Break ups

[Mike Oxlong]

women are mental

They can certainly be irrational at times

Why do we put up with such behaviour?

[Footballwipe]

Genuinely can't believe that z-layrex just suggested that friendly texting other females when in a relationship is "bad form"

 

Better clear out my contacts and go and get a job in a male-only environment. Will cut off all ties with my sister too, better to be safe and all that/

 

What a strange attitude.

[StanSP]

Genuinely can't believe that z-layrex just suggested that friendly texting other females when in a relationship is "bad form"

 

Better clear out my contacts and go and get a job in a male-only environment. Will cut off all ties with my sister too, better to be safe and all that/

 

What a strange attitude.

 

[AoWW]

There might be something in what AoWW says, suggesting that her apparently unreasonable behaviour might be down to insecurity.

 

That's not to express a view as to whether or not you should stick with her. Not knowing you or her, I haven't a clue about that.

 

If she is acting unreasonably out of insecurity, I suppose it's worth asking yourself whether (maybe with your help) she might change - and whether there's otherwise enough of value in the relationship to make you want to try. It might (or might not) be a long, arduous task....that might or might not be worth it in the long run. Then again, some people just remain insecure long-term, so unless you want to become a caring, nurturing near father-figure, maybe that wouldn't be for you?

 

Agony Uncle Alf  

 

Of course there's something in what AoWW says.  

 

Casablancas, sit down with her and have a proper heart-to-heart, and I mean properly listen to her - and do all the 'reading between the lines' of the things she wants to say but can't. I know men aren't the most intuitive ( ) but I have a little faith. If, having given her the opportunity to be really honest, you still feel it's the right thing to walk away then do - at least you'll be making that decision with more integrity. Perhaps you feel her paranoia is too much to handle, nobody's forcing you to take on that sort of emotional insecurity, but - in her mind, however petty or irrational it may seem to you - there will be a reason why she feels that way. The fact that she's now contacted you speaks volumes - if you care about her at all surely she at least deserves the opportunity to try and explain why. 

 

And listen to Uncle Alf - he talks a lot of sense (for a man!)  

[Guest Bilo]

I have plenty of friends of both genders, and any partner who can't accept that would be in for a bit of a shock. It's not 'bad form' to text any friend if there is any form of trust in your relationship, and I'd have to have serious words with any girlfriend who'd claim it was.

[Vacamion]

Yeah man.

If you can't trust your partner, what are you doing with them???

[Vardinhio]

An ex of mine cheated on me with Richard Stearman in 2007.

Quite strange really finding out your missus has been cheating on you with someone, then a few weeks later cheering the same lad as he scores away at Bristol.

Classic story.

 

Chin up mate people break up more these days than ever before. Most important thing is to be happy in yourself.

[Jattdogg]

Classic story.

Chin up mate people break up more these days than ever before. Most important thing is to be happy in yourself.

Hes had sloppy seconds so be default you won.

[Guest]

After I broke up with my long-term girlfriend this summer, an old friend gave me two pieces of advice.

 

"better to want and not have, than to have and not want"

 

"i never knew what happiness was until i married my wife. and by then it was too late"

 

 

...i've since got back together with her and I still can't tell if that's the best decision of my life or the worst.

[Wymsey]

No one dies a virgin, as life (especially break-ups) ***** us all.

[casablancas]

Of course there's something in what AoWW says.

Casablancas, sit down with her and have a proper heart-to-heart, and I mean properly listen to her - and do all the 'reading between the lines' of the things she wants to say but can't. I know men aren't the most intuitive ( ) but I have a little faith. If, having given her the opportunity to be really honest, you still feel it's the right thing to walk away then do - at least you'll be making that decision with more integrity. Perhaps you feel her paranoia is too much to handle, nobody's forcing you to take on that sort of emotional insecurity, but - in her mind, however petty or irrational it may seem to you - there will be a reason why she feels that way. The fact that she's now contacted you speaks volumes - if you care about her at all surely she at least deserves the opportunity to try and explain why.

And listen to Uncle Alf - he talks a lot of sense (for a man!)

If I knew how to rep I would. That's an Informative and mature post which I greatly appreciate. We are going for a dinner on Sunday ... Nothing fancy just to see each other and see how things fly. It's my first serious relationship in a long time that's been based on more than looks and sex so there's mileage in it. She wants me to be more open and honest re: my phone and I just want her to actually have faith in me that I'm not gonna mess about. She don't seem to be able to see I'm autonomic and have my own mind and can actually say no to women should the need arise.

[Leeds Fox]

Haha. The tinder thread. Been together a year and having our ups and does as we all do. She just is so paranoid and every time I get a text from an unrecognisable number she pounces on me. I have been nothing but supportive and loyal and just cannot continue this. The break up was not nice and I regret the way it occurred but not the outcome.

Sounds exactly like my situation a month ago. I regret it but I know it's for the best.

[Leeds Fox]

I'm 24, my ex girlfriend is 19. We'd been together 18 months, with a break in between of around a month where she slept with a couple of people. I did the same, however I understood why she needed to get this out of her system as I was her first. It hurt and I never quite got over it.

We'd been back together about 5 months and I just left her. For the 18 months I hadn't been out with my mates, not even for a couple of pints after football. I'm away during the week so we only get weekends together. She never trusted me, even though there was no reason to be in doubt, and I was never unfaithful.

Now we've split up, we've spoken and she says she doesn't want a boyfriend and wants to live her life not tied down. I always thought we'd be together again, so I'm heartbroken. But I know if we went back to the relationship we had before, it wouldn't be any better than before and before long I'd want out again. It makes it no easier that I was punching well above my weight, however the stress and stuff probably weren't worth the hassle.

I don't know what to think.

[leicesterlad1989]

I'm 24, my ex girlfriend is 19. We'd been together 18 months, with a break in between of around a month where she slept with a couple of people. I did the same, however I understood why she needed to get this out of her system as I was her first. It hurt and I never quite got over it.

We'd been back together about 5 months and I just left her. For the 18 months I hadn't been out with my mates, not even for a couple of pints after football. I'm away during the week so we only get weekends together. She never trusted me, even though there was no reason to be in doubt, and I was never unfaithful.

Now we've split up, we've spoken and she says she doesn't want a boyfriend and wants to live her life not tied down. I always thought we'd be together again, so I'm heartbroken. But I know if we went back to the relationship we had before, it wouldn't be any better than before and before long I'd want out again. It makes it no easier that I was punching well above my weight, however the stress and stuff probably weren't worth the hassle.

I don't know what to think.

 

I wasted 6 years of my life in a relationship, where looking back now neither of us fully trusted each other. I wanted to sleep around and live the life of a single lad but wanted the security of a relationship. I cheated and I told her and realistically she never trusted me again, even though she told me she did. Please bear in mind that this was after 18 months, so we tried for a further 4 and a half years, something that I regret A LOT now.

 

Basically as hard as it seems now, it will get easier. Don't waste your life looking for something that doesn't exist. The trust is broken and she wants to move on so I would just enjoy time with your friends that you didn't see before. Also you have 5 years of life experience on her, she clearly doesn't want what you want.

 

Fast forward a few years and I am happier than I've ever been. I've been with my new misses 18 months. In the years after I split up from my ex I lived the life of the single lad that I always wanted, got it out of my system and now I am settled.

 

You find what you want and leave your ex to discover what she wants.

 

Sorry for the waffle.

[StanSP]

If I knew how to rep I would. That's an Informative and mature post which I greatly appreciate. We are going for a dinner on Sunday ... Nothing fancy just to see each other and see how things fly. It's my first serious relationship in a long time that's been based on more than looks and sex so there's mileage in it. She wants me to be more open and honest re: my phone and I just want her to actually have faith in me that I'm not gonna mess about. She don't seem to be able to see I'm autonomic and have my own mind and can actually say no to women should the need arise.

Still sounds a bit tentative. Why must she look at your phone? Even if you have nothing to hide anyway will she still not trust you so will need to look at it? And not that it should work this way or not but does she let you look at her phone if you ever wanted to?

[Jattdogg]

Dunno about you guys but this thread has taken me back to similar days and all it has done is given me the urge to just want to go balls deep in all kinds of fit sugar walls. Too bad im married. Someone needs to be a stunt cock double for me pronto. I nominate una. Get out there and shag shag shag mate! Make me proud!

[AoWW]

Still sounds a bit tentative. Why must she look at your phone? Even if you have nothing to hide anyway will she still not trust you so will need to look at it? And not that it should work this way or not but does she let you look at her phone if you ever wanted to?

 

I''m not saying it's right that she should look at casablancas' phone but if, by doing so, it would reassure her, and if he's genuinely got nothing to hide, then is it really such a big deal if that's what it takes to make her feel secure? He's admitted to her that he's been unfaithful in past relationships so it's not as if her paranoia is completely irrational. I agree she should be willing to let him have free access to her phone if he wanted to, though - it works both ways. If MrAoWW wanted to look at my phone I might think it a bit strange but I certainly wouldn't say no as there's nothing on there I wouldn't want him to see. Hiding things makes people look guilty - whether they are or not!

[MPH]

Yeah man.

If you can't trust your partner, what are you doing with them???

 

 

 

Wether you trust a partner or not, isnt always up to how THEY behave. It could be to do with how you've been treated in the plast or ( wrong) information passed ontop you from a 'caring friend' who seems very sincere. of course i am not talking about manic mental women who follow you everywhere.... Just that trusting someone can be more to do with how you value and feel about yourself, sometimes

[Langley]

I got broken up with by a girl in December 2013. I made a fresh start, moved back up to Leicester within 3 months found a new girl and I found everything that I was looking for. It all clicked into place In that November we got engaged and in September 2016 we're getting married. Life moves in odd ways sometimes. The worst thing that happened could in fact be the best.

[VLC86]

I got broken up with by a girl in December 2013. I made a fresh start, moved back up to Leicester within 3 months found a new girl and I found everything that I was looking for. It all clicked into place In that November we got engaged and in September 2016 we're getting married. Life moves in odd ways sometimes. The worst thing that happened could in fact be the best.

See you back here in a year mate.

[Leeds Fox]

I wasted 6 years of my life in a relationship, where looking back now neither of us fully trusted each other. I wanted to sleep around and live the life of a single lad but wanted the security of a relationship. I cheated and I told her and realistically she never trusted me again, even though she told me she did. Please bear in mind that this was after 18 months, so we tried for a further 4 and a half years, something that I regret A LOT now.

Basically as hard as it seems now, it will get easier. Don't waste your life looking for something that doesn't exist. The trust is broken and she wants to move on so I would just enjoy time with your friends that you didn't see before. Also you have 5 years of life experience on her, she clearly doesn't want what you want.

Fast forward a few years and I am happier than I've ever been. I've been with my new misses 18 months. In the years after I split up from my ex I lived the life of the single lad that I always wanted, got it out of my system and now I am settled.

You find what you want and leave your ex to discover what she wants.

Sorry for the waffle.

Waffle all day... It's nice to hear an opinion from someone who I don't know personally.

Yeah, I understand what you're saying, and it all makes sense. This was my first relationship and so until I was 23 I'd lived the single life. I'm not going to jump into another relationship but I just couldn't see myself being single after meeting her.

The strange thing is, she's from not too far away from me, but I never knew her before we first met and got together. So all I know her is, is as a girlfriend. So now, seeing her around and stuff is going to be awful. We still speak and I'm sure she isn't 100% certain on what she wants. If I don't speak to her for a week, she comes running back, then when she's not speaking to me, I do the same. Even though I started the whole break up, I now feel like it's the opposite. It's not like we're being petty for the sake of it, I just think neither of us are ready to fully let go, but neither of us want it either.

Just to make it clear, I never cheated, I never would have!

Any way, thanks for the reply, it seems like sound advice from someone who's been through the same.

[ScouseFox]

See you back here in a year mate.

hahahshagagsh

[leicesterlad1989]

Waffle all day... It's nice to hear an opinion from someone who I don't know personally.

Yeah, I understand what you're saying, and it all makes sense. This was my first relationship and so until I was 23 I'd lived the single life. I'm not going to jump into another relationship but I just couldn't see myself being single after meeting her.

The strange thing is, she's from not too far away from me, but I never knew her before we first met and got together. So all I know her is, is as a girlfriend. So now, seeing her around and stuff is going to be awful. We still speak and I'm sure she isn't 100% certain on what she wants. If I don't speak to her for a week, she comes running back, then when she's not speaking to me, I do the same. Even though I started the whole break up, I now feel like it's the opposite. It's not like we're being petty for the sake of it, I just think neither of us are ready to fully let go, but neither of us want it either.

Just to make it clear, I never cheated, I never would have!

Any way, thanks for the reply, it seems like sound advice from someone who's been through the same.

 

Strangely enough my ex lived 4 doors down from my parents and I never knew her until we first met. She was also my first proper girlfriend (not counting holding hands with a girl at school as a girlfriend).

 

For your own sanity I would say that it's best to not communicate where possible. I split up with my ex in the summer of 2012 and we were still meeting up and sleeping together the odd time up until April 2013 and it wasn't healthy. Me and the ex were at different stages by 2013. I wanted to settle and she had enough of me pissing her about yet we were still trying our hardest to make it work.

 

I finally called time on it after a conversation with my friends. They made me realise that I was constantly going round in circles and it's not healthy.

 

You obviously know whether she is worth it or not and you can either tell her staight up what you feel or just give her time and see what happens. It's very cliche but time is a healer and you may realise that you made the right decision if you give it some time.

[The Railway Man]

My advice is whisky and music. Lots of it .

[casablancas]

So ... Been over ten days and I'm moving past this. She's intent on meeting up for food and drink. But I dont feel that's in our best interests to much pain to be had. So declined that and she's majorly pissed to the point she's grabbes the rest of her shit and I ain't here's from her since. I think it's time to bring my old self back.