The joke thread

[21st Century Fox]

What's a Leicester fans favourite game show?

It's a Knockaert.

 

 

I hope you wake up in a ditch with grown men shitting on you.

[Orkneyfox]

What's a Leicester fans favourite game show?

It's a Knockaert.

 

Lamby's "joke" was on Sickipedia (as was my fowl joke about a ducks back).  You could all go on there and vote the joke down.

[The Doctor]

I went to a protest the other day where people were chucking flat breads at police. Apparently it was naan-violent.

[Messi]

What's the difference between Jimmy Savile and Lamby?

Jimmy Savile worked for a living.

[separator]

Where does Kylie Minogue buy her kebabs from?

 

Jason Doner Van

[muzzycomeback]

Coventry City

[Finnaldo]

Lamby got a job.

[FoxyPV]

Lamby got a job.

 

Behave

[separator]

Some kids stopped me outside the shop earlier and said, "Hey mate, will you go in there and get us ten Richmond?" 

"Sure I will," I replied, taking their money.

On the way out I gave them their sausages and informed them they only come in packs of eight.

[Guest]

Where does Kylie Minogue buy her kebabs from?

 

Jason Doner Van

 

Kylie Minogue's Kebabs.

[Carl the Llama]

Life Hack:  If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you.

[shasse]

Reports are coming in of a tragic accident in the Theatre at the end of Torquay Pier. Amazing Marvin the Magician accidently turned a family, Mr and Mrs Fadge and their daughter Philys, in to a large sofa and two armchairs. A spokesman for the Torquay General has said that all three are extremely comfortable.

[Tielemans63]

My mate said, "I like your car."
I said, "It's not very practical now we've got a baby."
He said, "How about I buy it off you."
I said, "Yeah go on then. Three grand?"
He said, "You've got yourself a deal."
I said, "Nice one... you're going to make a brilliant dad."

[Danno]

I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet.

It reminds me of why there is no ****ing money in there.

[Parafox]

The "miracle woman" pulled alive from the rubble of the factory in India has been given a job by Primark.

 

They say she does well under pressure.

[?????]

What is the difference between jam and jelly?

I can't jelly my cock down someone's throat.

[Bayfox]

Reports are coming in of a tragic accident in the Theatre at the end of Torquay Pier. Amazing Marvin the Magician accidently turned a family, Mr and Mrs Fadge and their daughter Philys, in to a large sofa and two armchairs. A spokesman for the Torquay General has said that all three are extremely comfortable.

This is 1 a shit joke 2 toquay doesnt have a proper pier and 3 the theater in torquay is on the prom.

Edited 27 May 2013 by Bayfox

[jonthefox]

This is 1 a shit joke 2 toquay doesnt have a proper pier and 3 the theater in torquay is on the prom.

 

 

i think its fair to say you have to over look some aspects of any JOKE. Lighten up man.

[Webbo]

i think its fair to say you have to over look some aspects of any JOKE. Lighten up man.

I think he's got a point. I laughed at the original joke, now I feel cheated.

[Bayfox]

i think its fair to say you have to over look some aspects of any JOKE. Lighten up man.

Nope sorry. Tell a joke. Fine but when you site a place. At least make it factual and believeable.

[separator]

"Not that old chestnut!" said my wife.

"Give me a chance!" I cried, "at least let me get it hard!"

[Guest]

"Not that old chestnut!" said my wife.

"Give me a chance!" I cried, "at least let me get it hard!"

Rumble Fox?

[Guest MattP]

The lefty students at my uni used to think I was a fascist **** because I'm racist, anti-Semitic, homophobic, misogynistic and preach for the destruction of those of a different religion to me.

But now I have a beard and wear sandals so they don't mind anymore.

[Tielemans63]

My wife was starting to moan about my obsession with Ross Kemp.

I could see things were about to kick off, so I got out of there

[separator]

Marie Fredriksson of Swedish pop combo Roxette has swapped her deodorant for butter to keep sweat at bay.

It must have been Dove, but it's Clover now.