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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Wortho

Wortho

Posted
Posted

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
'How was he killed?' asked one detective.
'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.
'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'
'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'

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Wortho

Wortho

Posted
Posted

Was on my stag doo in Benidorm recently.
We're all in this bar and talking to a gang of girls on a hen doo,i end up talking to a big un.
After about30 mins,she starts talking a bit dirty,another 10 mins goes by,shes getting worse.
she says "i want something in my mouth tonight"
i say " oh right,really"?.....she says "Yeah,i'll give you a clue...it's got 4 letters in it and starts with C....can you guess"?
I looked her up and down and says "Cake"?

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Wortho

Wortho

Posted
Posted

Paddys wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 yrs they have been married .
The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex and a cool breeze may help .
Being a bit tight , he decides not to by a fan , but asks his friend to waft a towel over them during the act .
After half an hour still no sign of success so his mate suggests swapping places . ' I'll have a try Paddy , you waft the towel '
Paddy agrees , and after two or three minutes Paddys wife has a moment of sexual pleasure for the first time in 15 years .
Paddy turns to his mate smugly and says 'And that old mate is how you waft a bloody towel' !

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Tinman

Tinman

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So sad to hear about the little boy cal, for those of you who don’t know him cal would go into peoples houses at night and put bricks in their washing machines to brake them but I read the other day that cal was found dead from overdosing in an alle I’m so sorry cal and to your family but at the end of the day at least washing machines live longer with cal gone

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Claridge

Claridge

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Posted
1 hour ago, Tinman said:

So sad to hear about the little boy cal, for those of you who don’t know him cal would go into peoples houses at night and put bricks in their washing machines to brake them but I read the other day that cal was found dead from overdosing in an alle I’m so sorry cal and to your family but at the end of the day at least washing machines live longer with cal gone

Is there a bad jokes thread?

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Alf Bentley

Alf Bentley

Posted
Posted
28 minutes ago, Wortho said:

My wife was concerned that my Sinead O’Connor obsession was getting out of hand.

So I went to the doctor.

Guess what he told me.

Guess what he told me.

 

To diversify your musical intake, because nothing compares to U2? 

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Wortho

Wortho

Posted
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4 hours ago, UpTheLeagueFox said:

Did he tell you to come back in seven hours and 15 days?

I saw Sinead O'Connor in a birdwatching hide yesterday. I asked her what kind activity she'd seen....

 

"It's been seven owls and fifteen jays".

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TiffToff88

TiffToff88

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On 13/06/2019 at 10:01, Beliall said:

Just spotted Sinead O'Connor bird-watching. I asked how she was getting on. She said, "so far it's been 7 owls and 15 jays".

 

1 hour ago, Wortho said:

I saw Sinead O'Connor in a birdwatching hide yesterday. I asked her what kind activity she'd seen....

 

"It's been seven owls and fifteen jays".

Can't fault her dedication to bird watching. She hasn't seen anything new since @Beliall spotted her just one week (and one page) ago ?

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Buce

Buce

Posted
Posted
23 minutes ago, Izzy said:

I have to give a huge thank you to my neighbour for letting me borrow her large sheet of plastic covering...

 

Ta Pauline 

 

On 05/06/2019 at 19:58, Tinman said:

62021306_3085172401500371_18093665051507

 

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