macca Posted 22 April 2009 Author Posted 22 April 2009 Right now. We have a staff meeting in 2 minutes and it's probably about redundancies Are you still there? Here's hoping for you!!
Katy Posted 22 April 2009 Posted 22 April 2009 Did she find it as hilarious? Yeah, she did a bit but she doesn't find me constantly taking the piss out of her for it hilarious. Good job I don't see her that often. When i was at college i needed a dump, but my lecturer wouldnt let me go. Now normally that wouldnt have been to bad but it was while we were about to do the Bleep test. Now anyone who has ever tried running while needing a dump can probarly imagine the agony i went through. I had to do well in the test as it counted towards our grades for the year. I got to about level 14 then had to carry on running straight out of the sports hall before i spoiled myself in front off everyone else in the course.The worst bit was that my lecturer knew i needed a crap, so once i walked back into the sports hall he had already told everyone; so i walked back in to ironic cheers and hooting all round He sounds lovely Right now. We have a staff meeting in 2 minutes and it's probably about redundancies
Craig Posted 22 April 2009 Posted 22 April 2009 Saturday on the way to Southend, without a doubt as close as i've ever come. The roadworks and slowmoving traffic on that bumpy road certainly didn't help the cause!
macca Posted 31 August 2009 Author Posted 31 August 2009 This thread has to be bumped... ... I told him I'd out him, so ... Alan Geramy on the way to Sheffield two weeks ago!!! (so, did you bin those jeans, Al?)
Daggers Posted 31 August 2009 Posted 31 August 2009 Go on then... Bus to see the Undertones last ever UK gig (supporting Peter Gabriel at Crystal Palace). Eight litres of cider and lager later and we get caught in Saturday London traffic. We get caught in Saturday London traffic on a coach which (in those days) had no toilet facilities. In the heat. In Saturday London traffic. Pain escalated from 'Gascoigne squeezing your nuts' through to CIA terrorist interrogation. Then *bam*. With half a mile to go a smile spread across my face. After a hot sunny day the bus stank. We sat in a different seat on the journey home. ...and then there was the time when I was wearing white track suit bottoms, after a Saturday night out, and said to the girlfriend "catch a load of this one" as I went to gurn out a chuff cloud. Imagine her delight when all she saw was a sudden browning of the bottom region.
macca Posted 31 August 2009 Author Posted 31 August 2009 Go on then...Bus to see the Undertones last ever UK gig (supporting Peter Gabriel at Crystal Palace). Eight litres of cider and lager later and we get caught in Saturday London traffic. We get caught in Saturday London traffic on a coach which (in those days) had no toilet facilities. In the heat. In Saturday London traffic. Pain escalated from 'Gascoigne squeezing your nuts' through to CIA terrorist interrogation. Then *bam*. With half a mile to go a smile spread across my face. After a hot sunny day the bus stank. We sat in a different seat on the journey home. ... you actually pissed yerself????
Heart-Shaped Fox Posted 31 August 2009 Posted 31 August 2009 Worst time for me was when me and my Dad were off to Wolves away in 2003-04. (Should have known this was a bad omen). We did the very stupid thing of having to much to drink while in the car before we were both suddenly desperate to go. Really desperate. So despearte that I had to take my seatbelt off as it was to tight on my bladder! My dad was driving with one hand while the other was being used to make sure he didnt suddenly piss himself. So there we are in the car and we cant get off the main road! We had needed it for about 10 mins now and really couldnt wait any longer. Next thing about 5 mins later we end up on the side of the road in Dudley. My Dad gets out as quick as he can before slamming the door which gets caught on the seatbelt, making it open again whilst we are on the side of the road! He swears slams the door and we run behind the bushes and finally take a piss whilst people are walking on the pavement behind us! Then we get to the game go 3-0 up and think it was all worth it......
Lamby Posted 31 August 2009 Posted 31 August 2009 On saturday, in betweena fat guy and my mate at the back of the coach, so I couldnt move for shit, had been needing one for about 3 hours, couldnt go in the services cos the queue was too long, and I didnt really wanna go in the coach bog. So literally like an hour and half later I just jumped up and made my way past the really fat guy, fell down the stairs on the coach to get to the bog, then went in there and sat in there for like 5mins pissing, only problem was I didnt know how to flush it
macca Posted 31 August 2009 Author Posted 31 August 2009 You haven't? Not since I was five and Miss didn't notice me frantically waving my hand in the air trying to get her attention across a crowded classroom!!
Father Ted Posted 1 September 2009 Posted 1 September 2009 When I went on a school trip to France, one of my mates was on the bunk on top of me and in the middle of the night I just suddenly heard a trickling noise. Got up and he was pissing in a bottle. He suddenly tried to hide his knob while pissing, ended up pissing all over the floor and his bed and all over himself!! Absolutely hilarious!
CosbehFox Posted 1 September 2009 Posted 1 September 2009 Stuck in between Dover and a service station for a couple of hours on the way back from a school trip in Germany. It was the night schools broke for half-term murder. The bus absolutely smelt awful. Rumours going someone had cacked their pants, that one lad had pissed into a two litre bottle he'd finished off earlier and a couple of kids were crying in despair at having to hold on for dear life.
DJ Barry Hammond Posted 1 September 2009 Posted 1 September 2009 Finding a tesco, only to find the main store wasn't open, only the petrol station, and me really needing a poo. I did the only thing one could in that position, which was purchase some toilet paper, drive away quickly and find some quite road and a tree to shit behind. I was constantly worried about falling backwards while squatting in my own shit and wondered why I bought bright pink toilet paper. (It was dark, but the pink stuff gave me away a little!) It releaved me of my situation though, which was better than crapping my pants i guess.
Guest Posted 2 September 2009 Posted 2 September 2009 ...and then there was the time when I was wearing white track suit bottoms, after a Saturday night out, and said to the girlfriend "catch a load of this one" as I went to gurn out a chuff cloud. Imagine her delight when all she saw was a sudden browning of the bottom region. Romance, it's not dead
beighton155 Posted 2 September 2009 Posted 2 September 2009 Finding a tesco, only to find the main store wasn't open, only the petrol station, and me really needing a poo. I did the only thing one could in that position, which was purchase some toilet paper, drive away quickly and find some quite road and a tree to shit behind. I was constantly worried about falling backwards while squatting in my own shit and wondered why I bought bright pink toilet paper. (It was dark, but the pink stuff gave me away a little!) It releaved me of my situation though, which was better than crapping my pants i guess. I've been there. Went out drinking with some mates in Coventry ands stayed at his house. I had to leave early to get home to do something with the missus, so snuck out at about 8am, but forgot to have my normal morning relief. Just as I enter the service station dead zone that is the M69 I feel that uncomfortable rumble that says you are about to explode in less than 2 minutes. Luckily I always carry a toilet roll in my boot incase I need to check the oil, change the tyre pressure etc so I just pulled into the hard shoulder, grabbed the roll and jumped the fence to cop a squat. A horrible feeling making sure you a) don't fall backwards, and b) don't drop it straight into your pulled down trousers!
hairy Posted 2 September 2009 Posted 2 September 2009 When I crashed my mates classic 1960 Vespa. Forget the pain. I just needed a shit there and then. Fortunately I was pissed and hadn't managed to drive the thing 20 yards before falling off so home was nearby.
macca Posted 5 September 2009 Author Posted 5 September 2009 Another contribution... "We had some bad experiences flying with Blackburn. On one occasion, one of the lads actually wet himself." Derby midfielder Robbie Savage reveals life wasn't all 'plane' sailing for one of his former colleagues at Ewood Park. David Bentley, apparently?
macca Posted 3 March 2010 Author Posted 3 March 2010 What a great thread this is. ... so surely there's room for a few more contributions?
z-layrex Posted 4 March 2010 Posted 4 March 2010 I shit myself really badly when hungover like a dog in my girlfriend's bed last year (she was out having a coffee with a friend luckily). The worst part was when I was trying to get my shit covered jogging bottoms off I got another attack and had to make a run for it, I pulled them off and realised I practically had korma trousers, didnt realise I had shit on my hands either so got it on her door handles and some on the door. Afterwards I tried to clean it with wet loo roll and it only smeared. Eventually got myself and the doors clean and she arrived home to ask me why her flat smelt of shit.
The Blur Posted 4 March 2010 Posted 4 March 2010 ... so surely there's room for a few more contributions? Ooooh ok then, not funny as others but hopelessly romantic I was in Bristol for a mate's 18th, drinking and clubbing I was seventeen years old and I just got in the nightclub for the first time ever where I met a girl, after a while she said she was hungry and wanted some fast food, I volunteered to " protect" her en route to a fast food shop, it was about 5 minutes walk and we held hands ( well she hold on to mine ) unfortunately about half way through I needed a piss but at the risk of leaving a girl alone, I gallantly hold it in but a drunken bloke wandered over and start to lift her skirt up to have a peek, I shove him off gently and he started to grab my crotch! We managed to get away and as she got in the queue, I said that I need a smoke ( I am a non smoker actually!) and I ran off outside and ran around like a headless chicken looking for the public toilets until I gave up and pissed on behind a foundation or something. I got back just in time as she received her food and went outside looking for me and take my ahem stenched in the piss slightly hand. I felt like a hero that night
The Blur Posted 4 March 2010 Posted 4 March 2010 Ooooh ok then, not funny as others but hopelessly romanticI was in Bristol for a mate's 18th, drinking and clubbing I was seventeen years old and I just got in the nightclub for the first time ever where I met a girl, after a while she said she was hungry and wanted some fast food, I volunteered to " protect" her en route to a fast food shop, it was about 5 minutes walk and we held hands ( well she hold on to mine ) unfortunately about half way through I needed a piss but at the risk of leaving a girl alone, I gallantly hold it in but a drunken bloke wandered over and start to lift her skirt up to have a peek, I shove him off gently and he started to grab my crotch! We managed to get away and as she got in the queue, I said that I need a smoke ( I am a non smoker actually!) and I ran off outside and ran around like a headless chicken looking for the public toilets until I gave up and pissed on behind a foundation or something. I got back just in time as she received her food and went outside looking for me and take my ahem stenched in the piss slightly hand. I felt like a hero that night For the record, I didn't pull her at the end of the night
Guest Mee-9 Posted 4 March 2010 Posted 4 March 2010 In France when I was about 12,This lad in my year, really needed a shit, but he didn't want to wake anyone or the teachers up. So he pulled out an Aldi plastic bag, and started shitting in it. Funny thing was, he took it home with him, so it stayed in his room for about a week.
StanSP Posted 4 March 2010 Posted 4 March 2010 For the record, I didn't pull her at the end of the night Absolute. Waste.
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