Struggling Relationship

[Charl91]

If something is insignificant to you then you should yield why let it become an issue unless you're deceiving yourself and it means more than you're prepared to admit too.

Sorry - let me re-phrase that. It's not something I do on purpose - I'll accidently put the towel in the wrong place or leave the lid or leave the toilet lid up, and she'll blow a fuse over it.

To me, it's not the kind of thing worth arguing about. I don't mind if she has these strange OCD things, and I'll do my best, but I don't expect the hairdryer treatment if I forget.

[Simmo86]

I'd slip her a footlong.

Italian BMT on hearty Italian bread?

[PWII]

How long has it been going on?

Very similar situation with me and my girlfriend of 3 years who I'm living with (though I'm no-where near proposing!!). When it's good it's very good, but when it's bad, it's awful. She'l blow up over things which I find are insignificant (such as where to put the towels...) and it annoys me that she will start arguments over such small things - which tend to lead to much bigger arguments.

We have our ups and downs, but you have to decide whether the ups are worse than the downs. You should give it time - might just be going through a rough patch, which I've been through before and can last a long time, but at the moment things are going great for us. If it doesn't get better and you both feel the same way, then you should end it. Shouldn't be any hard feelings if it's mutual.

Women have crazy brains and get upset by crazy things. Just something you have to live with.

We go through patches mate as you say. Been together 4 years and it comes around pretty often. This one seems worst then the rest though, it is the tiniest little things. I just cannot do right for wrong. The other day I lit a load of candles and set up a film for us to watch, nice rom-com with lights down low. I'm thinking yer what girl cannot resist this, then boom I put the candle in the wrong place (It apparently might burn the desk despite being in a holder) the film is shit, the food I have bought goes against her diet and the living room is apparently a tip and she can't relax in here. I then get "I'm just not in the mood for all this sh*t".

I was left astounded and broken afterwards. I just fell so bummed out over it. I have tried talking to mates but like they are like you haven't spoken to me for years etc. I am just a bit like well what next.

Cheers for the suggestions everyone essentially it all boils down to talking to her about stuff I know that but so hard to try and say, normally she buts in and just goes "well if I make you feel like that then why don't you go". What is that meant to mean?

I just cannot remember the good times right now, it seems like years since it was really good. Really wish we had not jumped into everything so quickly.

[The Doctor]

Italian BMT on hearty Italian bread?

Surely either Sausage or Meatballs?

[davieG]

We go through patches mate as you say. Been together 4 years and it comes around pretty often. This one seems worst then the rest though, it is the tiniest little things. I just cannot do right for wrong. The other day I lit a load of candles and set up a film for us to watch, nice rom-com with lights down low. I'm thinking yer what girl cannot resist this, then boom I put the candle in the wrong place (It apparently might burn the desk despite being in a holder) the film is shit, the food I have bought goes against her diet and the living room is apparently a tip and she can't relax in here. I then get "I'm just not in the mood for all this sh*t".

I was left astounded and broken afterwards. I just fell so bummed out over it. I have tried talking to mates but like they are like you haven't spoken to me for years etc. I am just a bit like well what next.

Cheers for the suggestions everyone essentially it all boils down to talking to her about stuff I know that but so hard to try and say, normally she buts in and just goes "well if I make you feel like that then why don't you go". What is that meant to mean?

I just cannot remember the good times right now, it seems like years since it was really good. Really wish we had not jumped into everything so quickly.

Perhaps if you talk to her about her and her problems rather than stating yours it could well throw a lot more light on the situation than you telling her what's annoying you.

[Guest Bilo]

We go through patches mate as you say. Been together 4 years and it comes around pretty often. This one seems worst then the rest though, it is the tiniest little things. I just cannot do right for wrong. The other day I lit a load of candles and set up a film for us to watch, nice rom-com with lights down low. I'm thinking yer what girl cannot resist this, then boom I put the candle in the wrong place (It apparently might burn the desk despite being in a holder) the film is shit, the food I have bought goes against her diet and the living room is apparently a tip and she can't relax in here. I then get "I'm just not in the mood for all this sh*t".

I was left astounded and broken afterwards. I just fell so bummed out over it. I have tried talking to mates but like they are like you haven't spoken to me for years etc. I am just a bit like well what next.

Cheers for the suggestions everyone essentially it all boils down to talking to her about stuff I know that but so hard to try and say, normally she buts in and just goes "well if I make you feel like that then why don't you go". What is that meant to mean?

I just cannot remember the good times right now, it seems like years since it was really good. Really wish we had not jumped into everything so quickly.

That to me is probably the biggest indicator that it's on its uppers, for want of a better phrase.

If she can't at least thank you for going to all that effort, even if she wasn't in the mood for it, then clearly all affection and respect for you has gone.

Sorry to be blunt about it, but that's the way I see it. You'll got no happiness from a relationship that's gone this wrong.

[Guest Bilo]

Perhaps if you talk to her about her and her problems rather than stating yours it could well throw a lot more light on the situation than you telling her what's annoying you.

Sounds as though it's gone beyond that Davie.

The lad could try, but it would probably just start another blazing row and the end result would be the same.

[Guest MattP]

Get rid of her.

I know it's not what you want to hear but as soon as a bird turns like that in the relationship she isn't changing.

[Charl91]

The other day I lit a load of candles and set up a film for us to watch, nice rom-com with lights down low. I'm thinking yer what girl cannot resist this, then boom I put the candle in the wrong place (It apparently might burn the desk despite being in a holder) the film is shit, the food I have bought goes against her diet and the living room is apparently a tip and she can't relax in here. I then get "I'm just not in the mood for all this sh*t".

Haha - I know exactly what you mean; that's exactly the same kind of stuff that I get. I explained to her how much that kind of stuff annoys me though, so now she's trying to be more tolerant, while I'm being a bit more patient when she does go off on one - and it has got a lot better! But I'm sure you know, talking to her is really the only option. Even if you're prepared to work at it, if she's not then there isn't any point.

[AoWW]

Maybe she really can't talk about it. It sounds like a lot of other stuff has changed in your lives and perhaps all that has built up to be more stressful for her than she's letting on. I know that when I'm anxious about things I'm literally like a coiled spring and I find it unbelievably hard to have an open discussion as I know I'll just burst into tears and lose the plot by becoming a gibbering wreck. I need someone to then be incredibly patient with me and give me the time to say how I'm feeling by gently coaxing it out of me. I dunno, but perhaps she's finding the thought of talking it through really scary?

[Captain...]

There is nothing worse than when you try something and get it thrown back in your face, you do need to talk to her, but if you end up getting nowhere, then you have to decide what you want and be selfish about it, as much as you love her, you are doing nobody any favours by not being honest with yourself or her.

It sounds to me like you have all these great reasons to not break up with her, but ultimately deep down that is what you feel like doing, and you feel bad for feeling like that, and you would feel even worse ending things, but you can't help feeling like that.

[Guest Bilo]

It sounds to me like you have all these great reasons to not break up with her, but ultimately deep down that is what you feel like doing, and you feel bad for feeling like that, and you would feel even worse ending things, but you can't help feeling like that.

Exactly what I thought.

[James.]

Cheers for the suggestions everyone essentially it all boils down to talking to her about stuff I know that but so hard to try and say, normally she buts in and just goes "well if I make you feel like that then why don't you go". What is that meant to mean?

Mate to be honest she sounds like she's being a bit of a dick. That said I don't think you helped matters by attempting the rom-com candle combo. If I tried that shit I'd get laughed at, maybe that's just my Mrs though.

Anyway, if she won't talk to you, you don't feel the same, there's no intimacy anymore, you argue all the time, etc etc I'd say be brave and nip it in the bud now. I'm 95% sure that if you do that and revisit this thread in a year you'll be very happy with the decision.

[Simmo86]

Surely either Sausage or Meatballs?

Fiercely loyal to the BMT

[davieG]

Sounds as though it's gone beyond that Davie.

The lad could try, but it would probably just start another blazing row and the end result would be the same.

you could well be right, the other scenario could be that she wants to end the relationship but can't find the words/strength to do it so is subconsciously driving a wedge between you so that you end up being the one that suggests it and probably takes the blame for the failure in the eyes of both parents.

[HEGGSY]

Just bang her one on the kitchen table hard

How romantic

[AoWW]

We go through patches mate as you say. Been together 4 years and it comes around pretty often. This one seems worst then the rest though, it is the tiniest little things. I just cannot do right for wrong. The other day I lit a load of candles and set up a film for us to watch, nice rom-com with lights down low. I'm thinking yer what girl cannot resist this, then boom I put the candle in the wrong place (It apparently might burn the desk despite being in a holder) the film is shit, the food I have bought goes against her diet and the living room is apparently a tip and she can't relax in here. I then get "I'm just not in the mood for all this sh*t".

I was left astounded and broken afterwards. I just fell so bummed out over it. I have tried talking to mates but like they are like you haven't spoken to me for years etc. I am just a bit like well what next.

Cheers for the suggestions everyone essentially it all boils down to talking to her about stuff I know that but so hard to try and say, normally she buts in and just goes "well if I make you feel like that then why don't you go". What is that meant to mean?

I just cannot remember the good times right now, it seems like years since it was really good. Really wish we had not jumped into everything so quickly.

Ah ha. She has major insecurities about your relationship, can tell your on the verge of buggering off, but doesn't have a clue what to do about it hence, in a perverse kinda way, she's giving you all the reasons you need to do just that. That's what that means.

(I'm not saying your relationship's not come to the end of the road - it may well have done - but that statement's so telling from a female psychology perspective!)

[LcFc_Smiv]

Maybe she feels exactly the same maybe she feels likes she's paying for it, if you approach this with the view that you're the only one suffering then you're doomed to failure before you start.,

Oh yes definitely, I was just going by what he has told us.

[HEGGSY]

I think Bilo is spot on mate.

Sorry to say, but if she's losing it over tiny things, despite your efforts, it's obvious either she is not into the relationship anymore and you need to get rid, more for your sake, as oppose to consistently trying and failing.

Sorry mate

[Guest Bilo]

Ah ha. She has major insecurities about your relationship, can tell your on the verge of buggering off, but doesn't have a clue what to do about it hence, in a perverse kinda way, she's giving you all the reasons you need to do just that. That's what that means.

(I'm not saying your relationship's not come to the end of the road - it may well have done - but that statement's so telling from a female psychology perspective!)

Aye; and if/when he does reach the end of his tether, it'll be his fault for ending it for being so unreasonable.

NB: I really hope one of the 15 guests isn't his missus.

[James.]

I think there's a lot of truth in the earlier argument that she knows it's over but doesn't have the courage to end things so is driving a wedge between you in the hope that you do it and as such take the blame from outside parties.

If that's true then just get it done and move on. It's hard and you'll try to convince yourself that you can make things work but all the signs suggest otherwise, and you probably know that deep down anyway.

[hairy]

F me!

He came on here for help with his situation wanting to make it right and you are all telling him its over.

My advise would be to give it a go (maybe one last one) but dont just give up, give it a try or it maybe something you will regret for the rest of your life.

[Trav Le Bleu]

In the words of Snoop Dogg, you got to control your hoe.

Wrong man and wrong place to get a sensible answer mate.

But, but... you're my role-model!

Anyway, back to the OP.

Sit down, talk. Turn off the radio, the TV, proper talking. Tell her how you feel, ask her how she feels. Tell her that you love her, show her you love her, but most of all...

Otis knew where it was at.

[Guest Bilo]

I've been far too sensible on this thread for too long.

Get her to spread them and fingerbang her till she's as wet as an otter's pocket.

Then lap at her fanny like a thirsty dog, give her a good seeing to, slap her on the arse and tell her to get back in the kitchen.

Bilo advice. It's free, but it's priceless.

[Tom17LCFC]

I can sympathise with your situation, one of the hardest things to go through.

From what you've said, the best thing would be to sack if off now before it gets more deep and complicated, 'cause that'd end up just causing more pain and harm to you both, and your respective families. I know that's not really what you wanna hear, but she obviously isn't happy with something, and you don't seem too happy about it all either.

I know there's the whole thing about you being with her for 4 years and all that and being engaged, but sometimes things just aren't meant to work out. Also like someone else pointed out, once someones turned like that, very rarely does the relationship come anywhere close to being what it used to be.