Alexikokopops Posted 3 September 2012 Posted 3 September 2012 I have a new boss starting today. For a variety of reasons I haven't had a direct boss for 10 months which sounds fun but grows a bit tiresome after a while. I've forgotten how to interact with people more senior than me. I need all the best advice and tips you can give me, and if this thread hasn't descended into farce by the end of the first page I will be VERY dissappointed. First question - do I wear red, green, or blue chinos today?
sphericalfox Posted 3 September 2012 Posted 3 September 2012 I have a new boss starting today. For a variety of reasons I haven't had a direct boss for 10 months which sounds fun but grows a bit tiresome after a while. I've forgotten how to interact with people more senior than me. I need all the best advice and tips you can give me, and if this thread hasn't descended into farce by the end of the first page I will be VERY dissappointed. First question - do I wear red, green, or blue chinos today? Blue is your best bet as the other colours are quite dominant. Though choose the tightest fit just in case it brings you favour.
jonthefox Posted 3 September 2012 Posted 3 September 2012 I have a new boss starting today. For a variety of reasons I haven't had a direct boss for 10 months which sounds fun but grows a bit tiresome after a while. I've forgotten how to interact with people more senior than me. I need all the best advice and tips you can give me, and if this thread hasn't descended into farce by the end of the first page I will be VERY dissappointed. First question - do I wear red, green, or blue chinos today? Wear them all in pyjama form , then lie on his desk and tell him theres only one gaffer around here. Worked for me in my last 27 jobs.
Alexikokopops Posted 3 September 2012 Author Posted 3 September 2012 Blue is your best bet as the other colours are quite dominant. Though choose the tightest fit just in case it brings you favour. I've taken half your advice. Red chinos, nice and snug, and a particularly tight Monster Munch t-shirt. FIRST IMPRESSIONS PEOPLE, FIRT IMPRESSIONS
Alexikokopops Posted 3 September 2012 Author Posted 3 September 2012 Wear them all in pyjama form , then lie on his desk and tell him theres only one gaffer around here. Worked for me in my last 27 jobs. I do have some pyjama trousers I got made in India. They have Hindu symbols on them, which unfortunately means they're covered in these I've always been slightly wary about wearing them in public but maybe now is the time...?
ozleicester Posted 3 September 2012 Posted 3 September 2012 I have a new boss starting today. For a variety of reasons I haven't had a direct boss for 10 months which sounds fun but grows a bit tiresome after a while. I've forgotten how to interact with people more senior than me. I need all the best advice and tips you can give me, and if this thread hasn't descended into farce by the end of the first page I will be VERY dissappointed. First question - do I wear red, green, or blue chinos today? Wait.. your wearing clothes???... tch how do you expect to make any sort of impression. Actually no.. just use this instructional video..
Captain... Posted 3 September 2012 Posted 3 September 2012 I've taken half your advice. Red chinos, nice and snug, and a particularly tight Monster Munch t-shirt. FIRST IMPRESSIONS PEOPLE, FIRT IMPRESSIONS First impressions are very important and set the tone for the rest of your dealings with your new boss. So act like a cvnt today and you'll be able to get away with it for the rest of the time. If you're nice to him today he will think something is wrong when your real personality comes out.
Ric Flair Posted 3 September 2012 Posted 3 September 2012 Open up with the line " ay up yer coont, hopw yer bin? "
MooseBreath Posted 3 September 2012 Posted 3 September 2012 Keep interrupting him by growling like a lion whenever he starts to speak
Reynard Bleu Posted 3 September 2012 Posted 3 September 2012 A hint of mascara will keep him guessing and possibly intrugued.
21st Century Fox Posted 3 September 2012 Posted 3 September 2012 Whenever he's talking to someone stand at a distance and shine the reflection from your watch in his eyes and then run off, they f**king love that.
Captain... Posted 3 September 2012 Posted 3 September 2012 Constantly correct his pronunciation of your name, even when he is saying it exactly as you are asking him to. Him: Hi Alexikokopops You: Hi, it's pronounced Alexikokopops, with the stress on x. Him: Oh, Alexikokopops You: Close, but more Alexikokopops Him: So Alexikokopops You: More or less, it is a difficult name to pronounce, A-lex-i-ko-ko-pops. Him: A-lex-i-ko-ko-pops You: Yes perfect, now put it together: Him: Alexikokopops You: A-lexikokopops Him: A-lexikokopops You: A-lexi-koko-pops Him: Alexikokopops, is that ok? You: Don't worry about it just call me Alex. Him: Ok. Alex. You: A-lex. Him: A-lex? You: Or Al, Al is fine.
Wycombe Fox Posted 3 September 2012 Posted 3 September 2012 Wear a pair of greying white Y-fronts on your head, preferably with a few stains
StanSP Posted 3 September 2012 Posted 3 September 2012 Introduce yourself and then tell him to say hi to his wife from you.
21st Century Fox Posted 3 September 2012 Posted 3 September 2012 Walks into office Boss: Hi, take a seat. Sits, picks up picture frame from desk You: Oh is this your kid? Boss: Yes that's my special little man You: mmmmmmm he'll be ripening soon... Boss: Pardon?! You: Oh nothing... does he have a nanny or something? Boss: No my wife looks after him during the day. You: Oh that's nice... is she with him all day? Boss: ... Yes. You: So he's not left unattended at anytime? Boss: I think we're done here now. You: Where do you live? Boss: Get out. Gets up to leave Boss: and leave the photo! Places photo frame back on desk You: I'm going to be in the bathroom for a while if anyone needs me. Leaves
Julian Joachim Jr Shabadoo Posted 3 September 2012 Posted 3 September 2012 Glue items like small toy cars, fruit, dog biscuits (etc) to your person. Keep a stern face at all times, or you will come across as an idiot. Also, try wearing a hardhat with 8 or 9 phones glued to it and a Dymo labeller, so you instantly look organised and hard-working (also safety conscious)
I am Rod Hull Posted 3 September 2012 Posted 3 September 2012 Hire Danny Devito for the day to take your place. You can have a "me" day down at the local amusement arcade playing dance machines whilst Danny gets up to all sorts high jinx at work.
marko Posted 3 September 2012 Posted 3 September 2012 Flop 'Tiny Tim' out and windmill him! You never know, if you're lucky he might give you a helping hand!
Bob Weasel Fox Posted 3 September 2012 Posted 3 September 2012 Lick your lips whenever he's talking to you.
chuck'em Posted 3 September 2012 Posted 3 September 2012 Respond to everything he says with interpretive dance. It will show him you are creative and have some sweet moves.
Trav Le Bleu Posted 3 September 2012 Posted 3 September 2012 The first time he tries to change a single thing about your working day, pull up your shirt, whilst you're wearing a t-shirt bearing the slogan "why always me?" underneath. He will then back off, leave things as they are, so that you can pull the t-shirt over your head, put your arms out and run around the office doing a Ravanelli.
marty78 Posted 3 September 2012 Posted 3 September 2012 Don't spend all day on FoxesTalk like the rest of us. At least wait a couple of days.
Captain... Posted 3 September 2012 Posted 3 September 2012 Don't spend all day on FoxesTalk like the rest of us. At least wait a couple of days. He has a new boss not a new job, he should if anything spend more time on foxestalk so his boss sees that that is just how he rolls.
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