The joke thread

[Trav Le Bleu]

[Izzy]

31 minutes ago, Vardinio'sCat said:

 

Woosh. It is a variation that offers something to all sides, and is direct from an Irish gal, and she is allowed to play with the tradition, but any joke that needs explaining is a fail. C'est La Vie.

 

I don't think a career in stand-up beckons. I'll get my coat. 

 

Dude, I think @Beliall was just taking the piss 

 

It was kinda funny but the thing about this thread is that no fvcker will tell you your jokes are funny even if they are 

Edited 8 March 2018 by Izzy Muzzett

[Beliall]

38 minutes ago, Vardinio'sCat said:

 

Woosh. It is a variation that offers something to all sides, and is direct from an Irish gal, and she is allowed to play with the tradition, but any joke that needs explaining is a fail. C'est La Vie.

 

I don't think a career in stand-up beckons. I'll get my coat. 

 

 

Nah mate it just wasn't funny

 

8 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Dude, I think @Beliall was just taking the piss 

 

It was kinda funny but the thing about this thread is that no fvcker will tell you your jokes are funny even if they are 

[Vardinio'sCat]

Just now, Izzy Muzzett said:

Dude, I think @Beliall was just taking the piss 

 

It was kinda funny but the thing about this thread is no fvcker will tell you your jokes even if they are 

 

Thanks, I worked on shows and stuff and even ran a late night comedy club in Edinburgh over the Festival one year. My favourite was Daniel Kitson, even when he was half asleep (all the comics are knackered during the festival) he was truly brilliant.

 

I think I effectively entered the room, insulted everyone, then hoped they would laugh at a joke they might have enjoyed if I hadn't had a right old moan at the start.

 

It's all good, I did post a laugh on Beliall's reply after all. Explaining your jokes is pants. 

[Vardinio'sCat]

Just now, Beliall said:

 

Nah mate it just wasn't funny

 

 

My new career in ruins... 

[Jimothy]

9 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Dude, I think @Beliall was just taking the piss 

 

It was kinda funny but the thing about this thread is that no fvcker will tell you your jokes are funny even if they are 

How would you know? 

[Strokes]

Sadly I think my family are a bunch of racists. I started dating an African girl recently. So i decided to bring her home to meet the family. The kids wouldn't talk to her and my wife told me to pack my bags and leave.

Edited 8 March 2018 by Strokes

[Parafox]

21 hours ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

 

It was kinda funny but the thing about this thread is that no fvcker will tell you your jokes are funny even if they are 

That's just your perception based on the responses to your jokes. 

[Parafox]

I nearly got into an argument with a greengrocer yesterday.

 

I asked if he'd got any bananas.

 

"Would you like a bunch of Fyffes" he replied.

 

 

[Buce]

16 minutes ago, Parafox said:

I nearly got into an argument with a greengrocer yesterday.

 

I asked if he'd got any bananas.

 

"Would you like a bunch of Fyffes" he replied.

 

 

 

Jesus.

 

And you have the nerve to call Izzy's jokes crap...

[Carl the Llama]

Genuinely don't even get how that's a joke...

[Izzy]

13 minutes ago, Carl the Llama said:

Genuinely don't even get how that's a joke...

 

Back in the 'olden' days if you wanted to punch someone in the face you'd ask them if they wanted a 'bunch of fives' (five fingers/knuckle sandwich)

 

Fyffes are a supplier of bananas hence the greengrocer link.

 

@Parafox definitely showing his age with that one 

[Carl the Llama]

11 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

 

Back in the 'olden' days if you wanted to punch someone in the face you'd ask them if they wanted a 'bunch of fives' (five fingers/knuckle sandwich)

 

Fyffes are a supplier of bananas hence the greengrocer link.

 

@Parafox definitely showing his age with that one 

Ah right I didn't know the bunch of fives thing, clearly not starting fights with the right people.

[Izzy]

I wanted to wallpaper my living room so I asked my neighbour who had recently papered his living room (the same size as mine) "How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy?"

 

He said "Fourteen” So I bought fourteen.

 

When I finished I had six rolls unused.

 

I announced to my neighbour "Hey you! I have six rolls of wallpaper left over!"

 

He replied "Yeah, so have I”

[Carl the Llama]

Why, God?

[Strokes]

17 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

I wanted to wallpaper my living room so I asked my neighbour who had recently papered his living room (the same size as mine) "How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy?"

 

He said "Fourteen” So I bought fourteen.

 

When I finished I had six rolls unused.

 

I announced to my neighbour "Hey you! I have six rolls of wallpaper left over!"

 

He replied "Yeah, so have I”

Did you give him a bunch of fyffes?

[Beliall]

48 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

I wanted to wallpaper my living room so I asked my neighbour who had recently papered his living room (the same size as mine) "How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy?"

 

He said "Fourteen” So I bought fourteen.

 

When I finished I had six rolls unused.

 

I announced to my neighbour "Hey you! I have six rolls of wallpaper left over!"

 

He replied "Yeah, so have I”

I'mm sure that used to be an Irish joke

[Trav Le Bleu]

1 hour ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

I wanted to wallpaper my living room so I asked my neighbour who had recently papered his living room (the same size as mine) "How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy?"

 

He said "Fourteen” So I bought fourteen.

 

When I finished I had six rolls unused.

 

I announced to my neighbour "Hey you! I have six rolls of wallpaper left over!"

 

He replied "Yeah, so have I”

 

30 minutes ago, Beliall said:

I'mm sure that used to be an Irish joke

Yeah, neighbourist!

[Parafox]

15 hours ago, Buce said:

 

Jesus.

 

And you have the nerve to call Izzy's jokes crap...

I like to keep up to the usual standard of material. 

[Trav Le Bleu]

Two cheese delivery trucks have crashed on the M1.

 

Da Brie is everywhere.

[Wymsey]

12 minutes ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

Two cheese delivery trucks have crashed on the M1.

 

Da Brie is everywhere.

[Jimothy]

50 minutes ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

Two cheese delivery trucks have crashed on the M1.

 

Da Brie is everywhere.

They should have driven more Caerphilly.

[ajthefox]

3 hours ago, Facecloth said:

They should have driven more Caerphilly.

 

That must have been done god knows how many times in this thread. Shame on you facecloth.

[Jimothy]

9 minutes ago, ajthefox said:

 

That must have been done god knows how many times in this thread. Shame on you facecloth.

Usually by me aswell 

[ajthefox]

1 hour ago, Facecloth said:

Usually by me aswell 

Shameless .

 

My inner mod came out and I just couldn't let that slip into another exhaustive round of cheese puns!

Edited 10 March 2018 by ajthefox