Depression

[Lionator]

On 18/01/2025 at 21:38, Wymsey said:

Right, I know it's a Saturday night but am ready to post about the personal situation.

 

Thanks for the advice support on here, much appreciated.

 

-

Here is what happened a couple of weeks ago..:

 

 

On the weekend of the 4th and 5th of this month, I went with (possibly) partner to see her Grandmother - who was receiving end-of-life care at a Hospice in Brighton.

 

 

 

On the 5th, the partner's Father took me back to the Train Station - where a very sudden and awkward conversation happened;

 

 

 

1.) He accused me of not looking after his daughter, because "She has put weight on and is "very stressed" - My response was that I've really tried my hardest in looking after her, especially in recent months as she was in a new job and going to Brighton to look after her Grandmother.

 

 

 

2.) He also accused me of "Not helping her with cooking etc" - My response was that I've regularly cleaned her property as much as possible. Regarding cooking aspects, I told him that I regularly asked the partner if she needed a hand with cooking - but often her response was "No, but thanks, as it's a small kitchen. I always cleaned and put our plates away afterwards.

 

 

 

3.) He then said I "just sat on my backside for months", barely looking for work - I said to him that I strongly deny this accusation, as I've regularly looked for work; and that I can send evidence of this if need be. I also always contributed more than I should do towards monthly bills for over 2 years at hers.

 

 

 

He lastly said to me that "Me and her should really think about possible trial-separation or trial separation".

 

 

 

I then went back to London, but my partner stayed until the Saturday after.

 

 

 

On the Tuesday I got back to London, the partner said that she needed space to process things and asked me to stay in a hotel from the weekend coming up. I moved out of the property last Saturday and stayed in a hotel nearby ever since.

 

 

 

This incident had (and still is somewhat) made me quite distressed after what happened in the car with her Father - especially with the accusations - and also with the partner not sitting down with me and mentioning any relationship issues head-on together.

 

 

 

Had barely had communication with her ever since, and it has made me confused, somewhat guilty and upset. Am facing a very uncertain future because of this.

 

 

It has been one of the most-distressing couple of weeks of my life, as really loved her and we quite regularly did things together just after Christmas and things seemed normal.

It’s a couple of weeks on but the main thing I reckon is to not internalise what he said. It’s not a you problem, it sounds like they have a bit of a strange family unit that don’t communicate very effectively. I’d bet my bottom dollar that your ex/partner is not a great communicator herself. So while there may be issues in the relationship that have come to the surface, just reassure yourself that it doesn’t say much about you as a person and your own values. Lessons can be learnt from the relationship down the line, but just be good to yourself in the mean time rather than falling down the self-blame route 

[HowardsBulletHeader]

19 hours ago, chrishlcfc said:

Just want to end it all, don’t think I’ve ever been as close to doing it. Just too scared to do it. 

I don't know you of course, but I really hope you don't go through with it and you are still here with us. 

 

I've read your posts in here, along with others and to be honest, lurked in the background as it isn't my place as such and I'm not the best for advice but I just find it all fascinating and on top of all that this thread is just incredible to witness. The power of human kindness and spirit all coming together. 

 

I lost an uncle to suicide and it hurts, it still hurts. To think he felt there was no other option, in my mind at least there has to be an option and however small it may seem, a step in a better direction. Even if that step is just talking to a stranger, I'll happily be that for you, drop me a DM. Your family and your friends love you, they care for you and trust me, no matter how hard it has been they will always look out for you and help. 

 

I hope you hang on in there and take that one step in the right direction. Ask yourself, how can I improve my mindset? For me it's always exercise and being outdoors, go for a walk, clear your head. It really does work for me and I hope it works for you too.

 

Let us know you are safe my friend. 

[ajthefox]

On 01/02/2025 at 01:21, chrishlcfc said:

Just want to end it all, don’t think I’ve ever been as close to doing it. Just too scared to do it. 

Hold on, Chris. Take it step by step, focus on something small and keep the mind occupied with stuff if you can.

 

Don't give up mate.

[chrishlcfc]

1 hour ago, ajthefox said:

Hold on, Chris. Take it step by step, focus on something small and keep the mind occupied with stuff if you can.

 

Don't give up mate.

I shall try like always, thanks for the message. Just painful taking steps forward then going back again and again. 

[jgtuk]

3 minutes ago, chrishlcfc said:

I shall try like always, thanks for the message. Just painful taking steps forward then going back again and again. 

Hi Chris. 
You might already be doing it, but if not try to get professional help, whether it’s your GP, the Samaritans, friends, family, a local charity or any of the helplines available online that relate to your needs. It’s so difficult, sometimes impossible, to get through these things alone. Make it a first step if you can. 
All the best. 

[HighPeakFox]

46 minutes ago, chrishlcfc said:

I shall try like always, thanks for the message. Just painful taking steps forward then going back again and again. 

Find a tiny thing you need to do. Could be anything. 

[HowardsBulletHeader]

59 minutes ago, chrishlcfc said:

I shall try like always, thanks for the message. Just painful taking steps forward then going back again and again. 

I understand the frustrating aspect of that entirely and of course sympathise. Just remember no progress was ever perfectly linear, sometimes we have to go backwards to come back and go even further forwards. 

 

I always relate it to the gym, some weeks you go and you've hit your target, others you go and you haven't and that's just life, there's no real explanation for it either which is probably the hard part. Rather than seeing it as a step back necessarily, try to view it as part of the process of growth and recovery. Hopefully by making a small change to how you view it, can keep your spirits up and keep you motivated to keep taking the steps you need to feel better, no matter how small they are. 

[chrishlcfc]

1 hour ago, jgtuk said:

Hi Chris. 
You might already be doing it, but if not try to get professional help, whether it’s your GP, the Samaritans, friends, family, a local charity or any of the helplines available online that relate to your needs. It’s so difficult, sometimes impossible, to get through these things alone. Make it a first step if you can. 
All the best. 

I have done that quite a few times to be fair. Spoke to gp although I don’t like doing that as I think they’re useless as have numerous long standing health issues that have never been sorted. Had counselling, helped but it finished. I’m trying to work with my work coach and get a job and get structure but it’s proper hard, just feel like everything is out of reach

[foxfanazer]

Depression is so cruel as it makes you feel weak and worthless but let me just say to everyone battling with it in whatever way, you're stronger than the average person who doesn't struggle just to get out of bed in the morning. That includes you @chrishlcfc no matter how bleak it is right now

 

I still suffer massively and it's so hard to drag myself out of it but I've now got it to a stage where the suicidal thoughts are fleeting ones and not a serious consideration. 

 

I know we can't fix things for each other but don't for one second think you have nobody to talk to because the community on here (this thread in particular) has some truly wonderful people in it

[Trav Le Bleu]

9 hours ago, foxfanazer said:

Depression is so cruel as it makes you feel weak and worthless but let me just say to everyone battling with it in whatever way, you're stronger than the average person who doesn't struggle just to get out of bed in the morning. That includes you @chrishlcfc no matter how bleak it is right now

 

I still suffer massively and it's so hard to drag myself out of it but I've now got it to a stage where the suicidal thoughts are fleeting ones and not a serious consideration. 

 

I know we can't fix things for each other but don't for one second think you have nobody to talk to because the community on here (this thread in particular) has some truly wonderful people in it

That's a real nice way to put it

 

[Trav Le Bleu]

Good morning all.

 

Just a little tip to help you through the day.

 

Don't watch adverts.

 

These things are designed to make you feel inadequate, afraid and unwanted (unless you buy what they're advertising).

 

Advertising (at least in it's modern form) is one of the greatest evils humankind has ever created. I should know, I used to work in it.

[Daggers]

3 hours ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

Good morning all.

 

Just a little tip to help you through the day.

 

Don't watch adverts.

 

These things are designed to make you feel inadequate, afraid and unwanted (unless you buy what they're advertising).

 

Advertising (at least in it's modern form) is one of the greatest evils humankind has ever created. I should know, I used to work in it.

Advertising, the News and news websites, talk shows, phone ins, and social media.

 

[jgtuk]

1 hour ago, Daggers said:

Advertising, the News and news websites, talk shows, phone ins, and social media.

 

Including this forum (or at least certain threads) 

[bovril]

6 minutes ago, jgtuk said:

Including this forum (or at least certain threads) 

The monastic life calls us

[jgtuk]

Just now, bovril said:

The monastic life calls us

I spend most of my time alone anyway, might as well get in there… 

Had a peek in the main forum earlier 😬

To be honest, the more I think about it the more attractive it becomes 

[SpacedX]

1 hour ago, bovril said:

The monastic life calls us

There's a few on this forum that would do the world a huge favour if they were to become Trappist Monks. 

[bovril]

2 minutes ago, SpacedX said:

There's a few on this forum that would do the world a huge favour if they were to become Trappist Monks. 

Last pint thread would just be reviewing the latest tripel blond brother Ranulf has brewed up. 

[Trav Le Bleu]

4 hours ago, Daggers said:

Advertising, the News and news websites, talk shows, phone ins, and social media.

 

Just watching Escape to the Country (or at least my wife is and I'm in the room) and the way people are critical of houses I could only dream of and aren't satisfied by any of the suggestions... Their never satisfied lifestyles must be awful.

 

Being content with what you can comfortably maintain and afford goes a long way to a happy life.

 

It's great to have something nicer, but there's no point killing yourself to get it.

Edited 3 February by Trav Le Bleu

[HighPeakFox]

19 minutes ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

Just watching Escape to the Country (or at least my wife is and I'm in the room) and the way people are critical of houses I could only dream of and aren't satisfied by any of the suggestions... Their never satisfied lifestyles must be awful.

 

Being content with what you can comfortably maintain and afford goes a long way to a happy life.

 

It's great to have something nicer, but there's no point killing yourself to get it.

Insatiablity - the first step is admitting it. It's a plague on the world. 

[Trav Le Bleu]

 

[Wymsey]

On 01/02/2025 at 08:27, Lionator said:

It’s a couple of weeks on but the main thing I reckon is to not internalise what he said. It’s not a you problem, it sounds like they have a bit of a strange family unit that don’t communicate very effectively. I’d bet my bottom dollar that your ex/partner is not a great communicator herself. So while there may be issues in the relationship that have come to the surface, just reassure yourself that it doesn’t say much about you as a person and your own values. Lessons can be learnt from the relationship down the line, but just be good to yourself in the mean time rather than falling down the self-blame route 

Thanks.

 

It's still not easy, with quite a few flashbacks, but am 'slowly getting better'.

 

Have decided to post less on here now, particularly in a challenging personal time for different reasons.

Edited 3 February by Wymsey

[HighPeakFox]

1 hour ago, Wymsey said:

Have decided to post less on here now, particularly in a challenging personal time for different reasons.

I mean this in absolute sincerity, but I really support and admire this. Put yourself first. 

[bovril]

1 hour ago, Wymsey said:

Thanks.

 

It's still not easy, with quite a few flashbacks, but am 'slowly getting better'.

 

Have decided to post less on here now, particularly in a challenging personal time for different reasons.

All the best Wymsey. Hope you still find the time to join us in a game of when taken every so often. Getting a bit lonely in there with just me and Sinatra...

[urban.spaceman]

Never rains but it ****ing pours. The good start I'd had to the year is in utter tatters now, through no fault of my own. Absolutely ****ing miserable.

[Dr Marco]

courage mon ami! xx