VLC86 Posted 27 September 2017 Posted 27 September 2017 Just now, Steve_Walsh5 said: 1&3 are the truth. Would explain the smell. Funnily enough I'm not Bernie.
VLC86 Posted 27 September 2017 Posted 27 September 2017 49 minutes ago, Alf Bentley said: 1. My Grandpa sailed to New York with the bloke who captained the Titanic into an iceberg. 2. I was once employed as a subcontract grape-picker by a family of French gypsies. They served me 3 meals per day, gave me a free bottle of wine every night and let me sleep in their car - but didn't want me to get involved in their knife fights. 3. I once heard a future member of the UK cabinet getting shagged up against the back of a door. (2 are completely true, 1 almost but not quite) 3 is half true, we all know BJ's don't count.
Carl the Llama Posted 27 September 2017 Posted 27 September 2017 Alf definitely seems the sort to get involved in gypsy knife fights so it's gotta be 2.
Benguin Posted 27 September 2017 Posted 27 September 2017 1. I've touched Emma Watson's bum. 2. I was turned down for a job at Mcdonalds, with over qualification being the "reason" 3. I auditioned for xfactor the same year as one direction. Got through and was put into the new band one direction. Just before judges house recordings, they decided 5 people would be better than 6 and I got cut. Now I'm broke and I could have been a millionaire. I didn't even get shown on the programme.
Guest MattP Posted 27 September 2017 Posted 27 September 2017 56 minutes ago, Alf Bentley said: 1. My Grandpa sailed to New York with the bloke who captained the Titanic into an iceberg. 2. I was once employed as a subcontract grape-picker by a family of French gypsies. They served me 3 meals per day, gave me a free bottle of wine every night and let me sleep in their car - but didn't want me to get involved in their knife fights. 3. I once heard a future member of the UK cabinet getting shagged up against the back of a door. (2 are completely true, 1 almost but not quite) Top one is the lie (y)
Finnegan Posted 27 September 2017 Posted 27 September 2017 46 minutes ago, StanSP said: 1 is easy and most believable considering it could have been swimming across a small bit of water or lake in Russia or Turkey. I'm actually trying to think about this, it would depend on the definitions of Asia and Europe really. I was thinking from Kazakhstan to Russia across a bit of the Caspian if that's possible. You could call crossing the Bosphorus if you're staying within one country or the Ural River but I imagine the former is too busy a shipping lane and the latter too cold? I'm sure it's a truth though, knowing @bovril. My money is on the Bosphorus but given I don't think that's crossing a tectonic plate and that it's all within one country which wants to be an EU member, I'm not sure I agree!
Buce Posted 27 September 2017 Posted 27 September 2017 5 minutes ago, Finnegan said: I'm actually trying to think about this, it would depend on the definitions of Asia and Europe really. I was thinking from Kazakhstan to Russia across a bit of the Caspian if that's possible. You could call crossing the Bosphorus if you're staying within one country or the Ural River but I imagine the former is too busy a shipping lane and the latter too cold? I'm sure it's a truth though, knowing @bovril. My money is on the Bosphorus but given I don't think that's crossing a tectonic plate and that it's all within one country which wants to be an EU member, I'm not sure I agree! It would have been the Dardanelles, which forms the divide between European Turkey and Asian Turkey, and is less than a mile wide at one point.
bovril Posted 27 September 2017 Posted 27 September 2017 22 minutes ago, Finnegan said: I'm actually trying to think about this, it would depend on the definitions of Asia and Europe really. I was thinking from Kazakhstan to Russia across a bit of the Caspian if that's possible. You could call crossing the Bosphorus if you're staying within one country or the Ural River but I imagine the former is too busy a shipping lane and the latter too cold? I'm sure it's a truth though, knowing @bovril. My money is on the Bosphorus but given I don't think that's crossing a tectonic plate and that it's all within one country which wants to be an EU member, I'm not sure I agree! 1) is true. There's a yearly bosphorous race, they close it to traffic. I'd like to swim the dardanelles - Byron style. Bit longer though. It is usually defined as trans-continental. 2) is a lie. My friend showed McCain round on the Sofia tour, but they were very strict about who tagged along. 3) is true, at Ancona airport one rainy June morning in 2007. Turned out she was there to get married but I reckon she would have been interested otherwise. I'll be brutally honest it takes pride of place in my wank bank.
TiffToff88 Posted 27 September 2017 Author Posted 27 September 2017 43 minutes ago, Benguin said: 1. I've touched Emma Watson's bum. 2. I was turned down for a job at Mcdonalds, with over qualification being the "reason" 3. I auditioned for xfactor the same year as one direction. Got through and was put into the new band one direction. Just before judges house recordings, they decided 5 people would be better than 6 and I got cut. Now I'm broke and I could have been a millionaire. I didn't even get shown on the programme. Thats a lie. If it was true you'd be swinging from a rope in your garage by now
Alf Bentley Posted 27 September 2017 Posted 27 September 2017 1 hour ago, Wookie said: 3 is the half truth 1 hour ago, StanSP said: Reckon 2 is the half-truth. You got involved in the knife fights! 1 hour ago, TiffToff88 said: Almost true - you watched through the window? 46 minutes ago, Costock_Fox said: 3 is half true, we all know BJ's don't count. 42 minutes ago, Carl the Llama said: Alf definitely seems the sort to get involved in gypsy knife fights so it's gotta be 2. 39 minutes ago, MattP said: Top one is the lie (y) 3 is not quite true.... 1. My Grandpa travelled to NY with Capt. Edward J. Smith in 1904, 8 years before he sank the Titanic (Smith, not my Grandpa) 2. Shocked at people seeing me as a knife-wielding thug. This one's true - grape-picking 1983 in Champagne 3. Not quite true - my mate (a reliable witness) heard the shagging, not me - though I did carry her box of condoms for her (didn't get to use them, regrettably).
Rincewind Posted 27 September 2017 Posted 27 September 2017 57 minutes ago, Costock_Fox said: - I have visited Chernobyl. -I once nearly ran Gerry Taggart over. -I'm actually Bernie. 1 and 3. Visited and brought it back.
Buce Posted 27 September 2017 Posted 27 September 2017 3 minutes ago, Alf Bentley said: 3 is not quite true.... 1. My Grandpa travelled to NY with Capt. Edward J. Smith in 1904, 8 years before he sank the Titanic (Smith, not my Grandpa) 2. Shocked at people seeing me as a knife-wielding thug. This one's true - grape-picking 1983 in Champagne 3. Not quite true - my mate (a reliable witness) heard the shagging, not me - though I did carry her box of condoms for her (didn't get to use them, regrettably). Who was the politician, Alf?
TiffToff88 Posted 27 September 2017 Author Posted 27 September 2017 Just now, Buce said: Who was the politician, Alf? Ann Widdecombe
Benguin Posted 27 September 2017 Posted 27 September 2017 8 minutes ago, TiffToff88 said: Thats a lie. If it was true you'd be swinging from a rope in your garage by now haha yep. Mcdonalds can go foook themselves. Emma Watson's bum is nice though.
Buce Posted 27 September 2017 Posted 27 September 2017 Just now, TiffToff88 said: Ann Widdecombe I would very much doubt she's ever been shagged - against a door or not.
TiffToff88 Posted 27 September 2017 Author Posted 27 September 2017 1 minute ago, Benguin said: haha yep. Mcdonalds can go foook themselves. Emma Watson's bum is nice though. Is there a story behind this? was it just an "accidental" stroke as you squeezed past her or are you now on a register?
bovril Posted 27 September 2017 Posted 27 September 2017 2 minutes ago, Benguin said: haha yep. Mcdonalds can go foook themselves. Emma Watson's bum is nice though. 16 minutes ago, bovril said: 3) is true, at Ancona airport one rainy June morning in 2007. Turned out she was there to get married but I reckon she would have been interested otherwise. I'll be brutally honest it takes pride of place in my wank bank. Suddenly my wank bank is not as impressive.
Benguin Posted 27 September 2017 Posted 27 September 2017 1 minute ago, TiffToff88 said: Is there a story behind this? was it just an "accidental" stroke as you squeezed past her or are you now on a register? I met her about 5 years ago in London and my friend and I had a photo. We were either side of her and I intended to put my hand her back but fortunately my subconcious did a great bit of work for me. She didn't notice, or did but didn't say anything.
leicsmac Posted 27 September 2017 Posted 27 September 2017 1. I have been clinically dead for 40 seconds after collapsing at home. 2. I won $2500 in a poker tournament a few years ago. 3. I once got Muzzy Izzet to sign my match programme.
ozleicester Posted 27 September 2017 Posted 27 September 2017 10 minutes ago, Benguin said: I met her about 5 years ago in London and my friend and I had a photo. We were either side of her and I intended to put my hand her back but fortunately my subconcious did a great bit of work for me. She didn't notice, or did but didn't say anything. fyi... http://variety.com/2017/biz/news/jury-sides-with-taylor-swift-in-groping-lawsuit-1202527505/
Benguin Posted 27 September 2017 Posted 27 September 2017 1 minute ago, ozleicester said: fyi... http://variety.com/2017/biz/news/jury-sides-with-taylor-swift-in-groping-lawsuit-1202527505/ Actus reus non facit reum nisi mens sit rea.
ozleicester Posted 27 September 2017 Posted 27 September 2017 2 minutes ago, Benguin said: Actus reus non facit reum nisi mens sit rea. first time ive heard that Not sure the courts would agrree
Benguin Posted 27 September 2017 Posted 27 September 2017 2 minutes ago, ozleicester said: first time ive heard that Sorry legal talk. I think I'll be okay as she definitely doesn't know I exist (wow that hurts to think about) and even though I enjoyed the accident, it was still an accident.
General Smuts Posted 27 September 2017 Posted 27 September 2017 1. Ossie Ardilles has seen my penis 2. Kele from Bloc Party punched me in the face 3. I got a custard pie in the face from Ant from Ant and Dec
Benguin Posted 27 September 2017 Posted 27 September 2017 2 minutes ago, General Smuts said: 1. Ossie Ardilles has seen my penis 2. Kele from Bloc Party punched me in the face 3. I got a custard pie in the face from Ant from Ant and Dec I reckon number 2, and it was actual Wilfried Bony.
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