Jump to content
Daggers

The joke thread

Recommended Posts

40 minutes ago, ozleicester said:

I saw a woman having a baby today... I said.. "youre kidding"

 

4 minutes ago, Alf Bentley said:

I hear some maniac has been running around attacking bearded farm animals.

 

That really gets my goat.

You're kidding?

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, TiffToff88 said:

 

You're kidding?

 

No, it's a true story.

 

I blame the nanny state.

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Meanwhile, Cristiano Ronaldo has denied having political ambitions. He was commenting in response to rumours in Portugal that an ex-Man Utd footballer planned to stand for the presidency.

 

Portuguese citizens are now alarmed at the prospect of a Nani state.

  • Like 1
  • Haha 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
 
Entered a Marathon the other day. Never again…!

Got a peanut stuck in my Japs eye.
  • Like 1
  • Haha 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
13 minutes ago, Wolfox said:
 
Entered a Marathon the other day. Never again…!

Got a peanut stuck in my Japs eye.

 

I expect that raised a few snickers from those watching....

  • Like 1
  • Haha 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Wolfox said:
 
Entered a Marathon the other day. Never again…!

Got a peanut stuck in my Japs eye.

one for the over 30's

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Went to see a gig last night, a band playing old indie songs, like Friday I'm In Love, Lullaby, The Lovecats, In Between Days and Boys Don't Cry.

 

They were called The Prevention.

 

They were better than The Cure.

  • Haha 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
18 hours ago, Buce said:

 

I'm wondering how you know that. mate.

Cmon... you know :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
56 minutes ago, UpTheLeagueFox said:

Went to see a gig last night, a band playing old indie songs, like Friday I'm In Love, Lullaby, The Lovecats, In Between Days and Boys Don't Cry.

 

They were called The Prevention.

 

They were better than The Cure.

I thought it was always The Corrs and The Cure?   

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the colour of the baby.
  • Haha 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
38 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the colour of the baby.

:nono:

Edited by Parafox

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

Bruce and Digger were walking through the Outback on a remote cattle station. As Bruce stepped over a rock, he disturbed an Inland Taipan, the most venomous snake in Australia. The snake was quick, but Bruce was quicker and as he grabbed Digger as a human shield, the Taipan struck and latched its fangs on to Digger's bell-end.

He screamed with pain and fell to the ground in agony. "Bruce!", he cried, "You're my only hope, mate - call the flying doctor!". Overwhelmed with guilt, Bruce whipped out his satellite phone and dialled the emergency services: "This is Bruce", he yelled, "Digger's been bit by a snake!". The operator put him straight through to the Flying Doctor Service. "Doc!", he cried, "it's Bruce - Digger's been bit by a snake!"

The doc was calmness personified. "OK, Bruce - I need to know what kind of snake it was".

"It's a bloody Taipan, doc!"

"Shit, Bruce, that's bad. Really bad. There's no way I get there in time - you're his only chance".
"Strewth, doc - what do I need to do?"

"You've got to find the bite and suck out the poison, Bruce, or Digger will die a horrible death".

Bruce put down the phone and sat in silent contemplation.

"What did the doc say, Bruce?" called Digger.

"He says your gonna die, mate".

 

This joke works better if you replace Bruce and Digger with Buce and OzLeicester, and "remote cattle station" with "remote hiking trail".....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
18 minutes ago, Alf Bentley said:

 

This joke works better if you replace Bruce and Digger with Buce and OzLeicester, and "remote cattle station" with "remote hiking trail".....

 

Ha! What do you say, @ozleicester?

 

You've still got a couple of months to work on your fitness... :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
59 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

Ha! What do you say, @ozleicester?

 

You've still got a couple of months to work on your fitness... :)

That story is reason enough for me not to go :) 

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wherever I go, I'm followed by this big bird with long legs and a massive bill.

 

I think I'm being storked.

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, Alf Bentley said:

Wherever I go, I'm followed by this big bird with long legs and a massive bill.

 

I think I'm being storked.

I think you're spending too much time hanging around Sesame Street tbh.

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...