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sphericalfox

Fiddy Shades of Brown

By sphericalfox, in General Chat

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davieG

davieG

Posted
Posted

It seems likely to be high level prose compared to the usual female diet of the written word you find in the plethora of shit magazines I see on the newsagent shelves.

Maybe they where attempting to write in the vernacular, obviously it ain't Shakespeare although I'm not sure it matters if they're getting pleasure from reading it providing it's not read with an air of smug hypocrisy.

Trav Le Bleu

Trav Le Bleu

Posted
Posted

lol lol lol lol

I swear the Kriss Akabusi sex stories had better metaphors and similes.

I'd have more joy jerkin' my gherkin to Schindler's List.

There's a shower scene.

That's sick Bilo.

lol

Greg2607

Greg2607

Posted
Posted

for those with a twitter leaning............

@50ShedsofGrey

Erotica for the not-too-modern male.

So this was it - it was really going to happen. Every man's ultimate fantasy . . . Three In A Shed.

Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted

for those with a twitter leaning............

@50ShedsofGrey

Erotica for the not-too-modern male.

So this was it - it was really going to happen. Every man's ultimate fantasy . . . Three In A Shed.

Three in a Shed sounds like the new gardening game show for partner exchanging couples planned for ITV1 this autumn (to be repeated on ITV2 and ITV3 over the next couple of years and then viewable on Dave till the end of the world).

Haydos

Haydos

Posted
Posted

I walk into the enormous – and frankly intimidating – glass, steel and white sandstone lobby. Behind the solid sandstone desk, a very attractive, groomed, blonde young woman smiles pleasantly at me…[after taking the lift] I’m in another large lobby – again all glass, steel and white sandstone. I’m confronted by another desk of sandstone and another young blonde woman dressed impeccably in black and white.

Possibly the most uninteresting paragraph I've ever read about anything. :P

Captain...

Captain...

Posted
Posted

I walk into the enormous – and frankly intimidating – glass, steel and white sandstone lobby. Behind the solid sandstone desk, a very attractive, groomed, blonde young woman smiles pleasantly at me…[after taking the lift] I’m in another large lobby – again all glass, steel and white sandstone. I’m confronted by another desk of sandstone and another young blonde woman dressed impeccably in black and white.

Possibly the most uninteresting paragraph I've ever read about anything. :P

Unless you get turned on by sandstone, maybe that is a safe word in BDSM and this was a subtle nod to them, much too sophisticated for the likes of you and me.

21st Century Fox

21st Century Fox

Posted
Posted

Experts await the 50 Shades of Grey baby boom

Best selling romance tale 50 Shades of Grey is being touted as the cause of a spate of pregnancies, according to an expert in culture. Packed with erotic scenes and ideas, the story of Anastasia Steele and the eponymous Grey has got broody wives and girlfriends so hot under the collar they are seeking out more sex with their partners, resulting in an increasing number of potential pregnancies.

http://uk.lifestyle.yahoo.com/50-shades-of-grey-baby-boom-expected.html

Saxondale

Saxondale

Posted
Posted

For 50 snide remarks and laughs at the book, check this link out...

http://cassandrapark...shades-of-grey/

Ok, a couple of them are a bit loose and picky, but some of the quotes mentioned and questioned leave you scratching your head, thinking....really? Is THIS what literature has come to these days?

Jizzy Effing Krizzy.

Not only is it poorly written, but seemingly catastrophically poorly researched and devised too.

Trav Le Bleu

Trav Le Bleu

Posted
Posted

50 Shades of Toon

I knew as soon as I walked through the door from dropping the bairn off at school that I was ganna get some.

I peeped through the fist hole in the living room door and saw the half a roly burning away in the ashtray perched on the arm of me new Brighthouse corner settee. The telly was turned reet doon, ah cudn't even hear what Lorraine was sayin aboot the new fashions for the summer or nowt. Then a saw him, and me heart skipped a beat (just like that Ollie Murs). He'd obviously had a crisis loan and been doon the metty coz he was wearing a fresh new trackie bottoms and brand new pair of flossies, his rippling white chest peeped out from behind the zip of his supadry coat, that was sexily only zipped halfway up, just enough to cover the tack burns but give me a cheeky glimpse of what was to come.

He pulled me towards him and whispered "Y'all reet pet" before planting the lips on me, I trembled under the aroma of Golden Virginia and stale Bella. He took me there and then, right on the Argos rug whilst our staffy Tyson looked on.

He left without a word, but he would return soon, with tales of a fight in the Jobcentre queue and his joy at finding a pound coin on the floor of the 54. I tried to settle myself with a tab and a can but all the while that one question burned in my heart........

Will he remember my pasty from Greggs???

jonthefox

jonthefox

Posted
Posted

50 shades of chav!!!

"As he approached with those pasty white arms hanging out of his Gola vest, his smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my velour tracksuit would be hanging off the lamp shade tonight."

"It was Dwayne's birthday. I was preparing his special tea of Findus Crispy Pancakes beans, and Pot Noodle. I would let him take me any way he wanted tonight. His favourite position was w

hat he called The Dogs of War. Where he took me from behind and played Call of Duty at the same time."



"Our 6 week anniversary was approaching. This would be my longest relationship without becoming pregnant. I thought of this as he lay on top of me making love. His skinny arms straddled my head like breadsticks either side of an orange.

As I rubbed his whiter than white back I imagined every mole I felt was spelling out Braille for I love you"

As I stood in line at the Job Centre thinking of reasons I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my pig like nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, B.O and Lynx Africa. I turned around and there was Dwayne. Our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind the Iceland. He had tied up his Staffy to block the ally way so we wouldn't be disturbed. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery. I knew it was love and my life would never be the same."

"My mum had told me to leave Dwayne many times due to the violence but I knew he loved me as he always took his rings off before he hit me. Tonight though he was in a foul mood, I had ****** his tea up after failing to de-frost his prawn ring I had nicked from farm foods. He picked up the power lead from my kids mega drive and whipped it across my doughy ****. It stung but I liked it. I shouted again again so he carried on. I thought my shell suit would rip into a million pieces.

As I looked over my shoulder I saw his Weetabix toothed smile. He even had a semi on which rare as the crack normally played havoc with his erections.

I didn’t know what to think when I saw him pull up outside Lidlo in his white focus with the blue go faster stripe, all I know is I was happy I had bothered to do my roots that morning after 9 weeks of regrowth, my legs were another matter but then again after he would have sunk the 15 cans of special brew I got on offer that would be irrelevant.

He pulled the bin liner away from the window where the glass used to be and told me to “climb in Princess” in that deep throaty I’ve smoked 50 roll ups already this morning voice. I knew then I would never let him go and that I needed him forever.

I put the shopping in the boot as there wasn’t any room on the back seat, several months of kebab and Kentucky wrappers saw to that. I knew by the look in his eye he wanted me there and then but it was already 6.45pm and his tag would have gone off if we delayed any further.

We rushed back to his at an alarming speed with smoke billowing out of the exhaust which added to the romance and seemed to excite him further. I could see his hand on the gear stick the one with “love” tattooed on it, he was caressing it like it was his last can of beer.

As he kangarooed to a stop in 3rd gear, I knew then he loved me.

We literally ran to his bedsit, the sweat was pouring from him that even Lynx Africa couldn’t help with, we had both gone too far I knew that, there was no going back, not ever.

The look in his left eye, the one without a patch on it practically devoured me. I knew at that point we would make love again and again until the cows come home

Leicfox

Leicfox

Posted
Posted

The missus laptop has died. I'll have to get a new one before the season starts but even worse she gone back to start to read this trilogy AGAIN! I despair!

So are you as lucky as this fella ?

I know firsthand that it works. My wife and I have a healthy

sex life

, but man, after she started reading

Fifty Shades of Grey

, she literally couldn't keep her hands off me. I'm talking

porn-star intensity

here. Uh, not that I know what that looks like ... Anyway, it's a double bonus, really. You

get way more action

, but you also don't have to spend time doing those things we guys loathe -- like talking.

http://thestir.cafemom.com/love_sex/137697/why_50_shades_of_grey

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