Our system detected that your browser is blocking advertisements on our site. Please help support FoxesTalk by disabling any kind of ad blocker while browsing this site. Thank you.
Jump to content
 Share
Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

Recommended Posts

TiffToff88

TiffToff88

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

I hired a hooker in Hong Kong last year and I said to her “let’s do something weird!”

 

We went to her room and I asked her to get naked and stand on her head in the corner.

 

After 10 minutes she said “l thought we were going to do something weird?”

 

I replied “l already have, I had a shit in your purse.”

I hate that the "haha" reply only because there isn't a "vomiting profusely" one...

Link to comment
Share on other sites
the fox

the fox

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

I hired a hooker in Hong Kong last year and I said to her “let’s do something weird!”

 

We went to her room and I asked her to get naked and stand on her head in the corner.

 

After 10 minutes she said “l thought we were going to do something weird?”

 

I replied “l already have, I had a shit in your purse.”

hCvRjhO.gif

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted

I was home this morning when there was a knock at the door. It was the Avon lady.

 

I told her that the wife was out shopping so she suggested I buy her a bottle of Avon’s new perfume as a surprise.

 

She said the new fragrance was called Come To Me.

 

I had a sniff and said  “We’ll it doesn’t smell like come to me”.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Popular Post
Izzy

Izzy

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted

I said to my Doctor "I'm embarrassed about the size of my penis. Every time I go to put it in the wife she pisses herself laughing and makes jokes about it"

 

The Doctor says "Don't worry about it, it's quite common you know!"

 

"Is it  really?" I enquired

 

"Yes" he replied, "Your missus laugh's at everyone's" 

  • Like 1
  • Haha 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites
sylofox

sylofox

Posted
Posted
On ‎26‎/‎01‎/‎2018 at 11:27, Alf Bentley said:

My wife has left me for a psychopathic undertaker.

Oh, well, it's her funeral.

 

My previous wife was a glam rock musician but she ran off with Gary Glitter.

I felt as if the sparkle had gone out of my life.

More to the point if your ex wife ran off with Gary Glitter how da fvck old was she when you married her. Laws against people like you ya know lol

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted (edited)

I've just been told that I have to send in a duplicate application to get a job at Citroen making retro cars .

 

They needed 2 CV's

Edited by Izzy Muzzett
  • Like 1
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

:doh:

 

lol

 

Honestly Trav, I'm having no luck on the job front.

 

I also applied for a job in South Africa, tattooing the local wildlife with a Nike sign.

 

Didn't get it though, I couldn't tick the Boks.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Buce

Buce

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

I've just been told that I have to send in a duplicate application to get a job at Citroen making retro cars .

 

They needed 2 CV's

 

5 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

lol

 

Honestly Trav, I'm having no luck on the job front.

 

I also applied for a job in South Africa, tattooing the local wildlife with a Nike sign.

 

Didn't get it though, I couldn't tick the Boks.

:tumbleweed:

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted

I knocked on the door at this Bed & Breakfast and a lady stuck her head out of the window and shouted: 'What do you want?'

 

I said, 'Hi, I’d like to stay here'.

 

She shouted, 'Well stay there then!' and shut the window.

  • Haha 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Aus Fox

Aus Fox

Posted
Posted

Recently got myself a spot at the local allotment. Trying to grow a bit of fruit and veg. Every time I go down someone has done a bit of work for me, pruning, weeding etc.

Today I arrived and they had added lots of soil to the patch... hmmm I thought the plot thickens 

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Popular Post
Milo

Milo

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted

Sad news from the Nestle factory today. A worker was crushed beneath a large box of chocolate that fell 20 foot off some racking on to him. 

 

He he repeatedly called for help, but every time he shouted “The Milky Bars are on me”, his colleagues cheered. 

 

  • Haha 12
Link to comment
Share on other sites
fuchsntf

fuchsntf

Posted
Posted (edited)

A Guy goes to the nursing home,to Visit His 85yr old dad..

He notices, on the Late-Shift,they are giving His dad hot chocolate,and Viagra...

He asks ' why are you giving him that,what use will IT do him'

 

The nurse replies,in a Short Tone...'safety'

'What the f*k do you mean safety',   asks the confused son.

 

'The hot-chocolate,sends him to sleep',the nurse says...

The son, in desperation...'and what the hell is the viagra'

 

Innocently, but showing Contempt,for These silly questions...

 

 

"Keeps 'im from Falling Out  of bed,...dunnit"

 

 

 

.

Edited by fuchsntf
Link to comment
Share on other sites
fuchsntf

fuchsntf

Posted
Posted

My angry wife was complaining about me spending alot of free time in a bar, so one night I took her along .

"What'll you have?" I asked. 

Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So, ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's after I downer Mine

in one, my beloved watched me,then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out.

"Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!"

"Well, there you go," I countered......"And you think I'm out fking enjoying myself every night!" 

 

  • Like 1
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
 Share
Go to topic listing

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...