The joke thread

[Wortho]

Just told the wife that my new job is having sex live on stage.

She said "Are you having me on?!?!" 

I replied "I'll ask, but so far they've all been slim and pretty!"

[Buce]

 

I was going to make some herb bread this afternoon but I ran out of thyme.

[Countryfox]

Just now, Buce said:

 

I was going to make some herb bread this afternoon but I ran out of thyme.

 

Veggie joke Bucey ? ...   

[Buce]

1 minute ago, Countryfox said:

 

Veggie joke Bucey ? ...   

 

Nah, not unless you carnivores have stopped eating bread?

[TiffToff88]

2 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

I was going to make some herb bread this afternoon but I ran out of thyme.

I could offer some Sage advice on that if you'd like?

[Wolfox]

What do you call a man with no shins?

Tony.

[Carl the Llama]

4 hours ago, Buce said:

 

Nah, not unless you carnivores have stopped eating bread?

Depends, is meatloaf a bread?

[Buce]

3 minutes ago, Carl the Llama said:

Depends, is meatloaf a bread?

 

I will do anything for loaf, but I won't do that...

[Izzy]

So Rafa Benitez is off to manage Chinese side Dalian Yifang.

 

Huawei the lads.

[Beliall]

 I asked my Wife the other day if I was the only one she had been with. 
She said of course honey. Everyone else was at least an 8

[Wolfox]

What did Montgomery say before his men got into their tanks?

Men.... 








... get into your tanks!

[Beliall]

13 hours ago, Wolfox said:

What did Montgomery say before his men got into their tanks?

Men.... 








... get into your tanks!

[Wolfox]

1 hour ago, Beliall said:

How about this one?

 

My pet mouse Elvis passed away last night.

He was caught in a trap.

[Izzy]

On 20/11/2018 at 19:19, Izzy said:

My pet mouse Elvis died today.

 

He was caught in a trap.

 

36 minutes ago, Wolfox said:

How about this one?

 

My pet mouse Elvis passed away last night.

He was caught in a trap.

Uncanny that we both had a pet mouse called Elvis 

[Alf Bentley]

2 minutes ago, Izzy said:

 

Uncanny that we both had a pet mouse called Elvis 

 

Enough to encourage suspicious minds, so it is. I wonder what the name of @Wolfox's hound dog is?

 

He needs to accept that you've already exhausted the world's supply of jokes in this thread, even if that requires a stay in Heartbreak Hotel and feeling as if he's in the ghetto.

If he cannot accept it, he needs to rock on down to the jailhouse. It's now or never, Wolfox. Sorry if that leaves you all shook up, mate....

[TiffToff88]

10 minutes ago, Izzy said:

 

Uncanny that we both had a pet mouse called Elvis 

What's green and sings?

 

Elvis Parsley

[Wolfox]

1 hour ago, Izzy said:

 

Uncanny that we both had a pet mouse called Elvis 

Unreal…. Odds of 5000/1 I’d wager

 

Thers nothing new under the sun…

 

1 hour ago, Alf Bentley said:

 

Enough to encourage suspicious minds, so it is. I wonder what the name of @Wolfox's hound dog is?

 

 

Dudley…. And he thought my gag was hilarious ? 

 

 

[Alf Bentley]

1 minute ago, Wolfox said:

 

Dudley…. And he thought my gag was hilarious ? 

 

 

Named after our former striker, Dudley "DJ" Campbell?

 

Does your dog hang around doing nothing but waiting for you to pass a ball directly to his feet, while constantly standing offside? 

[ozleicester]

I saw a woman having a baby today... I said.. "youre kidding"

[Izzy]

7 minutes ago, ozleicester said:

I saw a woman having a baby today... I said.. "youre kidding"

[ozleicester]

Why do ribbed condoms taste nothing like ribs?

[Izzy]

6 minutes ago, ozleicester said:

Why do ribbed condoms taste nothing like ribs?

[ozleicester]

19 minutes ago, Izzy said:

 

1 minute ago, Izzy said:

I feel as though ive achieved

[Alf Bentley]

I hear some maniac has been running around attacking bearded farm animals.

 

That really gets my goat.

[Buce]

21 minutes ago, ozleicester said:

Why do ribbed condoms taste nothing like ribs?

 

I'm wondering how you know that. mate.