Depression

[Izzy]

26 minutes ago, chrishlcfc said:

Still struggling I am. Managed to go back work last week for the 1st time in a month. But then been off again so far this week.

 

Think my main problem is and always has been that I absolutely hate myself and everything I do and always have done. If your not nice to yourself why would you expect anyone else to be nice to you. This is something I’ve been like for 20 odd years and I literally can’t get out of my ways. 

What’s ONE thing you like/love/admire about yourself?

It can be anything…

[urban.spaceman]

17 hours ago, MPH said:

 

Just checking  in on everyone in here! Don’t want any of you to think your struggles are forgotten. Let us know how you are all doing!

 

Hope you’re okay mate, you’re a superstar on this thread and on PMs. 

[urban.spaceman]

Volatile as usual, falling more and more out of love with this country as time goes on. Job/career opportunities turn into months of silence and even nice fun things turn into a nightmare. Being pushed into poverty is horrible it’s a massive trap. Can’t make a step forward in any direction. Had the pleasure of family visiting from down under the last couple of weeks so have got out and done stuff but it’s so humiliating not being able to afford any thing. Oldest mate offered me a ticket to Green Day this weekend and I booked the train but return journey is now cancelled because of the strikes! Everything is just a pain in the arse.

[chrishlcfc]

9 hours ago, Izzy said:

What’s ONE thing you like/love/admire about yourself?

It can be anything…

Probably being a genuinely nice, kind person.  

[Izzy]

2 minutes ago, chrishlcfc said:

Probably being a genuinely nice, kind person.  

That's great. What else?

 

And what would your friends/family/colleagues say they like/love/admire about you Chris?

[HighPeakFox]

9 hours ago, chrishlcfc said:

Still struggling I am. Managed to go back work last week for the 1st time in a month. But then been off again so far this week.

 

Think my main problem is and always has been that I absolutely hate myself and everything I do and always have done. If your not nice to yourself why would you expect anyone else to be nice to you. This is something I’ve been like for 20 odd years and I literally can’t get out of my ways. 

I like you for your honesty.

[MPH]

7 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

Hope you’re okay mate, you’re a superstar on this thread and on PMs. 

Yes chap, I’m doing alright!  3 kids, a wife,  keeping two cars on the road, a mortgage and a busy stressful job ( I work in a hospital) .. the weight of expectation and responsibility can be overwhelming at times but we just keep going don’t we

 

 

7 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

Volatile as usual, falling more and more out of love with this country as time goes on. Job/career opportunities turn into months of silence and even nice fun things turn into a nightmare. Being pushed into poverty is horrible it’s a massive trap. Can’t make a step forward in any direction. Had the pleasure of family visiting from down under the last couple of weeks so have got out and done stuff but it’s so humiliating not being able to afford any thing. Oldest mate offered me a ticket to Green Day this weekend and I booked the train but return journey is now cancelled because of the strikes! Everything is just a pain in the arse.

 Interesting point you make about family and doing stuff that  kept you busy.. I wholeheartedly agree..  doing stuff and keeping busy ( as mentioned above) means I have less thinking time, if that makes sense,

[MPH]

4 hours ago, chrishlcfc said:

Probably being a genuinely nice, kind person.  

 

4 hours ago, Izzy said:

That's great. What else?

 

And what would your friends/family/colleagues say they like/love/admire about you Chris?

 

here’s another interesting observation… it often feels to me that a lot of those that struggle with depression are often some of the kindest , nicest most genuine people I know..

[chrishlcfc]

14 hours ago, Izzy said:

That's great. What else?

 

And what would your friends/family/colleagues say they like/love/admire about you Chris?

I’m really not sure after that. That’s the trouble I see no positives in myself.

[chrishlcfc]

10 hours ago, MPH said:

 

 

here’s another interesting observation… it often feels to me that a lot of those that struggle with depression are often some of the kindest , nicest most genuine people I know..

 

Struggling to link 2 quotes together. Yes I agree, I’ve discussed this, I genuinely think I’m too nice for my own good. 

[HighPeakFox]

Just now, chrishlcfc said:

 

Struggling to link 2 quotes together. Yes I agree, I’ve discussed this, I genuinely think I’m too nice for my own good. 

You remind me of my younger self. Don't allow people or situations tread on you, make sure you look after your own interests - it's possible to do it without being a selfish git, it just takes practice. 

[Izzy]

34 minutes ago, chrishlcfc said:

I’m really not sure after that. That’s the trouble I see no positives in myself.

Well you do, because previously you said that you're a genuinely nice and kind person 

 

If I was to ask your friends/family/colleagues to describe your positives, what do you think they would say?

 

[Izzy]

@chrishlcfc 

 

Not sure if you watch much YouTube but I follow Steve Bartlett (from Dragons Den) and his 'diary of a CEO' podcast.

 

This just landed today and I'd encourage you to watch it (especially from 26:28 onwards)

 

 

[chrishlcfc]

38 minutes ago, Izzy said:

Well you do, because previously you said that you're a genuinely nice and kind person 

 

If I was to ask your friends/family/colleagues to describe your positives, what do you think they would say?

 

Probably honesty and openness  as @HighPeakFox said above.

[chrishlcfc]

1 hour ago, Izzy said:

@chrishlcfc 

 

Not sure if you watch much YouTube but I follow Steve Bartlett (from Dragons Den) and his 'diary of a CEO' podcast.

 

This just landed today and I'd encourage you to watch it (especially from 26:28 onwards)

 

 

Thanks so much for this. I’ve started watching it and it’s so eerily reminiscent of me. Always I’m saying stuff like I can’t. I understand it and recognise it. I’ve tried changing my mindset and occasionally succeeded and then I’ve fell back into my old ways and wondered what to do. 
 

It’s all about re training your brain and doing it constantly, not once or twice, do it every single day. 
 

Ive been writing down notes as I’ve been watching it, I really struggle to take stuff in so writing them down should be so beneficial to me and I’m going to make myself read it everyday.

 

I know it’s not going to be simple but if you keep doing the basics and repeating them over and over you will change your mindset over time.

 

 

[Izzy]

2 hours ago, chrishlcfc said:

That’s the trouble I see no positives in myself.

Yet at a push, you've already identified four positive traits about yourself:

 

1. You're a genuinely nice person

2. Your kindness

3. Your honesty

4. Your openness

 

So when would now be a good time to believe those to be true?

[Izzy]

1 minute ago, chrishlcfc said:

Thanks so much for this. I’ve started watching it and it’s so eerily reminiscent of me. Always I’m saying stuff like I can’t. I understand it and recognise it. I’ve tried changing my mindset and occasionally succeeded and then I’ve fell back into my old ways and wondered what to do. 
 

It’s all about re training your brain and doing it constantly, not once or twice, do it every single day. 
 

Ive been writing down notes as I’ve been watching it, I really struggle to take stuff in so writing them down should be so beneficial to me and I’m going to make myself read it everyday.

 

I know it’s not going to be simple but if you keep doing the basics and repeating them over and over you will change your mindset over time.

 

Absolutely this all day long my friend.

 

You must change your narrative and beliefs about yourself, otherwise you're destined for a life of unhappiness.

 

It might also help to find someone to hold you to account of your changes, otherwise you'll fall back into your old ways.

 

I encourage you to seek out someone in your life who will continually help to elevate and inspire you to be who you really are (nice, kind, open, honest etc.)

 

[Finnegan]

17 hours ago, chrishlcfc said:

Probably being a genuinely nice, kind person.  

 

That's enough, Chris. You don't really need much more than that. 

 

We live in an era where the world is under stocked in kindness. We really need people like you. 

[chrishlcfc]

50 minutes ago, Izzy said:

Absolutely this all day long my friend.

 

You must change your narrative and beliefs about yourself, otherwise you're destined for a life of unhappiness.

 

It might also help to find someone to hold you to account of your changes, otherwise you'll fall back into your old ways.

 

I encourage you to seek out someone in your life who will continually help to elevate and inspire you to be who you really are (nice, kind, open, honest etc.)

 

Made my notes and took snippets of the ones that I think will benefit me the most and I’ve decided I’m going to read them everyday from now on.

[Izzy]

25 minutes ago, chrishlcfc said:

Made my notes and took snippets of the ones that I think will benefit me the most and I’ve decided I’m going to read them everyday from now on.

I love it mate, that's brilliant 

 

My daughter suffers from anxiety/OCD/low self esteem, and we worked on her creating a series of 10 positive "I am..." statements.

 

It was hard to get her to come up with 10 but then she started to recite them to herself in the mirror every day before school. The transformation over the last 6 months has been incredible (although still some way to go)

 

One 'build' to your list is to maybe reword the statements that start with Don't. The brain doesn't compute the word don't and takes the rest of the sentence into the subconscious (for example if I said "don't think of a pink elephant" - what did you think of?). Maybe instead of "Don't punish yourself for mistakes", I'd reword it as "Embrace making mistakes and always learn something positive from them". Rather than "Don't fear rejection" maybe "Accept that rejection (and acceptance) is all part of my life, and it makes me a stronger person".

 

I'd also change any statements with "You/your" to "I/my" so you take full ownership and responsibility for your changes.

 

I know positive affirmation/personal development sometimes gets a bad press but it's worked for me and many others over the years. Please stick with it as you change your habits and beliefs.

 

Let us all know how you get on and best of luck my friend  

[ChiefFox]

I just wanted to pop on and say thank you to everyone in this thread! I've been going through an incredibly tough time over the past 6 months. 

 

I've been on FoxesTalk for years and never ventured into the General Chat section but for some reason I did today and I'm so glad I have done. 

 

Life is Sh*t! But it's always nice knowing there are people who genuinely care about people. It doesn't matter whether you know them or not. I hope that in time I'm able to give someone else the level of support and advice that others have shared on here. I just wanted people to know that whilst it wasn't written 'to' me, there's a lot that people have said that has resonated, so thank you! I needed it. 

[FoxesDeb]

23 minutes ago, ChiefFox said:

I just wanted to pop on and say thank you to everyone in this thread! I've been going through an incredibly tough time over the past 6 months. 

 

I've been on FoxesTalk for years and never ventured into the General Chat section but for some reason I did today and I'm so glad I have done. 

 

Life is Sh*t! But it's always nice knowing there are people who genuinely care about people. It doesn't matter whether you know them or not. I hope that in time I'm able to give someone else the level of support and advice that others have shared on here. I just wanted people to know that whilst it wasn't written 'to' me, there's a lot that people have said that has resonated, so thank you! I needed it. 

Welcome  This is the best thread on the forum imo, no judgements here, only support 

[FoxesDeb]

1 hour ago, chrishlcfc said:

Made my notes and took snippets of the ones that I think will benefit me the most and I’ve decided I’m going to read them everyday from now on.

I absolutely love this, well done Chris, you seem like a great bloke and I wish you all the best, you know where we are 

[Wymsey]

Don't feel depressed personally, but 2 unsuccessful interviews in a week is painful psychologically despite trying not to dwell on it.

Edited 24 June 2022 by Wymsey

[HighPeakFox]

2 hours ago, Wymsey said:

Don't feel depressed personally, but 2 unsuccessful interviews in a week is painful psychologically despite trying not to dwell on it.

Success is 2 steps closer now.