Depression

[ozleicester]

2 hours ago, TK95 said:

Has anyone ever taken a prolonged break from work to focus on their mental health? I've tried meds, CBT and counselling but ultimately whichever technique I've used, the underlying factor is I'm exhausted and so mentally drained. It's getting worse and I'm scared it's becoming suicidal. I feel I really need to take a step back away from all the stress and take some time out for myself to recuperate. Not just a holiday but I'm thinking a few months to do things I enjoy and try and build up my confidence and general health again.

 

I'm just interested to know how people have approached that discussion. Have you gone to the employer directly? Was any sort of medical assessment involved?

 

I've got a fair amount in my savings over the years so whether it's paid or unpaid leave is not really of primary concern at this stage. It's just how to make that initial step. Not sure how my family will react either but I can't let things go on as they are.

Hey mate, Im down under so my info re legals etc are prob no use.. however, my only thought is.. if you need the time, try to find a way to get it. 

 

Your mental health must be your first priority... like the aeroplane safety instructions, fix your oxygen before helping others.

 

give me a nudge if you need a middle of the night chat... (gives me an excuse to avoid work down here  )

[Crinklyfox]

12 hours ago, CollinsLCFC said:

 

 

 

Cheers all for your replies, advice, words of comfort. It really does give a good feeling in times like these. 

 

I know time is a healer, and as we all know, it's so so difficult to get through that time. I have made a promise to myself I'll call out for help when I feel like there is now way out. I owe it to my friends, all of you and most importantly myself. 

 

I am so honestly grateful for everyone who offers a stranger a hand in times like these and the Fox's family quote made me tear up. This great club has allowed us to console in each other and help each other. 

 

Love and respect to each and every one of you. 

Some great words already, I just want to add one thought that I've use when low.

 

I ask myself, how did I feel last month.  Or several months ago.  Or last year.  Exactly how much of my life has been spent feeling like I do today.  The answer is not much so I'm in a trough right now and I won't be forever.  And the 99% of my life that I'm not feeling this low is well worth living for.

[CollinsLCFC]

This morning has been the toughest yet. I felt low so I decided to take a morning walk in the park to clear my head and take in the sun, nature etc. 

 

Then the thoughts came back and I measured myself up against a railing and took my belt off. I was so very close. 

 

There was too many people around and I didn't want to get stopped or found.

 

I then had what possibly is a panic attack. The realisation kicked in of what I was about to do. I went dizzy, couldn't breath and broke down. Its worth noting that me and my partner have an agreement that I would call her if I ever feel on the brink. She cares about me and said I can speak to her if I need to. I called and left a voicemail, I didn't tell her what I was going to do, to be honest, I was crying so much I didn't make any sense. 

 

As she couldn't talk, I took someone's advice on here and called Samaritans. They really are great. But, even with that, it doesn't feel its changed my mind. I know what I want to do, but can't bring myself to do it. 

 

When I get these thoughts, and I'm on the brink, I don't think of anyone. I don't think what I'm leaving or what I'll miss out on. I just want it to go away. 

 

Now I've had a bit of time after to digest it, the feelings gone down a bit. But it is inevitable it will return and I'm so scared when it does. 

[HighPeakFox]

We're all here @CollinsLCFC. We're all here. 

[spacemunky]

15 minutes ago, CollinsLCFC said:

This morning has been the toughest yet. I felt low so I decided to take a morning walk in the park to clear my head and take in the sun, nature etc. 

 

Then the thoughts came back and I measured myself up against a railing and took my belt off. I was so very close. 

 

There was too many people around and I didn't want to get stopped or found.

 

I then had what possibly is a panic attack. The realisation kicked in of what I was about to do. I went dizzy, couldn't breath and broke down. Its worth noting that me and my partner have an agreement that I would call her if I ever feel on the brink. She cares about me and said I can speak to her if I need to. I called and left a voicemail, I didn't tell her what I was going to do, to be honest, I was crying so much I didn't make any sense. 

 

As she couldn't talk, I took someone's advice on here and called Samaritans. They really are great. But, even with that, it doesn't feel its changed my mind. I know what I want to do, but can't bring myself to do it. 

 

When I get these thoughts, and I'm on the brink, I don't think of anyone. I don't think what I'm leaving or what I'll miss out on. I just want it to go away. 

 

Now I've had a bit of time after to digest it, the feelings gone down a bit. But it is inevitable it will return and I'm so scared when it does. 

I think it's good that you post your thoughts. I know for myself just writing things out helps me to step back for a moment and look at things.

 

I'm surprised that you didn't get any meds. I know it takes some time for them to be effective, but they can help with the anxiety and depression. Even though I myself am a complete mess, I still make sure to take my anti-depressants every daý.

 

I hope you continue to post your thoughts. 

 

Take care of yourself mate.

 

 

 

[CollinsLCFC]

2 minutes ago, spacemunky said:

I think it's good that you post your thoughts. I know for myself just writing things out helps me to step back for a moment and look at things.

 

I'm surprised that you didn't get any meds. I know it takes some time for them to be effective, but they can help with the anxiety and depression. Even though I myself am a complete mess, I still make sure to take my anti-depressants every daý.

 

I hope you continue to post your thoughts. 

 

Take care of yourself mate.

 

 

 

I told the Dr I wouldn't want them if they increase the anxiety and depression, even for the start. 

 

The Dr said I was very vocal and get expressive when I talk. It does help. Just venting. 

 

I don't think last night helped. Whilst my Mrs is leaving me for someone else, my dad made a comment of the 'pud' I've amassed over the past few years. I really could of done without that. That's one of the things that has made me self conscious and made me feel that's a contributing reason she left. 

 

 

[spacemunky]

12 minutes ago, CollinsLCFC said:

I told the Dr I wouldn't want them if they increase the anxiety and depression, even for the start. 

 

The Dr said I was very vocal and get expressive when I talk. It does help. Just venting. 

 

I don't think last night helped. Whilst my Mrs is leaving me for someone else, my dad made a comment of the 'pud' I've amassed over the past few years. I really could of done without that. That's one of the things that has made me self conscious and made me feel that's a contributing reason she left. 

 

 

I assume 'pud' over there is referring to your fat gut? We tend to use pud differently here and if you'd amassed a bigger veŕsion of that then I'd have to know your secret 

 

As for a big fat belly, I have that too. I hate it and I keep telling myself to do something about it. I don't see that as a reason for leaving someone though. 

 

I'm not in the same situation, but I had a very close friend for maybe 8 years and she just sort of let me go. I dunno if she was just sick of all my problems or what. It's tough as I feel a huge hole in my life. 

 

I did seek help and was lucky to have a very good counsellor. It's always a battle though and I am my own worst enemy.

 

 

 

Edited 10 October 2019 by spacemunky

[ozleicester]

1 hour ago, CollinsLCFC said:

This morning has been the toughest yet. I felt low so I decided to take a morning walk in the park to clear my head and take in the sun, nature etc. 

 

Then the thoughts came back and I measured myself up against a railing and took my belt off. I was so very close. 

 

There was too many people around and I didn't want to get stopped or found.

 

I then had what possibly is a panic attack. The realisation kicked in of what I was about to do. I went dizzy, couldn't breath and broke down. Its worth noting that me and my partner have an agreement that I would call her if I ever feel on the brink. She cares about me and said I can speak to her if I need to. I called and left a voicemail, I didn't tell her what I was going to do, to be honest, I was crying so much I didn't make any sense. 

 

As she couldn't talk, I took someone's advice on here and called Samaritans. They really are great. But, even with that, it doesn't feel its changed my mind. I know what I want to do, but can't bring myself to do it. 

 

When I get these thoughts, and I'm on the brink, I don't think of anyone. I don't think what I'm leaving or what I'll miss out on. I just want it to go away. 

 

Now I've had a bit of time after to digest it, the feelings gone down a bit. But it is inevitable it will return and I'm so scared when it does. 

Take care mate, keep talking. 

[Crinklyfox]

4 hours ago, CollinsLCFC said:

This morning has been the toughest yet. I felt low so I decided to take a morning walk in the park to clear my head and take in the sun, nature etc. 

 

Then the thoughts came back and I measured myself up against a railing and took my belt off. I was so very close. 

 

There was too many people around and I didn't want to get stopped or found.

 

I then had what possibly is a panic attack. The realisation kicked in of what I was about to do. I went dizzy, couldn't breath and broke down. Its worth noting that me and my partner have an agreement that I would call her if I ever feel on the brink. She cares about me and said I can speak to her if I need to. I called and left a voicemail, I didn't tell her what I was going to do, to be honest, I was crying so much I didn't make any sense. 

 

As she couldn't talk, I took someone's advice on here and called Samaritans. They really are great. But, even with that, it doesn't feel its changed my mind. I know what I want to do, but can't bring myself to do it. 

 

When I get these thoughts, and I'm on the brink, I don't think of anyone. I don't think what I'm leaving or what I'll miss out on. I just want it to go away. 

 

Now I've had a bit of time after to digest it, the feelings gone down a bit. But it is inevitable it will return and I'm so scared when it does. 

I took meds, they made me better not worse.  Please don't rule them out, depression causes physiological changes that stop you feeling good or even normal and these can be addressed by meds.

 

Some who wanted to end their life thought that way because they were in too much pain to bear.  They didn't want to die, they just wanted to escape from the pain.  Meds can help.  People can help.  They've helped others and they can help you.  There are contributors to this thread who've felt as you do now and have got through it with the right support.  Please get all the help you can from your family, friends, medical professionals and counsellors.  

[ajthefox]

5 hours ago, CollinsLCFC said:

This morning has been the toughest yet. I felt low so I decided to take a morning walk in the park to clear my head and take in the sun, nature etc. 

 

Then the thoughts came back and I measured myself up against a railing and took my belt off. I was so very close. 

 

There was too many people around and I didn't want to get stopped or found.

 

I then had what possibly is a panic attack. The realisation kicked in of what I was about to do. I went dizzy, couldn't breath and broke down. Its worth noting that me and my partner have an agreement that I would call her if I ever feel on the brink. She cares about me and said I can speak to her if I need to. I called and left a voicemail, I didn't tell her what I was going to do, to be honest, I was crying so much I didn't make any sense. 

 

As she couldn't talk, I took someone's advice on here and called Samaritans. They really are great. But, even with that, it doesn't feel its changed my mind. I know what I want to do, but can't bring myself to do it. 

 

When I get these thoughts, and I'm on the brink, I don't think of anyone. I don't think what I'm leaving or what I'll miss out on. I just want it to go away. 

 

Now I've had a bit of time after to digest it, the feelings gone down a bit. But it is inevitable it will return and I'm so scared when it does. 

Stay with us fella, it will get better and it will get easier but it will take time. Take it as it comes and focus on getting through this, whether it be moment to moment, minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day. You can do this.

 

Try and keep yourself occupied and immerse yourself in what you can to distract yourself from overthinking and getting caught up in the downwards spiral. 

[CollinsLCFC]

Thank you again for your messages and support. I'll keep you updated so you know how I am getting on and so you can also see the positive effects you have on people's lives. 

 

When I called Samaritans, I was asked who encouraged me to call. I told them about you guys. Strangers in one sense, but family of the football club. She mentioned how amazing that is, how you do this for each other. 

 

I spent the whole day after this mornings episode laying down, trying to take it in. I made the decision to call my Brother. He really is the closest person to me. He was depressed last year and didn't speak up until I made him and I knew he would be pissed off if I didn't speak up now, to make the same mistake. The immediate concern in his voice when I told him gave me some comfort. It was so natural and stuck with conviction basically saying, I effing love you bro, you can't do this to me. You need to speak to me. It made me feel more loved and needed than I have for a long while. It was hard to tell him, but I am so glad I did. 

 

He now rings me every few hours, just checking up and he will talk about when I was a little baby etc and other things just to take my mind off it briefly. 

 

Whilst I'm still in the dark and I'm learning that the human mind is more of a cnut than Chris Sutton, some humans such as you guys, volunteers at Samaritans to name a few are fckng incredible. I'm crying writing this, but I feel completely turned around from this morning. 

 

 

[whoareyaaa]

5 hours ago, CollinsLCFC said:

I told the Dr I wouldn't want them if they increase the anxiety and depression, even for the start. 

 

The Dr said I was very vocal and get expressive when I talk. It does help. Just venting. 

 

I don't think last night helped. Whilst my Mrs is leaving me for someone else, my dad made a comment of the 'pud' I've amassed over the past few years. I really could of done without that. That's one of the things that has made me self conscious and made me feel that's a contributing reason she left. 

 

 

I think going through a split with your Mrs is having a pretty negative effect on you and causing these thoughts it must be tough but you need to be strong and over time things will get better, try going down the pub or round a mates, you need people around you to help ease any negativity, being alone will only make it worse get yourself out and about mate.

[CollinsLCFC]

1 minute ago, whoareyaaa said:

I think going through a split with your Mrs is having a pretty negative effect on you and causing these thoughts it must be tough but you need to be strong and over time things will get better, try going down the pub or round a mates, you need people around you to help ease any negativity, being alone will only make it worse get yourself out and about mate.

It is mate, but the thing is, I've always had a darkness cloud me before the split. I've never confronted it, bottled it up and tried to crack on. The split sent me into a state that I can't even explain. 

 

But I know what your saying mate. I'm trying to keep distracted but truth is, I'm so exhausted right now from the emotion, lack of sleep, I just want to be on my own, watch something funny and try and do something normal. 

[whoareyaaa]

1 hour ago, CollinsLCFC said:

It is mate, but the thing is, I've always had a darkness cloud me before the split. I've never confronted it, bottled it up and tried to crack on. The split sent me into a state that I can't even explain. 

 

But I know what your saying mate. I'm trying to keep distracted but truth is, I'm so exhausted right now from the emotion, lack of sleep, I just want to be on my own, watch something funny and try and do something normal. 

Maybe try meditation I know it may sound barmy but with practice and time it could actually help you, have a read of this article here https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/how-meditation-helps-with-depression

 

Fair enough just do what ever makes you happy mate!

[Tommo220]

16 hours ago, CollinsLCFC said:

It is mate, but the thing is, I've always had a darkness cloud me before the split. I've never confronted it, bottled it up and tried to crack on. The split sent me into a state that I can't even explain. 

 

But I know what your saying mate. I'm trying to keep distracted but truth is, I'm so exhausted right now from the emotion, lack of sleep, I just want to be on my own, watch something funny and try and do something normal. 

Keep talking mate - and also, don't underestimate how big a step you've already taken in speaking to folk on here and also calling the samaritans.  No mater how you look at it, that right there is progress and is the first baby step on the route to getting yourself back to where you want to be.  Thousands of blokes up and down the country wont do that - you have - and absolutely full respect to you for digging deep, opening up and doing what you have.

 

My wife has suffered from depression on and off for the last 8-10 years and is the worst person for bottling it up, not talking and letting it build up until she gets to the point of not being able to function.  Its only when i sit her down and prise it out of her that we can get her talking and get to the bottom of what is the driving factor - and it really is that simple for her, being able to pour her heart out to someone who doesn't offer an opinion on any of it but rather offers her the opportunity for self reflection.

 

It sounds like your bro is a great person to have around - someone to talk to who has been through something similar and can relate to how you feel.  Keep his number and Samaritans handy in your phone.  Remember that you don't need to let it build up to the point of explosion before you speak to either of these guys.  

 

i know i've flown the flag for meditation before so i wont bleat on about it again, but it really is a great technique to learn - granted it may not be for everyone, but just having the ability to sit yourself down, in a calm setting to meditate can be the like night and day to some people.  

 

 

Remember that it's OK to not be OK - sounds like a massive cliche, but its true.

 

 

 

[CollinsLCFC]

29 minutes ago, Tommo220 said:

Keep talking mate - and also, don't underestimate how big a step you've already taken in speaking to folk on here and also calling the samaritans.  No mater how you look at it, that right there is progress and is the first baby step on the route to getting yourself back to where you want to be.  Thousands of blokes up and down the country wont do that - you have - and absolutely full respect to you for digging deep, opening up and doing what you have.

 

My wife has suffered from depression on and off for the last 8-10 years and is the worst person for bottling it up, not talking and letting it build up until she gets to the point of not being able to function.  Its only when i sit her down and prise it out of her that we can get her talking and get to the bottom of what is the driving factor - and it really is that simple for her, being able to pour her heart out to someone who doesn't offer an opinion on any of it but rather offers her the opportunity for self reflection.

 

It sounds like your bro is a great person to have around - someone to talk to who has been through something similar and can relate to how you feel.  Keep his number and Samaritans handy in your phone.  Remember that you don't need to let it build up to the point of explosion before you speak to either of these guys.  

 

i know i've flown the flag for meditation before so i wont bleat on about it again, but it really is a great technique to learn - granted it may not be for everyone, but just having the ability to sit yourself down, in a calm setting to meditate can be the like night and day to some people.  

 

 

Remember that it's OK to not be OK - sounds like a massive cliche, but its true.

 

 

 

Thank you mate. I'm sorry to hear your Wife suffers from depression,

It must be tough, for you both. However your support for her is amazing . 

 

I called my partner past night. I finally built up the courage to accept what she wants. Ive been refusing to accept it for a while and I felt like I was ready finally hear it from her so I can begin to move on. 

 

She said she doesn't want us to break up and she does want it just to go back to normal, but afraid it won't. We are due to meet up tonight in a neutral location to talk face to face. 

 

It left me feeling optimistic last night, but I was trying to also tell myself it won't be the result I want. 

 

We are due to go to New York and Vegas in January, all booked and paid for, and I was planning on asking her to marry me there. Been planning it for the last 18 months. I had a dream we was there last night, we found a broken slots machine in Vegas and we kept winning hundreds of dollars. Then I woke up and realised where I was. That was hard and I wanted to go for another walk, but didn't dare after yesterday! 

 

I'm so up and down at the moment. I get the feeling that she does want to be with me, she keeps saying she loves me, but I think she is scared to much damage has been done and it might be easier now to walk away. I know myself its not, this has made me realise that I need to help myself to help her and us. I got too lazy, took our relationship for granted. Gained weight, didn't look after myself as well as I should because I had it all. Either way it goes, I want to be determined to get myself back into shape and help myself again.  You don't realise what you've got until it's gone, and as I truly believed she was gone, it opened my eyes. 

 

[Tommo220]

1 hour ago, CollinsLCFC said:

Thank you mate. I'm sorry to hear your Wife suffers from depression,

It must be tough, for you both. However your support for her is amazing . 

 

I called my partner past night. I finally built up the courage to accept what she wants. Ive been refusing to accept it for a while and I felt like I was ready finally hear it from her so I can begin to move on. 

 

She said she doesn't want us to break up and she does want it just to go back to normal, but afraid it won't. We are due to meet up tonight in a neutral location to talk face to face. 

 

It left me feeling optimistic last night, but I was trying to also tell myself it won't be the result I want. 

 

We are due to go to New York and Vegas in January, all booked and paid for, and I was planning on asking her to marry me there. Been planning it for the last 18 months. I had a dream we was there last night, we found a broken slots machine in Vegas and we kept winning hundreds of dollars. Then I woke up and realised where I was. That was hard and I wanted to go for another walk, but didn't dare after yesterday! 

 

I'm so up and down at the moment. I get the feeling that she does want to be with me, she keeps saying she loves me, but I think she is scared to much damage has been done and it might be easier now to walk away. I know myself its not, this has made me realise that I need to help myself to help her and us. I got too lazy, took our relationship for granted. Gained weight, didn't look after myself as well as I should because I had it all. Either way it goes, I want to be determined to get myself back into shape and help myself again.  You don't realise what you've got until it's gone, and as I truly believed she was gone, it opened my eyes. 

 

Nah, don't be sorry, it is was it is chap - thats just her demon - we've all got them. It's part of who she is. 

 

Sounds like you're grabbing the bull by the horns which can only be a good thing. 

 

Don't beat yourself up over gaining some weight though mate - we are all guilty of complacency - its part of human nature at the end of the day, (speaking from personal experience)! Its way easier to not go to the gym than it is to drag your ass up and do it, but aside from the "getting back in to shape" part, a lot of people find exercise does them good from a mental health perspective.  

 

I hope you do manage to sort it our with your other half, (in part because i'm bloody well jealous of your holiday plans!), but seriously if the ramblings of someone on foxes talk can give you any hope at all, things absolutely CAN go back to how they were with the added benefit that if you do make it through it will absolutely make you both stronger.  and if it isn't meant to be, then you'll be stronger and better prepared with someone else further down the line.  

 

 

Edited 11 October 2019 by Tommo220

[CollinsLCFC]

Evening gents. 

 

Thought I'd post a quick update. 

 

I've been trying to get back to normalities, went back to the flat, arranging to meet friends for a drink this evening and I feel quite, well a lot better. 

 

We met yesterday as we agreed , we talked at the flat, went for dinner and cinema. It wasn't a date, but she said she does want to try for us. This made me feel a lot better. The part that destroyed me was when this all came out, she was willing and did walk away without any effort. As everything was perfect and so unexpected, it hit me hard and made me feel so worthless and small. That resulted in me not wanting to be here anymore. I look back now and understand it was extreme, but the pain I was going through was so much and I didn't want anything else. 

 

I'm not hopeful we will be OK, but the fact she is making effort has gave me some good feeling. Although, I am scared that I will get my hopes up soon, and get slammed back down. I did think of doing the hardest thing ever and me breaking it off, but I couldn't do that. 

 

Its going to be a very long and difficult period. We are living seperatley and agreed to meet once or twice a week to see how it goes. 

 

I do still remain going into deep thought, anxiety kicks in and I panic. I know my anxiety will push her away. I've always had problems with it, and I'm thinking of returning doctors for something to help that. 

 

Looking forward to going for a drink with my mate, game of pool and doing something normal rather than lying on my bed with 100s of thoughts racing through my mind! 

[CollinsLCFC]

Going on from my last post. 

 

Was out having a beer with my mate and she walked in with this other guy. 

 

How the **** she can do it

[CollinsLCFC]

1 hour ago, CollinsLCFC said:

Going on from my last post. 

 

Was out having a beer with my mate and she walked in with this other guy. 

 

How the **** she can do it

I asked her earlier today, if she wants to try with me or end it for this guy . She said try. I dropped her off to go out. 

 

A few hours later she walks past me. Laughing and talking with this guy. 

 

I interrupted, asked her to talk. Told him to **** off in the nicest possible way. She said its not how it looks and she made a mistake but I said it's too late and she can't do it to me. She has killed me. It's the worst thing I've ever seen in my life and it hasn't it me. I'm emotionless. 

 

I spoke to him, I told him I don't know him, I don't like him or dislike him but he better make sure she doesn't leave me for him to **** her about.

 

I love her so much. She's gone now. In the worst possible way. ****ing disgusting. 

[ozleicester]

5 minutes ago, CollinsLCFC said:

I asked her earlier today, if she wants to try with me or end it for this guy . She said try. I dropped her off to go out. 

 

A few hours later she walks past me. Laughing and talking with this guy. 

 

I interrupted, asked her to talk. Told him to **** off in the nicest possible way. She said its not how it looks and she made a mistake but I said it's too late and she can't do it to me. She has killed me. It's the worst thing I've ever seen in my life and it hasn't it me. I'm emotionless. 

 

I spoke to him, I told him I don't know him, I don't like him or dislike him but he better make sure she doesn't leave me for him to **** her about.

 

I love her so much. She's gone now. In the worst possible way. ****ing disgusting. 

Wow, sorry to read this mate... but dont ignore the chance to talk with her, if she said she wants to try.

 

Take some deep breaths and chat with a family member or friend please.

[Crinklyfox]

2 hours ago, CollinsLCFC said:

I asked her earlier today, if she wants to try with me or end it for this guy . She said try. I dropped her off to go out. 

 

A few hours later she walks past me. Laughing and talking with this guy. 

 

I interrupted, asked her to talk. Told him to **** off in the nicest possible way. She said its not how it looks and she made a mistake but I said it's too late and she can't do it to me. She has killed me. It's the worst thing I've ever seen in my life and it hasn't it me. I'm emotionless. 

 

I spoke to him, I told him I don't know him, I don't like him or dislike him but he better make sure she doesn't leave me for him to **** her about.

 

I love her so much. She's gone now. In the worst possible way. ****ing disgusting. 

You deserve better than a woman who would do that to you.  And you'll find one.

 

Way down the road from here you'll be glad that you dodged a bullet this week.  It doesn't feel like that now but it will.

[CollinsLCFC]

Morning guys. 

 

Yesterday was an absolute roller-coaster. I woke up with that awful feeling again. Refusing to speak to anyone, feeling trapped and just didn't know what to do. 

 

An estate agent called me offering me to view a 1 bedroom apartment and I went to view it the same day. Weirdly, going to the viewing made me feel slightly better. It was the first step of moving on and I had more positive thoughts of what I would do with it, and envisiged myself being there. 

 

As it's unoccupied they said I can be in by next week. A bit too sudden but I said I would sleep on it. I told my ex-partner, and I think reality hit her. She didn't want me to go. I said I can't keep going through this as it's put me in such a dark place I can't describe. But I did ask one final time, the ultimatum, me or him. She chose me and called him there and then to tell him. 

 

I instantly felt like a weight was lifted for the first hour. But obviously I'm no fool, and I don't know if I'm just giving myself false hope. She was very distant after it all, but she maintained she wants us to be back to normal. I want to beleive her, but I don't want to go through it again. The thing is, I can't walk away. I just can't leave unless she tells me to. 

 

I spoke to my manager before this, and she doesn't want me to come back to work. She said I'm not ready. I don't know if to take another week to try and just give myself more breathing space and sort my head out or try and go back work. I don't know if it will be rushing back to normalities. 

 

I am going back to the doctors. I've always had some deep depression and anxiety and this whole episode made it come to life. So I want to do something about it once and for all. 

 

I don't know if I'm being stupid thinking everything can go back to normal, but we do have so much planned. The US trip, new house coming up. All nearly turned upside down by some narcissistic bellend getting in her head. 

 

When I met him on Friday, when they was out, he came across such a bellend. Guys will know, they say anything to women to get what they want. They become Shakespeare with words. 

 

 

[Izzy]

1 hour ago, CollinsLCFC said:

Morning guys. 

 

Yesterday was an absolute roller-coaster. I woke up with that awful feeling again. Refusing to speak to anyone, feeling trapped and just didn't know what to do. 

 

An estate agent called me offering me to view a 1 bedroom apartment and I went to view it the same day. Weirdly, going to the viewing made me feel slightly better. It was the first step of moving on and I had more positive thoughts of what I would do with it, and envisiged myself being there. 

 

As it's unoccupied they said I can be in by next week. A bit too sudden but I said I would sleep on it. I told my ex-partner, and I think reality hit her. She didn't want me to go. I said I can't keep going through this as it's put me in such a dark place I can't describe. But I did ask one final time, the ultimatum, me or him. She chose me and called him there and then to tell him. 

 

I instantly felt like a weight was lifted for the first hour. But obviously I'm no fool, and I don't know if I'm just giving myself false hope. She was very distant after it all, but she maintained she wants us to be back to normal. I want to beleive her, but I don't want to go through it again. The thing is, I can't walk away. I just can't leave unless she tells me to. 

 

I spoke to my manager before this, and she doesn't want me to come back to work. She said I'm not ready. I don't know if to take another week to try and just give myself more breathing space and sort my head out or try and go back work. I don't know if it will be rushing back to normalities. 

 

I am going back to the doctors. I've always had some deep depression and anxiety and this whole episode made it come to life. So I want to do something about it once and for all. 

 

I don't know if I'm being stupid thinking everything can go back to normal, but we do have so much planned. The US trip, new house coming up. All nearly turned upside down by some narcissistic bellend getting in her head. 

 

When I met him on Friday, when they was out, he came across such a bellend. Guys will know, they say anything to women to get what they want. They become Shakespeare with words. 

 

Good on ya for posting and updating the thread mate, I hope it helps in some small way...

 

Your recent posts mention a lot about how you are thinking and feeling (as they would, because you're human) and the two are intrinsically linked. 

 

I've banged on about this for years on this thread, but I genuinely believe that if we're more consciously aware of our thoughts, we can manage our emotional state better.

 

A lot of your recent negative thinking has caused you to feel upset, anxious, stressed, depressed etc. but it doesn't mean all those thoughts are true or real - they're just thoughts. If we spend time stewing on our negative thoughts and believing them to be real, it's no wonder we feel like shit.

 

On the other hand, look how you felt when you had those positive thoughts when you went to see the apartment - you felt better. Now I'm not suggesting you try and force positive thoughts because that's bollux and unnatural, but what I am saying is just notice your thoughts and the feelings they instantly bring you.

 

We can't control the 40,000 thoughts we have each day but we can choose which ones to 'shine a light on' and pay attention to. If we constantly pay attention to our negative thoughts we're going to feel crap but if we choose to focus on our positive thoughts instead, we'll feel a hell of a lot better.

 

Our negative thoughts are not always to be trusted - especially if we're tired and low so we need to let them naturally float away without conscious attention. When we get caught up thinking about our negative thoughts and start making up those "What if..?" scenario's, we get in a right state.

 

So for the umpteenth time on this thread and with apologies for repeating myself, just remember..."We are living in the feeling of our thinking - 100% of the time"

 

Go easy on yourself fella, try and get out of your own way a bit and just let it all unfold as nature intended. Easily said I know, but it's the only way I can explain it 

 

[Costock_Fox]

On 11/10/2019 at 11:59, CollinsLCFC said:

Thank you mate. I'm sorry to hear your Wife suffers from depression,

It must be tough, for you both. However your support for her is amazing . 

 

I called my partner past night. I finally built up the courage to accept what she wants. Ive been refusing to accept it for a while and I felt like I was ready finally hear it from her so I can begin to move on. 

 

She said she doesn't want us to break up and she does want it just to go back to normal, but afraid it won't. We are due to meet up tonight in a neutral location to talk face to face. 

 

It left me feeling optimistic last night, but I was trying to also tell myself it won't be the result I want. 

 

We are due to go to New York and Vegas in January, all booked and paid for, and I was planning on asking her to marry me there. Been planning it for the last 18 months. I had a dream we was there last night, we found a broken slots machine in Vegas and we kept winning hundreds of dollars. Then I woke up and realised where I was. That was hard and I wanted to go for another walk, but didn't dare after yesterday! 

 

I'm so up and down at the moment. I get the feeling that she does want to be with me, she keeps saying she loves me, but I think she is scared to much damage has been done and it might be easier now to walk away. I know myself its not, this has made me realise that I need to help myself to help her and us. I got too lazy, took our relationship for granted. Gained weight, didn't look after myself as well as I should because I had it all. Either way it goes, I want to be determined to get myself back into shape and help myself again.  You don't realise what you've got until it's gone, and as I truly believed she was gone, it opened my eyes. 

 

I’ve been through some really tough times with my other half in the last 6 months.

 

In the space of 24 hours I found out he was really suffering with his mental health and was meeting up with someone behind my back.

 

I thought that was it for us, had started to plan moving out etc but 6 months on after talking and him getting counciling we are doing ok.

 

I guess my message is that no matter how bad things seem at the minute you sound like you both want to work through it. Please feel free to PM me mate if you are feeling down and struggling, I’ve had a family member take his own life and it’s really tough.