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Lets Be having You

Merry christmas

By Lets Be having You, in Leicester City Forum

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ozleicester

ozleicester

Posted
Posted

Merry Xmas all, thanks for being my link to City....its 38.5 degrees here and gonna be hotter tomorrow...all im hoping is that LCFC gets hotter over Jan...and we come home and into the top half

davieG

davieG

Posted
Posted

Good Morning all you Foxestalkers, I hope Santa brought you everything you wished for and a few you didn't.

Just in case you received nothing to read or entertain you and if there's nothing on the box to retain you then here's a few words to sustain you.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

God I Hate Christmas

God I hate Christmas

with all it's good cheer

I hearing people laughin'

but I shed a tear Folks they just love ya'

one day of the year

The rest of the time

they wouldn't come near ya' They send you a card

full of love and best wishes

Then in the New Year

they run off with ya' misses They're stuffin' their gobs

as fast as they can

Bugger them starving,

in Afghanistan Then Santa Clause comes

with a full sack

A new doll for Betty

a bike for our Jack 'Eat, drink and be merry

tomorrow we die'

Forget about Jesus

'let sleeping dogs lie' You think I'm a cynic

a miserable bastard

Come Christmas day

I just wanta get plastered. Copyright; Elaine Hamlet

A middle aged, sad bloke writes a letter to Santa in the hope a having a buxom lass delivered down the chimney! Note: This poem was created in Lancashire - UK (It helps if you imagine the accent!)

A Seasonal Request

Now I've tried all the normal approaches

All the pick-ups an' chat-ups an' stuff

Tried mi hand at so-phistication

Wi' some girls who were nowt if not rough

I've been seen down the discos an' dances

Bought cocktails for them as were broke

In mi quest for the perfect companion

Who'd see me as her perfect bloke I've dealt with the best datin' agents

I've filled in their forms an' told lies

About how I'm just like a male model

Wi' tight buttocks an' sparklin' blue eyes

I've squandered mi wages on chatlines

Spent two quid a minute on t' phone

Where I've ended up gaggin' for Charleen

Even though she weighs thirty-two stone I've frequented bars down the dockside

Where there's ladies that's best left alone

An' I've offered mi body quite freely

But I've allus walked home on mi own

So just cos it's comin' up Christmas

An' I've no soddin' prospects in store

I'm wazzin' this e-mail to Lapland dot com

An' I'm hopin' that this time I'll score Dear Santa, please bring me a woman

Fer some fun in mi fifty-third year

Let's forget all the monogrammed hankies

All the socks an' the chocs an' the beer

You could leave me a fun-lovin' floozie

Or a perfectly sweet English rose

An' what could be quite stonkin' is a lass who loves bonkin'

Now I really would like one o' those Please bring a voluptuous woman

A partner, a pal an' a mate

I can take for a romp in the boudoir

Wi'out havin' the need to inflate

Perhaps I should spare you the detail

But a session's got nowt to enthral

When your off up to bed wi' a bike pump

An' a puncture repair kit an' all Please bring me a home-lovin' woman

Cos I've brushed-up mi cookin' technique

No Spam, egg an' chips like mi mam does

But dishes that's sexy an' chic

We'll have seafood an' hot, sticky puddin'

Drink wine 'til we're Mozart an' Liszt

Then I'll make several filthy suggestions

Till she finds one she just can't resist Please bring me an underwear woman

A lingerie kind of a dame

Who loves to wear silky suspenders

An' doesn't mind me doin' t' same

We can twang at each others elastics

Then I'll climb up the cupboards (top shelf)

Where I'll fling off mi big, baggy Y-Fronts

An' dive in, like the Devil himself Please bring me a kind, carin' woman

Cos I know I've gone well past mi prime

But I'm sure I can still do the business

If I just take mi tablets on time

I won't pester no more, that's a promise

You won't hear me again, not one squeak

So Santa, please bring me a woman

An' a fresh one each night of the week Copyright;Steve Morris

Jingle Bells (Aussie style)

Dashing through the bush,

in a rusty Holden Ute,

Kicking up the dust,

esky in the boot,

Kelpie by my side,

singing Christmas songs,

It's Summer time and I am in

my singlet, shorts and thongs Oh! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way,

Christmas in Australia on a scorching summers day, Hey!

Jingle bells, jingle bells, Christmas time is beaut !,

Oh what fun it is to ride in a rusty Holden Ute. Engine's getting hot;

we dodge the kangaroos,

The swaggie climbs aboard,

he is welcome too.

All the family's there,

sitting by the pool,

Christmas Day the Aussie way,

by the barbecue. Oh! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way,

Christmas in Australia on a scorching summers day, Hey!

Jingle bells, jingle bells, Christmas time is beaut!,

Oh what fun it is to ride in a rusty Holden Ute. Come the afternoon,

Grandpa has a doze,

The kids and Uncle Bruce,

are swimming in their clothes.

The time comes 'round to go,

we take the family snap,

Pack the car and all shoot through,

before the washing up. Oh! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way,

Christmas in Australia on a scorching summers day, Hey!

Jingle bells, jingle bells, Christmas time is beaut!,

Oh what fun it is to ride in a rusty Holden Ute.

Aussie Jingle Bells -

A Politically Correct Christmas Story

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...

How to live in a world that's politically correct?

His workers no longer would answer to "Elves".

"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.

And labour conditions at the North Pole

were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,

Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.

And equal employment had made it quite clear

That Santa had better not use just reindeer.

So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid

Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;

The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.

And people had started to call for the cops

When they heard sled noises on their rooftops.

Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.

His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."

And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,

Rudolf was suing over unauthorised use of his nose

And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,

Demanding millions in over-due compensation.

So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,

Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,

Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,

Demanding from now on her title was Ms.

And as for the gifts, why, he'd never had a notion

That making a choice could cause so much commotion.

Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,

Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.

Nothing that might be construed to pollute.

Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot.

Nothing that clamoured or made lots of noise.

Nothing for just girls, or just for the boys.

Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.

Nothing that's warlike or non-pacifistic.

No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.

Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.

And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,

Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.

For they raised the hackles of those psychological

Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;

Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.

Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;

And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, dishevelled, perplexed;

He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,

But you've got to be careful with that word today.

His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;

Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might

Give to all without angering the left or the right.

A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,

Each group of people, every religion;

Every ethnicity, every hue,

Everyone, everywhere...even you.

So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...

May you and your loved ones, enjoy peace on Earth. Copyright; Author Unknown

This poem was written following an extremely disorganised family Christmas.

A Christmas Tale

At this time of year it is patently clear

That the males are the ones who are blest.

Thoughts like "goodwill to men" we hear time and again

And we find them quite hard to digest. As we women all know, men think they run the show,

And sometimes we allow them this pause.

But it gets on our nerves, like too many hors d'oeuvres

When we want to get at the main course. Many times out of mind the same problem we find,

Leaving plans to the menfolk is risky.

Christmas spirit they think is some kind of a drink,

Such as vodka, Baccardi, or whiskey. Since we carry the load, men keep out of our road,

We are ready and willing and able.

For it's perfectly clear, that the stuffed turkeys here

Are not always confined to the table. The traditional way is now rather passe,

Lets give credit, where credit is due.

Then you'll see, man or boy, in return you'll enjoy

The fruits of OUR goodwill to you. Copyright; Jacqueline Ramm

At Christmas Time

At Xmas time when we were kids,



we were bloody poor,

and Santa weren't too generous

when he knocked upon our door

But we made do by saving up,



yes every little bit

"We may be poor" said dear old Dad,

"but I dont give a shit!"

Our Xmas tree stood tall & proud



and rigid as a totem,

With Xmas baubles hangin' there.....

like testies in ya scrotum!

Everyone loved Xmas dinner,



no if's, and's or but's,

and all us kids would piss ourselves

when Grandpa dropped his guts.

We'd leave a six pack for Santa



and he always drank it quick,

then I found out it was just me Dad,

the alcoholic ****!

But all in all we had fun,



and lot & lots of cheer,

Now I can't wait till I've got kids....

cause I'll get a carton of beer!

Copyright; Bruce Thompson

Messi

Messi

Posted
Posted

Merry Christmas Everyone...Hope You All Have A Good Day

;):santa::cool:

And Hopefully We Will Get The Best Present Of All Tomorrow :P Which Is Obviously A Leicester Win :)

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