The joke thread

[Parafox]

I've got a mate who's Hungarian. He's a sound guy.

 

I've got a Czech one, too.

 

 

Edited 12 August 2025 by Parafox

[Izzy]

1 hour ago, Parafox said:

I've got a mate who's Hungarian. He's a sound guy.

 

I've got a Czech one, too.

 

On 24/05/2020 at 15:05, FerrisBueller said:

I have a Polish sound engineer, I also have a Czech one too, Czech one too.

 

On 20/02/2019 at 08:44, Wolfox said:

I have a Russian friend who’s a sound technician 

 

And Czech one too…. A Czech one too

 

On 10/09/2017 at 00:32, Foxy harry said:

I had a mate who was a polish sound technician

 

I also had a czech one two czech one two

 

On 21/03/2018 at 08:35, TheLittleBigMan said:

I have a Polish friend who's a sound engineer and I have a Czech one too.

[FerrisBueller]

5 minutes ago, Izzy said:

 

 

 

 

Outstanding joke to be fair

[Crinklyfox]

11 hours ago, Izzy said:

 

 

 

 

And here, ladies and gentlemen, is the only person who has memorised 500 pages of a thread 

[Parafox]

49 minutes ago, Crinklyfox said:

And here, ladies and gentlemen, is the only person who has memorised 500 pages of a thread 

Pretty impressive given that the joke seems to have made it's first appearance her 8 years ago.

[Parafox]

I once walked into a room full of people masturbating.

 

They seemed quite surprised when I didn't stop.

Edited 21 August 2025 by Parafox

[Parafox]

Back when I was younger, if someone told you they were on the spectrum it meant they were playing computer games.

[Trav Le Bleu]

The worst thing about having a broken shoulder is you can't just shrug it off.

[Milo]

What did the drummer call his daughters?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anna one, Anna two....

[Parafox]

I suffer from a morbid fear of giants.

 

It's called FeeFiephobia

Edited 18 September 2025 by Parafox

[Parafox]

The wife: "Oh no, I cant get my joggers off"

 

Me: Okay, looks like I'm going to have to perform an emergency trackybottomy

Edited 18 September 2025 by Parafox

[Parafox]

I called weight watchers yesterday.

 

Me: Help it's an emergency, please can you send somebody round.

 

Them: yes, of course. We have loads of them.

[Milo]

What's blue and not very heavy?

 

 

 

 

 

Light Blue

 

[bovril]

Looking for a sound engineer from central Europe if anybody can help out

[Parafox]

19 minutes ago, bovril said:

Looking for a sound engineer from central Europe if anybody can help out

DON'T EVEN GO THERE!!!!

 

And I don't mean central Europe.

 

Although I do know one and he's OK

Edited 18 September 2025 by Parafox

[Trav Le Bleu]

Does anyone know if there's a medical procedure where you can remove flesh from one person's bottom and transplant it on someone else?

 

Just ass skin for a friend.

[Zear0]

21 minutes ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

Does anyone know if there's a medical procedure where you can remove flesh from one person's bottom and transplant it on someone else?

 

Just ass skin for a friend.

Isn't that what Rooney did to his head?

[Libertine]

Got a joke about getting your office computer fixed.

 

Wait for IT…

[adam1]

I was watching the Ryder Cup in a sports bar last night in London & got talking to an American fan from Alabama. He was giving it the full You Esss Ehhh non stop & said he was across here with his wife & sister. “So three fans for USA tonight” I said. “No, just two” he replied.

[Beliall]

Fun Fact: The Mortal Kombat theme song originated in a Nordic church. its a Finnish Hymn

[ROB-THE-BLUE]

I got chatting with a girl in a bar, "Can I buy you a drink?" I asked.

"Have you not got a girlfriend?" she replied, "Guys like you always have girlfriends.

""No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago," I assured her.

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that," she said, "Go on then, I'll have a white wine please.

A few drinks later after a kiss and a cuddle we headed off back to her place and made passionate love.

While I was putting my clothes back on she said, "So, you're good looking, a nice guy and amazing in bed, can I ask why on earth you split with your girlfriend?"

I said, "My wife found out."

[The Bear]

2 hours ago, ROB-THE-BLUE said:

I got chatting with a girl in a bar, "Can I buy you a drink?" I asked.

"Have you not got a girlfriend?" she replied, "Guys like you always have girlfriends.

""No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago," I assured her.

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that," she said, "Go on then, I'll have a white wine please.

A few drinks later after a kiss and a cuddle we headed off back to her place and made passionate love.

While I was putting my clothes back on she said, "So, you're good looking, a nice guy and amazing in bed, can I ask why on earth you split with your girlfriend?"

I said, "My wife found out."

 

[Free Falling Foxes]

I've just bought a first aid kit. 

I thought I would treat myself.

[Parafox]

There's a Christian restaurant near us called The Lord Giveth.

 

They also do take away.

[davieG]

LAUGH OFTEN.

12 of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres ever aired on British TV and radio:

1 Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - 'This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.'

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.'

3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - 'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!'

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - 'Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.'

5. US PGA Commentator - 'One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my god !! What have I just said??'

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.'

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, 'So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE

have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.'

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on 'Look North' said: “There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this. '

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on 'Sky Sports': “Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.'

11. Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked:

'They seem cold out there. They're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts.'

12.. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: 'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny; other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.