Depression

[Trav Le Bleu]

36 minutes ago, Thefox81 said:

Best thread on the forum hands down. Helped me out no end when i was in a dark place. The support and help i recieved was fantastic. Thank you all and merry christmas.

Things going better?

[Thefox81]

10 minutes ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

Things going better?

Yes all good thank you.

[Lionator]

1 hour ago, Parafox said:

 

 

My daughter stopped taking her meds 3 times this year for the reasons mentioned above.

 

She was sectioned during all 3 times.
 

 

Coming off anti-d’s is basically like training for a marathon. However slowly you think you’re doing it, you need to do it even slower to get something from it. Even a lot of doctors don’t seem to understand this. It’s a long, long process and that’s the safest way to do it!

 

 

[Steve_Guppy_Left_Foot]

Really is a struggle.

[Lionator]

2 hours ago, Steve_Guppy_Left_Foot said:

Really is a struggle.

Keep going 💙

[Wymsey]

6 hours ago, Parafox said:

 

 

My daughter stopped taking her meds 3 times this year for the reasons mentioned above.

 

She was sectioned during all 3 times.
 

 

Obviously I don't know her personally, but I occasionally think of her when you post in this thread; it must be a horrific diagnosis to live with.

 

Hope this festive period hasn't affected/won't affect her and your family too much.

 

This time of year can certainly make-or-break family relationships.

-

Am not finding Christmas this time 100% easy, admittedly; it's not a financial thing but, having been unemployed for a good few months now, and hearing others in the family doing well on the work front (in particular others around my age-range - it feels a bit internally psychologically painful and like have 'failed' my parents (even though I've got a strong relationship with them).

-

As mentioned by others on here many times, this thread is probably one of the best and 'relevant'. It quite possibly have even saved certain members lives.

 

It's a shame that it's unlikely us members on here may meet fellow members in-person, really (although would be willing to consider meeting up, even be it on video call).

 

 

 

Edited 25 December 2024 by Wymsey

[Parafox]

1 hour ago, Wymsey said:

Obviously I don't know her personally, but I occasionally think of her when you post in this thread; it must be a horrific diagnosis to live with.

 

Hope this festive period hasn't affected/won't affect her and your family too much.

 

This time of year can certainly make-or-break family relationships.

-

Am not finding Christmas this time 100% easy, admittedly; it's not a financial thing but, having been unemployed for a good few months now, and hearing others in the family doing well on the work front (in particular others around my age-range - it feels a bit internally psychologically painful and like have 'failed' my parents (even though I've got a strong relationship with them).

-

As mentioned by others on here many times, this thread is probably one of the best and 'relevant'. It quite possibly have even saved certain members lives.

 

It's a shame that it's unlikely us members on here may meet fellow members in-person, really (although would be willing to consider meeting up, even be it on video call).

 

 

 

 

You haven't failed anyone, especially your parents. You said you have a strong relationship, that makes for strong support and understanding from them. You will never let them down even if you feel you might have. They must love you as their son, no matter what.

 

Sometimes one needs to be honest with those that care the most, even though it's not easy to do. Once that honesty hurdle is gone and you've opened up, it's surprising what those that care, and even those that are "strangers", can do to lift you up. And  those "strangers" can be posters on here, or others that have had, or are having similar experiences.

 

Life is a shared experience and even when you think you're the only one feeling what you're feeling, there's so many others walking the same path. 

[Trav Le Bleu]

10 hours ago, Wymsey said:

hearing others in the family doing well on the work front

One of the best things you can do when you're depressed is avoid comparing yourself with others. It's counterproductive and pointless.

 

Everyone is different, has different abilities, different circumstances, different mentalities. It astonishes me how few people realise this and harshly judge others by their standards, it's like so many people just want everyone to be clones.

 

Life is complex, highs and lows, very few ready made answers, so just be your best. Don't judge yourself against others, cos their best will be different. If you feel you're not doing your best, re-evaluate yourself and your situation - you'll probably be surprised.

 

Your best is not a constant value, it will vary.

Neither is it about what you have. If that were true then Elon Musk would be the best person in the world and that's clearly not true!

(Maybe I'm comparing myself to someone else and judging them by my own standards )

But sometimes being your best is just getting by.

 

So onwards to 2025. All the best for the future fellow FT family! 

 

[Lionator]

Where do people get their highs and happiness from in life? Everything feels stale and miserable at the moment. I go to the gym which gives me a boost and alcohol does help (but obviously that’s a not a solution so it’s a couple of drinks on a Friday max). But the football is sad, my family is far away, politics and the global outlook is bleak with WW3 on the horizon. It’s just so sad.

Edited 27 December 2024 by Lionator

[Sampson]

22 minutes ago, Lionator said:

Where do people get their highs and happiness from in life? Everything feels stale and miserable at the moment. I go to the gym which gives me a boost and alcohol does help (but obviously that’s a not a solution so it’s a couple of drinks on a Friday max). But the football is sad, my family is far away, politics and the global outlook is bleak with WW3 on the horizon. It’s just so sad.

For me it’s playing board games, card games and tabletop rpgs.

 

I’ve always liked them, but after covid and the lockdowns I made a commitment to try different meet-ups. I did some cooking, bbq, “speed friends” but the ones that stuck were the board gaming and tabletop RPG ones. 
 

Weird to say, but when I’m playing tabletop games, my mind goes blank of all the crap and I just enjoy having fun with my friends. It’s also analogue so it gets me offline and I can go hours playing games without even thinking of checking my mobile, which just doesn’t happen in everyday life otherwise.

 

Plus it scratches that same camaraderie and social itch and excitement of the win that watching Leicester used to give me, but hasn’t really since the FA Cup win.

 

Also, a big thing which very few talk openly about it is that most adults after they finish school and university find it very difficult to make friends. I think most adults deep down wish they had more friends but no one wants to say it because it seems too childish. I’ve made more friends as an adult the last 3 or so years playing tabletop games than I have since I was at university, because you have an instant icebreaker there and the game already gets over the awkward small talk for you.

Edited 27 December 2024 by Sampson

[FoxesDeb]

18 minutes ago, Lionator said:

Where do people get their highs and happiness from in life? Everything feels stale and miserable at the moment. I go to the gym which gives me a boost and alcohol does help (but obviously that’s a not a solution so it’s a couple of drinks on a Friday max). But the football is sad, my family is far away, politics and the global outlook is bleak with WW3 on the horizon. It’s just so sad.

I always have at least one holiday booked so I have something to look forward to. Doesn't have to be for long, or an 'expensive' holiday, but I enjoy travelling and it makes for the change I need from being at home all the time. I also enjoy all the planning and this gives me a good focus and distraction from everything else.

[Trav Le Bleu]

20 minutes ago, Lionator said:

Where do people get their highs and happiness from in life? Everything feels stale and miserable at the moment. I go to the gym which gives me a boost and alcohol does help (but obviously that’s a not a solution so it’s a couple of drinks on a Friday max). But the football is sad, my family is far away, politics and the global outlook is bleak with WW3 on the horizon. It’s just so sad.

Reading, movies, music, getting out into nature. Playing boardgames. Stuff that keeps the mind occupied, but not stressed.

 

I do think though, if you do things that give immense highs, then the downs will be so much worse, so the moderation in all things applies.

[Trav Le Bleu]

2 minutes ago, Sampson said:

For me it’s playing board games, card games and tabletop rpgs.

 

I’ve always liked them, but after covid and the lockdowns I made a commitment to try different meet-ups. I did some cooking, bbq, “speed friends” but the ones that stuck were the board gaming and tabletop RPG ones. 
 

Weird to say, but when I’m playing tabletop games, my mind goes blank of all the crap and I just enjoy having fun with my friends. It’s also analogue so it gets me offline and I can go hours playing games without even thinking of checking my mobile, which just doesn’t happen in everyday life otherwise.

 

Plus it scratches that same camaraderie and social itch and excitement of the win that watching Leicester used to give me, but hasn’t really since the FA Cup win.

 

Also, a big thing which very few talk openly about it is that most adults after they finish school and university find it very difficult to make friends. I think most adults deep down wish they had more friends but no one wants to say it because it seems too childish. I’ve made more friends as an adult the last 3 or so years playing tabletop games than I have since I was at university, because you have an instant icebreaker there and the game already gets over the awkward small talk for you.

I have to say, boardgames are excellent for all the reasons you say.

 

Find something that isn't Monopoly, Cluedo or Risk though. So many different boardgames out there now.

[Sampson]

But yes I think the main thing I would suggest @Lionator is finding hobbies and activities that give you peace of mind. I would recommend just going on Meetup.com and looking for different meet-ups in person in your area and just throw as much mud at the wall as possible and see what sticks. It’s what I did in the beginning of 2022 when we’re getting back to normal after the pandemic. I think I had 2-3 weeks where I went to a different one every evening after work, some were lousy but it still got me out the house and not just watching tv or browsing the internet, but some you’ll find yourself enjoying yourself and want to go back.
 

It’s nervy going on your own at first, but everyone else gets that, they’re designed for that, most people who go are people who’ve hit a social or mental brick wall at some point and needed to find new things to get themselves out of it. Have an open mind and try different ones even if it’s something you’ve never considered yourself interested in before. You might surprise yourself that you enjoy something you otherwise wouldn’t have. 

Edited 27 December 2024 by Sampson

[STEVIE B]

1 hour ago, FoxesDeb said:

I always have at least one holiday booked so I have something to look forward to. Doesn't have to be for long, or an 'expensive' holiday, but I enjoy travelling and it makes for the change I need from being at home all the time. I also enjoy all the planning and this gives me a good focus and distraction from everything else.

I think having a future plan definitely helps. A night with friends, a trip to the cinema, a weekend away etc. 

I love planning for a holiday. I recently had a trip to Italy, it took months of planning - trains, accommodation etc. Totally took my mind away from life's travails. 

[Izzy]

1 hour ago, Lionator said:

Where do people get their highs and happiness from in life? Everything feels stale and miserable at the moment. I go to the gym which gives me a boost and alcohol does help (but obviously that’s a not a solution so it’s a couple of drinks on a Friday max). But the football is sad, my family is far away, politics and the global outlook is bleak with WW3 on the horizon. It’s just so sad.

The perceived wisdom is that there's a big difference between getting a 'high' (short term happiness) and long term happiness (peace of mind, fulfillment, contentment, sense of purpose, enlightenment, whatever you want to call it)

 

For me, I get the 'highs' from various places (gym, golf, sex - if I'm lucky, comedy, giving back/helping others, watching LCFC win on the rare occasion etc, etc.) But all of these are really just a short term dopamine hit though and don't really address the deep underlying search for sustained happiness.

 

I would even be so bold as to say that allowing external factors to dictate our happiness is not the answer either. Most people go through life with an "I'll be happy when..." outlook. E.g. I'll be happy when.... Leicester win more games, the global outlook is less bleak, politics is less diverse, I find my dream job, meet the perfect partner, win the lottery, pay the mortgage off, etc, etc. All of this means delaying our happiness until something often out of our control happens. We could be waiting forever to be happy. 

 

It's easy to be sad when all this shit is going on but maybe the antidote is gratitude. When we're grateful, there's no room for the negative shit to creep in. And maybe long term sustained happiness starts with being happy with ourselves first. Happy in our own skin, happy with our contribution to life, happy with the role we play and the difference we make. 

 

Happiness is an interesting subject and some experts argue that we're all born with a maximum set limit of 'happiness points' available to us anyway due to our genes/DNA. We all know people that despite having all the trappings and luxuries in life are still grumpy fvckers. We also know people who on the surface have fvck all but always seem to have a happy disposition about them. 

 

I've studied this subject loosely for years and it fascinates me. One thing I do believe though is that happiness leads to success much more often that success leads to happiness.

 

[bovril]

2 hours ago, Lionator said:

Where do people get their highs and happiness from in life? Everything feels stale and miserable at the moment. I go to the gym which gives me a boost and alcohol does help (but obviously that’s a not a solution so it’s a couple of drinks on a Friday max). But the football is sad, my family is far away, politics and the global outlook is bleak with WW3 on the horizon. It’s just so sad.

Reading, especially fiction. Great way to escape your thoughts for a while, relax, and learn something. I stopped reading much for a few years and then in lockdown rediscovered what a difference it makes. 

 

But overall I agree totally with what Izzy posted above. 

Edited 27 December 2024 by bovril

[foxfanazer]

Really struggling at the moment. I've done my back in and can't go to work but the resting up is driving me insane.

 

Add to that I've got myself into some debt which I've kept a secret from my partner but won't be able to hide that for much longer. Struggling to see a way out 

[Trav Le Bleu]

On 27/12/2024 at 11:50, Izzy said:

For me, I get the sex from various places

[Trav Le Bleu]

8 hours ago, foxfanazer said:

Really struggling at the moment. I've done my back in and can't go to work but the resting up is driving me insane.

 

Add to that I've got myself into some debt which I've kept a secret from my partner but won't be able to hide that for much longer. Struggling to see a way out 

Fess up now instead of worrying about them finding out later.

[Trav Le Bleu]

On 27/12/2024 at 11:56, bovril said:

But overall I agree totally with what Izzy posted above. Especially the sex.

[bovril]

2 hours ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

I didn't want to write it but...

[Trav Le Bleu]

On 27/12/2024 at 11:50, Izzy said:

The perceived wisdom is that there's a big difference between getting a 'high' (short term happiness) and long term happiness (peace of mind, fulfillment, contentment, sense of purpose, enlightenment, whatever you want to call it)

 

For me, I get the 'highs' from various places (gym, golf, sex - if I'm lucky, comedy, giving back/helping others, watching LCFC win on the rare occasion etc, etc.) But all of these are really just a short term dopamine hit though and don't really address the deep underlying search for sustained happiness.

 

I would even be so bold as to say that allowing external factors to dictate our happiness is not the answer either. Most people go through life with an "I'll be happy when..." outlook. E.g. I'll be happy when.... Leicester win more games, the global outlook is less bleak, politics is less diverse, I find my dream job, meet the perfect partner, win the lottery, pay the mortgage off, etc, etc. All of this means delaying our happiness until something often out of our control happens. We could be waiting forever to be happy. 

 

It's easy to be sad when all this shit is going on but maybe the antidote is gratitude. When we're grateful, there's no room for the negative shit to creep in. And maybe long term sustained happiness starts with being happy with ourselves first. Happy in our own skin, happy with our contribution to life, happy with the role we play and the difference we make. 

 

Happiness is an interesting subject and some experts argue that we're all born with a maximum set limit of 'happiness points' available to us anyway due to our genes/DNA. We all know people that despite having all the trappings and luxuries in life are still grumpy fvckers. We also know people who on the surface have fvck all but always seem to have a happy disposition about them. 

 

I've studied this subject loosely for years and it fascinates me. One thing I do believe though is that happiness leads to success much more often that success leads to happiness.

 

This reminds me of the Will Smith film Happyness in which he destroys his family, sleeps rough on the street and has a thoroughly miserable time so he can have eventually a high paying job... and therefore be happy.

 

It's such a skewed way of looking at life and I hate that film, not least because it will affect a lot of people's outlook on life. Will Smith is the Fresh Prince of D**k!

[Stuntman_Mike]

On 27/12/2024 at 09:33, Lionator said:

Where do people get their highs and happiness from in life? Everything feels stale and miserable at the moment. I go to the gym which gives me a boost and alcohol does help (but obviously that’s a not a solution so it’s a couple of drinks on a Friday max). But the football is sad, my family is far away, politics and the global outlook is bleak with WW3 on the horizon. It’s just so sad.

Have you thought about picking up interest in a new sport that you know nothing or little about? Just having something to focus on that you can learn about without having the same lows following City can bring because it's too ingrained. It'd be even better if you could join say a similar online community to FT for whatever club/team it is, as it might give you a good feeling of a fresh start, fresh community. You could find yourself watching said club/team live one day, which would be a great focus and exciting adventure. Just an idea 

[Steve_Guppy_Left_Foot]

Know I’ve said it a few times recently but Christ am I struggling, trying to take it a day at a time but it’s excruciating.