Our system detected that your browser is blocking advertisements on our site. Please help support FoxesTalk by disabling any kind of ad blocker while browsing this site. Thank you.
Jump to content
 Share
Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

Recommended Posts

Crinklyfox

Crinklyfox

Posted
Posted

One for all those like myself who struggle with their PC.

 

Bill Gates dies and goes to heaven, where he is met by St Peter who welcomes him in and shows him to his new residence.  Bill Gates is please to find that its a very comfortable dwelling, not as big and luxurious as he's been used to but not bad at all.  He settles in and after a few days decides to do some exploring.  He looks around his immediate neighbourhood in heaven and finds numerous nice properties, some a little smaller than his and some a little larger, and notes one huge mansion at the top of a hill.  He chats with his neighbours and asks how the residences are allocated, and is told to speak to St Peter.  He does this and asks why some residents of heaven live in smaller properties and some larger.  St Peter advises him that while all residents of heaven are there on merit, some had led more righteous lives than others and the larger properties are awarded to the more deserving.  Bill Gates then asks who is the resident of the mansion on top of the hill, imagining this person to be a saint at least, and is totally floored when St Peter tells him that the property is the residence of the captain of the Titanic.  Bill Gates is almost beside himself and splutters that in his life he created the Windows Operating System which benefited millions of people and that the loss of the Titanic had resulted in many people meeting an untimely death, and why was this man in a better residence than himself.  St Peter looks at him sadly and says that although many lives had been lost, the captain of the Titanic had been a very righteous man, and after all, the Titanic had crashed only once.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Trav Le Bleu

Trav Le Bleu

Posted
Posted
On 2017-7-13 at 10:13, surrifox said:

my Dad used to work in the theatre, his motto was "always leave them wanting more" - eventually cost him his job as an anaesthetist 

My dad got the sack for stealing from his job on highway maintenance. I should have known really, cos every time I came home, the signs were all there.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Parafox

Parafox

Posted
Posted
10 hours ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

My dad got the sack for stealing from his job on highway maintenance. I should have known really, cos every time I came home, the signs were all there.

I cracked that one about 2 years ago.

 

Plagiarist :P

  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Popular Post
Tielemans63

Tielemans63

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted

Two priests are driving through the countryside one night when they get stopped by a policeman.

 

'Good evening fathers. Sorry to stop you but we are looking for a couple of child molesters.'

 

The first priest turns to look at the second and they nod silently. The driver turns back to the policeman and says "Alright officer, we'll do it".

  • Like 13
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted
3 minutes ago, Paddy. said:

Two priests are driving through the countryside one night when they get stopped by a policeman.

 

'Good evening fathers. Sorry to stop you but we are looking for a couple of child molesters.'

 

The first priest turns to look at the second and they nod silently. The driver turns back to the policeman and says "Alright officer, we'll do it".

lol Brilliant :appl:

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted
5 minutes ago, Hollism said:

I used to be addicted to mus wrestling.

 

Been clean four years now.

I think you mean 'mud' 

 

In which case it's still not funny :P

Link to comment
Share on other sites
ozleicester

ozleicester

Posted
Posted
13 hours ago, Paddy. said:

Two priests are driving through the countryside one night when they get stopped by a policeman.

 

'Good evening fathers. Sorry to stop you but we are looking for a couple of child molesters.'

 

The first priest turns to look at the second and they nod silently. The driver turns back to the policeman and says "Alright officer, we'll do it".

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted
7 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

Palaeontologists have found a new species of lesbian dinosaur.

 

They've named it Lickalottapuss.

 

4 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?

 

A zit will wait till you're twelve before it comes on your face.

 

2 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

What's the difference between your wife and your job?

 

After a few years your job will still suck.

Image result for please no more

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
 Share
Go to topic listing

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...