The joke thread

[Beliall]

10 hours ago, DJ Barry Hammond said:

 

Have you received a PM? My post before yours tried to imply I'd like to see the joke.

 

1 hour ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Fair play mate 

 

I've PM'd it to Beliall who is totally unethical and will probably post it straight away 

 

(Then I'll deny it and say it wasn't that joke at all) 

 

1 hour ago, Buce said:

 

It probably won't be!

 

Beliall has a free shot at goal.

 

*drumroll please*

 

 

 

 

I'm told the most common surname in China is Chang.

 

But please correct me if it's Wong 



nothing wrong with that.  

[Buce]

3 minutes ago, Beliall said:

 

 

*drumroll please*

 

 

 

 

I'm told the most common surname in China is Chang.

 

But please correct me if it's Wong 



nothing wrong with that.  

 

 

Consider yourself trolled.

[Beliall]

5 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

 

Consider yourself trolled.

bit of an anti-climax

[Buce]

Just now, Beliall said:

bit of an anti-climax

 

Yep.

 

You should have known better - after all, you've seen Izzy's jokes before..

[Beliall]

5 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

Yep.

 

You should have known better - after all, you've seen Izzy's jokes before..

Yeah, call me an optimist but i thought he had stepped up his game from shit to edgy

[Izzy]

1 hour ago, Beliall said:

 

*drumroll please*

 

I'm told the most common surname in China is Chang.

 

But please correct me if it's Wong 
 

 

Bit racist 

 

47 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

Yep.

 

You should have known better - after all, you've seen Izzy's jokes before..

 

40 minutes ago, Beliall said:

Yeah, call me an optimist but i thought he had stepped up his game from shit to edgy

 

[Buce]

3 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

 

Bit racist 

 

 

 

 

Yeah, disgusting behaviour - have a word, mods.

[Beliall]

26 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

 

Bit racist 

 

 

20 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

Yeah, disgusting behaviour - have a word, mods.

Pair of bastards!

[Buce]

1 minute ago, Beliall said:

Pair of bastards!

 

And don't you ever forget it.

[Beliall]

[Buce]

6 minutes ago, Beliall said:

 

Good one, Belly.

 

Positively Izzyesque.

[Leycestrian]

Sign outside a Dublin barber's :

Haircut.

Whilst you wait

Edited 9 July 2017 by Leycestrian

[StanSP]

sorry but that's too risque. 

 

I hope admin see the above post because that's just not on.

[RODNEY FERNIO]

Ken Dodd known for his longevity as a comedian once performed at a show when he was on the stage for over six hours.

 

Did he ?

 

No Doddy

[Trav Le Bleu]

6 hours ago, RODNEY FERNIO said:

Ken Dodd known for his longevity as a comedian once performed at a show when he was on the stage for over six hours.

 

Did he ?

 

No Doddy

Did you know Ken Dodd's dad's dog died?

[Izzy]

23 minutes ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

Did you know Ken Dodd's dad's dog died?

 

We always used 'Ken Dodd's dad's dog's dead' as our team name for pub quizzes back in the day. No idea where the saying came from though....

[Trav Le Bleu]

22 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

 

We always used 'Ken Dodd's dad's dog's dead' as our team name for pub quizzes back in the day. No idea where the saying came from though....

We play as 'Unique New York' for probably the same reason you chose your team name.

[RODNEY FERNIO]

It's actually a true story.

Ken Dodd's dad used to have a milk round in Knotty Ash.

He used to deliver the milk on a horse and cart ( it was a long while ago )

and his dog used to run alongside the horse and cart.

One day the poor pooch was run over on the round by a bread delivery van.

This was reported in the local rag with the headlines ... Ken Dodd's Dad's dog dies.

It then became a popular saying in Liverpool and then obviously then spread across the country.

 

[Buce]

16 minutes ago, RODNEY FERNIO said:

It's actually a true story.

Ken Dodd's dad used to have a milk round in Knotty Ash.

He used to deliver the milk on a horse and cart ( it was a long while ago )

and his dog used to run alongside the horse and cart.

One day the poor pooch was run over on the round by a bread delivery van.

This was reported in the local rag with the headlines ... Ken Dodd's Dad's dog dies.

It then became a popular saying in Liverpool and then obviously then spread across the country.

 

 

I think it's an urban myth (His dad was actually a coal merchant).

 

Ken Dodd's Dad's Dog's Dead

 

I took a text from Tim today

And saw it sadly said,

“It’s hard for me to say to you

But Ken Dodd's dad’s dog’s dead”.

 

I tried to text him back again

And not delete the thread

But clumsily I lost his text

Of “Ken Dodd’s dad’s dog’s dead”.

 

I put Sky News on to confirm

And saw the strapline read,

“Breaking news from Knotty Ash –

Ken Dodd's dad’s dog’s dead”.

 

And when I bought a Daily Star

It seemed from' A to Z

That all the paper had to say

Was Ken Dodd's dad’s dog’s dead.

 

This tortuous tongue-twister

Was doing in my head

But there’s no way I could forget

“Ken Dodd's dad’s dog’s dead”.

 

The flags half mast on Lime Street;

The city’s painted red,

And blue, of course, for Everton

Cos Ken Dodd's dad’s dog’s dead.

 

Did Ken Dodds dad’s dog die today?

His kennel’s now a shed

He’ll never need his old dog lead

Cos Ken Dodd's dad’s dog’s dead.

 

Yes, Doddy’s dad’s dog dud alright

His fleas to Jesus fled

The mangy hound has gone to ground

Cos Ken Dodd’s dad’s dog’s dead

[Izzy]

35 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

I think it's an urban myth (His dad was actually a coal merchant).

 

Ken Dodd's Dad's Dog's Dead

 

I took a text from Tim today

And saw it sadly said,

“It’s hard for me to say to you

But Ken Dodd's dad’s dog’s dead”.

 

I tried to text him back again

And not delete the thread

But clumsily I lost his text

Of “Ken Dodd’s dad’s dog’s dead”.

 

I put Sky News on to confirm

And saw the strapline read,

“Breaking news from Knotty Ash –

Ken Dodd's dad’s dog’s dead”.

 

And when I bought a Daily Star

It seemed from' A to Z

That all the paper had to say

Was Ken Dodd's dad’s dog’s dead.

 

This tortuous tongue-twister

Was doing in my head

But there’s no way I could forget

“Ken Dodd's dad’s dog’s dead”.

 

The flags half mast on Lime Street;

The city’s painted red,

And blue, of course, for Everton

Cos Ken Dodd's dad’s dog’s dead.

 

Did Ken Dodds dad’s dog die today?

His kennel’s now a shed

He’ll never need his old dog lead

Cos Ken Dodd's dad’s dog’s dead.

 

Yes, Doddy’s dad’s dog dud alright

His fleas to Jesus fled

The mangy hound has gone to ground

Cos Ken Dodd’s dad’s dog’s dead

Those lyrics are different to these: Now I'm really confused 

 

 

[The Bear]

I think I saw Michael J. Fox in the garden centre earlier. It was difficult to tell though as he had his back to the fuschias.

[MPH]

2 hours ago, The Bear said:

I think I saw Michael J. Fox in the garden centre earlier. It was difficult to tell though as he had his back to the fuschias.

 

 

Yeah he works there. Had a chat with him. Its his job to shake all the bees off the flowers....

[Izzy]

4 minutes ago, MPH said:

 

 

Yeah he works there. Had a chat with him. Its his job to shake all the bees off the flowers....

That's just cruel

[MPH]

12 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

That's just cruel

 

 

 sorry

[Tielemans63]

I've been in jail for 10 minutes and I've already been raped and beaten up.

 

Never playing Monopoly with my Dad ever again.