The joke thread

[What the Fuchs?]

1 hour ago, Beliall said:

What if one guy had just downed a can of coke?

 

This is getting pretty philosophical now

[Captain...]

2 hours ago, Carl the Llama said:

Would be an interesting logic puzzle if you stop after the first 2 and ask someone to work out how guy 3 responds.

 

Atrocious 'joke' though.

There are many similar logic puzzles out there the prisoners and their hats springs to mind:

 

https://puzzling.stackexchange.com/questions/1980/four-prisoners-wearing-black-and-white-hats

 

@Buce don’t worry some of us got the joke.

[Wolfox]

11 minutes ago, Captain... said:

 

 

@Buce don’t worry some of us got the joke.

You may have for the joke, but, you didn’t get who posted it!!!

[What the Fuchs?]

6 hours ago, Wolfox said:

Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender says "Do you all want something to drink?" The first logician says "I don't know." The second logician says "I don't know." The third logician says "Yes."

What if they said “I don’t know” because they thought they might want a drink in a bit, but were really after a pack of Nobby’s Nuts? ? 

[Wortho]

16 hours ago, Alf Bentley said:

 

How does the third logician know that the other two want a drink, eh? Eh? Eh?! 

 

Jeeesus! And people moan about my original jokes!!

[Wortho]

Why is Mickey Mouse's helicopter no use in Scotland?

Disneyland.

[Izzy]

I've just bought the wife a pair of slippers and a dildo for her birthday.

 

If she doesn't like the slippers, she can go fvck herself.

[Wortho]

I phoned the incontinence clinic emergency helpline today.

"Where are you ringing from?"

“The waist down".

[Wortho]

Me and the wife went to the cinema to watch a film. Half way through my wife whispered to me, "The bloke next to me is masturbating." I told her, "Just ignore him." She replied, "I can't. He's using my hand!"

[Wortho]

I went to a fetish restaurant last night.
I got toed in the hole.

[Wortho]

I was appointed sex counsellor by my old Head of department.

Or so I assume. He said to me "When I want your ****ing advice I'll ask for it"

[TiffToff88]

2 minutes ago, Wortho said:

I went to a fetish restaurant last night.
I got toed in the hole.

This feels like the Infinite Monkey Theorom.

 

If an infinite number of @Wortho's type away at an infinite number of typewriters, eventually a cracking joke will appear.

 

This one tickled me so I guess the theory works ?

[Wortho]

At my hospital appointment this morning, the consultant told me I had to loose some weight before I have surgery.
He said, 'Don't eat anything fatty'.
I said, 'you mean like butter and cheese?'
He said, 'No, fatty, I mean don't eat anything

[Buce]

17 minutes ago, Wortho said:

At my hospital appointment this morning, the consultant told me I had to loose some weight before I have surgery.
He said, 'Don't eat anything fatty'.
I said, 'you mean like butter and cheese?'
He said, 'No, fatty, I mean don't eat anything

 

On 23/09/2018 at 22:14, Izzy said:

I took the wife to the Doctors today because she desperately needs to lose some weight.

 

The Doctor said to her "Don't eat anything fatty"

 

She said "What, you mean like sausages and bacon and stuff?"

 

He said "No. Don't eat anything, fatty"

 

 

Edited 31 May 2019 by Buce

[Buce]

18 minutes ago, Wortho said:

At my hospital appointment this morning, the consultant told me I had to loose some weight before I have surgery.
He said, 'Don't eat anything fatty'.
I said, 'you mean like butter and cheese?'
He said, 'No, fatty, I mean don't eat anything

 

On 27/05/2019 at 21:20, Izzy said:

My wife went to the doctors and asked the same thing.

The Doctor said “don’t eat anything fatty”

The wife said “you mean things like sausages and bacon?”

The Doc said “No. Don’t eat anything, fatty!” 

 

 

[TiffToff88]

That confirms the suspicions many of us have had all along then @Buce

 

@Wortho and @Izzy do infact own the same joke book!

[Buce]

1 hour ago, TiffToff88 said:

That confirms the suspicions many of us have had all along then @Buce

 

@Wortho and @Izzy do infact own the same joke book!

 

I don't know what's worse - Wortho stealing Izzy's joke, or Izzy cracking the same joke twice...

 

Although, thinking about it, has anyone seen Wortho and Izzy in the same room?

Edited 31 May 2019 by Buce

[tom27111]

5 hours ago, Buce said:

 

I don't know what's worse - Wortho stealing Izzy's joke, or Izzy cracking the same joke twice...

 

Although, thinking about it, has anyone seen Wortho and Izzy in the same room?

 

Poor @Wortho he's not a ginge like @Izzy 

[davieG]

5 hours ago, Buce said:

Wortho and Izzy in the same room

Probably from the same womb.

[Izzy]

6 minutes ago, tom27111 said:

 

Poor @Wortho he's not a ginge like @Izzy 

I am becoming rather bored of saying I’m more gray than ginger these days so here’s a picture of my head to prove it 

 

 

 

 

[Buce]

2 minutes ago, Izzy said:

I am becoming rather bored of saying I’m more gray than ginger these days so here’s a picture of my head to prove it 

 

 

 

 

1

 

 

[tom27111]

11 minutes ago, Izzy said:

I am becoming rather bored of saying I’m more gray than ginger these days so here’s a picture of my head to prove it 

 

 

 

 

 

Anyone seen @Izzy and Chris Evan's in the same room? 

[davieG]

22 minutes ago, Izzy said:

I am becoming rather bored of saying I’m more gray than ginger these days so here’s a picture of my head to prove it 

 

 

 

 

Nah don't believe you that's a Shaggy dog story

[Izzy]

12 minutes ago, tom27111 said:

 

Anyone seen @Izzy and Chris Evan's in the same room? 

Wish I had his money the ginger tosser

[Parafox]

53 minutes ago, Izzy said:

I am becoming rather bored of saying I’m more gray than ginger these days so here’s a picture of my head to prove it 

 

 

 

 

Boris Johnson?