kingfox Posted 13 August 2013 Posted 13 August 2013 have sexual relations with him, move in with him, then train the dog not to bark. legend Good idea though from TBJS. Instead of treating him to a slap up meal for his birthday, you could buy him a Lonsdale tracksuit and a pair of Fila trainers. Bet he would be made up.
MC Prussian Posted 13 August 2013 Posted 13 August 2013 There might be a window to open and a stick to throw...
Stadt Posted 13 August 2013 Posted 13 August 2013 There might be a window to open and a stick to throw... Of dynamite?
MC Prussian Posted 13 August 2013 Posted 13 August 2013 Of dynamite? Well, it's all about timi... BOOM!
sphericalfox Posted 13 August 2013 Posted 13 August 2013 chocolate will kill the dog, and is cruel. What you need to do is feed processed cheese slices (without plastic!) through the letterbox. About 40 will do. I think the only howling you'll hear from then on, will be your neighbour as they swim through the front door.
Trav Le Bleu Posted 13 August 2013 Posted 13 August 2013 You should try being bitten on a regular basis by various and sundry dogs.
Mike Oxlong Posted 13 August 2013 Posted 13 August 2013 1) Get yourself invited round to the chav's for a beer. 2) Slip rohypnol in his drink. When he's unconscious remove all evidence of your presence in his property. 3) Put the dog in the kitchen and whilst in there get the marigolds and doggie treats eg chocolate drops. 4) Return to the lounge, don the marigolds and strip chav naked. 5) Place doggie treats in and around chav's sphincter. 6) Let dog out of kitchen whilst returning marigolds and treats. 7) Exit flat and return to yours for a nice relaxing beer. 8) After 30 minutes call police to report disturbance at upstairs flat.
Stadt Posted 13 August 2013 Posted 13 August 2013 1) Get yourself invited round to the chav's for a beer. 2) Slip rohypnol in his drink. When he's unconscious remove all evidence of your presence in his property. 3) Put the dog in the kitchen and whilst in there get the marigolds and doggie treats eg chocolate drops. 4) Return to the lounge, don the marigolds and strip chav naked. 5) Place doggie treats in and around chav's sphincter. 6) Let dog out of kitchen whilst returning marigolds and treats. 7) Exit flat and return to yours for a nice relaxing beer. 8) After 30 minutes call police to report disturbance at upstairs flat. Best suggestion of the thread.This thread is brilliant.
lavrentis Posted 13 August 2013 Posted 13 August 2013 Chocolate kills dogs? Not sure I believe it as my old dog ruined Easter many times down the years
ADK Posted 13 August 2013 Posted 13 August 2013 It depends how big the dog is and on the type of chocolate.
lavrentis Posted 13 August 2013 Posted 13 August 2013 It depends how big the dog is and on the type of chocolate. We had a small Bichon Frise and must have gone through 8+ easter eggs, a few times He was a beast though, believed to eat our hamster as well so he's probably an anomaly. Lived to a good age for a Bichon.
Julian Joachim Jr Shabadoo Posted 13 August 2013 Posted 13 August 2013 This is my new favourite thread, I've chuckled at pretty much every post here! Another idea: get the blueprints to the building. Identify the designated dog-bed in the flat above. Rent an industrial mincing machine, set it up directly below. When owner and dog are asleep, attach a hinge and saw a hole in the ceiling - drop dog into mincer and close trap-door (replacing dog bed). When owner becomes distraught and posts "missing dog" posters around the building, offer your condolences and throw him a lovely heartwarming dog-remembrance barbecue. Serve him his dog in burger, sausage or (fittingly) hot dog form. Happily ever after.
wattolcfc Posted 13 August 2013 Posted 13 August 2013 1) Drill a few holes in the ceiling during the day while he is out at work.2) Connect electric heaters underneath each hole and put them on full blast.3) His flat will become so hot that he HAS to leave his windows open.4) Become friendly with him and go round with a crate and some tequila shots.5) Meanwhile, when he is distracted empty the dogs food bowl so he has had nothing to eat and is starving.6) After playing a 'fixed' drinking game where he unfortunately has to down his drinks, he passes out. (Tip: Rohynpnol may help)7) Feed the dog a lovely steak which is seasoned in 10 crushed viagra tablets.8) As the dog digests his food, lay your new 'mate' face down on his floor, pull down his trousers AND pants.9) Let KARMA take place.
DennisNedry Posted 13 August 2013 Posted 13 August 2013 I feel sorry for the dog. Having a scumbag chav for an owner it probably doesn't get fed properly or excercised enough. To be in keeping with the hilarity of the thread though, this is what you should do: 1) Get a female friend to dress up like a prostitute and get her to knock on his door. Get her to tell him that she's been sent as a present from a mate. 2) Then get her to tell him that the only way to get her horny enough to do business is to watch a man pleasuring a dog. 3) When the chav starts pulling on the dog weiner, get a quick picture of it. 4) When the incriminating photograph is sent to Police, the chav will never be able to own a dog again. Crucially (and this is where my plan trumps everybody elses), the chav won't know that you had any involvement
Raw Dykes Posted 14 August 2013 Posted 14 August 2013 Strap a bomb to the dog Was that a reference to this?.. Kudos if so.
Nick Posted 14 August 2013 Posted 14 August 2013 Offer to look after the dog between 9am and 6pm. The dog won't howl as it'll have company and if it does, it'll be because you've gone out and won't be there to hear it. Alternatively: Housing Association is second point of call and infer that the mutt is breaching his tenancy and that you will be taking legal action against them, not the tenant. RSPCA - call them up and get them to contact the Housing Association and the tenant regarding how their property is being used with their consent to mistreat animals.
Julian Joachim Jr Shabadoo Posted 14 August 2013 Posted 14 August 2013 Offer to look after the dog between 9am and 6pm. Are you the owner?
BoneDog Posted 14 August 2013 Posted 14 August 2013 This dog just needs a bit of love, not murdering you sick bastards!
DANGEROUS TIGER Posted 14 August 2013 Posted 14 August 2013 Chocolate kills dogs? Not sure I believe it as my old dog ruined Easter many times down the years It does, in breeds such as the German Shepherd. Particularly if given dark chocolate.
The Horse's Mouth Posted 14 August 2013 Posted 14 August 2013 Give the dog to the old guy behind the bins offering to give you a bj for 4 quid.
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