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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Parafox

Parafox

Posted
Posted
23 hours ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

Never challenge Death to a pillow fight unless you can handle the reaper cushions.

 

That's why I always use pillows. Cushions are too small and decorative.

 

That's why I'm still alive.

  • 2 weeks later...
davieG

davieG

Posted
Posted

 

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load.  Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed.

ajthefox

ajthefox

Posted
Posted
On 26/08/2024 at 15:43, MPH said:

A lorry loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus overturned  yesterday on the M1 losing its entire load.  Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed.

 

23 hours ago, davieG said:

 

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load.  Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed.

Shameless, Davie.

  • Haha 3
davieG

davieG

Posted
Posted
36 minutes ago, ajthefox said:

 

Shameless, Davie.

Sue me!

  • Popular Post
Dunge

Dunge

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted
56 minutes ago, ajthefox said:

 

Shameless, Davie.

Also audacious, bold, brash, brazen, flagrant, high-handed, immoral, improper, outrageous, rude, unabashed, unprincipled and wanton.

  • Haha 6
Tinman

Tinman

Posted
Posted

Sad news today. After 5 years of medical training, one of my mates has been struck off due to a minor discretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer do the job he loves. What a waste of time and money. Genuinely a great guy and a brilliant vet

Parafox

Parafox

Posted
Posted
3 minutes ago, The Bear said:

I read a couple of weeks ago that a banana a day is good for colon health. 

 

I only realised today that you're supposed to eat them! 

Peeled or unpeeled?

bovril

bovril

Posted
Posted
On 21/06/2024 at 19:05, Parafox said:

I ordered a "California Dreaming" salad today.

 

I sent it back.

 

All the leaves were brown.

All the leaves were brown? 

  • Haha 1
Parafox

Parafox

Posted
Posted
17 hours ago, bovril said:

All the leaves were brown? 

Lyrics
 
All the leaves are brown (all the leaves are brown)
And the sky is gray (and the sky is gray)
I've been for a walk (I've been for a walk)
On a winter's day (on a winter's day)
I'd be safe and warm (I'd be safe and warm)
If I was in L.A. (if I was in L.A.)
California dreamin' (California dreamin')
On such a winter's day
 
The Mama's and The Papa's. 1965.
  • 2 weeks later...
Trav Le Bleu

Trav Le Bleu

Posted
Posted

I don't like to swear, but when I see people dithering over which cruise company to choose for their holiday it makes me bloody seeth.

 

I mean, it's not 'Cunard!

  • 2 weeks later...
The Bear

The Bear

Posted
Posted
3 minutes ago, leicsmac said:

In line with Donald Trump, Matt Gaetz had likewise looked to produce a line of personalised guitars for sale.

 

Unfortunately, the only chord you can play on them is A Minor.

 

You could market them in Leeds but only with the chord E Minor. 

 

Yes that's an even shitter joke, if possible. 

  • Haha 1
Parafox

Parafox

Posted
Posted
On 21/11/2024 at 13:39, The Bear said:

You could market them in Leeds but only with the chord E Minor. 

 

Yes that's an even shitter joke, if possible. 

 

You could have the introductory chord, A up, minor.

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