Depression

[urban.spaceman]

On 27/07/2022 at 21:09, lildave3 said:

I’ve been on/off suicidal for 4 years, maybe longer. I sought counselling finally earlier this year but I knocked it on the head about a month ago. Today has probably been one of my lowest ever, I’ve been walking the streets with my phone on airplane mode for hours just wishing I had the balls. 

Please stay with us mate x

[The Horse's Mouth]

On 25/07/2022 at 19:36, filthyfox said:

Didn't recognise I had depression because I didn't want to hurt/kill myself.

Took PHQ9 test and ticked almost every other box.

 

Sleep apnoea induced depression confirmed by consultant after a month wait. Effectively, I stopped breathing 20 times an hour. This has impacted my mood for at least the last 2 years, in truth, I can't remember what normal feels like.

No local NHS provision.

Spend £800 on a cpap machine.

 

Three weeks in

Now having 1-5 episodes PER NIGHT.

Starting to feel good, 10,226 steps walked so far today, which is the third highest this year.

Signed off work for a further 2 weeks (6 weeks 8n total), when I go back, they won't recognise me.

 

The moral

If you can afford it, don't wait for NHS treatment for sleep apnoea.

Sleep apnoea is some serious shit, pretty much dying in your sleep 

[Lionator]

On 27/07/2022 at 21:09, lildave3 said:

I’ve been on/off suicidal for 4 years, maybe longer. I sought counselling finally earlier this year but I knocked it on the head about a month ago. Today has probably been one of my lowest ever, I’ve been walking the streets with my phone on airplane mode for hours just wishing I had the balls. 

If something wasn’t working for you with the counselling, and you can afford it, I’d try and find another counsellor or maybe even a psychologist. It’s all about finding the right one most of the time. Keep on going. 
https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/?gclid=Cj0KCQjwio6XBhCMARIsAC0u9aE5tlkqUsqScGbX1_SydjKBjDb8s8rngAO4J7EjZwHlh1P1r-gCKpAaAkr_EALw_wcB

 

[filthyfox]

8 hours ago, The Horse's Mouth said:

Sleep apnoea is some serious shit, pretty much dying in your sleep 

Not any more...

Tbh its the best £800 I've ever spent.  I feel ALIVE!!!!

[ajthefox]

On 27/07/2022 at 21:09, lildave3 said:

I’ve been on/off suicidal for 4 years, maybe longer. I sought counselling finally earlier this year but I knocked it on the head about a month ago. Today has probably been one of my lowest ever, I’ve been walking the streets with my phone on airplane mode for hours just wishing I had the balls. 

Don't give up mate.

 

Take it step by step, focus on what is immediately in front of you and just keep going.

 

Try and find someone to talk to about it, there are people here who will offer what support they can and I'm sure there are people in your life that would do anything to help. 

 

Let us know how you're getting on.

[isaidno]

They did a minute's applause for my mate at Lincoln city. The players stopped play and joined in too. The Exeter City fans did a collection for the firefighters benevolent fund too. Absolute class from Exeter.  

[urban.spaceman]

My lack of ability to make any sort of progress is really, really getting to me. It's like a brick wall at every step in every direction at the minute. And the longer this goes on (how the **** is it ****ing august for ****s sake) the worse it gets

[UniFox21]

Hoping everyone is doing well, haven't checked this thread for what seems like a while now. 

I've found the gym to be really helping my anxiety. Things I would get stressed for I'm fairly calm with now or I'm much better at controlling that anxiety.

Still have those days/weeks where work has burnt me out and I'd love to just hide away, but we're pushing through those knowing better is to come. 

[weller54]

Yesterday my lovely Niece jumped in front of a train and committed suicide 😢😢... never in a million years did we expect her to do such a thing!

She was struggling with a divorce from her narcissistic husband who was playing mind games and turning her 2 daughters against her!!..he was making the divorce procedure as hard as possible for her... I'm just numb with the news... how do you process this FFS?

[HighPeakFox]

1 hour ago, weller54 said:

Yesterday my lovely Niece jumped in front of a train and committed suicide 😢😢... never in a million years did we expect her to do such a thing!

She was struggling with a divorce from her narcissistic husband who was playing mind games and turning her 2 daughters against her!!..he was making the divorce procedure as hard as possible for her... I'm just numb with the news... how do you process this FFS?

That is truly shocking - my heart goes out to you and your entire family.

[rachhere]

1 hour ago, weller54 said:

Yesterday my lovely Niece jumped in front of a train and committed suicide 😢😢... never in a million years did we expect her to do such a thing!

She was struggling with a divorce from her narcissistic husband who was playing mind games and turning her 2 daughters against her!!..he was making the divorce procedure as hard as possible for her... I'm just numb with the news... how do you process this FFS?

I'm so sorry. How do you begin to process that? You are very much in my thoughts.

[Lionator]

8 hours ago, weller54 said:

Yesterday my lovely Niece jumped in front of a train and committed suicide 😢😢... never in a million years did we expect her to do such a thing!

She was struggling with a divorce from her narcissistic husband who was playing mind games and turning her 2 daughters against her!!..he was making the divorce procedure as hard as possible for her... I'm just numb with the news... how do you process this FFS?

My god that is appalling news, my heart goes out to you all.

 

Don’t try to process it as it’ll just make things even worse. Grief is a complex but completely natural feeling. It’ll take time, a lot of love and support to share with the rest of your family. 

[FoxesDeb]

9 hours ago, weller54 said:

Yesterday my lovely Niece jumped in front of a train and committed suicide 😢😢... never in a million years did we expect her to do such a thing!

She was struggling with a divorce from her narcissistic husband who was playing mind games and turning her 2 daughters against her!!..he was making the divorce procedure as hard as possible for her... I'm just numb with the news... how do you process this FFS?

I'm so sorry Weller, how awful for you and your family 😢 Sending you lots of love and strength x

[weller54]

Thank you for your lovely, supportive replies..... honestly, right now , I'm not sure how I feel. It's just like being in a nightmare that you don't wake up from 😢.

[HighPeakFox]

19 minutes ago, weller54 said:

Thank you for your lovely, supportive replies..... honestly, right now , I'm not sure how I feel. It's just like being in a nightmare that you don't wake up from 😢.

We're all here my friend. Try to not suppress how you feel... 

[foxfanazer]

10 hours ago, weller54 said:

Yesterday my lovely Niece jumped in front of a train and committed suicide 😢😢... never in a million years did we expect her to do such a thing!

She was struggling with a divorce from her narcissistic husband who was playing mind games and turning her 2 daughters against her!!..he was making the divorce procedure as hard as possible for her... I'm just numb with the news... how do you process this FFS?

Simply no words mate! 

 

I'm so sorry for yours and your families loss. May she rest in peace 

[Jon the Hat]

10 hours ago, weller54 said:

Yesterday my lovely Niece jumped in front of a train and committed suicide 😢😢... never in a million years did we expect her to do such a thing!

She was struggling with a divorce from her narcissistic husband who was playing mind games and turning her 2 daughters against her!!..he was making the divorce procedure as hard as possible for her... I'm just numb with the news... how do you process this FFS?

So sorry for your loss.  People can be such arseholes.

[urban.spaceman]

2 hours ago, weller54 said:

Yesterday my lovely Niece jumped in front of a train and committed suicide 😢😢... never in a million years did we expect her to do such a thing!

She was struggling with a divorce from her narcissistic husband who was playing mind games and turning her 2 daughters against her!!..he was making the divorce procedure as hard as possible for her... I'm just numb with the news... how do you process this FFS?

So deeply sorry Weller. Wishing you and your family peace. 

[Crinklyfox]

11 hours ago, weller54 said:

Yesterday my lovely Niece jumped in front of a train and committed suicide 😢😢... never in a million years did we expect her to do such a thing!

She was struggling with a divorce from her narcissistic husband who was playing mind games and turning her 2 daughters against her!!..he was making the divorce procedure as hard as possible for her... I'm just numb with the news... how do you process this FFS?

I can't put myself in your shoes, none of us can, I can only express my best wishes for you and her parents.  They are likely to be in just as bad a state of mind as yourself if not worse and will need a lot of support.  It's possible that after the initial shock and sorrow of her loss feelings will turn to rage against the person who caused her such anguish that she preferred to take her own life rather than continue to suffer it.  That could bring additional problems.  If you are all going to get through this to a degree where you find some peace then you may need to do at least some of this together.

[weller54]

Thank you all again so much... you're absolutely right about the anger today!....I honestly just want to kill her partner who caused her to do this!..

I will not be able to attend her funeral because I would not be able to control my feelings of anger against him!!🤬...

...he has murderer her.

[HighPeakFox]

3 minutes ago, weller54 said:

Thank you all again so much... you're absolutely right about the anger today!....I honestly just want to kill her partner who caused her to do this!..

I will not be able to attend her funeral because I would not be able to control my feelings of anger against him!!🤬...

...he has murderer her.

He hasn't - it is important to correct that idea here and now. He might be dreadful individual, he might well have caused your niece undue stress and turmoil - but he did NOT murder her.

[weller54]

1 hour ago, HighPeakFox said:

He hasn't - it is important to correct that idea here and now. He might be dreadful individual, he might well have caused your niece undue stress and turmoil - but he did NOT murder her.

As good as!!😢🤬

[HighPeakFox]

32 minutes ago, weller54 said:

As good as!!😢🤬

No - no good comes from thinking in that way, think about your own mental health.

[stripeyfox]

14 hours ago, weller54 said:

Yesterday my lovely Niece jumped in front of a train and committed suicide 😢😢... never in a million years did we expect her to do such a thing!

She was struggling with a divorce from her narcissistic husband who was playing mind games and turning her 2 daughters against her!!..he was making the divorce procedure as hard as possible for her... I'm just numb with the news... how do you process this FFS?

I'm so sorry to hear that. There really are no words. I'm so so sorry

 

[weller54]