PWII Posted 31 August 2012 Posted 31 August 2012 What do you do if you are engaged to a girl, you live with her, her parents think your a saint, your parents love her to bit and think she's wonderful but just lately neither of you have clicked and you just don't seem to get along any more. Every time something so little happens it ends in a massive row, she gets stroppy at the smallest of things, when she has lots to do she turns into this fricking scary dragon and overall your just fed up with it all and had enough? What do you do?
davieG Posted 31 August 2012 Posted 31 August 2012 Talk to each other, put the rats on the table and if that doesn't help go your separate ways, you're not engaged to her parents and she's not engaged to yours.
AoWW Posted 31 August 2012 Posted 31 August 2012 Has anything changed recently with either of you that could be impacting on your relationship, eg pressure at work / new job, medical concerns, etc?
LcFc_Smiv Posted 31 August 2012 Posted 31 August 2012 Talk about it. (With her not us) Seriously, I haven't been in that serious of a relationship, but when I have I've always avoided the issues, it just gets worse. The harsh truth is you both realise that it's not working anymore, it's shit but it saves you from going through a lot of pain trying to keep it going. The other side is it may bring you closer together and you'll find a way to work it out, and things get better.
PWII Posted 31 August 2012 Author Posted 31 August 2012 Both have new jobs, a new house and both need to be living here for the jobs, she's moved away from rents when I think she expected to go back near home and well its telling but hasn't been working for ages. Hardly ever kiss, hug etc it is just like living with a stroppy friend and to be quite honest it has left me feeling underwhelmed and generally awful. I feel bad for saying bad things about her because I do love her and I do want to make it work but every effort tried ends in a match. Trying to talk things through ends in a match and essentially it is always my fault.
ADK Posted 31 August 2012 Posted 31 August 2012 I don't know if asking a football forum is really the way to go.
Captain... Posted 31 August 2012 Posted 31 August 2012 Do you subscribe to the theory of infinite parallel universe, whereby every decision made creates as many universes as there are options? If you do then you will accept that in one universe you split up, and in another you don't. Either way somewhere somehow you break up and somewhere else you don't. Now bearing in mind both of these exist, you are not saving anybody including yourself any pain as it will be inflicted one way or another, the decision you have to make is do you want to experience the universe where you break up or the one where you stay with the girl and get married.
James. Posted 31 August 2012 Posted 31 August 2012 Sounds to me like it's time for the obligatory one last shag for the road.
PWII Posted 31 August 2012 Author Posted 31 August 2012 I don't know if asking a football forum is really the way to go. Haha well I have given up everyone for her so not many other options really. I know there are a few on here that might be able to help.
Guest Bilo Posted 31 August 2012 Posted 31 August 2012 In the words of Snoop Dogg, you got to control your hoe. Wrong man and wrong place to get a sensible answer mate.
AoWW Posted 31 August 2012 Posted 31 August 2012 I agree that you should try to talk about it with her - it's hard but you really both need to be open and honest with each other re how you're feeling. On the flip side to davieG's comment, I sometimes think people are too quick to give up on a relationship. All have their ups and downs and I think there's something to be said for gritting your teeth and weathering the storm - sometimes theses things sort themselves out if you give them a bit of time.
PWII Posted 31 August 2012 Author Posted 31 August 2012 Sounds to me like it's time for the obligatory one last shag for the road. Ha I should be so lucky, no chance of that S word happening any time soon.
ADK Posted 31 August 2012 Posted 31 August 2012 I agree that you should try to talk about it with her - it's hard but you really both need to be open and honest with each other re how you're feeling. On the flip side to davieG's comment, I sometimes think people are too quick to give up on a relationship. All have their ups and downs and I think there's something to be said for gritting your teeth and weathering the storm - sometimes theses things sort themselves out if you give them a bit of time. I agree with this, but it is important that both people feel the same way. If the other person is being unreasonable then there isn't much you can do.
Charl91 Posted 31 August 2012 Posted 31 August 2012 Both have new jobs, a new house and both need to be living here for the jobs, she's moved away from rents when I think she expected to go back near home and well its telling but hasn't been working for ages. Hardly ever kiss, hug etc it is just like living with a stroppy friend and to be quite honest it has left me feeling underwhelmed and generally awful. I feel bad for saying bad things about her because I do love her and I do want to make it work but every effort tried ends in a match. Trying to talk things through ends in a match and essentially it is always my fault. How long has it been going on? Very similar situation with me and my girlfriend of 3 years who I'm living with (though I'm no-where near proposing!!). When it's good it's very good, but when it's bad, it's awful. She'l blow up over things which I find are insignificant (such as where to put the towels...) and it annoys me that she will start arguments over such small things - which tend to lead to much bigger arguments. We have our ups and downs, but you have to decide whether the ups are worse than the downs. You should give it time - might just be going through a rough patch, which I've been through before and can last a long time, but at the moment things are going great for us. If it doesn't get better and you both feel the same way, then you should end it. Shouldn't be any hard feelings if it's mutual. Women have crazy brains and get upset by crazy things. Just something you have to live with.
davieG Posted 31 August 2012 Posted 31 August 2012 Perhaps take an objective look in the mirror, reflecting on where you've been told you're in the wrong and asking yourself is she right? You could also try writing down what you both originally liked about each other and see if those things still exist and if they don't why and where have they gone? Someone needs to take the initiative and start talking. Just throwing in a few options.
MooseBreath Posted 31 August 2012 Posted 31 August 2012 it's a question of how long you give it. For me, if a bad patch lasts for more than 10% of the total length of the relationship, then it's time to give it up. Hence, if you've been with her for two years, give it 2.4 months to see an improvement. If you've been with her five years, she gets six months to sort herself out.
LcFc_Smiv Posted 31 August 2012 Posted 31 August 2012 Both have new jobs, a new house and both need to be living here for the jobs, she's moved away from rents when I think she expected to go back near home and well its telling but hasn't been working for ages. Hardly ever kiss, hug etc it is just like living with a stroppy friend and to be quite honest it has left me feeling underwhelmed and generally awful. I feel bad for saying bad things about her because I do love her and I do want to make it work but every effort tried ends in a match. Trying to talk things through ends in a match and essentially it is always my fault. I was once told "It's not about you, it's about her, it'll always be about her", AoWW is right, it's easy to give up just like that, but it's also a lot to go through it sounds like there's been quite a few life changes for the both of you and your the one paying for it. Sounds like she's being unreasonable if she won't talk to you about it, but the fact she's still there is a good sign, she could well be waiting for you to save it somehow.
m00nie Posted 31 August 2012 Posted 31 August 2012 isnt this the case of all women ? once a relationship gets past one night stands the women become hormonal nightmares
davieG Posted 31 August 2012 Posted 31 August 2012 How long has it been going on? Very similar situation with me and my girlfriend of 3 years who I'm living with. When it's good it's very good, but when it's bad, it's awful. She'l blow up over things which I find are insignificant (such as where to put the towels...) and it annoys me that she will start arguments over such small things - which tend to lead to much bigger arguments. We have our ups and downs, but you have to decide whether the ups are worse than the downs. You should give it time - might just be going through a rough patch, which I've been through before and can last a long time, but at the moment things are going great for us. If it doesn't get better and you both feel the same way, then you should end it. Shouldn't be any hard feelings if it's mutual. Women have crazy brains. Just something you have to live with. If something is insignificant to you then you should yield why let it become an issue unless you're deceiving yourself and it means more than you're prepared to admit too.
Guest Bilo Posted 31 August 2012 Posted 31 August 2012 I do get the sense, joking aside, that the relationship is dying. You and her parents might get along famously, but it's not them who are living with the rows and the pain of a relationship where two people have fallen out of love. It certainly sounds as though you have fallen out of love anyway, and are fearful of the consequences of breaking up and all the upheaval that will cause. What you need to consider now is what will be the better option, the short term disruption of breaking up a long term relationship and the potential of being single and having to 'start again,' or continuing with a relationship that is clearly making the two of you unhappy but may get better in the long term. It isn't an easy question to answer, especially when you look back and remember the good times, but you can't build a long term relationship on memories. Ultimately, if you think that you'd be happier single then it's probably time to end it. Surely it's better to be happy on your own than miserable in a relationship.
davieG Posted 31 August 2012 Posted 31 August 2012 I was once told "It's not about you, it's about her, it'll always be about her", AoWW is right, it's easy to give up just like that, but it's also a lot to go through it sounds like there's been quite a few life changes for the both of you and your the one paying for it. Sounds like she's being unreasonable if she won't talk to you about it, but the fact she's still there is a good sign, she could well be waiting for you to save it somehow. Maybe she feels exactly the same maybe she feels likes she's paying for it, if you approach this with the view that you're the only one suffering then you're doomed to failure before you start.,
hairy Posted 31 August 2012 Posted 31 August 2012 My suggestion would be for you both to go away togther somewhere for the weekend at least. Somewhere away from all the crap of the day to day. See if you still get on in a stress free environment and take it from there. Been married 19 years and nothing recindles our relationship like a break away from the day to day with some one on one time.
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