skinnydipper Posted 6 February 2011 Posted 6 February 2011 Something most of us do periodically. Here's an example of mine. A few years ago I needed some new golf shoes and on visiting a club that I don't normally play at I saw a pair that I quite liked but they didn't have my size in stock The pro said that he could order some in and would give me a call when they came in if I left my name and number As i have an unusual surname which I tire of having to spell when making bookings or placing orders I sometimes provide an easier spelt name such as Smith, Brown or Jones. That is what I did on this occasion. The shoes took a couple of months to come in. When they did the pro left a message on my mobile to inform me of their arrival so that I could come in and try them on. A couple of days later I turned up at the shop. The pro wasn't there but his assistant was. I explained that some shoes that I had ordered had come in and I was there to try them on. He said "o.k. what's the name?" Thing was that after two or so months I couldn't remember which false name I had provided when I had originally ordered the shoes and looking a bit confused I said to him "hang on, it'll come to me in a minute" After a lapse of 15-20 seconds the name that I had provided came back to me, he got the shoes from the storeroom which were tried and purchased and I left. From his perspective I was a grade A simpleton who struggled to remember his own name and I haven't been back there since.
Webbo Posted 6 February 2011 Posted 6 February 2011 Years ago when our kids were still toddlers we had a weekend at Butlins. Late one night we were looking a drink when we found this karaoke bar. I told the wife to grab a table while I fetched the drinks. I was stood at the bar with my back to the singers when somebody started wailing 'arrr arrr arrr jailhouse rock, arr arr arr jailhouse rock'. Without looking around and trying to be funny I said to the barman 'for christ sakes don't serve him any more'. The barman just gave me the dirtiest look ever. I picked up our drinks wondering what I'd said when I turned around and saw it was the British Special Olympic Team who were also stopping at Butlins having a karaoke night. We supped up quickly and left shamed faced.
Trav Le Bleu Posted 6 February 2011 Posted 6 February 2011 Something most of us do periodically. Here's an example of mine. A few years ago I needed some new golf shoes and on visiting a club that I don't normally play at I saw a pair that I quite liked but they didn't have my size in stock The pro said that he could order some in and would give me a call when they came in if I left my name and number As i have an unusual surname which I tire of having to spell when making bookings or placing orders I sometimes provide an easier spelt name such as Smith, Brown or Jones. That is what I did on this occasion. The shoes took a couple of months to come in. When they did the pro left a message on my mobile to inform me of their arrival so that I could come in and try them on. A couple of days later I turned up at the shop. The pro wasn't there but his assistant was. I explained that some shoes that I had ordered had come in and I was there to try them on. He said "o.k. what's the name?" Thing was that after two or so months I couldn't remember which false name I had provided when I had originally ordered the shoes and looking a bit confused I said to him "hang on, it'll come to me in a minute" After a lapse of 15-20 seconds the name that I had provided came back to me, he got the shoes from the storeroom which were tried and purchased and I left. From his perspective I was a grade A simpleton who struggled to remember his own name and I haven't been back there since. Serves you right Mr Alwaysfarting-Bottham!
Zingari Posted 6 February 2011 Posted 6 February 2011 Tarquin Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lim-bus-stop-F'tang-F'tang-Olé-Biscuitbarrel ( silly party )
Mickey O'Neil Posted 6 February 2011 Posted 6 February 2011 Something most of us do periodically. Here's an example of mine. A few years ago I needed some new golf shoes and on visiting a club that I don't normally play at I saw a pair that I quite liked but they didn't have my size in stock The pro said that he could order some in and would give me a call when they came in if I left my name and number As i have an unusual surname which I tire of having to spell when making bookings or placing orders I sometimes provide an easier spelt name such as Smith, Brown or Jones. That is what I did on this occasion. The shoes took a couple of months to come in. When they did the pro left a message on my mobile to inform me of their arrival so that I could come in and try them on. A couple of days later I turned up at the shop. The pro wasn't there but his assistant was. I explained that some shoes that I had ordered had come in and I was there to try them on. He said "o.k. what's the name?" Thing was that after two or so months I couldn't remember which false name I had provided when I had originally ordered the shoes and looking a bit confused I said to him "hang on, it'll come to me in a minute" After a lapse of 15-20 seconds the name that I had provided came back to me, he got the shoes from the storeroom which were tried and purchased and I left. From his perspective I was a grade A simpleton who struggled to remember his own name and I haven't been back there since.
Smudge Posted 6 February 2011 Posted 6 February 2011 Tarquin Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lim-bus-stop-F'tang-F'tang-Olé-Biscuitbarrel ( silly party )
Mee Posted 6 February 2011 Posted 6 February 2011 In Year 3 or so, i believe, (and no, not yesterday), it was 2 minutes until the school bell went and we could go home. Then i felt the sudden urge to go to the toilet. Suddenly, all the people around me started shouting out loud 'ewww what's that smell?!' and 'ewww who has bobbed their pants'. So like a cool fella who i was back then, i joined in with the claims. Trying to divert attention from myself. So then the bell rang, and i ran to the car to go home, and my mum was waiting there. Then she shouts 'WHO'S CRAPPED THEMSELVES?!' , so, with all my 6-year-old-street-cred down the drain, i decided to burst out into tears and admit that i shat myself. Not that amusing, but i literally made an 'arse' out of myself.
Jackirius Posted 6 February 2011 Posted 6 February 2011 In year 9 I think at High School, I was mucking about with my pen and uncoiled the spring in it, anyway I'm not sure how but I got the spring stuck in my finger. I had to get the school nurse who was in a packed assembly hall to try and get it out. As I got to her, she announced it in front of all the upper school and then proceeded to try and pull it out in front of them. I was nearly in tears and had about 300 pupils laughing at me. That was pretty embarrassing. It ended up me having to go to the surgery and get it froze then removed.
Mee Posted 6 February 2011 Posted 6 February 2011 In year 9 I think at High School, I was mucking about with my pen and uncoiled the spring in it, anyway I'm not sure how but I got the spring stuck in my finger. I had to get the school nurse who was in a packed assembly hall to try and get it out. As I got to her, she announced it in front of all the upper school and then proceeded to try and pull it out in front of them. I was nearly in tears and had about 300 pupils laughing at me. That was pretty embarrassing. It ended up me having to go to the surgery and get it froze then removed. lol . That's why you should play with a girl who has the coil. Sorry, they get worse .
skinnydipper Posted 6 February 2011 Author Posted 6 February 2011 Years ago when our kids were still toddlers we had a weekend at Butlins. Late one night we were looking a drink when we found this karaoke bar. I told the wife to grab a table while I fetched the drinks. I was stood at the bar with my back to the singers when somebody started wailing 'arrr arrr arrr jailhouse rock, arr arr arr jailhouse rock'. Without looking around and trying to be funny I said to the barman 'for christ sakes don't serve him any more'. The barman just gave me the dirtiest look ever. I picked up our drinks wondering what I'd said when I turned around and saw it was the British Special Olympic Team who were also stopping at Butlins having a karaoke night. We supped up quickly and left shamed faced. Reminds me of the episode of The Inbetweeners where the special needs group get the front seat on the rollercoaster
Wymsey Posted 6 February 2011 Posted 6 February 2011 When i was 8/9, i wolfwhistled at some Leicester highschool girls who were outside my school's gates. However, one of them was the girlfriend of someone in a class below me. He gave me stern looks from then on. Felt terrible doing it
skinnydipper Posted 6 February 2011 Author Posted 6 February 2011 Serves you right Mr Alwaysfarting-Bottham! Tarquin Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lim-bus-stop-F'tang-F'tang-Olé-Biscuitbarrel ( silly party ) If only it were one of these. Would guarantee instant arrest if ever stopped by a copper
skinnydipper Posted 6 February 2011 Author Posted 6 February 2011 In year 9 I think at High School, I was mucking about with my pen and uncoiled the spring in it, anyway I'm not sure how but I got the spring stuck in my finger. I had to get the school nurse who was in a packed assembly hall to try and get it out. As I got to her, she announced it in front of all the upper school and then proceeded to try and pull it out in front of them. I was nearly in tears and had about 300 pupils laughing at me. That was pretty embarrassing. It ended up me having to go to the surgery and get it froze then removed. Reminds me of getting caught in my zipper aged about 14 with only my mum and sister in the house to help. I had tears in my eyes. They did too from laughing so much. Button flies are the preferred option these days!
Miquel The Work Geordie Posted 6 February 2011 Posted 6 February 2011 When I was ten or so, our next door neighbours went on holiday, while they were having an extension to their house built. We (me and my two brothers) had just bought some paintball guns at the time, and the construction site seemed the perfect place to go around all Medal of Honor style. To all of our joy, we uncovered a shit load of Sun newspapers in the extension. At the time, anything with breasts in it was considered 'pornos.' We wallpaper pasted any breasts we could find onto the windows of their house.
Jackirius Posted 6 February 2011 Posted 6 February 2011 Got stuck in something similar to that for about 50 minutes once until my parents got back from food shopping or something.
jonthefox Posted 6 February 2011 Posted 6 February 2011 Tarquin Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lim-bus-stop-F'tang-F'tang-Olé- bus stop Biscuitbarrel ( silly party ) I do believe.
cambridgefox Posted 6 February 2011 Posted 6 February 2011 Years ago i was in a rush to get somewhere and overtook a slowish car,as i was overtaking they sounded the horn,i thought hold on ,i can see nothing is coming,so i gave the driver the W****r sign,only to realise it was a customer of mine who recognised me.I was shitting myself come monday morning,but he never said a word to my boss,but said to me i assume you didnt know that was me the other day.How red did i go,i have never grovelled so much in my life.
AoWW Posted 6 February 2011 Posted 6 February 2011 Years ago i was in a rush to get somewhere and overtook a slowish car,as i was overtaking they sounded the horn,i thought hold on ,i can see nothing is coming,so i gave the driver the W****r sign,only to realise it was a customer of mine who recognised me.I was shitting myself come monday morning,but he never said a word to my boss,but said to me i assume you didnt know that was me the other day.How red did i go,i have never grovelled so much in my life. I did something very similar, only it was the parents of a girl I used to teach, and the gesture was slightly different but just as graphic. Yes, the girl and her younger brother were sat in the back of the car too. They didn't come to Parents' Evening that year.
cambridgefox Posted 6 February 2011 Posted 6 February 2011 i could go on all night with this.When i lived with my parents th e next door neighbour used to be Miss california(honest) and as you can imagine fairly attractive,but a lot older than me and way out of my league,she said next time i was going to the local could she join me and my mates and get to know a few people. I walked in and my mates were round her like flies round shit.one of them asked where she was from in the states and she said an area called the Pan Handle,quick as a flash to show off,i said ive got a pan handle in my trousers,she looked bemused and asked what that was.Needless to say my mates told her straight away what i meant.
StanSP Posted 6 February 2011 Posted 6 February 2011 When I was about 9 or 10, I was home alone, and one of my mates from school was coming round around midday. When he knocked on the door though, I didn't hear it. Then he started saying my name through the letter-box, but his voice sounded very different for some reason. As I didn't recognise it, I thought it was a total stranger and got quite scared. I ended up ringing my parents who were at work saying 'someone's at the door and I don't know who it is blah blah'. They then obviously asked 'isn't your friend coming round?'. So when I actually went and opened up the door, sure enough, it was my friend at the door waiting. Never been more embarrassed in my life I don't think
Haydos Posted 7 February 2011 Posted 7 February 2011 Years ago i was in a rush to get somewhere and overtook a slowish car,as i was overtaking they sounded the horn,i thought hold on ,i can see nothing is coming,so i gave the driver the W****r sign,only to realise it was a customer of mine who recognised me.I was shitting myself come monday morning,but he never said a word to my boss,but said to me i assume you didnt know that was me the other day.How red did i go,i have never grovelled so much in my life. Ergh. Driving one for me too. Couple of years ago I was driving over to a mates house in the evening and there was a few of us in the car on a country road when I notice a car behind me. Eventually he's pretty close to me so I put my foot down (We're going through an odd 40mph zone at this point). He's right up my arse now and i'm doing about 60. Soon as it's natioanl speed limit again I bomb it up to about 80 and he's still sticking on me. I'm thinking what a knob. Get to a village and slow down to about 50 and at this point.....he decides to put his sirens on. Felt a right willy puller. Explained myself to him and he didn't even check my license, just ran the plates.
MPH Posted 7 February 2011 Posted 7 February 2011 Think i posted this a couple of years ago on here,,,, I got to the staff room at work and sat down with my coffee. Sat next to a friend and began chatting. She was wearing a knee length skirt. I noticed she had these marks on her knees. so i just asked her what happened. she sheepishly replied ' oh, they are carpet burns' Now i was a few years younger at the time and made a right arse of myself and unfortunately her too. " oooh yeah!!!! carpet burns eh? what have you been upto!" i blurted out much too loudly " ay Alex, she's got carpet burns on her legs!" i said to a mate of mine " so what you been upto then eh? carpet burns!" By now the whole of the staff room was listening and had gone quiet. she just very quietly said " im epileptic"
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