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MPH

Funny things your wife says

By MPH, in General Chat

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  • 2 weeks later...
MPH

MPH

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Last night, after temperatures hit 32c during the day with our AC broken I slumped onto the Settee and said to my wife

 

" I can't believe it.. im so hot. I can hardly breathe"

 

To which she replied...

 

 

" what.. you mean like a tiger?"

 

 

 

:blink:

  • Like 1
  • 3 months later...
cambridgefox

cambridgefox

Posted
Posted

I just got up from the sofa and having had my knees operated on yesterday i pretended to be in severe pain and said I was light headed.

She said" aaaahhh the boy who called fox....I mean wolf"

Oh it might have been a slip but she is paying for it now.

  • 1 month later...
Smudge

Smudge

Posted
Posted (edited)

The scene  - home office

 

  • Wife - Sighs
  • Wife - Slams mouse on desk
  • Wife - "This bloody computer"
  • Smudge - "What's up love?"
  • Wife - This piece of shit computer won't print
  • Smudge - "Have you clicked on print?"
  • Wife - "Of course I have, do think I'm stupid?" (remember this bit)
  • Smudge - Says nothing
  • Wife - "I have tried lots of times and it wont print it just says it's asleep"
  • Smudge - Try unplugging it and it should reboot
  • Wife - Unplugs mains from back of compter, drops the cable, bumps her head a shouts "Bloody hell!!"
  • Smudge - Chuckles quietly to himself
  • Wife - "It still wont work, piece of shit printer"
  • Smudge - You have got it connected to your laptop haven't you?"
  • Herself - Embarrassed laughter attaches cable, 8 checks on plain paper spew out of printer
Edited by Smudge
AoWW

AoWW

Posted
Posted

 

The scene  - home office

 

  • Wife - Sighs
  • Wife - Slams mouse on desk
  • Wife - "This bloody computer"
  • Smudge - "What's up love?"
  • Wife - This piece of shit computer won't print
  • Smudge - "Have you clicked on print?"
  • Wife - "Of course I have, do think I'm stupid?" (remember this bit)
  • Smudge - Says nothing
  • Wife - "I have tried lots of times and it wont print it just says it's asleep"
  • Smudge - Try unplugging it and it should reboot
  • Wife - Unplugs mains from back of compter, drops the cable, bumps her head a shouts "Bloody hell!!"
  • Smudge - Chuckles quietly to himself
  • Wife - "It still wont work, piece of shit printer"
  • Smudge - You have got it connected to your laptop haven't you?"
  • Herself - Embarrassed laughter attaches cable, 8 checks on plain paper spew out of printer

 

 

Which is all your fault for not buying a wireless printer in the first place. :D

Smudge

Smudge

Posted
Posted

Which is all your fault for not buying a wireless printer in the first place. :D

It is wireless, I just haven't got around to "hooking it up' yet :)

 

Twas funny though, she does get her tits in wringer over this" bloody computer". it's only 3 months old and is just as bad as the old one :whistle:

AoWW

AoWW

Posted
Posted

It is wireless, I just haven't got around to "hooking it up' yet :)

 

Twas funny though, she does get her tits in wringer over this" bloody computer". it's only 3 months old and is just as bad as the old one :whistle:

 

Well in that case it's still your fault for not yet completing such as essential task. *tuts* :rolleyes::P

Smudge

Smudge

Posted
Posted

Well in that case it's still your fault for not yet completing such as essential task. *tuts* :rolleyes::P

You don't have to remind me of my shortcomings Fi.

When she backed her car out of the garage and hit mine, it was my fault for parking it there these last twenty years. :rolleyes:;)

AoWW

AoWW

Posted
Posted

You don't have to remind me of my shortcomings Fi.

When she backed her car out of the garage and hit mine, it was my fault for parking it there these last twenty years. :rolleyes:;)

 

Well, as Mrs Smudge isn't here to remind you, I feel it's my duty to do it on her behalf. :D 

 

(And it was a truly idiotic place to park your car!) :P

Smudge

Smudge

Posted
Posted (edited)

Well, as Mrs Smudge isn't here to remind you, I feel it's my duty to do it on her behalf. :D

 

(And it was a truly idiotic place to park your car!) :P

:D I was relating this to Mic tonight, she's very proud of you for telling it at it is.

Edited by Smudge
The Blur

The Blur

Posted
Posted

My girlfriend forced me to watch The Notebook film other day. When the film ended, we was discussing it and I said " Boy, I felt sorry for the other guy who treated her well yet get cheated on" to which she respond "It don't matter as long it is a true love"

 

I can't believe how much women get blinded by unrealistic romantic films and ended up having a sky high expectations of men as the result.

Bayfox

Bayfox

Posted
Posted

 

So ive just moved into a new house in Notts.

Girlfriend comes up to visit for the first time, little bit scared, its quite a big dark old place etc.

"Have you locked all the doors"

"Yes!!"

"Are you sure"

"Yes!!"

The next statement was said with 100 percent seriousness....

"Have you set the alarm??"

"...... *Fits of laughter, almost crying"

"Whats funny???"

I'll be honest guys it took a while to explain that you cant really set and alarm when your in the fecking house as you would set it off but when the penny finally dropped she was pretty embarrassed!

 

I know this has been covered, but, I'd side with the other half here, we used to zone off the upstairs and set downstairs at night.

OzFox

OzFox

Posted
Posted

Wife catches sight of actor Colin Farrell on TV:

Wife: There's thingy, whatsisname. He's a real sweetie. He was in that war movie that we like.
Me: What war movie?
Wife: You know, the one where they go into Gallipoli
Me: We've never seen a movie where they go into Gallipoli
Wife: Yes we did. With the parachutes.
Me: You mean Band of Brothers?
Wife: Yes that's it.
Me: That was a TV series not a movie, they went into France not Gallipoli, and he wasn't in it
Wife: Yes he was

Me: No he wasn't

Wife: Well, he's still dishy.

MPH

MPH

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Wife catches sight of actor Colin Farrell on TV:

Wife: There's thingy, whatsisname. He's a real sweetie. He was in that war movie that we like.

Me: What war movie?

Wife: You know, the one where they go into Gallipoli

Me: We've never seen a movie where they go into Gallipoli

Wife: Yes we did. With the parachutes.

Me: You mean Band of Brothers?

Wife: Yes that's it.

Me: That was a TV series not a movie, they went into France not Gallipoli, and he wasn't in it

Wife: Yes he was

Me: No he wasn't

Wife: Well, he's still dishy.

lol

Tielemans63

Tielemans63

Posted
Posted

The wife, every time we get off the A14 on to the motorway to go to see my folks:

 

"It's a fast motorway today."

 

I will never understand this and she says it literally every time - of course it's bloody fast, it's a motorway!

dorsetboy

dorsetboy

Posted
Posted

bought a new tv for the kiddies and wife set it up while i was at work 

 

 

got a text saying she cant get any channels on it for them, decided to ring her and say leave it i said i would do it when i got home. 

 

anyway she would not have it and said she could do i think she is stupid.

 

i said to her have you plugged the aerial in the back to which she replied

 

"you dont need to silly it says on the box it has built in freeview"   

MPH

MPH

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Both my wife and I have a bit of a cough. Stopped off to get these cough sweets got back in the car and gave my wife one.. she puts one in her mouth.. after a few seconds she said " ooh.. does this have menthol in it? ". I checked the packet "yup".

" I feel like a dinosaur breathing steam!" She said

I looked at her and said " err.. what?"

"Oh! Haha! I meant a dragon breathing fire"

lol

  • 9 months later...
MPH

MPH

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Sitting at the computer and my wife shouts through " What ingredients do you need to make humus? "

So I replied:

"Chickpeas, garlic and olive oil are some, but I'll check"

She replied with:

" we've got normal peas, will they do?"

Stunned silence.

Blond and American- not a good combo!

lol

Julian Joachim Jr Shabadoo

Julian Joachim Jr Shabadoo

Posted
Posted

Sitting at the computer and my wife shouts through " What ingredients do you need to make humus? "

So I replied:

"Chickpeas, garlic and olive oil are some, but I'll check"

She replied with:

" we've got normal peas, will they do?"

Stunned silence.

Blond and American- not a good combo!

lol

 

Hang about… your wife might have invented an even better dip there! Garlicky mushy peas, I'd eat it

  • Like 2
bovril

bovril

Posted
Posted

Girlfriend: "I hate all those insect superheroes like Batman and Spiderman.... apart from Batman who's not an insect."

Me: "Neither is a spider."

Girlfriend: "But it's small and black."

  • Like 1
kingcarr21

kingcarr21

Posted
Posted

Girlfriend: "I hate all those insect superheroes like Batman and Spiderman.... apart from Batman who's not an insect."

Me: "Neither is a spider."

Girlfriend: "But it's small and black."

haha brilliant. lol

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