fazzyfox

I’ll have 2 from the top and one from the bottom please

Modern day football isn’t dead shocker Enjoy your night Southampton fans (and the rest of the country)!

Typical for Jesus to go missing on Easter Saturday

“Why have you brought Arsenal FC to the garage sir?” ”Well clearly the wheels are about to come off”

A tin foil FA cup, give that fan a coconut, Luv it

It’s OK folks, he’s arrived at Seagrave for a step up in his training schedule.

Anything can happen, there are no guarantees. We could get a red card in the first few minutes. All of our goalkeepers could get food poisoning from the same dodgy meal. We might start Ayew. Anything could go wrong and probably will!

I’m In the Kings Head singing “if Ayew starts, I’m staying here, f*** the match, let’s have some beer”

“Never sing that, you’ll never sing that, we’re close to a Nando’s, you’ll never sing that!”

OK, not quite identikit likenesses but in terms of general disposition it’s a match IMG_9161.webp

There are a lot of factors but I can’t get past the fact that people are claiming multiple wins are on the way….let’s see A WIN, before we start counting the points from multiple ones. The factors include:- Our centre forwards carry no threat. We very rarely keep clean sheets. Our full backs invite the opposition to put in crosses all game long unchallenged, making our box a tin can alley. The six point deficit means we’ve earned enough points to not be in the relegation zone…just. Current form is in some ways encouraging, depends where you draw the line for a current form table (to suit your own particular narrative typically) Silly season (time of year) - There will be shocks and unexpected results. Dead rubbers / on the beach / resting for play offs - Not every side will be functioning at their normal level for various reasons, your rival playing someone who has just missed out on the play offs may not be as tough as it sounds. It’s a barmpot league - anything can happen. Predicting how it will go is like trying to nail jelly to a moving wall, the overall focus should be on improving form enough to achieve enough of our own points to survive not wining about West Brom getting late equalisers or winners like we’re hard done by by that happening, make your own luck, bloody some noses yourself, be the ones that stick in the game for 95 minutes not crumble at home to QPR.

How exactly do they gauge the match ready fitness status of Ayew? It’s a bit like poking a tortoise with a stick to see if it’s dead or just hibernating?

When our new CEO demanded the creation of a new meaty role in our retail sector someone clearly got the wrong end of the stick.

Looks like someone put the wrong item up by mistake. Right now they'll be getting a grilling - at gas mark 6 for 25 minutes brushed with egg white for a glazed finish.

Seems a bit flaky to me. What next, Pie Lovers shirts, available in 4XL and above only. Actually with our muppets running it they'd be Small and Medium only.

That shirt looks pork-quality

That poor lass being told she's got her first modelling job, will it be on the cat walks of Paris, Rome, a boutique launch, a cosmetics ad in a magazine....nope, "Put this on and smile love"

I won't believe this is genuine until I see a reliable source. Ketchup or brown, I don't mind.

Just received an email with celebratory images "The Next Chapter Begins Here". Read the room you happy clappy f***wits. IF we stay up, IF the big wages are cleared out, IF we have players with the heart of James giving us 100% I can begin to embrace a "new chapter", right now, knowing it won't be written by Shakespeare but by a blindfolded chimpanzee with a crayon it's not a big selling point. Rudkin is still here still involved in decisions, where is the optimism that those decisions won't be as awful as the previous ones. We buy tickets, you supply a football team, that's the unwritten deal, we currently have no competent centre forward, left back, right back or DM at the club, the only reasonable no.10 we actually own is debatabaly Page, I'd say you've reneged on your side of the deal. But hey new chapter and all that, happy days

Just waiting for the bit where he sets off fire extinguishers over lady boys, racially offends the locals and gets accused of sexual assault

Cheer up, you’ll get your opportunity to play at some point Harry, come on, why the long face?

What about the depreciation from:- Broken windows behind Daka's and Ayews shooting practice goal. Vestergaards dog scratching the carpets. Vestergaard damaging ceiling light fittings. Physio room equipment overused and needs replacing. Managers office being refitted with a revolving door. Cyro-chamber thingymajig - faulty lock, instead of the reccomended 4 minutes Souttar has been stuck in there about 2 1/2 years. Pool tables and cues - completely worn out Golf Course - Has a couple of annoying irremovable divots on it - Ayew and Decordova-Reid

Happy Days Wales !

It stands for Buy One Get One Free but also sounds like Bog Off as in go away.