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Bert

Christmas 2013

By Bert, in General Chat

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Alf Bentley

Alf Bentley

Posted
Posted

lol It's what keeps me a regular in the pub

 

What keeps me regular in the pub is the ale: "beer turns your bum into an atomizer", as I once saw inscribed on a toilet door.

 

That's why women should drink in coffee shops, wine bars and be waited on. No bar should be low enough to endanger anyone of being able to see a blokes schlong.

 

They are designed so we can see the tits and nothing else, bitter is designed so the old boys get an even longer look when they have to put some effort in on the pulling it. The fridge is on the floor so if we want to check out the arse we can get one of the round to order a bottle.

 

These are basic pub rules that have been passed on through generations. (aside from the bottles)

 

Fine traditions, indeed, but now they are in danger thanks to the EU allowing immigrants to take all the bar jobs.

 

If it's not some slinky Mademoiselle leaning across the bar to whisper sensuous words about ale and to show too much lace-encased cleavage, it's a bold Senorita swinging her sculpted silhouette behind her along the bar, a sturdy Fraulein clasping a cask of ale tightly between her strong, muscular thighs or a mournful Polish woman gripping your pickled gherkin, cupping your pickled eggs in her filthy hands or proffering her pork scratchings.

 

That's why we should all vote UKIP to put an end to this filth and return to the days when British pubs were manned by some crusty old landlord who cursed "what the **** do you want?!" as you arrived at the bar. This great British experience is now limited to a few select hostelries, but one day every pub could again be like the Ale Wagon.  :ph34r:

Guest MattP

Guest MattP

Posted
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That's why we should all vote UKIP to put an end to this filth and return to the days when British pubs were manned by some crusty old landlord who cursed "what the **** do you want?!" as you arrived at the bar. This great British experience is now limited to a few select hostelries, but one day every pub could again be like the Ale Wagon.  :ph34r:

 

If you are ever in Bristol in the centre near the cenotaph there is a pub called The White Lion on the corner, the Landlord is the best I've seen, Vile and vulgar but you just can't wait to go in again.

Smudge

Smudge

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Spending Christmas in Paris with my son and family. We're hoping to nip up for the QPR game if we can get a ticket. I imagine they'll be as rare as rocking hoorse shit.

cambridgefox

cambridgefox

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Posted

That's why women should drink in coffee shops, wine bars and be waited on. No bar should be low enough to endanger anyone of being able to see a blokes schlong.

 

They are designed so we can see the tits and nothing else, bitter is designed so the old boys get an even longer look when they have to put some effort in on the pulling it. The fridge is on the floor so if we want to check out the arse we can get one of the round to order a bottle.

 

These are basic pub rules that have been passed on through generations. (aside from the bottles)

This is the only time a bloke should order a cocktail.They should ask you to pick a barmaid to make it,lean back and watch her jiggle about.To be honest I've had lap dances that have cost less than a cocktail!
  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...
cambridgefox

cambridgefox

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Advent Calendar time on Sunday!!!

Last year my mrs had a friend over with her young kids at the start of December.When they had gone my 10 year went in his room and the little sods had consumed the whole lot,my daughter went in her room.Snap.2 pissed off kids.i did buy them some more,but I think they might hide them this year.
Bert

Bert

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Last year my mrs had a friend over with her young kids at the start of December.When they had gone my 10 year went in his room and the little sods had consumed the whole lot,my daughter went in her room.Snap.2 pissed off kids.i did buy them some more,but I think they might hide them this year.

The bastards!
Haydos

Haydos

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Sleigh Bar is up in Sheffield city centre now so been making the most of that.

 

a00763.jpg

 

Nice to go sit in the middle of town, good atmosphere and it stays nice and warm :)

purpleronnie

purpleronnie

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Are you on Santa's naughty list. I got 5% but only one question was relevant and that was close.

 

http://toys.usvsth3m.com/naughty/

The results are in! We reckon you're

100% nice
You're Santa's special angel!
 
Boom, I expect some nice presents now.
 
Although almost all the questions weren't relevant to me. ;)
AoWW

AoWW

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I'm 5% naughty and Santa's special angel. :innocent: 

cambridgefox

cambridgefox

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Ordered my Spatchcock Cockerel from the butchers today.Usually go for a rolled turkey joint,but a few mates said I would enjoy a bit of cock!

Talking of which I saw this down the Polish aisle Sainsburys Cambridge,after I saw some blokes taking a picture and giggling like girls!

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