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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Webbo

Webbo

Posted
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Posted

Charles Dicken's "A Tale of Two Cities" was first serialised in 2 local papers.

 

It was the Bicester Times, it was the Worcester Times.

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Parafox

Parafox

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Webbo said:

Charles Dicken's "A Tale of Two Cities" was first serialised in 2 local papers.

 

It was the Bicester Times, it was the Worcester Times.

If you thought that up by yourself, you're wasted on the brushes.

Webbo

Webbo

Posted
Posted
17 minutes ago, Parafox said:

If you thought that up by yourself, you're wasted on the brushes.

Not me. Richard Osman apparently.

Trav Le Bleu

Trav Le Bleu

Posted
Posted

My mate invested heavily in a shelving system for alligators and when the company went bust, I thought he was really upset.

 

But it turns out it was just crocodile tiers.

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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted

In a recent survey, women in Italy were asked if they would sleep with Sylvio Berlusconi and surprisingly 21% said "yes".

 

The other 79% said...."what, again?"

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Tuna

Tuna

Posted
Posted

I entered one of those Iron Man contests last year, and what a joke that was.

 

I was the only one there that even bothered to build a suit, and as soon as it started everyone just ****ed off for a swim !

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Vardinio'sCat

Vardinio'sCat

Posted
Posted (edited)
14 hours ago, Beliall said:

Image may contain: text

 

I laughed for a second, then I paused.  Here is another one. It is a bit old, I'll grant you, but the old ones are the best, apparently...

 

A creature manifestly between the Gorilla and the Negro is to be met with in some of the lowest districts of London and Liverpool by adventurous explorers. It comes from Ireland, whence it has contrived to migrate; it belongs in fact to a tribe of Irish savages: the lowest species of Irish Yahoo. When conversing with its kind it talks a sort of gibberish. It is, moreover, a climbing animal, and may sometimes be seen ascending a ladder laden with a hod of bricks.


-Satire entitled "The Missing Link", from the British magazine Punch, 1862 

 

 

Hilarious, eh? :(  Firstly, I'm Baliall's joke was posted in the light-hearted manner of the rest of the thread, so no personal offence taken. Sorry to be a killjoy, feel like a bit of a knob for spoiling the fun, but this goes back a long way. Mum's Irish, and I wonder how many of these kind of jokes she has laughed along with, in the 55 years she has lived in Leicester. Funnily enough, the Irish aren't looking like the stupid ones at the mo, imho... ;)

 

As I say, no personal offence taken, but I will not laugh along, out of respect for my Mother and her family. I hope people understand that it is harder to say it isn't funny, than to laugh along.

 

Sorry Beliall, I feel bad for calling this out, unless you are Irish, of course, in which case I've just made myself look like a dick for nothinglol I came to this thread for a laugh, just like anyone else. Political correctness gone mad, I expect folks will think.

Edited by Vardinio'sCat
Buce

Buce

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, Vardinio'sCat said:

 

I laughed for a second, then I paused.  Here is another one. It is a bit old, I'll grant you, but the old ones are the best, apparently...

 

A creature manifestly between the Gorilla and the Negro is to be met with in some of the lowest districts of London and Liverpool by adventurous explorers. It comes from Ireland, whence it has contrived to migrate; it belongs in fact to a tribe of Irish savages: the lowest species of Irish Yahoo. When conversing with its kind it talks a sort of gibberish. It is, moreover, a climbing animal, and may sometimes be seen ascending a ladder laden with a hod of bricks.


-Satire entitled "The Missing Link", from the British magazine Punch, 1862 

 

 

Hilarious, eh? :(  Firstly, I'm Baliall's joke was posted in the light-hearted manner of the rest of the thread, so no personal offence taken. Sorry to be a killjoy, feel like a bit of a knob for spoiling the fun, but this goes back a long way. Mum's Irish, and I wonder how many of these kind of jokes she has laughed along with, in the 55 years she has lived in Leicester. Funnily enough, the Irish aren't looking like the stupid ones at the mo, imho... ;)

 

As I say, no personal offence taken, but I will not laugh along, out of respect for my Mother and her family. I hope people understand that it is harder to say it isn't funny, than to laugh along.

 

Sorry Beliall, I feel bad for calling this out, unless you are Irish, of course, in which case I've just made myself look like a dick for nothinglol I came to this thread for a laugh, just like anyone else. Political correctness gone mad, I expect folks will think.

 

That’s an interesting reaction, VC. 

 

This subject was broached in another thread a couple of months ago, and during the discussion I stated that I’d never met an Irishman/woman who took offence at ‘Irish jokes’, and added that some of the best I’d heard were in Irish pubs. 

 

For the record, I laughed (though only a little - it wasn’t original, just a variation on a theme) and I’m also half Irish. 

 

But I get where you are coming from - it seems certain racial groups are still fair game for humour, whereas others are protected by norms of social acceptability and even Race Law. 

 

It might make for an interesting thread. 

Beliall

Beliall

Posted
Posted
6 hours ago, Vardinio'sCat said:

 

I laughed for a second, then I paused.  Here is another one. It is a bit old, I'll grant you, but the old ones are the best, apparently...

 

A creature manifestly between the Gorilla and the Negro is to be met with in some of the lowest districts of London and Liverpool by adventurous explorers. It comes from Ireland, whence it has contrived to migrate; it belongs in fact to a tribe of Irish savages: the lowest species of Irish Yahoo. When conversing with its kind it talks a sort of gibberish. It is, moreover, a climbing animal, and may sometimes be seen ascending a ladder laden with a hod of bricks.


-Satire entitled "The Missing Link", from the British magazine Punch, 1862 

 

 

Hilarious, eh? :(  Firstly, I'm Baliall's joke was posted in the light-hearted manner of the rest of the thread, so no personal offence taken. Sorry to be a killjoy, feel like a bit of a knob for spoiling the fun, but this goes back a long way. Mum's Irish, and I wonder how many of these kind of jokes she has laughed along with, in the 55 years she has lived in Leicester. Funnily enough, the Irish aren't looking like the stupid ones at the mo, imho... ;)

 

As I say, no personal offence taken, but I will not laugh along, out of respect for my Mother and her family. I hope people understand that it is harder to say it isn't funny, than to laugh along.

 

Sorry Beliall, I feel bad for calling this out, unless you are Irish, of course, in which case I've just made myself look like a dick for nothinglol I came to this thread for a laugh, just like anyone else. Political correctness gone mad, I expect folks will think.

well, if it makes you feel any better, i don't discriminate.I'll post jokes about anything. , but you've been around this forum a while. this is the last in a long, long line of irish jokes. why did you pick this one to get upset about?

I feel like this could be the start of a long discussion today. , but i wont apologise. its a joke. 

your example is not the kind of joke i would tell. it makes out your entire "race" to be inferior, mine just makes you look a bit dense. which is the point of all jokes.

BUT. this could be a learning experience. has anyone else seen a joke on here they were upset by and stayed quiet about? would you mind sharing please

Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted
4 minutes ago, Beliall said:

well, if it makes you feel any better, i don't discriminate.I'll post jokes about anything. , but you've been around this forum a while. this is the last in a long, long line of irish jokes. why did you pick this one to get upset about?

I feel like this could be the start of a long discussion today. , but i wont apologise. its a joke. 

your example is not the kind of joke i would tell. it makes out your entire "race" to be inferior, mine just makes you look a bit dense. which is the point of all jokes.

BUT. this could be a learning experience. has anyone else seen a joke on here they were upset by and stayed quiet about? would you mind sharing please

Everyone seems quite happy to take the piss out of the ginger race it seems :whistle:

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Beliall

Beliall

Posted
Posted
19 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Everyone seems quite happy to take the piss out of the ginger race it seems :whistle:

Yeah but im ginger so i can say it. mah ginger

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Buce

Buce

Posted
Posted
21 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Everyone seems quite happy to take the piss out of the ginger race it seems :whistle:

 

Tbf, Izzy, I've seen you get a bit mardy about that on occasion.

Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted
8 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

Tbf, Izzy, I've seen you get a bit mardy about that on occasion.

Mardy maybe, offended - not really. I think there's a subtle difference.

 

More the relentlessness of ginger gags at times I think. I'm up for a joke as much as the next man but there comes a time when it get's a bit OTT and everyone jumps on the bandwagon. I don't see this happen towards the Irish or fat people for example.

 

Personally, I'd rather we lived in a world where everyone was fair game and we didn't have to think twice about posting a joke. It would be much easier that way.

 

I recently told my kids one of my favorite old jokes recently about why do so many Chinese people like in Harrow, and my wife went mental at me for being racist and setting a bad example. To me it's still a funny joke and my kids laughed but I got a lecture and a bollocking from the wife even though I was just trying to be 'funny Dad'.

Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted
48 minutes ago, Beliall said:


BUT. this could be a learning experience. has anyone else seen a joke on here they were upset by and stayed quiet about? would you mind sharing please

I remember back last summer I was about to post a joke and had second thoughts. I even PM'd you (as the joke guru on here) to see if you thought it was inappropriate or not. You said you'd have posted it but I think I ended up not bothering in case I offended someone. Anyway here it is and apologies to any of our Chinese listeners etc, etc...

 

I'm told the most common surname in China is Chang.

 

But please correct me if it's Wong.

 

 

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Buce

Buce

Posted
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Posted
2 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

I remember back last summer I was about to post a joke and had second thoughts. I even PM'd you (as the joke guru on here) to see if you thought it was inappropriate or not. You said you'd have posted it but I think I ended up not bothering in case I offended someone. Anyway here it is and apologies to any of our Chinese listeners etc, etc...

 

I'm told the most common surname in China is Chang.

 

But please correct me if it's Wong.

 

 

 

That should have got you a ban, mate. 

 

For being so fvcking crap. :D 

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Strokes

Strokes

Posted
Posted
8 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Mardy maybe, offended - not really. I think there's a subtle difference.

 

More the relentlessness of ginger gags at times I think. I'm up for a joke as much as the next man but there comes a time when it get's a bit OTT and everyone jumps on the bandwagon. I don't see this happen towards the Irish or fat people for example.

 

Personally, I'd rather we lived in a world where everyone was fair game and we didn't have to think twice about posting a joke. It would be much easier that way.

 

I recently told my kids one of my favorite old jokes recently about why do so many Chinese people like in Harrow, and my wife went mental at me for being racist and setting a bad example. To me it's still a funny joke and my kids laughed but I got a lecture and a bollocking from the wife even though I was just trying to be 'funny Dad'.

Gingers are more prone to mardy behaviour tbf. :ph34r:

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Beliall

Beliall

Posted
Posted
7 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

I remember back last summer I was about to post a joke and had second thoughts. I even PM'd you (as the joke guru on here) to see if you thought it was inappropriate or not. You said you'd have posted it but I think I ended up not bothering in case I offended someone. Anyway here it is and apologies to any of our Chinese listeners etc, etc...

 

I'm told the most common surname in China is Chang.

 

But please correct me if it's Wong.

 

 

I remember. i posted it on your behalf. 

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TiffToff88

TiffToff88

Posted
Posted

Which breed of dog can't do magic?

 

A Puggle.

 

#OneForTheDogLovingHarryPotterFans*

 

*I realise that will no doubt be a very small section of the members of this forum but it still have me a chuckle...

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Beliall

Beliall

Posted
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Posted
6 minutes ago, TiffToff88 said:

Which breed of dog can't do magic?

 

A Puggle.

 

#OneForTheDogLovingHarryPotterFans*

 

*I realise that will no doubt be a very small section of the members of this forum but it still have me a chuckle...

What kind of dog can do magic? a Labracadabrador

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fuchsntf

fuchsntf

Posted
Posted
8 hours ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Everyone seems quite happy to take the piss out of the ginger race it seems :whistle:

They might be nuts, but make great biscuits...

I'll be quite Happy to hob nob wiv any,whos willing to go a dunking...

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