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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Smudge

Smudge

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Posted (edited)

John Cleese on Terrorism

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated," or even "A Bit Cross."

The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since "The Blitz" in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

Edited by Smudge
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Zingari

Zingari

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Posted (edited)

brilliant find smudge :crylaugh:

"The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels."

love it :D

edit;

i'm not being racist by finding this extremely funny am i ? :unsure:

Edited by Zingari
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Webbo

Webbo

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Posted

[

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

lol

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Salieri

Salieri

Posted
Posted

John Cleese on Terrorism

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated," or even "A Bit Cross."

The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since "The Blitz" in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

That is bloody genius. :laugh:

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Captain...

Captain...

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Posted (edited)

brilliant find smudge :crylaugh:

"The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels."

love it :D

edit;

i'm not being racist by finding this extremely funny am i ? :unsure:

Yes, yes you are, you have set back the civil rights movement by 50 years, you will see. Tomorrow slavery will be reintroduced, apartheid will return to South Africa by the weekend, native americans will be rounded up and shot and the body of Rosa Parks will be dug up and her corpse forced to stand on busses full of white people to serve as reminder to any black people who get ideas above their station all because you laughed at a joke.

Seriously man get grip.

Edited by Captain Shrapnel
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lcfcadam

lcfcadam

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Posted

Seriously man get grip.

To be fair given the recent trend for people on here to consider pretty much every single football-ground chant unacceptably racist, homophobic, sexist, xenophobic etc I'm not surprised he's asking the question...

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MPH

MPH

Posted
Posted

Yes, yes you are, you have set back the civil rights movement by 50 years, you will see. Tomorrow slavery will be reintroduced, apartheid will return to South Africa by the weekend, native americans will be rounded up and shot and the body of Rosa Parks will be dug up and her corpse forced to stand on busses full of white people to serve as reminder to any black people who get ideas above their station all because you laughed at a joke.

Seriously man get grip.

He was Joking.,

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