Depression

[Thefox81]

5 minutes ago, filthyfox said:

I wonder how much sleep im gonna get tonight, lol!

I HAVE purposefully knackered myself out physically

All the best for tomorrow. Just remember whatever the result it doesnt define you as a person.

[Izzy]

18 minutes ago, filthyfox said:

I wonder how much sleep im gonna get tonight, lol!

I HAVE purposefully knackered myself out physically

I may have told this on here before I think, so forgive me...

 

A while ago I met with an Exec headhunter, proper high flyer. I was a bit nervous when I met him at a Starbucks in London. We sat down and he introduced himself like this...

 

"Hi I'm Tony from xyz recruiting, nice to meet you. Before we get started, I just want to let you know that I'm ADHD which means you might see me fidget a bit and look like I'm distracted - but I'm not. My mind does race a bit so apologies if I appear like I'm not listening - I am. I just want you to feel comfortable knowing that I might display a few weird tendancies but I'm good at what I do and that's the main thing" 

 

He totally owned it and I had massive respect for him calling it out so confidently and once we were in the flow of the conversation I completely forgot about it.

 

Nice bloke and I enjoyed our chat and everytime someone talks about ADHD I think of him.

[Trav Le Bleu]

3 hours ago, Izzy said:

I may have told this on here before I think, so forgive me...

 

A while ago I met with an Exec headhunter, proper high flyer. I was a bit nervous when I met him at a Starbucks in London. We sat down and he introduced himself like this...

 

"Hi I'm Tony from xyz recruiting, nice to meet you. Before we get started, I just want to let you know that I'm ADHD which means you might see me fidget a bit and look like I'm distracted - but I'm not. My mind does race a bit so apologies if I appear like I'm not listening - I am. I just want you to feel comfortable knowing that I might display a few weird tendancies but I'm good at what I do and that's the main thing" 

 

He totally owned it and I had massive respect for him calling it out so confidently and once we were in the flow of the conversation I completely forgot about it.

 

Nice bloke and I enjoyed our chat and everytime someone talks about ADHD I think of him.

So when someone says ADHD you think XYZ

[urban.spaceman]

15 hours ago, filthyfox said:

I wonder how much sleep im gonna get tonight, lol!

I HAVE purposefully knackered myself out physically

Best of luck for today, I hope you get the answers you need. 

[filthyfox]

ADHD it is... makes perfect sense.

Thanks for your support, buddies

[Tommy G]

Not depression as such but I think sleep can massively affect mood. I'm generally a good sleeper but my son isn't. He can typically wake up at 1 or 2am and then not go back to sleep....until the following evening.

 

This is OK now and again but its pretty regular where I find myself operating on a handful of hours sleep, I'm not sure in the past 8 years I've had a week of ''normal sleep''. Because he is autistic, he needs to be watched all the time which requires one of us to be with him when he wakes up, it's not always easy when he wants us both to be in the same room.

 

I find myself dangerously overtired most of the time and it generally makes you feel like crap, alongside the continued caring responsibilities and a demanding full time job. The feeling is tiredness, brain fog and general irritability most days of the week. 

[BDW-11]

I have BPD. Mood swings are really getting the best of me and I am struggling. Go from laughing my head off with colleagues in the morning to suddenly feeling extremely depressed. No middle ground whatsoever.

 

Could be the slightest inconvenience that most would laugh off, to me it cripples me and puts me in a rabbit hole of depression again.

 

None of my family want/have anything to do with me anymore. Barely any friends. No social life. Just a constant rollercoaster of feeling great then feeling terrible.

 

No idea why I have even posted this, feels good to get it out of my head somewhere, so apologies for this drivel. 

[filthyfox]

1 hour ago, Tommy G said:

Not depression as such but I think sleep can massively affect mood. I'm generally a good sleeper but my son isn't. He can typically wake up at 1 or 2am and then not go back to sleep....until the following evening.

 

This is OK now and again but its pretty regular where I find myself operating on a handful of hours sleep, I'm not sure in the past 8 years I've had a week of ''normal sleep''. Because he is autistic, he needs to be watched all the time which requires one of us to be with him when he wakes up, it's not always easy when he wants us both to be in the same room.

 

I find myself dangerously overtired most of the time and it generally makes you feel like crap, alongside the continued caring responsibilities and a demanding full time job. The feeling is tiredness, brain fog and general irritability most days of the week. 

...sleep apnoea possibility?

Ignore me.  I literally didnt read it all!

Edited 14 September by filthyfox
ADHD

[FoxesDeb]

3 hours ago, Tommy G said:

Not depression as such but I think sleep can massively affect mood. I'm generally a good sleeper but my son isn't. He can typically wake up at 1 or 2am and then not go back to sleep....until the following evening.

 

This is OK now and again but its pretty regular where I find myself operating on a handful of hours sleep, I'm not sure in the past 8 years I've had a week of ''normal sleep''. Because he is autistic, he needs to be watched all the time which requires one of us to be with him when he wakes up, it's not always easy when he wants us both to be in the same room.

 

I find myself dangerously overtired most of the time and it generally makes you feel like crap, alongside the continued caring responsibilities and a demanding full time job. The feeling is tiredness, brain fog and general irritability most days of the week. 

Yeah that sounds tough, for all of you.

 

What does your partner do during the day? Is it possible for you to at least try to get the most sleep at night so they can try and nap during the day? Then you can take over when you get home? I realise this massively depends on your son's age and their daytime routine, and I'm aware he has additional needs, but I remember my husband used to get the children and bring them to me in the night, it saved me getting up, then he would go back to sleep ready for his day at work and I would catch up where I could.

 

It's not easy I know, and lots of parenting is just about finding what works for you as a family, but you have my empathy. 

 

And yes sleep, or lack of it, is such a factor in our wellbeing, both physically and mentally. At some point you will hopefully look back on these years with a smile, but it's hard, really hard, especially when children are older than you would expect them to be when they sleep through the night, and even more so when there might be no end in sight to when they do. 

 

If nothing else I work nights so I'm always here for a chat, as are our Canadian/US friends 

[Trav Le Bleu]

5 hours ago, BDW-11 said:

I have BPD. Mood swings are really getting the best of me and I am struggling. Go from laughing my head off with colleagues in the morning to suddenly feeling extremely depressed. No middle ground whatsoever.

 

Could be the slightest inconvenience that most would laugh off, to me it cripples me and puts me in a rabbit hole of depression again.

 

None of my family want/have anything to do with me anymore. Barely any friends. No social life. Just a constant rollercoaster of feeling great then feeling terrible.

 

No idea why I have even posted this, feels good to get it out of my head somewhere, so apologies for this drivel. 

It's not drivel, it's what needs to be said.

 

Do you take any meds for it? Do your friends and family fully understand what's going on?

 

People really need to be more understanding and tolerant.

[Trav Le Bleu]

5 hours ago, Tommy G said:

Not depression as such but I think sleep can massively affect mood. I'm generally a good sleeper but my son isn't. He can typically wake up at 1 or 2am and then not go back to sleep....until the following evening.

 

This is OK now and again but its pretty regular where I find myself operating on a handful of hours sleep, I'm not sure in the past 8 years I've had a week of ''normal sleep''. Because he is autistic, he needs to be watched all the time which requires one of us to be with him when he wakes up, it's not always easy when he wants us both to be in the same room.

 

I find myself dangerously overtired most of the time and it generally makes you feel like crap, alongside the continued caring responsibilities and a demanding full time job. The feeling is tiredness, brain fog and general irritability most days of the week. 

Definitely sleep is a huge part of well-being in general. I rests the body and literally defrags the brain. If anyone has had to defrag a harddrive, you'll know how much better your PC ran afterwards.

 

Of course, being a carer for someone else adds another level of difficulty. Have you any idea on anything that triggers his waking so early? Could even be something that happened earlier in the day?

 

Sorry if I'm just digging up old ground.

[bmt]

8 hours ago, BDW-11 said:

I have BPD. Mood swings are really getting the best of me and I am struggling. Go from laughing my head off with colleagues in the morning to suddenly feeling extremely depressed. No middle ground whatsoever.

 

Could be the slightest inconvenience that most would laugh off, to me it cripples me and puts me in a rabbit hole of depression again.

 

None of my family want/have anything to do with me anymore. Barely any friends. No social life. Just a constant rollercoaster of feeling great then feeling terrible.

 

No idea why I have even posted this, feels good to get it out of my head somewhere, so apologies for this drivel. 

Hey mate, im in a similar boat. Feel free to reach out

[Tommy G]

11 hours ago, FoxesDeb said:

Yeah that sounds tough, for all of you.

 

What does your partner do during the day? Is it possible for you to at least try to get the most sleep at night so they can try and nap during the day? Then you can take over when you get home? I realise this massively depends on your son's age and their daytime routine, and I'm aware he has additional needs, but I remember my husband used to get the children and bring them to me in the night, it saved me getting up, then he would go back to sleep ready for his day at work and I would catch up where I could.

 

It's not easy I know, and lots of parenting is just about finding what works for you as a family, but you have my empathy. 

 

And yes sleep, or lack of it, is such a factor in our wellbeing, both physically and mentally. At some point you will hopefully look back on these years with a smile, but it's hard, really hard, especially when children are older than you would expect them to be when they sleep through the night, and even more so when there might be no end in sight to when they do. 

 

If nothing else I work nights so I'm always here for a chat, as are our Canadian/US friends 

Thanks Deb appreciated. She’s self employed but is now only working 10-15 hours per week. He’s 8 and at a specialist school - the issue with sleep is he will want us both in the same room, and the thing I didn’t mention in my first post is the he can have quite violent meltdowns and is non verbal - so he can start hitting, kicking and pulling hair, so we both end up being up to avoid this - one of us just can’t jump in the spare room for a kip, it’s a nightmare. 

We’re trialling liquid melatonin which is making his sleep worse not better 

 

[HighPeakFox]

4 hours ago, Tommy G said:

Thanks Deb appreciated. She’s self employed but is now only working 10-15 hours per week. He’s 8 and at a specialist school - the issue with sleep is he will want us both in the same room, and the thing I didn’t mention in my first post is the he can have quite violent meltdowns and is non verbal - so he can start hitting, kicking and pulling hair, so we both end up being up to avoid this - one of us just can’t jump in the spare room for a kip, it’s a nightmare. 

We’re trialling liquid melatonin which is making his sleep worse not better 

 

Ah man, this sounds so tough for you. I hope you're able to avoid exacerbating factors during these episodes (social media for example, it really is easy to doom scroll at low moments).

[Manwell Pablo]

On 07/07/2026 at 21:37, Lionator said:

I’m an alcoholic but really want to safely withdraw without scaring my parents that I’m staying with atm, does anyone have any tips 

 

Sorry landed on this page just seen this.

 

Have you sorted this? All Will power is both incorrect and can be dangerous depending on the amount, horrendous advice.

 

Can give you some pointers if you want.  

[Finnegan]

On 11/09/2026 at 19:09, Izzy said:

If you do have ADHD, you're in good company with the likes of Will Smith, Ryan Gosling, Michael Phelps, Emma Watson, Richard Branson, Justin Timberlake, Will I Am, Tom Hanks, and many others.

 

You ain't 'broken' you're just you. We're all fvcked up to some degree either mentally, physically, or emotionally, so I really wouldn't make a big deal out of it.

 

Those who love you will still love you, with or without a label.

 

 

After all we've been through together I can't believe you reduced me to "and many others" whilst promoting nomarks like Ryan Gosling and Tom Hanks that nobody likes or cares about.

 

 

On 11/09/2026 at 19:38, filthyfox said:

Ive lived 44 years without knowing what my full potential is.

I have failed at things i may not have had i known earlier.

THAT is what makes me sad

 

Yeah there's definitely a bit of a brief mourning period I think and it's natural to look back. Have some compassion for yourself, though, and don't thrash yourself over what's done. I think the word potential is a bit of a trap, to be honest, there's infinite variables for your lifetime and knowing what path could or couldn't have lead to a "better" you is impossible. You may as well beat yourself up for not stumbling over a winning lottery ticket in your teens and rendering all education and career meaningless. "Potential" isn't just you and your brain, it's all the circumstances of your life. Somewhere out there in the endless multiverse, there's a parallel timeline where a you without ADHD got hit by a bus that you avoided in your life because you were hyper-fixating on the road in a state of higher alert than the normies. You just don't know.

 

 

21 hours ago, filthyfox said:

ADHD it is... makes perfect sense.

Thanks for your support, buddies

 

Hope it gives you more peace of mind than it gives you distress.

 

It sounds trite and silly but - you're still the same person, mate. It's context for some of the way you think and act maybe but don't let it completely redefine the way you see yourself, you're the same person today that you were last week you've just got a new explanation for the way your brain works a little differently to everyone else.

 

I'm sorry I missed your posts before your appointment, I said something similar to @urban.spaceman before his assessment but I'd have been happy to talk through the it with you and try to put you at ease. I know it would have been somewhat anxiety inducing regardless but the whole thing is a lot more clinical, matter-of-fact and a lot less intimidating than it's easy to hype it up to in your head. If anyone else reading this is going through assessment, you'll have probably really known the outcome from doing the pre-assessment paperwork, the consultation itself with the psychiatric nurse isn't like a test or a job interview, you pretty much re-iterate what you've already explained in your forms and answer a few routine questions. You don't have to bare your soul, it's not particularly stressful and it's not like therapy. It's fairly painless overall and whilst it isn't self-diagnosis, if you've gotten yourself this far and you still think you likely have ADHD then the nurse is probably going to conclude the same. 

 

Are you considering medication and titration as your next step by the way or are you happy with just the knowledge?

 

The meds are... interesting. My experience with Elvanse so far is that it's like a microdose of the "super-power" bit of ADHD. When I'm locked in and in the zone and focusing on the right thing, ADHD actually makes me a hyper productive, fast working, accurate, super hero of an employee. It gives me a buzz, it's great. When I'm not... I'm really not,

 

Elvanse (lisdexamphetamine) kinda gives you a lesser version of that hyper-fixation on tap. It still involves a bit of self-discipline, though. I find that the thing I'm focusing on when they kick in ends up being the thing I focus on all day. Most days I'm good and I make sure I'm doing work and getting on with things properly when they kick in and I have a good day. Sometimes though I'm dicking around on the internet and I end up writing about 10,000 words (with screenshots) on why Alves and Page's contributions to the Stockport win were great or overly enthusiastically lecturing someone newly diagnosed with ADHD about their life haha. That's on top of the enormous complaint email I've just sent off to TDS.

 

Productive!! Just... maybe not on the right thing. Full disclosure, I've only been on the meds a few months and it's definitely still a learning experience for me on how best to use them. I wouldn't want to discourage anyone from giving it a go.

 

[BDW-11]

15 hours ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

It's not drivel, it's what needs to be said.

 

Do you take any meds for it? Do your friends and family fully understand what's going on?

 

People really need to be more understanding and tolerant.

Yeah - currently on 150mg venlafaxine a day. Really wish I could get off them but it is impossible. Friends do, family have nothing to do with me anymore which hurts. It's more work now - started a new job in June and they are all so different to me. None of them get it and think I am taking things personally when really it is just my head. Told them this before I joined but it has gone in one ear and out of the other at the moment.

 

15 hours ago, bmt said:

Hey mate, im in a similar boat. Feel free to reach out

That would be really good. Don't know anyone else in a similar boat - thanks for this mate.

[Trav Le Bleu]

3 hours ago, BDW-11 said:

Yeah - currently on 150mg venlafaxine a day. Really wish I could get off them but it is impossible. Friends do, family have nothing to do with me anymore which hurts. It's more work now - started a new job in June and they are all so different to me. None of them get it and think I am taking things personally when really it is just my head. Told them this before I joined but it has gone in one ear and out of the other at the moment.

 

That would be really good. Don't know anyone else in a similar boat - thanks for this mate.

Hope you and BMT can help each other out

[urban.spaceman]

7 hours ago, BDW-11 said:

Yeah - currently on 150mg venlafaxine a day. Really wish I could get off them but it is impossible. Friends do, family have nothing to do with me anymore which hurts. It's more work now - started a new job in June and they are all so different to me. None of them get it and think I am taking things personally when really it is just my head. Told them this before I joined but it has gone in one ear and out of the other at the moment.

 

That would be really good. Don't know anyone else in a similar boat - thanks for this mate.

Just gone up to 75mg of Venlafaxine after a couple of months on 37.5. Not impressed so far

[Foxhateram]

It’s getting bad again. My sciatica has been awful recently and it’s stopping me from doing every day tasks like going for walks, playing sport and even working some days. It’s left me feeling useless and a bit pathetic. My partner needs me atm for some pretty serious issues and I’m so mentally drained from my tablets (Which I think might be making my depression worse) I’m finding it really hard to support her and keep myself afloat. I’m exhausted and spending a lot of time in my head, I’m my harshest critic and when my heads like this is best myself up inside, a lot!!!  
 

feeling really quite lost and lonely. Not sleeping well and having horrid vivid dreams. It’s just all getting too much right now!! My partner is usually my rock and my support, but with her not being in a mental state to do this, I’m really struggling with an almost feeling of rejection, where she isn’t available. It sounds selfish, but her current mood is very much coping herself and unfortunately we just don’t seem to be connecting or doing any of the things that make us a strong couple. She’s become very distant and in her own world, wanting her own space, which I understand but, it’s left me feeling really lonely, isolated and a bit rejected. Every time i suggest things for us to do, she’s not in the mood. It’s got to the point where I’m questioning if it’s just her mindset and feelings right now or whether we’ve genuinely lost everything that made us connect and work together. 
 

I’m in a dark place in my head, and I’m struggling to be the person I need to be to help the people I love. I’m really lost right now and worried about how to pick myself up. 

[HighPeakFox]

33 minutes ago, Foxhateram said:

It’s getting bad again. My sciatica has been awful recently and it’s stopping me from doing every day tasks like going for walks, playing sport and even working some days. It’s left me feeling useless and a bit pathetic. My partner needs me atm for some pretty serious issues and I’m so mentally drained from my tablets (Which I think might be making my depression worse) I’m finding it really hard to support her and keep myself afloat. I’m exhausted and spending a lot of time in my head, I’m my harshest critic and when my heads like this is best myself up inside, a lot!!!  
 

feeling really quite lost and lonely. Not sleeping well and having horrid vivid dreams. It’s just all getting too much right now!! My partner is usually my rock and my support, but with her not being in a mental state to do this, I’m really struggling with an almost feeling of rejection, where she isn’t available. It sounds selfish, but her current mood is very much coping herself and unfortunately we just don’t seem to be connecting or doing any of the things that make us a strong couple. She’s become very distant and in her own world, wanting her own space, which I understand but, it’s left me feeling really lonely, isolated and a bit rejected. Every time i suggest things for us to do, she’s not in the mood. It’s got to the point where I’m questioning if it’s just her mindset and feelings right now or whether we’ve genuinely lost everything that made us connect and work together. 
 

I’m in a dark place in my head, and I’m struggling to be the person I need to be to help the people I love. I’m really lost right now and worried about how to pick myself up. 

Re the sciatica - it is often the piriformus that requires attention, seek out a good physio who can move you and it may well ease your pain.

[Narborough Road Fox]

Sciatica is awful. I'm sorry you're going through all this. No good advice to offer but just hope it gets better for you. 

[Trav Le Bleu]

1 hour ago, Foxhateram said:

It’s getting bad again. My sciatica has been awful recently and it’s stopping me from doing every day tasks like going for walks, playing sport and even working some days. It’s left me feeling useless and a bit pathetic. My partner needs me atm for some pretty serious issues and I’m so mentally drained from my tablets (Which I think might be making my depression worse) I’m finding it really hard to support her and keep myself afloat. I’m exhausted and spending a lot of time in my head, I’m my harshest critic and when my heads like this is best myself up inside, a lot!!!  
 

feeling really quite lost and lonely. Not sleeping well and having horrid vivid dreams. It’s just all getting too much right now!! My partner is usually my rock and my support, but with her not being in a mental state to do this, I’m really struggling with an almost feeling of rejection, where she isn’t available. It sounds selfish, but her current mood is very much coping herself and unfortunately we just don’t seem to be connecting or doing any of the things that make us a strong couple. She’s become very distant and in her own world, wanting her own space, which I understand but, it’s left me feeling really lonely, isolated and a bit rejected. Every time i suggest things for us to do, she’s not in the mood. It’s got to the point where I’m questioning if it’s just her mindset and feelings right now or whether we’ve genuinely lost everything that made us connect and work together. 
 

I’m in a dark place in my head, and I’m struggling to be the person I need to be to help the people I love. I’m really lost right now and worried about how to pick myself up. 

I've had sciatica for years (I blame my job), but while it has never gone away, it's never been as bad as when I first had it. I think that maybe your body just learns to tune it out a little.

 

As for the vivid dreams and not sleeping well... Same here. I've even leapt out of my bed trying to escape situations and on one occasion cut my head on the corner of a bedside table. 

 

Reluctantly I sometimes sleep in a separate bedroom, which at least helps my wife and I get a decent sleep (her especially, cos I trash around and have randomly hit her )

 

Pretty sure it's my tablets and needs to see the doc about that.

[Foxhateram]

On 27/09/2026 at 22:24, Trav Le Bleu said:

I've had sciatica for years (I blame my job), but while it has never gone away, it's never been as bad as when I first had it. I think that maybe your body just learns to tune it out a little.

 

As for the vivid dreams and not sleeping well... Same here. I've even leapt out of my bed trying to escape situations and on one occasion cut my head on the corner of a bedside table. 

 

Reluctantly I sometimes sleep in a separate bedroom, which at least helps my wife and I get a decent sleep (her especially, cos I trash around and have randomly hit her )

 

Pretty sure it's my tablets and needs to see the doc about that.

Thanks everyone, it really has been a tough few days!! Got Physio on Friday cross fingers that will help! 
 

Sleep isn’t improving, if anything it’s getting worse!! Really need to get back to the drs to review tablets. 
 

I’m just constantly in so much pain!! Getting on my nerves (no pun intended) 

[Trav Le Bleu]

2 hours ago, Foxhateram said:

Thanks everyone, it really has been a tough few days!! Got Physio on Friday cross fingers that will help! 
 

Sleep isn’t improving, if anything it’s getting worse!! Really need to get back to the drs to review tablets. 
 

I’m just constantly in so much pain!! Getting on my nerves (no pun intended) 

Mention the tablets, mention the pain and the lack of sleep. Drs are always keen for people to get their sleep, it does a lot of their job for them.