Failures with the opposite sex.

[Alf Bentley]

12 hours ago, Webbo said:

Got married and emigrated to Australia. My sister still talks to her on Facebook I think.

 

Now I know who you were thinking about when you posted the link to "Have you seen her?" by The Chilites in the 70s Music thread.

I won't tell your wife, I promise. 

[Bob Weasel Fox]

Having been married twice, engaged 4 times and ended up having 5 children with 3 different ladies (in the loosest of terms lol) I think my life has been one big failure!! Does that count?  

[Alf Bentley]

5 minutes ago, Bob Weasel Fox said:

Having been married twice, engaged 4 times and ended up having 5 children with 3 different ladies (in the loosest of terms lol) I think my life has been one big failure!! Does that count?  

 

Less weasel, more rat up a drainpipe.... 

[VLC86]

3 hours ago, LcFc_Smiv said:

When I was 18 I used to work in a village pub with a waitress who was drop dead gorgeous, the kind of girl you get nervous around especiallly when you had as little confidence as me. We finished work one Saturday night and with us both having our respective friends in town it made sense to share a taxi in. On the off chance both set of friends were in the same bar, and us playing catch up stood at the bar together having a few drinks. As the night progressed our group merged into one and my confidence grew and we spent the night dancing and chatting. At the end of the night we grabbed some food and jumped in a taxi home with some friends with her cuddled up to me on the back seat, result. Got back to the village, jumped out the cab, both living in opposite directions I grabbed my cheesey chips and headed for home to which was greeted with "aren't you coming back to mine?" to which I responded "nah I'm hungry". Whether I was too drunk, hungry or just not quite confident enough to see the job through I'll never be too sure, but my mates made work hell for me making sure everyone who frequently visited the pub was aware of my failings, including her dad who was the chef I worked with!

Cheesy chips> sex imo.

[Guest the fox]

43 minutes ago, Bob Weasel Fox said:

Having been married twice, engaged 4 times and ended up having 5 children with 3 different ladies (in the loosest of terms lol) I think my life has been one big failure!! Does that count?  

oh, don't beat yourself up, bob. 15,000+ comments must count for something.

[Guest]

14 hours ago, Webbo said:

Not sure if this is worth a thread but I remembered today something that happened to me years ago.

 

Helen was my sister's friend, I'd known her since we were kids, played hide and seek etc and talked to her no problem. She was 2 or 3 years younger than me. By the time she was 15 or 16 she was like a film star, stunningly beautiful, so much so that I always got nervous around her. I'd be around 18-19 when I was looking for something in my dad's car and Helen started walking up the street. I was wearing my glasses and at the time I hated anyone seeing me in them. I panicked a bit, I can't let Helen see me in my specs, so I took them off and pretended to be cleaning them. "Hello Helen" I said as she was passing when just then in my nervousness I actually snapped my glasses in half right in front of her. Tbf to her she did try not to laugh until she was out of earshot.

 

It was so humiliating, needless to say I never had any success when it came to Helen.

Webbo is this a homophobic thread? Can I suggest a title of failures with the opposite/same sex? 

[fazzyfox]

My mate (and it was a mate, not me honest) went back from a club with an absolutely gorgeous bird to her place, we waved him into the taxi, stunned and muttering about how lucky he'd been, this was a once in  a life time moment for him. The next day we ask how it went and he replies glumly, "She had an STD so I got out of there as fast as I could."  We asked him how he knew and he said she'd popped to the loo and told him to help himself to a drink from the fridge and when he opened it there were a few tubs of natural yogurt in there (he was aware that it can be used to relieve certain symptoms). He said he just legged it out of the door and kept running (why - did he think she'd chase him down the street with a lassoo or something). After a lot of frowning, puzzled looks and a long silence as we tried to take in his story eventually one of us eventually piped up with what we were all thinking - "Maybe she just likes yogurt mate". We then saw him register this possibility, his jaw dropped and the colour drained from his face followed by "Oh F*** I didn't think of that"!

We said go round with some flowers say you suddenly came over queasy and thought you were going to be sick, she might believe it. He looked at us in horror "I can't, I don't know where she lives, when I arrived I got out of the cab straight into her house and when I left I just ran, I didn't have a clue where I was until I found a main road. We remind him about it often, the "Daft Pudding who got his just Desserts" etc. You never know though he may have been right but knowing his luck - no !

[Guest the fox]

.

Edited 13 January 2018 by the fox

[The Bear]

I was 16 and in the sixth form common room on my own with the stereo on. During a particularly rousing song I was really getting into it and stood up on the sofa playing air guitar. One of the fittest girls in my year chose this exact moment to walk in. She stopped in her tracks and stared at me. I jumped down having gone bright red, wanting the ground to swallow me up. We never said a word and I was out of there like a shot.

[Guest the fox]

being 16 really brings the cringe out of you

[Lovejoy]

Spent a good half hour trying to explain the Duckworth Lewis rule to a Swedish lass in a bar, she was an absolute rocket. Needless to say I went home alone that night.

[The Doctor]

3 hours ago, David Guiza said:

I once spent at least 30 minutes of a date speaking about sausage rolls for no apparent reason. 

Thats what happens when you take someone to Greggs for a first date.

[VLC86]

1 hour ago, fazzyfox said:

My mate (and it was a mate, not me honest) went back from a club with an absolutely gorgeous bird to her place, we waved him into the taxi, stunned and muttering about how lucky he'd been, this was a once in  a life time moment for him. The next day we ask how it went and he replies glumly, "She had an STD so I got out of there as fast as I could."  We asked him how he knew and he said she'd popped to the loo and told him to help himself to a drink from the fridge and when he opened it there were a few tubs of natural yogurt in there (he was aware that it can be used to relieve certain symptoms). He said he just legged it out of the door and kept running (why - did he think she'd chase him down the street with a lassoo or something). After a lot of frowning, puzzled looks and a long silence as we tried to take in his story eventually one of us eventually piped up with what we were all thinking - "Maybe she just likes yogurt mate". We then saw him register this possibility, his jaw dropped and the colour drained from his face followed by "Oh F*** I didn't think of that"!

We said go round with some flowers say you suddenly came over queasy and thought you were going to be sick, she might believe it. He looked at us in horror "I can't, I don't know where she lives, when I arrived I got out of the cab straight into her house and when I left I just ran, I didn't have a clue where I was until I found a main road. We remind him about it often, the "Daft Pudding who got his just Desserts" etc. You never know though he may have been right but knowing his luck - no !

People with STI’s> people who like natural yogurt.

[Bob Weasel Fox]

33 minutes ago, Lovejoy said:

Spent a good half hour trying to explain the Duckworth Lewis rule to a Swedish lass in a bar, she was an absolute rocket. Needless to say I went home alone that night.

That’s not cricket me old fella

 

should of tried the ****worth inherpants method instead  

[stripeyfox]

2 hours ago, fazzyfox said:

My mate (and it was a mate, not me honest) went back from a club with an absolutely gorgeous bird to her place, we waved him into the taxi, stunned and muttering about how lucky he'd been, this was a once in  a life time moment for him. The next day we ask how it went and he replies glumly, "She had an STD so I got out of there as fast as I could."  We asked him how he knew and he said she'd popped to the loo and told him to help himself to a drink from the fridge and when he opened it there were a few tubs of natural yogurt in there (he was aware that it can be used to relieve certain symptoms). He said he just legged it out of the door and kept running (why - did he think she'd chase him down the street with a lassoo or something). After a lot of frowning, puzzled looks and a long silence as we tried to take in his story eventually one of us eventually piped up with what we were all thinking - "Maybe she just likes yogurt mate". We then saw him register this possibility, his jaw dropped and the colour drained from his face followed by "Oh F*** I didn't think of that"!

We said go round with some flowers say you suddenly came over queasy and thought you were going to be sick, she might believe it. He looked at us in horror "I can't, I don't know where she lives, when I arrived I got out of the cab straight into her house and when I left I just ran, I didn't have a clue where I was until I found a main road. We remind him about it often, the "Daft Pudding who got his just Desserts" etc. You never know though he may have been right but knowing his luck - no !

That wouldn't have put me off...

[Voll Blau]

2 hours ago, Lovejoy said:

Spent a good half hour trying to explain the Duckworth Lewis rule to a Swedish lass in a bar, she was an absolute rocket. Needless to say I went home alone that night.

Feel your pain. Struck out with a Yank lass in Barbados once while trying to teach her a forward defensive. Was doing well before that.

 

We were on a cricket tour so I was trying to explain why we were there. 

Edited 12 January 2018 by Voll Blau

[Stadt]

Possibly one of the most foxestalk things to happen, lads cockblocking themselves with cricket talk

[Wymsey]

Where's @THEBIGJOHNSTEADER;when you strikingly need him?..

[Guest seanfox778]

1 hour ago, stripeyfox said:

That wouldn't have put me off...

They're pretty much all cureable anyway these days. 

[stripeyfox]

32 minutes ago, seanfox778 said:

They're pretty much all cureable anyway these days. 

I could put up with a bit of itching if she was fit..... or maybe even if she wasn't.....

 

[Buce]

 

I don't know of a single STI that can be treated with live yoghurt.

 

The symptoms of thrush can be relieved by it, but thrush isn't an STI.

[Countryfox]

1 hour ago, Buce said:

 

I don't know of a single STI that can be treated with live yoghurt.

 

The symptoms of thrush can be relieved by it, but thrush isn't an STI.

 

You seem to know a lot about it Bucey ...    

[Saxondale]

Was trying to chat up a girl at a mate's house. Pulled up a chair at the kitchen table, not knowing it was broken. Crashed to the floor - both literally and metaphorically.

[Guest]

So sad that I'm unable to join in with this thread. No relevant experience  - like with the Dieting thread.

[Buce]

19 minutes ago, FIF said:

So sad that I'm unable to join in with this thread. No relevant experience  - like with the Dieting thread.

 

That's ok, FIF.

 

Just tell us about your failures with the same sex then.